#7: Write a letter to the 10 year old child you were.
Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2007 12:56 am
#7: Write a letter to the 10 year old child you were.
This is going to be fun. Let me see at ten years old I was in the fifth grade, I was living in one of the smallest towns you can imagine; Atwood, TN. They still do not have a stop light. I spent a lot of time with my Dad’s Uncle and Ant, I call him my granddaddy now, the first story I wrote for public viewing was about him, and the day he died. I miss those days. Playing in their garden, sneaking his cigarettes and sour mash whiskey; sitting on the front porch watching the trains roll by. Listening to him tell stories about his days working during the Great Depression, and listening to her call me p!ss ant till I was sixteen. I was a lot more innocent, in some ways, back then. I’d like to say weren’t we all, but sadly we probably were not.
Dear Kevin,
You aren’t KB yet, but you will be soon enough, enjoy Kevin because one day you will almost hate it when people call you anything but your initials. You will make your reasons why, but in your head it will be some crazy thought about people knowing your name, and them having too much power over you for the knowledge of it. KB will remind you of the difference between 10 and whenever you decided to start trying to save every lost cause you run across. I’ll come back to that later. You will even get those initials tattooed on your right arm one day, surrounded by friends, and in a place you never go back to because you managed to obtain a traffic warrant. Don’t worry though, they don’t extradite their warrants. Some of those friends you won’t see much anymore when you get to where I am writing this from. It’s been a long time since I have seen any of them. Keep them close while you can, they mean a lot to you, every single one.
Enjoy those stories you get to listen to on the front porch as those trains roll by, they will end one day, and those very stories and the man that told them may inspire you to tell your own, and everyone else’s story one day. Listen to him as he recounts the things he had to do to provide for himself and his family, admire the hard work he did and continues to do. Go pay attention as he plants that garden. You may want to plant one of your own some day. Watch those tomato plants grow, try and learn to love them ripe instead of just green and fried. Those tomatos (You will stubbornly spell tomatos, tonite, and moma the wrong way; stick with it) will play a big part in your life eventually. No matter what happens remember to leave them on your chicken sandwiches, and love how they taste. There is not one damn thing wrong with looking back on every memory you have in a good way. You will let the anger of it all go one day, you’ll do it sooner than most, count yourself lucky. No matter how others may interpret what you say or do, remember that it isn’t anger that brings it about. Always try and qualify the things you say that are mean and nasty; tell folks the truth, but make sure and let them know that one truth leads to another. Be an honest man, tell your stories there is nothing wrong with a little fiction now and then, but when someone asks you something important leave the fiction out of it.
Listen to those train whistles as they roll by, they will never let you be. Enjoy the excitement of just guessing how many box cars there will be; one day nothing will matter but that whistle. It will become metaphor, allusion, and an adjective. It will become almost a proper noun, a living thing. Enjoy the simplicity of it being just a sound; a sound that signals the start of a much nicer game.
You know that little girl that sits up front in your classroom? The one you kissed when you were six and things like name brand clothes, weight, and your family’s social status didn’t matter. Watch how she treats you, take that all in. Remember that just because your folks do not have the money to buy you Levis and Nikes, that just because you ain’t a skinny little kid anymore, and just because your folks have to work for a living; sometimes in shitty paying jobs; remember that you ain’t no less of a person because of it. Forget that little freckle faced brat, one day a long time down the road, she will see you out and make her way over to you, smile and ask a question or two. She’ll flirt, wonder what you have been up to, and wonder if you would like to do something some time. Just be nice and don’t call her a half dead tramp and tell her to kiss your ass. Never mind go on ahead and do that; she deserved it.
You are going to catch a lot of bullshit over your social status; or rather your lack of it, your weight, and your being a nerd. You will catch bullshit over the way you treat folks who catch the same bullshit you do. Don’t worry, women will love you big and skinny, social status don’t mean a damn thing in the end or in the time before the end. You’ll just learn how to work is all, for peanuts, but work regardless. The nerd thing, yeah it will pay off. As for sticking up for all the rest of the outcasts, the nerds, the ones with less than others, and the fat kids. That is what being a real man is all about, you got to stand up for something or someone who for what ever reason can’t do it themselves. There is a lot more than just that involved in the “man thing, but that is a good start.
Somewhere along the way you are going to decide it is your burden, we don’t like that word, you will call it your tithe you owe to the world; you are going to decide that to pay your tithe you need to try and save every lost soul you stumble across. You can’t save them all, hell you might not save any of them, but you will try anyway. Those people will drag you down to the depths of hell, the cold part where the traitors and back biters find them selves being devoured by the devil as he sits imprisoned in a lake of ice. You will also like reading Dante’s Inferno. They don’t mean to drag you that far down; well some of them do, but not the majority of them. They are just as lost as you are. Blind leading the blind. You though, you have a better sense of direction. You can point them towards a safer path. Whether or not they take it is not up to you; and as soon as you think it was because you didn’t try hard enough you will falter and the world will get far too heavy. You will think those thoughts regardless sometimes, and when you need it most someone will come along to help you shoulder that burden, they will chip in on your tithe. Take the help, and thank the good Lord for it, it won’t always be there. Just don’t let it get too heavy.
Look over to your left, do you see that little three year old, skinny as a rail, mop headed boy? You are going to waste a lot of time not being a brother to him. You’ll try, but you two ain’t the same, he won’t grow up the same way, and it ain’t his fault. Love him, he knows you do, but tell him from time to time. He will turn out to be a good man just like you, even if you didn’t have a thing to do with it. Always remember that your daddy loves you, he grew up different, and he had it rougher than you will ever have to have it. Yall will get along eventually; tell him you love him too. Moma will always look at you like she can’t wait for some wise crack, make her laugh a little. She will also always be able to look at you and make you feel like you just want to lay down and cry. Pay attention to those looks, you’ll learn how to do the same, and it will be both your saving grace and your worst enemy. Those hazel-green eyes you got from her will never be able to tell a lie. Let someone who knows you and half the people who don’t look into them and you won’t have to say a word, written or out loud. Love those three people, and try not to be such an ungrateful ass to them. It will be hard because you feel at ease with them around you, but just try.
Music, oh boy, music is going to be a good friend to you. Listen to it all, well except for that pop rubbish that will become so prevalent 10 and 20 years from where you are now. Leave that crap alone. You will meet people all over who will suggest this or that, listen to it all, especially the ones who tell stories in their songs. Those songs will keep you company, and help you with your own stories. Proudly tell anyone who asks that the first tape you ever bought was “Licensed to Ill by The Beastie Boys. Never forget the women that sing you songs. That is a rare thing, you have any idea how many unloved bastards will never have a woman sing them a song, or sing a song because they know you? You are going to have a lot of fun boy.
One day about twenty years from where you are now; you will call yourself a mean, nasty, son-of-a-bitch. You are, and don’t forget it. Over the years you will do some mean things, and you will say some even nastier things to people you love. It is a defense mechanism, but that isn’t an excuse, you ain’t got to defend yourself near as often as you think you do. Remember to apologize, then or eventually. You will probably be surprised at the response you get from those apologies, even when you say it isn’t one. If a man needs his eye swollen shut, or a woman needs to hear someone tell her to get gone; then do it. Just be careful, sometimes you get the ones who need it confused with the ones that don’t. You are a decent man when you get to where I am, you love the right way, you will follow your friends to hell and back out again, you open doors for old people and women, cute or not. You say please and thank you, you introduce every over 60 year old couple you meet as “this lovely young couple; and you mean it. They believe you when you say it. Don’t let that get to your head though, cause that son-of-a-bitch is sitting right there, waiting to make his move.
Never make your move too soon, but don’t wait too long either.
No matter where you go, keep that accent, be proud of where you are from, and tell the biased and the ignorant that just because they meet some bad people in the south, that being Southern don’t have one thing to do with geography. When they call you a hillbilly; use the words extrapolate and exponential in the same sentence. Then tell them to take that hillbilly sh!t and go smoke it. In a grapevine. Using big words doesn’t make you smart, but it makes for good comedy sometimes.
Don’t drink so much, it ain’t going to fix a thing, you’ll find your moderation eventually, but remember where you came from, and remember that day you missed a fishing trip because your granddaddy was in jail for driving drunk.
Put that damn cigarette down, you ain’t ever going to shake them.
I’m about done with this, I am sure there are a million more things I could tell you as I look back, but you won’t listen; too damned hardheaded. I’ll list a few more, some new, and some we already talked about.
Open doors for people and open doors for your women; but pay attention to whether or not they reach over and open yours for you.
Keep the accent, find your voice.
Tell the folks you love that you love them. Cliché or not, we ain’t promised tomorrow.
You ain't a saint, not to everyone anyway.
Listen to Amos Lee, Norah Jones, Coltrane, Miles, and Bird York; listen to everyone else as well. You can skip Justin Timberlake, brought sexy back my ass, it never went no damn where.
When you find a Muse, make sure you let her know that is what she is, all of them.
Don’t ignore that train, but don’t let it take you away from where you belong. Don't let anyone but yourself be the conductor, when you're ready to stay still do it. You don't owe the world a fu**ing thing. That tithe was paid a long time ago; you listening to me you hard headed fool?
Remember who you are and how you got there; someone may want to read a story, hell a book about it one day.
Leave the tomato on the sandwich.
Southern girls really are the best, every last one of them.
Quit being so damned nasty and mean.
Be a man, even when you don’t want to be. It’s a relative thing, it isn’t concrete, and it changes every day.
Wink, no matter what, go ahead and wink.
KB
I’ll leave you with a quote; you are going to like quotes a lot. It’s from a man, a lot of folks don’t appreciate, a lot of folks will take advantage of when he ain’t around to defend himself, and he could be a mean, nasty, man himself. Here you go:
"I know it seems hard sometimes, but remember one thing, through every dark night, there's a bright day after that. So no matter how hard it gets, keep your chest out, keep your head up and handle it."
~Tupac
This is going to be fun. Let me see at ten years old I was in the fifth grade, I was living in one of the smallest towns you can imagine; Atwood, TN. They still do not have a stop light. I spent a lot of time with my Dad’s Uncle and Ant, I call him my granddaddy now, the first story I wrote for public viewing was about him, and the day he died. I miss those days. Playing in their garden, sneaking his cigarettes and sour mash whiskey; sitting on the front porch watching the trains roll by. Listening to him tell stories about his days working during the Great Depression, and listening to her call me p!ss ant till I was sixteen. I was a lot more innocent, in some ways, back then. I’d like to say weren’t we all, but sadly we probably were not.
Dear Kevin,
You aren’t KB yet, but you will be soon enough, enjoy Kevin because one day you will almost hate it when people call you anything but your initials. You will make your reasons why, but in your head it will be some crazy thought about people knowing your name, and them having too much power over you for the knowledge of it. KB will remind you of the difference between 10 and whenever you decided to start trying to save every lost cause you run across. I’ll come back to that later. You will even get those initials tattooed on your right arm one day, surrounded by friends, and in a place you never go back to because you managed to obtain a traffic warrant. Don’t worry though, they don’t extradite their warrants. Some of those friends you won’t see much anymore when you get to where I am writing this from. It’s been a long time since I have seen any of them. Keep them close while you can, they mean a lot to you, every single one.
Enjoy those stories you get to listen to on the front porch as those trains roll by, they will end one day, and those very stories and the man that told them may inspire you to tell your own, and everyone else’s story one day. Listen to him as he recounts the things he had to do to provide for himself and his family, admire the hard work he did and continues to do. Go pay attention as he plants that garden. You may want to plant one of your own some day. Watch those tomato plants grow, try and learn to love them ripe instead of just green and fried. Those tomatos (You will stubbornly spell tomatos, tonite, and moma the wrong way; stick with it) will play a big part in your life eventually. No matter what happens remember to leave them on your chicken sandwiches, and love how they taste. There is not one damn thing wrong with looking back on every memory you have in a good way. You will let the anger of it all go one day, you’ll do it sooner than most, count yourself lucky. No matter how others may interpret what you say or do, remember that it isn’t anger that brings it about. Always try and qualify the things you say that are mean and nasty; tell folks the truth, but make sure and let them know that one truth leads to another. Be an honest man, tell your stories there is nothing wrong with a little fiction now and then, but when someone asks you something important leave the fiction out of it.
Listen to those train whistles as they roll by, they will never let you be. Enjoy the excitement of just guessing how many box cars there will be; one day nothing will matter but that whistle. It will become metaphor, allusion, and an adjective. It will become almost a proper noun, a living thing. Enjoy the simplicity of it being just a sound; a sound that signals the start of a much nicer game.
You know that little girl that sits up front in your classroom? The one you kissed when you were six and things like name brand clothes, weight, and your family’s social status didn’t matter. Watch how she treats you, take that all in. Remember that just because your folks do not have the money to buy you Levis and Nikes, that just because you ain’t a skinny little kid anymore, and just because your folks have to work for a living; sometimes in shitty paying jobs; remember that you ain’t no less of a person because of it. Forget that little freckle faced brat, one day a long time down the road, she will see you out and make her way over to you, smile and ask a question or two. She’ll flirt, wonder what you have been up to, and wonder if you would like to do something some time. Just be nice and don’t call her a half dead tramp and tell her to kiss your ass. Never mind go on ahead and do that; she deserved it.
You are going to catch a lot of bullshit over your social status; or rather your lack of it, your weight, and your being a nerd. You will catch bullshit over the way you treat folks who catch the same bullshit you do. Don’t worry, women will love you big and skinny, social status don’t mean a damn thing in the end or in the time before the end. You’ll just learn how to work is all, for peanuts, but work regardless. The nerd thing, yeah it will pay off. As for sticking up for all the rest of the outcasts, the nerds, the ones with less than others, and the fat kids. That is what being a real man is all about, you got to stand up for something or someone who for what ever reason can’t do it themselves. There is a lot more than just that involved in the “man thing, but that is a good start.
Somewhere along the way you are going to decide it is your burden, we don’t like that word, you will call it your tithe you owe to the world; you are going to decide that to pay your tithe you need to try and save every lost soul you stumble across. You can’t save them all, hell you might not save any of them, but you will try anyway. Those people will drag you down to the depths of hell, the cold part where the traitors and back biters find them selves being devoured by the devil as he sits imprisoned in a lake of ice. You will also like reading Dante’s Inferno. They don’t mean to drag you that far down; well some of them do, but not the majority of them. They are just as lost as you are. Blind leading the blind. You though, you have a better sense of direction. You can point them towards a safer path. Whether or not they take it is not up to you; and as soon as you think it was because you didn’t try hard enough you will falter and the world will get far too heavy. You will think those thoughts regardless sometimes, and when you need it most someone will come along to help you shoulder that burden, they will chip in on your tithe. Take the help, and thank the good Lord for it, it won’t always be there. Just don’t let it get too heavy.
Look over to your left, do you see that little three year old, skinny as a rail, mop headed boy? You are going to waste a lot of time not being a brother to him. You’ll try, but you two ain’t the same, he won’t grow up the same way, and it ain’t his fault. Love him, he knows you do, but tell him from time to time. He will turn out to be a good man just like you, even if you didn’t have a thing to do with it. Always remember that your daddy loves you, he grew up different, and he had it rougher than you will ever have to have it. Yall will get along eventually; tell him you love him too. Moma will always look at you like she can’t wait for some wise crack, make her laugh a little. She will also always be able to look at you and make you feel like you just want to lay down and cry. Pay attention to those looks, you’ll learn how to do the same, and it will be both your saving grace and your worst enemy. Those hazel-green eyes you got from her will never be able to tell a lie. Let someone who knows you and half the people who don’t look into them and you won’t have to say a word, written or out loud. Love those three people, and try not to be such an ungrateful ass to them. It will be hard because you feel at ease with them around you, but just try.
Music, oh boy, music is going to be a good friend to you. Listen to it all, well except for that pop rubbish that will become so prevalent 10 and 20 years from where you are now. Leave that crap alone. You will meet people all over who will suggest this or that, listen to it all, especially the ones who tell stories in their songs. Those songs will keep you company, and help you with your own stories. Proudly tell anyone who asks that the first tape you ever bought was “Licensed to Ill by The Beastie Boys. Never forget the women that sing you songs. That is a rare thing, you have any idea how many unloved bastards will never have a woman sing them a song, or sing a song because they know you? You are going to have a lot of fun boy.
One day about twenty years from where you are now; you will call yourself a mean, nasty, son-of-a-bitch. You are, and don’t forget it. Over the years you will do some mean things, and you will say some even nastier things to people you love. It is a defense mechanism, but that isn’t an excuse, you ain’t got to defend yourself near as often as you think you do. Remember to apologize, then or eventually. You will probably be surprised at the response you get from those apologies, even when you say it isn’t one. If a man needs his eye swollen shut, or a woman needs to hear someone tell her to get gone; then do it. Just be careful, sometimes you get the ones who need it confused with the ones that don’t. You are a decent man when you get to where I am, you love the right way, you will follow your friends to hell and back out again, you open doors for old people and women, cute or not. You say please and thank you, you introduce every over 60 year old couple you meet as “this lovely young couple; and you mean it. They believe you when you say it. Don’t let that get to your head though, cause that son-of-a-bitch is sitting right there, waiting to make his move.
Never make your move too soon, but don’t wait too long either.
No matter where you go, keep that accent, be proud of where you are from, and tell the biased and the ignorant that just because they meet some bad people in the south, that being Southern don’t have one thing to do with geography. When they call you a hillbilly; use the words extrapolate and exponential in the same sentence. Then tell them to take that hillbilly sh!t and go smoke it. In a grapevine. Using big words doesn’t make you smart, but it makes for good comedy sometimes.
Don’t drink so much, it ain’t going to fix a thing, you’ll find your moderation eventually, but remember where you came from, and remember that day you missed a fishing trip because your granddaddy was in jail for driving drunk.
Put that damn cigarette down, you ain’t ever going to shake them.
I’m about done with this, I am sure there are a million more things I could tell you as I look back, but you won’t listen; too damned hardheaded. I’ll list a few more, some new, and some we already talked about.
Open doors for people and open doors for your women; but pay attention to whether or not they reach over and open yours for you.
Keep the accent, find your voice.
Tell the folks you love that you love them. Cliché or not, we ain’t promised tomorrow.
You ain't a saint, not to everyone anyway.
Listen to Amos Lee, Norah Jones, Coltrane, Miles, and Bird York; listen to everyone else as well. You can skip Justin Timberlake, brought sexy back my ass, it never went no damn where.
When you find a Muse, make sure you let her know that is what she is, all of them.
Don’t ignore that train, but don’t let it take you away from where you belong. Don't let anyone but yourself be the conductor, when you're ready to stay still do it. You don't owe the world a fu**ing thing. That tithe was paid a long time ago; you listening to me you hard headed fool?
Remember who you are and how you got there; someone may want to read a story, hell a book about it one day.
Leave the tomato on the sandwich.
Southern girls really are the best, every last one of them.
Quit being so damned nasty and mean.
Be a man, even when you don’t want to be. It’s a relative thing, it isn’t concrete, and it changes every day.
Wink, no matter what, go ahead and wink.
KB
I’ll leave you with a quote; you are going to like quotes a lot. It’s from a man, a lot of folks don’t appreciate, a lot of folks will take advantage of when he ain’t around to defend himself, and he could be a mean, nasty, man himself. Here you go:
"I know it seems hard sometimes, but remember one thing, through every dark night, there's a bright day after that. So no matter how hard it gets, keep your chest out, keep your head up and handle it."
~Tupac
:yh_hugs :yh_flower