ForumGarden

I'm going to go on the Jeremy Kyle show but I need a female partner for the mother of all Jeremy Kyle interviews.

Do you fit the image?

Extra points if your...

Fat, tattoo'd arms, strong regional accents more points if its Brummie, studs in the lip area's (facial lips), 2 toned greasy died hair, bonus points for TSDs and herion skunk smokers.

picture's appreciated

Damn, I've got myself all skanked up for a photo of myself, I look like a real minger for the Jeremy Kyle show with true potential but it seems I have to do so many posts to gain the right to download it, and now once again I have to get ready to earn some dosh, now where are those credit cards?

Anyone like doing a bit of Kite Flying?

Hi,

I reckon my good friend and culinary expert Bunty Clahhamma will fit your requirements? Can be contacted via the University of Charlton Mires :wah:

Paul.

Attached files

Sorry, I was all ready to apply for the job....but I'm a durn Yank!!

no, am happy 2b me.

No fame for me eithe thanks

besides Im a Canuck.

I have, I fear, never heard of Jeremy Kyle, but the spirit of solidarity moves me to mention that my Danny La Rue impression has gone down well at several parties. You'll have to give me a couple of days notice if we're up for a night out together mind.

"He is seemingly unafraid of reprisal from his guests, believing that speaking his mind is better than holding his peace. Guests sometimes take offence at Kyle's comments"? That Jeremy Kyle?

Sorry don't fit the bill, according to Jimbo (who's he?) I'm like Hyacinth Bucket - but I don't think so!



How about if we went on as Mr and Mrs Middle-Class, who have jobs, a mortgage, children who behave and go to school, we have never taken drugs, only drink a small sherry at Christmas and are saving for our retirement? Don't you think that confronting the stereotypes would be interesting? But there would be nothing for us to scream about, maybe I could shout at you for forgetting to put the bins out!

I will do it although i have a yorkshire accent,

how much will i get?

:D

A Bradford accent would be fine.

Don't forget to use some finger pointing.

Tongue studs or any sort of facial studs are defo a plus bonus.

Now the plan is..I'm a skunk smoking alcoholic and I've got your 20 stone sister up the duff after a night of passion whilst watching East Enders and sharing a cold pizza found underneath the settee, but I'm engaged to you, so I have to take a lie detector test to see whether it really was me that got her in the family way. But then your mother walks in after I'm found guilty and knee's me in the jacobs, then all of a sudden a member of the audience then joins in, she's your long lost sister, but is she your unknown half sister who is a heroin addicted minger prostitute that walks the streets of Bradford? and is a single parent to a glue sniffing child with Attention deficit disorder, the mother of which had a brief affair with your alcoholic gambling father who was abused as a child who has never been able to find a job due to the fact that he doesn't want to prostitute himself for the minimum working wage.

Yes, I can see it all now...the interviews, the autobiographies, the appearances on Breakfast Television, the radio interviews, you've heard of the 'Krankies' but we'd simply be the 'Skankies'. The Jodie Marsh's and the Jade's will be eating their hearts out.