ForumGarden

how do you make genuine new friends???

i know this sounds kinda lame, but really? :-3

I give them lots of money?



I'm just kiddin'.....:wah:



good question.....ummmm....where is flopstock...weeder.....Chonsi.....????

Somebody told me it takes work...I'm stay'n away from that!:D

My husband and I seem to always attract women for friends. There is a very young women approx. 11 years younger than me and 17 years younger than hubby that wants to be our friend. She recently lost her husband in October of 2007 and she keeps saying that hubby reminds her so much of her deceased hubby. She is very kind and sweet, she herself has fibromyalgia, is on CPP Disability pension and has a mongoloid son that is 19 years old, plus a pair of twins that is at least 22 years old. She is a very lovely person, but I am almost a little uncomfortable because she is a person with a lot of problems. I hate to sound like this, but it makes me a little scared to get really close to her. I want to add that she is a very nice person, I don't want to knock her down for having this dabillitating disease, nor the fact she does not work. She is very open about her medications that she has to take, and some are for depression. It just is a little too much for me to handle because I think people need to get a grip on their lives, but then I have not walked down the same road as them. I know I am going to get bombarded with selfish bitch attitude comments, but on the other hand, I want to be a friend to her because she seems to really like me and hubby, and I really don't want to hurt her feelings, she don't need that about now either.

you're a beautiful woman ... making friends shouldn't be difficult for you ... but

knowing whether or not they are genuine is gonna be the problem ...

Jj

Thank you jones, but I certainly wonder about it sometimes like times like this.

I think those words are wonderful RJ, I myself have had many friendships also. The problem is when you get older, and I cautiously use the term "selevtive". I don't need friends who have a lot of problems, I am not as young as I used to be either, and don't enjoy the "drama"so to speak. I like this person, she can be very funny, and I truly do feel for her predicament like losing her husband at such a young age, I am just not sure if I can be quite up to it. But, on the other hand, she could be a truly good friend and be not extra needy. I don't know. What do you think?

shibee;779520 wrote: how do you make genuine new friends???

i know this sounds kinda lame, but really? :-3


genuine friend = true common ground

Next time you are doing something and realize that you are enjoying yourself, look around. Do you see other people or simply your garden, a book, THE DOG?:D

Is there anything you've always wanted to try? Try it. Let those around you know you are new to it. That person(who isn't being paid..lol) that reassures you or encourages you in this.... that's potential friend material. That's a person with nothing to gain, yet they are reaching out to you anyways. Can't beat that as a starting point.:-6

THANKS SO MUCH FLOPSTOCK!!!! :guitarist

yes ... why no? when my heart is upset!

he or she love you just for you for your Opinions :yh_love:yh_bye

True friendship is about common ground, acceptance, shared humour and affection.



To find a friend - simple advice but be where other people are! Be friendly, smile, be approachable and not too needy.



A friendship grows and sprouts from the most unlikely beginnings, it needs nuturing and care and attention.





BTW - having a disabling condition should not be a barrier to friendship, I have fibromyalgia, it's not the only thing in my life and I don't depend on my friends to manage the condition - I depend on myself!



Good luck.

Imladris;779674 wrote: ... BTW - having a disabling condition should not be a barrier to friendship, I have fibromyalgia, it's not the only thing in my life and I don't depend on my friends to manage the condition - I depend on myself!



Good luck.


Hi, I never meant to imply that having any kind of a disability was a problem, it makes me a little jumpy having her taking so many meds, Oxycodone, meds for depression, etc. I have a very busy day job, and I like to look forward to coming home and relaxing in the evening, and really don't care to talk on the phone at night, or really anything else, and I suppose I don't want to give up that time patting someone elses' hand. Thats mainly it. Occasional weekends are fine too, but not a steady diet.

mojtababahmanian;779662 wrote: he or she love you just for you for your Opinions :yh_love:yh_bye


hey! speaking of new friends... welcome aboard!:-6

jimbo;779699 wrote: .........



and even online i have made some great friends that i think a lot of .. :-6:-6


aw....gee thanks jimbo:o

:p

moonpie;779687 wrote: Hi, I never meant to imply that having any kind of a disability was a problem, it makes me a little jumpy having her taking so many meds, Oxycodone, meds for depression, etc. I have a very busy day job, and I like to look forward to coming home and relaxing in the evening, and really don't care to talk on the phone at night, or really anything else, and I suppose I don't want to give up that time patting someone elses' hand. Thats mainly it. Occasional weekends are fine too, but not a steady diet.


Sorry, sometimes I can appear to be a bit touchy about the subject, I'm not really.



I absolutely see your point and understand your position, it can be a bit wearing hearing other people's problems!!



Just so you know, fibromyalgia can be a depressive illness but it isn't for everyone, I take anti-depressives purely to help me manage my symptoms not because I'm depressed. If you think that this person is someone you could become friends with it may be worth talking to her about her condition but making it clear that you don't want to be her crutch!

mojtababahmanian;779662 wrote: he or she love you just for you for your Opinions :yh_love:yh_bye


Welcome to ForumGarden! I looked at http://www.flickr.com/groups/shiraaz/pool/ and you live in a wonderful city.

On topic, making genuine new friends involves trust but it also involves getting to places where you can meet anyone at all. It's far too easy to stay isolated.

I've met most of my friends through other people. I have the best network of friends anybody could possibly ask for! They're always there for me & I for them. My sister has what I call "superficial friends". I keep telling her she needs to get genuine friends. Her friends come & go. I've had the same friends for many years & will continue to have them for years to come. We have the best time together & we ALL get along fabulously!

Just this past weekend, most of us got together for our one friend's 40th birthday. We went out in a limo her husband had rented. We had the absolute best time!!! I cherish these friends & my friendship with them.

shibee;779520 wrote: how do you make genuine new friends???

i know this sounds kinda lame, but really? :-3


Hi Shibee, Nice to meet you. I believe that you have to work very hard at keeping a good friendship. It's easy to meet & greet people, but then you have to go the extra mile and make many efforts to keep the friendships going.

I loved my Uncle Harry and always wanted to visit him when I was a teenager. He would hold court at his living room table with all the kidlets around him listening to him pontificate and give us all great advice. His best advice to me was "If you want to have loving and touchstone friends, then you have to be a good friend. You have to cherish those around you and always hold them dear to your heart. You have to forgive and move on when problems arise and always be the bigger person. AND, you have to have lots of "Wild Turkey Whiskey" during your discussions." And, that was my loving Uncle Harry!!!! Full of beans he was:-4

Kathy Ellen;779890 wrote: Hi Shibee, Nice to meet you. I believe that you have to work very hard at keeping a good friendship. It's easy to meet & greet people, but then you have to go the extra mile and make many efforts to keep the friendships going.

I loved my Uncle Harry and always wanted to visit him when I was a teenager. He would hold court at his living room table with all the kidlets around him listening to him pontificate and give us all great advice. His best advice to me was "If you want to have loving and touchstone friends, then you have to be a good friend. You have to cherish those around you and always hold them dear to your heart. You have to forgive and move on when problems arise and always be the bigger person. AND, you have to have lots of "Wild Turkey Whiskey" during your discussions." And, that was my loving Uncle Harry!!!! Full of beans he was:-4


Hi! nice to meet you as well...

i consider myself to be a good friend to the few i have...however, it seems like im always the one putting forth the effort to maintain the friendship...perfect example...my so called bestfriend recently moved away...not particulary far far away, just 30 minutes....before she moved, we were inseperable, and now, its like i have to be the one to call, visit, or whatever. whenever we make plans, she always finds a way to break them....and its like the only time she really wants to have anything to do with me is when she needs something or im her last resort...and it sucks because i treat people the way they want to be treated and it just seems like im just getting used...

Im sorry you have to be from Alabama. Unless you love it there then Im happy for you.

Was it something you did ?

Someone sent you there as punishment or something ?

What did you do ?



Nah Im just kidding, Im sure theres good stuff in Alabama.

Anyway I think its good we had this talk.

rjwould;779987 wrote: Now, that there is quality friendship...




I like to think of myself as a people person.

Reaching out is kind of a talent I have.

shibee;779973 wrote: Hi! nice to meet you as well...

i consider myself to be a good friend to the few i have...however, it seems like im always the one putting forth the effort to maintain the friendship...perfect example...my so called bestfriend recently moved away...not particulary far far away, just 30 minutes....before she moved, we were inseperable, and now, its like i have to be the one to call, visit, or whatever. whenever we make plans, she always finds a way to break them....and its like the only time she really wants to have anything to do with me is when she needs something or im her last resort...and it sucks because i treat people the way they want to be treated and it just seems like im just getting used...


It does take a lot of committment to be a good friend to someone, and it hurts when it is so outwardly obvious when she can't find the time. I am afraid that I am one of those type that would start severing the friendship, because I do value my time alot. Sorry, I did not mean you should do that - but that is just the way I am.

moonpie;780010 wrote: It does take a lot of committment to be a good friend to someone, and it hurts when it is so outwardly obvious when she can't find the time. I am afraid that I am one of those type that would start severing the friendship, because I do value my time alot. Sorry, I did not mean you should do that - but that is just the way I am.


im trying with everything i am to hold on the friendship i have with her. and evidently its not working, because the more and more i feel used, the more and more i back away....

shibee;779520 wrote: how do you make genuine new friends???

i know this sounds kinda lame, but really? :-3


I don't, honey, but if you can tell me how to make friends on a forum, I would greatly appreciate it. :rolleyes:

Jerry;780122 wrote: I don't, honey, but if you can tell me how to make friends on a forum, I would greatly appreciate it. :rolleyes:


Jerry....just need to stay on topic and try not to de-rail threads....there is a "anything random thread" somewhere here, I can pull it up for you....it's basically for general chit chat...or just staying in a thread that is made for you for fun-talk....

This can be worked out....:-6

WonderWendy3;780125 wrote: Jerry....just need to stay on topic and try not to de-rail threads....there is a "anything random thread" somewhere here, I can pull it up for you....it's basically for general chit chat...or just staying in a thread that is made for you for fun-talk....

This can be worked out....:-6


Ok, thanks, hun.

Jerry;780147 wrote: what are you doing here jerry? i thougfht they were azzholes???????????.......OH DEAR...........

Jerry;780147 wrote: what are you doing here jerry? i thougfht they were azzholes?


??? what is going on here?

Jerry, are you talking to yourself?

WonderWendy3;780149 wrote: ??? what is going on here?

Jerry, are you talking to yourself? Yes Wendy I think "Jerry" is :wah::wah::wah::rolleyes:

I think Jerry forgot to change his password

koan;780184 wrote: I think Jerry forgot to change his password


ya think?:wah::wah:

I wonder if the new password could be "wonderbra"......:wah::wah:

Moonpie, you're not being b*tchy - you're trying to ensure your family keeps its emotional equilibrium. People do have problems, and if your family can offer friendship to troubled people without losing its own balance, that's great. You're clearly wondering whether this is going to result in your family drowning in another family's troubles. There seems to be some question as to whether the person seeking friendship is seeking it from the whole family, or from your husband in particular, since he reminds her so of her deceased husband. Rather than say "yes" or "no" to this friendship, why not take it a step at a time? Occasional phone calls and/or trips to the market together. Occasional luncheons between yourself and the young lady. If you find your comfort level building, you might consider group activities which include her and several of your existing friends (as well as yourself & your husband). Be honest with yourself at each step as to your comfort level. This may be a situation that's just not in the stars, in which case, you and your husband can offer the occasional thoughtful gesture (I'm going to the store, downtown, whatever - is there anything I can pick up for you?) and greeting card, while begging off social engagements due to fatigue, schedule conflict, or whatever your situation might allow. I do hope your situation will work out.

Furry Samaritan;797248 wrote: Moonpie, you're not being b*tchy - you're trying to ensure your family keeps its emotional equilibrium. People do have problems, and if your family can offer friendship to troubled people without losing its own balance, that's great. You're clearly wondering whether this is going to result in your family drowning in another family's troubles. There seems to be some question as to whether the person seeking friendship is seeking it from the whole family, or from your husband in particular, since he reminds her so of her deceased husband. Rather than say "yes" or "no" to this friendship, why not take it a step at a time? Occasional phone calls and/or trips to the market together. Occasional luncheons between yourself and the young lady. If you find your comfort level building, you might consider group activities which include her and several of your existing friends (as well as yourself & your husband). Be honest with yourself at each step as to your comfort level. This may be a situation that's just not in the stars, in which case, you and your husband can offer the occasional thoughtful gesture (I'm going to the store, downtown, whatever - is there anything I can pick up for you?) and greeting card, while begging off social engagements due to fatigue, schedule conflict, or whatever your situation might allow. I do hope your situation will work out.


Hello and welcome to FG. Why don't you create an intro thread so we can all welcome you :-6

What happened?!?

shibee;779520 wrote: how do you make genuine new friends???

i know this sounds kinda lame, but really? :-3


Well from my experience, just be yourself. Whenever you are around new people whether it be at work, online or any social area, just act as you would normally around others and see if you can connect with anyone. So you may find someone that has the same interests or another connection, and take things from there.



I find that as long as you don't hide your honest opinions with each other, and be open and truthful, then overtime good things will tend to happen. So don't pretend that you like something if you don't, or make things up that in the long term will just come back to bite you.



Don't know whether that made any sense or helped, but those are my thoughts. :-6

I agree 100% totally with chrisb84uk, just be yourself and things will fall into place, etc.

qsducks;799374 wrote: I agree 100% totally with chrisb84uk, just be yourself and things will fall into place, etc.


Hehehe if it helps you can just call me Chris that's what everyone else does!



Oh and thanks for agreeing with my thoughts, I was wondering whether it was just one of my many random posts at one point hehe. :-6

oh no, no. I just happen to agree with you regarding friends and making them. My cell is full of people and my inbox is always full of stuff:) My kids are always telling me, mom you could talk to tree if it would talk back to you:wah: IDK, I all you really have to do is just say "hello" and people respond to that:)

I know what you mean. I just stay friendly as that's my personality and just the way I like to be with everyone. I always try and bring a smile to people if I can and just even saying hi to someone I feel is nice! :-6

shibee;779520 wrote: how do you make genuine new friends???

i know this sounds kinda lame, but really? :-3


Your question's entirely valid - not at all lame. I think in this day of veneer, self-importance and superficiality, it IS hard to form strong, lasting friendships. I get to know people gradually, being careful how much I reveal about myself. A person either behaves in a way that builds my trust or erodes the association. I guard against drama lovers, "poor me" & manipulators, and quickly excise anyone who shows such behaviors from my life. I focus my energy on those who will give (emotionally) as much as they get, and who interact with me and others honestly and decently. As you can guess from my group name (Furry Samaritan), I adore animals of all kind - so someone who loves animals is (95% of the time) a promising prospect.

I know what's important to me in a relationship - that hasn't come quickly or easily, but it did eventually come to me! I've learned to keep my eyes wide open - I compare words with behaviors and ensure the two jibe with one another. I solicit feedback about people from those whose judgment I trust, and I listen. My friendships start in the waiting room at my local vet, at work while I'm on break or when I'm helping a new person or getting help on a tough problem from someone who's been at the company awhile; they start by seeing and talking to the same people on the bus to and from work. The wonderful thing about friendships is - you never know when they're beginning, or who they'll be with - you just wake up some day aware you've made plans with one or more people, or you automatically reach for the phone to call someone to share. Voila - the friendship happened without you really being aware of it!