new...
Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 2:23 pm
Right, hello.
Wanted somewhere to write stuff down and just talk about **** and let it out really i think.
does this fit the bill?? we will see.. ask me to leave if my ramblings would be better suited somewhere else.
So, why is it that you know what you want, properly, for the first time and it is about to leave on the first plane to ****ing france?
I will tell you the story form the start and maybe a couple of people may still be reading by the end.
so about this time last year i was making friends with this boy, in the year above me, then yr 13 (upper 6th) It then transpired that we landed roles in our school show playing alongside each other, and naturally, got fairly close spending time together. It was bout xmas time i started havung feelings for him and kinda wishing things might go further, Being me however, there was no possibility of me asking him out or anything like that, oh no i must keep my feelings to myself. Scared, possibly, probably, insecure, sure of rejection knowing i am far from skinny and hot, but whatever, i was too scared to tell anyone basically. Anyways, im there just dreading the endo of this play when i wont get to see him as often. at a few parties afterwards my friends tell me we look as though we ware flirting, not intentionally on my part, i have never flirted before, never had a bf never kissed a guy. well it turns out we end up kissing at the end of one night. great he likes me. really?? well no texts calls etc maybe not. i go somewhere else and am told he liked me all the way thru rehearsals... what does this mean? why no action, maybe hes as scared as i was who knows.
Next party, we end up together again... but the thing is at school it is just soooooooooo awkward and like we cannot talk to each other anymore and I simply hate it because he was a lovely friend to me. Right lets cut the crap. Summer comes we dont see each othe the whole time, and the next school year for me he will have lefto for a gap year, i set about forgetting about him. but cant.
(let me say at this point i feel i have not expalined this at all well but never mind eih??!)
we stay kinda friends i guess, talking online etc
i think im not gunna see him again really but it turns out i am not allowed to forget about him because he comes to our parties etc
so shall i start things up again??
well i invite him to my house at a party, we wnd up getting drunk and romanticvally gazing at the stars till 4 am,hugging holding hands etc nothing more hapens now tho, what does this mean???
so now, he is going to france for 6 months soon, shall i tell him how i feel, do i say a propre goodbye? i never know if he likes me or not. is it only a drunk thing
AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH
all i know is that no-one else is gunna be intrested in me, because they never are. i dont want to loose this but i can see it slipping away pretty fast
I woulld now like to apologise for all of the above, and for myself.
that felt good to get that out though
guess what hes just come online, ****ing hell, can i get no time to forget about him??!! should i talk, will he be dismissive and make me feel awkward??! bloody boys who would have them eih?
Wanted somewhere to write stuff down and just talk about **** and let it out really i think.
does this fit the bill?? we will see.. ask me to leave if my ramblings would be better suited somewhere else.
So, why is it that you know what you want, properly, for the first time and it is about to leave on the first plane to ****ing france?
I will tell you the story form the start and maybe a couple of people may still be reading by the end.
so about this time last year i was making friends with this boy, in the year above me, then yr 13 (upper 6th) It then transpired that we landed roles in our school show playing alongside each other, and naturally, got fairly close spending time together. It was bout xmas time i started havung feelings for him and kinda wishing things might go further, Being me however, there was no possibility of me asking him out or anything like that, oh no i must keep my feelings to myself. Scared, possibly, probably, insecure, sure of rejection knowing i am far from skinny and hot, but whatever, i was too scared to tell anyone basically. Anyways, im there just dreading the endo of this play when i wont get to see him as often. at a few parties afterwards my friends tell me we look as though we ware flirting, not intentionally on my part, i have never flirted before, never had a bf never kissed a guy. well it turns out we end up kissing at the end of one night. great he likes me. really?? well no texts calls etc maybe not. i go somewhere else and am told he liked me all the way thru rehearsals... what does this mean? why no action, maybe hes as scared as i was who knows.
Next party, we end up together again... but the thing is at school it is just soooooooooo awkward and like we cannot talk to each other anymore and I simply hate it because he was a lovely friend to me. Right lets cut the crap. Summer comes we dont see each othe the whole time, and the next school year for me he will have lefto for a gap year, i set about forgetting about him. but cant.
(let me say at this point i feel i have not expalined this at all well but never mind eih??!)
we stay kinda friends i guess, talking online etc
i think im not gunna see him again really but it turns out i am not allowed to forget about him because he comes to our parties etc
so shall i start things up again??
well i invite him to my house at a party, we wnd up getting drunk and romanticvally gazing at the stars till 4 am,hugging holding hands etc nothing more hapens now tho, what does this mean???
so now, he is going to france for 6 months soon, shall i tell him how i feel, do i say a propre goodbye? i never know if he likes me or not. is it only a drunk thing
AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH
all i know is that no-one else is gunna be intrested in me, because they never are. i dont want to loose this but i can see it slipping away pretty fast
I woulld now like to apologise for all of the above, and for myself.
that felt good to get that out though
guess what hes just come online, ****ing hell, can i get no time to forget about him??!! should i talk, will he be dismissive and make me feel awkward??! bloody boys who would have them eih?