How Men and Women Talk to Each Other

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 4:43 am

I think this might be pretty accurate....

The Unspoken Dialogue

Between Men and Women

Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: ''Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?''

And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means it was . . .let's see... February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . . Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a damn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.

And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a damn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their ....

''Roger,'' Elaine says aloud.

''What?'' says Roger, startled.

''Please don't torture yourself like this,'' she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. ''Maybe I should never have . . Oh God, I feel so .... .''

(She breaks down, sobbing.)

''I'm such a fool,'' Elaine sobs. ''I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse.''

''There's no horse?'' says Roger.

''You think I'm a fool, don't you?'' Elaine says.

''No!'' says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

''It's just that . . . It's that I . . . I need some time,'' Elaine says.

(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

''Yes,'' he says.

(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

'Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?'' she says.

''What way?'' says Roger.

''That way about time,'' says Elaine.

''Oh,'' says Roger. ''Yes.''

(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

'Thank you, Roger,'' she says.

''Thank you,'' says Roger.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.)

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say:

''Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?''

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 6:36 am

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

SlipStream · Post by **SlipStream** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 6:40 am

:wah:

beats me how humanity keeps going

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 6:45 am

did she own the freaking horse or not godammit:-5:-5

Post by **spot** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 7:12 am

My turn, my turn.

A buddhist goes up to a hot-dog stand and asks "can you make me one with everything?"

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 7:21 am

spot;662566 wrote: My turn, my turn.

A buddhist goes up to a hot-dog stand and asks "can you make me one with everything?"
So I guess this means she did have a horse?

Post by **spot** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 7:22 am

YZGI;662568 wrote: So I guess this means she did have a horse?

Let me try again...

Two television aerials get married. The reception was brilliant.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 7:23 am

:wah: :wah:

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 7:24 am

spot;662570 wrote: Let me try again...

Two television aerials get married. The reception was brilliant.
Well lets just hope there is no static in their future.

Post by **spot** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 7:29 am

YZGI;662573 wrote: Well lets just hope there is no static in their future.

Marx is round at Engels' house for a cup of tea. After a while he needs a wee. He pops off to Engels' bathroom, and comes back looking a bit confused - "Here, Friedrich sweet'eart, every time I flush your lav, I hear beautiful classical music - why's that?". "Ah", says Engels, "That'll be the violins inherent in the cistern".

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 7:30 am

Spot's full of good jokes today!!

Post by **spot** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 7:32 am

sunny104;662579 wrote: Spot's full of good jokes today!!

A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer and a mop?

Maybe not. Let me try again.

Two ducks are watching the river flow by. One to the other: "quack!". "That's strange", says the second duck, "I was about to say exactly the same thing".

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 8:07 am

Seriously, the horse? Whats it called?

Post by **spot** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 8:14 am

Galbally;662585 wrote: Seriously, the horse? Whats it called?

We seem to be at cross purposes here, I blame Wiseguy.

There are three balloons, Mummy, Daddy and Baby balloon. Over the early years Baby balloon has slept in the same bed as Mummy and Daddy balloon. Daddy balloon takes Baby balloon aside one day and tells him that he's made him a new bed for him and that he is to sleep there from now on.

During the night Baby balloon is scared sleeping on his own and so sneaks back into bed with Mummy and Daddy balloon. Baby balloon tries to squeeze in between the two of them but can't get enough room. He reaches over and let a little air out of Mummy balloon but to no avail, he still doesn't have room. He then reaches over to Daddy balloon and lets a little air out of him. Still he cant quite fit in. Finally he lets a little air out of himself. He fits in nicely and falls asleep.

In the morning when Mummy and Daddy awaken they find Baby balloon in bed with them. Daddy balloon looks sad and shakes his head at Baby balloon and says "Son I told you to sleep in your own bed didn't I?". "Yes Daddy I'm sorry!". "That's OK son but you see you've let your Mummy down, you've let me down and you've let yourself down as well".

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 8:26 am

spot;662589 wrote: We seem to be at cross purposes here, I blame Wiseguy.

There are three balloons, Mummy, Daddy and Baby balloon. Over the early years Baby balloon has slept in the same bed as Mummy and Daddy balloon. Daddy balloon takes Baby balloon aside one day and tells him that hes made him a new bed for him and that he is to sleep there from now one.

During the night Baby ballon is scared sleeping on his own and so sneaks back into bed with Mummy and Daddy balloon. Baby balloon trys to sqeeze inbetween the two of them but cant get enough room.He reaches over and let a little air out of Mummy balloon, but to no avail he still doesnt have room. He then reaches over to Daddy balloon and kets a little air out of him.Still he cant quite fit in. Finally he lets a little air out off himself. He fits in nicely and falls asleep.

In the morning when Mummy and Daddy awaken they find Baby balloon in bed with them. Daddy balloon looks sad and shakes his head at Baby balloon and says "Son I told you to sleep in your own bed didn't I?". "Yes Daddy I'm sorry!". "That's OK son but you see you've let your Mummy down, you've let me down and you've let yourself down as well".

I'm sure Mommy balloon will blow Daddy balloon back up.

Post by **spot** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 8:29 am

YZGI;662594 wrote: I'm sure Mommy balloon will blow Daddy balloon back up.

Why did the baker have brown hands, Wiseguy? Because he kneaded a poo.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 8:37 am

spot;662595 wrote: Why did the baker have brown hands, Wiseguy? Because he kneaded a poo.

what has the shopkeeper off of the simpsons got to do with it

:D

Post by **spot** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 8:43 am

jimbo;662598 wrote: what has the shopkeeper off of the simpsons got to do with it

Nobody seems to be telling me to stop, I can't imagine why.

This guy says to the Rabbi "Something terrible is happening! I have to talk to you about it." "What's wrong?" asked the Rabbi. "My wife is trying to poison me!" the man said.

"Surely you"re imagining things" the Rabbi said. "No, Rabbi, I'm sure of it. Please tell me what to do." "Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi called the man back to his office at the synagogue. "Well, I spoke to your wife for three hours this morning" he said. "You want my advice? Take the poison."

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 8:47 am

spot;662600 wrote: Nobody seems to be telling me to stop, I can't imagine why.

This guy says to the Rabbi "Something terrible is happening! I have to talk to you about it." "What's wrong?" asked the Rabbi. "My wife is trying to poison me!" the man said.

"Surely you"re imagining things" the Rabbi said. "No, Rabbi, I'm sure of it. Please tell me what to do." "Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi called the man back to his office at the synagogue. "Well, I spoke to your wife for three hours this morning" he said. "You want my advice? Take the poison."

:wah::wah:that was a good one in fact it was not a poo joke

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 8:55 am

Red- That was great! I usually don't read posts that long, but that just cracked me up....So true, it's not even funny!!:wah::wah:

And Spot, don't let me stop you, keep them coming...very funny also!!:)

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 8:57 am

spot;662600 wrote: Nobody seems to be telling me to stop, I can't imagine why.

This guy says to the Rabbi "Something terrible is happening! I have to talk to you about it." "What's wrong?" asked the Rabbi. "My wife is trying to poison me!" the man said.

"Surely you"re imagining things" the Rabbi said. "No, Rabbi, I'm sure of it. Please tell me what to do." "Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi called the man back to his office at the synagogue. "Well, I spoke to your wife for three hours this morning" he said. "You want my advice? Take the poison."
We all just figured Lon got your password.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 9:01 am

YZGI;662608 wrote: We all just figured Lon got your password.

:wah::wah:

i feel thats bit harsh on lon there buddy :wah:

just kidding spock keep them coming

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 9:09 am

jimbo;662610 wrote: :wah:

i feel thats bit harsh on lon there buddy :wah:

just kidding spock keep them coming

I figure he gets jokes from time to time.

Madcow · Post by **Madcow** » Fri Jul 20, 2007 2:48 am

That was great Red, I've already passed it on. :wah:

Spot... This is for you,

A baby seal walks into a club.

bada bing