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What do you get if you cross a fruit with a Welshman?

A taffy apple.



Last night police were called to a branch of Pizza Hut after a body of a member of staff was found covered in mushrooms, onions ham and cheese. The police spokesman said that there was a strong possiblity that the man had topped himself.



Two little old ladies were walking through the park one Sunday afternoon. The band was playing a catchy sounding tune, and one of the old ladies said, "I wonder what the name of that tune is". The other one noticed a sign posted near the bandstand and said, "It looks like they post the names of their selections. I'll go down and see". A while later she came back and told her companion, "It's the Refrain from Spitting".



A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat. He stopped the car and asked, "Why, Johnny, this wouldn't be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?"

"That it is," Johnny replied grimly, "ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the fancy dress ball." "You mean you pinched his honor?" asked Pat. "How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?" demanded Johnny.

"Well," mused Pat, "'tis life and there's a lesson in this somewhere."

"That there is," replied Johnny. "'Tis wise never to book a judge by his cover."

A man goes into a fish n chip shop with a salmon under his arm. He asks 'Do you sell fish cakes here?'

'No' was the reply.

'Shame, it's his birthday.'



A couple of hikers were tramping through the countryside and had lost their way, so by the time they arrived at the "George and Dragon", the village pub where they'd arranged to stay the night, the doors were locked and the owners had gone to bed. They knocked timidly on the front door.

A head appeared at an upstairs window and shouted, 'Go away. Don't you know what time it is? We're closed,' and the the window slammed shut.

Undeterred, the hikers knocked again. 'What is it now?' demanded the head.

'Could we speak to George this time please?' asked on the the hikers.