Friends with Benefits

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 1:01 pm

Okay, y'all put me straight on this, will you?

I had a friend try to coax me into this arrangement. I didn't bite. I was kind of insulted that apparently he thinks I'm good enough to befriend and to sleep with but not good enough for all that ought to come with it. It's not that there's no attraction there; and it's not like I wouldn't want to. But like I had told him, I tend to not do this with my friends. I know other people do and that's great for them but it isn't great for me. I'd feel used. Second rate.

Am I just out of the loop? Too particular? When did this become the thing to do?!

Somebody put me right, please.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 1:07 pm

Thanks Soberano...I think. :wah:

littlemissgiggle · Post by **littlemissgiggle** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 1:15 pm

Yeah i have heard this alot over the last 2 years it seems to be the new trend,

the same as a ******* buddy,

I don't think i would do it, I could just see it ending in tears :-1

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 1:20 pm

littlemissgiggle;642750 wrote: Yeah i have heard this alot over the last 2 years it seems to be the new trend,

the same as a ******* buddy,

I don't think i would do it, I could just see it ending in tears :-1

That's what I had thought too. For one of us and it wouldn't be him most probably.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 1:24 pm

Frienship with benefits?? I think that is disgustiong. But then, I am an old prude too, I guess. Things are done very differently now days. Im glad I live in the past.

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 1:40 pm

I think you could be doing with a shag (no offence) everybody needs one from time to time.

Just because you fluck someone doesent mean you have to fall in love with them.

Until Mr right comes along what's a girl supposed to do? We all need release, dont just blow it off is all im saying i guess.

SouthAPT · Post by **SouthAPT** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 1:55 pm

RedGlitter;642731 wrote:

Am I just out of the loop? Too particular? When did this become the thing to do?!

Somebody put me right, please.

I think you played it perfectly. If thats not the kind of thing you want than of course you should stay away from the whole situation. I dont have any experience with it, but from what I hear the whole "friends with benefits" thing usually doesnt end pretty.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 2:01 pm

Dont be offended Liz.... " Release" I can get from the shower head in my bathroom. Without fear of aids, herpes, crabs, or the host of other " benefits" that might appear in an uncommited sexual relationship. Friends should have each others best interests at heart. Taking a friends hand and leading them down the road to the possibility of a broken heart, wounded pride, or feelings of self loathing, is not best interests in my book.

It takes a very strong psyche in a female to deal with casual sex. Red, you dont sound like that kind of personality to me. Ill bet you receive more comfort from the love of your dogs, who are grateful for all of your affection, with no strings attached... then you would get from giving away a most precious part of yourself freely. ( God, I hope I said that right)

neffy · Post by **neffy** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 2:04 pm

i think red you were real cool with this,i say go with your gut feelings:)

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 2:13 pm

weeder;642782 wrote: Dont be offended Liz.... " Release" I can get from the shower head in my bathroom. Without fear of aids, herpes, crabs, or the host of other " benefits" that might appear in an uncommited sexual relationship. Friends should have each others best interests at heart. Taking a friends hand and leading them down the road to the possibility of a broken heart, wounded pride, or feelings of self loathing, is not best interests in my book.

It takes a very strong psyche in a female to deal with casual sex. Red, you dont sound like that kind of personality to me. Ill bet you receive more comfort from the love of your dogs, who are grateful for all of your affection, with no strings attached... then you would get from giving away a most precious part of yourself freely. ( God, I hope I said that right)

Weeder :-4

We disagree many times on many threads, that's irrelevant as i adore you.

As for Red, she's the first person to say - if you put yourself out there wide open in a thread you have to accept what comes back. This may sound harsh but its not meant to, neither is it meant to offend, i think right now a good ole roll in the hay is just what she needs, go for it girl i say, might do you the world of good - of course protect yourself - wear a condom as weeder so rightly says

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 2:25 pm

Go with your gut feeling Terri, what ever that may be. It really doesn't matter if its the 'in' thing or not. You know how you feel about it - there really is no point in me telling you what I would or would not do, you know yourself.

Like I said go with your gut feeling - and you will do the right thing for you. :-4

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 2:41 pm

I'm not sure how to put this exactly in the classiest way...it's not that I am in "need" of being with someone. Did I say that right? My concern is that the playing field would not be equal. I'm not completely devoid of feeling like he seems to be, so that gives him the upper hand automatically and that's the part I really don't like. I'm not sorry about my decision, I just wanted to hear what you guys thought. :-6

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 2:49 pm

Good for you Red that you feel its the right decision. Is it too personal a question to ask how long you've gone without?

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 2:54 pm

Pa Pa first welcome, second - dont worry about it, you will always offend someone here as is the nature of forums :wah:

Check out Marie & Zinky's signatures when you come across their posts, pretty much covers it

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 2:57 pm

buttercup;642814 wrote: Good for you Red that you feel its the right decision. Is it too personal a question to ask how long you've gone without?

Yes.

Who said I was going without?:wah:

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 2:58 pm

Fair enough

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 3:01 pm

Pa Pa;642816 wrote: I am extremely new to this groups, so I feel a bit awkward in a direct reply, but are you certain he is "devoid of feeling?" My experience hasw been quite different from the other Americans here (I'm born and bred USA), but I never slept with anyone for whom I had no feelings. That's akin to prostitution. I wasn't in love or committed, nor were they, but we, at least I, cared about the other person, and we used protection, and neither felt either had the upper hand. We were friends, mutual. Again, my opinion only and I respect all (seemingly but one) who disagree.

As a newcomer, I surely don't wish to offend, and if I have, my apologies.

Hi Pa,

I should maybe clarify that. Unless I don't know about it, he doesn't have the feelings for me that get me into bed.

That's just me though. I accept that I may be the outsider (what else is new!) in this concept and whatever anyone else wants to do is fine by me. If it was just about getting laid, it wouldn't even be a question. I'm just not made like that. And you haven't offended me at all. No one has. :-6

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 3:08 pm

Red correct me here but are you saying you couldent sleep with a man unless it led to marriage or a very long term relationship? Do you think sleeping with someone as friends cant lead to more?

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 3:13 pm

buttercup;642833 wrote: Red correct me here but are you saying you couldent sleep with a man unless it led to marriage or a very long term relationship?

No, not necessarily. Not for myself anyway.

buttercup;642833 wrote: Do you think sleeping with someone as friends cant lead to more?

I have my doubts on it but consider the fact that I'm using my own standards (for lack of the proper word here) to measure by. I did it once and it was a sorry mistake.

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 3:15 pm

I think it can be a mutually rewarding thing, problem is 9 times out of 10 one of the people start to have more feelings than the other.

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 3:25 pm

Yeah we all fall for that penis thread, something else not to worry about :wah:

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 3:26 pm

RedGlitter;642836 wrote: No, not necessarily. Not for myself anyway.

I have my doubts on it but consider the fact that I'm using my own standards (for lack of the proper word here) to measure by. I did it once and it was a sorry mistake.

Well then Red..... You have answered your own question. Please forgive me if I take personal liberties with my personality assement.... I would think that you are too young still, and too emmotionally fragile, for this kind of arrangement. I wish you could get out and meet someone who would love you, in every way.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 3:40 pm

weeder;642861 wrote: Well then Red..... You have answered your own question. Please forgive me if I take personal liberties with my personality assement.... I would think that you are too young still, and too emmotionally fragile, for this kind of arrangement. I wish you could get out and meet someone who would love you, in every way.

Thanks Weeder. I don't know about being too young (41) or being too fragile but I do have certain expectations of myself and of the men I get involved with. The one time I did the friends thing, I wasn't thinking with my head and I got crushed. But I learned so it was okay. I'm pretty easy to love...or at least I've been told. :-6

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 3:44 pm

Oh my, for some reason I thought you were about 30 years old. Ok, your old enough.... But, I dont think its what you really want,

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 3:48 pm

weeder;642885 wrote: Oh my, for some reason I thought you were about 30 years old. Ok, your old enough.... But, I dont think its what you really want,

Hey I'll take 30!! :wah:

I'm always being taken for being younger. 16 with no makeup.

25 on the average. It's weird. But nice.

anotherlisa · Post by **anotherlisa** » Sun Jun 24, 2007 9:43 am

RedGlitter;642808 wrote: My concern is that the playing field would not be equal. I'm not completely devoid of feeling like he seems to be, so that gives him the upper hand automatically and that's the part I really don't like. I'm not sorry about my decision, I just wanted to hear what you guys thought. :-6

Sounds like you know yourself pretty well and made the decision that's right for you. If you have feelings/hopes for something more than just a friendly, physical connection and it dosen't appear that he shares those feelings & hopes, then you'd just be setting yourself up for heartache. I haven't personally experienced one of those situations, but I think people should be honest with first themselves & then their potential partners about what they want. I think the problems come into it when people want different things and aren't being honest with themselves and/or their partners.

laneybug · Post by **laneybug** » Sun Jun 24, 2007 9:51 am

RedGlitter;642731 wrote: Okay, y'all put me straight on this, will you?

I had a friend try to coax me into this arrangement. I didn't bite. I was kind of insulted that apparently he thinks I'm good enough to befriend and to sleep with but not good enough for all that ought to come with it. It's not that there's no attraction there; and it's not like I wouldn't want to. But like I had told him, I tend to not do this with my friends. I know other people do and that's great for them but it isn't great for me. I'd feel used. Second rate.

Am I just out of the loop? Too particular? When did this become the thing to do?!

Somebody put me right, please.

Honestly, Red, I think it's always been the thing to do. For some people, that is. It's always been a lifestyle that's attracted people and has grossed out others. You may be "out of the loop" on this one, but I'm assuming it's not a loop you really want to be in anyway. I certainly don't care about friends with benefits. Never liked the idea and I never will. No, you're not too particular. You know what you want and that's that. If being too particular is not acting like a doormat, then I'd rather be called particular. I completely agree with you, though. If your friend thinks you're good enough to sleep with and still wants to be friends, then you're certainly good enough to have a committed relationship. I think the problem lies with your friend. It's no strings attached BS. I'd be insulted too, in fact, I'd probably be reconsidering his worth as a friend if he was just looking at me as a piece of action.

Good luck on this one, and stick to your guns. Don't let anyone take you for less than you are worth.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Sun Jun 24, 2007 1:49 pm

:wah:

Beth, you're shameless, girl. Shameless I tell ya.

(I'm proud of you)

:-6

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Sun Jun 24, 2007 2:08 pm

almostfamous;645017 wrote: God, his voice................ good lawd, I need gas money :-5 :wah:

:wah: !!!

It's always the ones with The Voice. Trust me, I know ALL about The Voice.

Got any green stamps you can cash in Beth?? Pinball tokens? Anything?? :wah:

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Sun Jun 24, 2007 2:37 pm

almostfamous;645044 wrote: and his ...wait, where's the member thread? LINK ME LINK ME LINK ME BABY!!

What!? Has gotten into me today :wah: I blame it on YOU :wah:

ME?! What the hell did I do? :wah: Judas Priest! It seems I'm not the one here who's about to self combust, ya know? Get a grip Beth!! And NO! Not like what you're thinking! Unless you can....then by all means do....:-3

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Sun Jun 24, 2007 3:46 pm

almostfamous;645114 wrote: Welllll :sneaky: I am goin' to get some grub with KB tonight and he said somethin a while back about after a few drinks, yadayada

If he sees this, he ain't gonna come now

:wah:

Uh...did I just understand you properly? Did you just switch guys? Or are you hitting KB up for gas money? :sneaky:

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Sun Jun 24, 2007 3:50 pm

almostfamous;645122 wrote: No, I don't 'switch' that easily, shutup NT! But hey you got me thinkin on that last question... ooooooooooh kkkkkkkkkkbbbbbbeeeeeeeeeeee, help a nigga out :wah:

Thought we was on the opinion thread there

:wah:

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Sun Jun 24, 2007 3:51 pm

almostfamous;645122 wrote: No, I don't 'switch' that easily, shutup NT! But hey you got me thinkin on that last question... ooooooooooh kkkkkkkkkkbbbbbbeeeeeeeeeeee, help a nigga out :wah:

Oh my gosh! Beth you are a flaming riot today! What are you taking?? And can ya send me some? I'll check my CDROM in a few minutes, ok? :wah:

KB. · Post by **KB.** » Sun Jun 24, 2007 4:23 pm

What the hell is going on in here? Did you go yet?

KB. · Post by **KB.** » Sun Jun 24, 2007 4:29 pm

almostfamous;645002 wrote: I think it can work. I have had 2, not at once :p but on separate occasions I had this type of thing goin. Speaking of, I think I left my favorite pair of flip-flops in Memphis :sneaky:

Srsly, though, no feelings, whatsoever. He's hot, he's tall, he's got money, the car, the job but no brain. The attraction is purely physical and that's completely fine with me. When he gets a little too clingy I guess you could say, I just go all secret ninja on him and call him a week later.

I'm such a dude.

whoa, he's calling :wah:

I ain't that hot, or tall. I'm broke, my car sucks, and so does my job. I do have a brain, and a nice deep Southern fried voice. Too bad i'll have myself on a drink limit tonite. Only one for me.

:-2

KB. · Post by **KB.** » Sun Jun 24, 2007 4:43 pm

almostfamous;645164 wrote:

:-3 no.

Thats too bad, I did.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Sun Jun 24, 2007 5:05 pm

KB.;645154 wrote: What the hell is going on in here? Did you go yet?

:yh_rotfl

You kill me KB.

Beth...? You're still here....

KB. · Post by **KB.** » Sun Jun 24, 2007 5:10 pm

I'm leaving now Almostwent, I'll call in a few minutes. You freak, I just got your text message, I'm leaving and headed to Chili's. I'll call you when I get there, or on the way. I've already showered, and I ain't gonna sit around here and sweat.

KB. · Post by **KB.** » Sun Jun 24, 2007 5:14 pm

Just because of that I am taking the dress shirt off and putting a t-shirt on instead. Actually I'm doing that cause it is as hot as balls out here.

KB. · Post by **KB.** » Sun Jun 24, 2007 10:07 pm

almostfamous;645228 wrote: ? huh. wth'd i do this time? did you make it home ok skeezer?

No, here in the county jail they have a nice wireless internet set up and are letting me make all of these posts. It counts towards my community service. :p

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Sun Jun 24, 2007 10:10 pm

[QUOTE=littlemissgiggle;642750]Yeah i have heard this alot over the last 2 years it seems to be the new trend,

the same as a ******* buddy,

I don't think i would do it, I could just see it ending in tears :-1[/QUOTE

Sorry that this is NOT a new trend............

I am 51 and this kind of friend helped me a lot for 13 years while I was raising my daughter by myself.

I do not have a problem with "friends with benefits"---- just make sure it is reciprocal.

KB. · Post by **KB.** » Sun Jun 24, 2007 10:13 pm

I've had a few. As a matter of fact there has only been one love(r) of mine who wasn't a friend before hand. Well two, I forgot about a red head for a minute, but had a flashback. It of course went from friend to relationship, and was supposed to, but at the same time there have been more than one where it was just friend to friend with benefits. Yes it can get tricky sometimes, and yes it can end badly; although it hasn't ever in any of my situations.

KB. · Post by **KB.** » Sun Jun 24, 2007 10:14 pm

almostfamous;645233 wrote: almostfunny, that also referred to any automobile uh-oh's or 5-0 encounters smartass :p

I had meatloaf when I got home.