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Just PM me or call, no need to show me up Pinky! :-1 :p

I'd just tell them you need to talk to them and tell they you're only saying it as you really care about them and hope they don't take offence. Done it myself a couple of times, some take offence and some don't. I guess it's easier if they're online.

Just lock them in a room with Koan.:yh_doh

Lay it on the line to them Pinks assure them you care, but let them know that if they are not willing to take the help, make the changes, see the reality, you are no longer helpful to them and just can't do it anymore.

It is frustrating to watch people do that to themselves Pinks, some folks eventually see the light others just never get out of their rut.

JacksDad;629318 wrote: Just lock them in a room with Koan.:yh_doh


:wah: :wah:

minks;629321 wrote: Lay it on the line to them Pinks assure them you care, but let them know that if they are not willing to take the help, make the changes, see the reality, you are no longer helpful to them and just can't do it anymore.

It is frustrating to watch people do that to themselves Pinks, some folks eventually see the light others just never get out of their rut.


It's awful when people ask for advice regularly but never take it as well.

Pinky;629303 wrote: What do you do when you see someone you like making some really stupid choices? Not really living in reality with their feet on the ground anymore? Making the same mistakes over again, although they could be even harder to fix this time?

How do you tell someone that they're starting to sound like a space cadet and they need to get a grip? Especially when it's someone you can't be that blunt with and probably won't listen to you anyway?

If someone keeps doing the same thing, making the same mistakes, do you stick by them even though you know you'll probably have to help sort it, or do you start to lose patience? I think I really am losing patience now...I just have no tolerance for people too wrapped up in what they want to see and going down the same old route again, convincing themselves that everything will be wonderful because they can't not be without some sort of attention?

How do you pull someone's head out of la-la land for long enough to make them look at what's actually going on with them and the fact that it looks like they've completely lost the plot?


I have been on both sides of the coin, I can't and wont be told anything (stupid woman:-5 ), when a friend has tried telling me I am making the same mistakes, I just tend to dig my heels in deeper, even though my common sense is agreeing with them!

I do have one friend and to be honest she was starting to get me down, constantly moaning but making no changes, if anything getting deeper into the situation. I made it clear what I thought and my opinion on what she was doing, she took no notice and instead started seeing another married man, so she has doubled the problems. I no longer look forward to hearing from her, every time she calls my mobile, I press end and when she calls my land line the kids are trained to tell her I am in the bath, what a clean woman I am :rolleyes:



I would never imagine that you could be nasty to a friend Pinks, but for your own sanity, you need to have a heart to heart with her, she may well listen but if not, at least she will know the reason why the friendship is not on the same level as before. :-4

Pinky;629303 wrote: What do you do when you see someone you like making some really stupid choices? Not really living in reality with their feet on the ground anymore? Making the same mistakes over again, although they could be even harder to fix this time?

How do you tell someone that they're starting to sound like a space cadet and they need to get a grip? Especially when it's someone you can't be that blunt with and probably won't listen to you anyway?

If someone keeps doing the same thing, making the same mistakes, do you stick by them even though you know you'll probably have to help sort it, or do you start to lose patience? I think I really am losing patience now...I just have no tolerance for people too wrapped up in what they want to see and going down the same old route again, convincing themselves that everything will be wonderful because they can't not be without some sort of attention?

How do you pull someone's head out of la-la land for long enough to make them look at what's actually going on with them and the fact that it looks like they've completely lost the plot?


Write them a long letter, or email, telling them that as their friend, you're no longer able to remain silent on this matter. That you feel the need to speak out, against what you consider to be irresponsible actions on the part of this person. Also it wouldn't hurt to remind them, of their past decisions, and the consequences of them, not just to themselves, but the people around them as well. I would tell them that, as a friend, I would be there for them, but I would not be able to support their decision if I considered it to be wrong!

That's what I would do, write it all out so that they could read, and re-read, what I'd said. Then if they wanted to, I could then talk more with them.

dubs;629353 wrote: Write them a long letter, or email, telling them that as their friend, you're no longer able to remain silent on this matter. That you feel the need to speak out, against what you consider to be irresponsible actions on the part of this person. Also it wouldn't hurt to remind them, of their past decisions, and the consequences of them, not just to themselves, but the people around them as well. I would tell them that, as a friend, I would be there for them, but I would not be able to support their decision if I considered it to be wrong!

That's what I would do, write it all out so that they could read, and re-read, what I'd said. Then if they wanted to, I could then talk more with them.


Yep what him said^

dubs;629353 wrote: Write them a long letter, or email, telling them that as their friend, you're no longer able to remain silent on this matter. That you feel the need to speak out, against what you consider to be irresponsible actions on the part of this person. Also it wouldn't hurt to remind them, of their past decisions, and the consequences of them, not just to themselves, but the people around them as well. I would tell them that, as a friend, I would be there for them, but I would not be able to support their decision if I considered it to be wrong!

That's what I would do, write it all out so that they could read, and re-read, what I'd said. Then if they wanted to, I could then talk more with them.


Words of wisdom :guitarist :-6

You just say jimbo and YZGI you need a realtiy check...:sneaky:

zinkyusa;629368 wrote: You just say jimbo and YZGI you need a realtiy check...:sneaky:


roh rohh secrets out

You've already told her till your blue in the face & banging your head off a brick wall, when it gets to that stage you have to step back & let her get on with it. Sorry, probably not what you want to hear but its what i think Pink, Hugs to you anyway girl :-4

zinkyusa;629368 wrote: You just say jimbo and YZGI you need a realtiy check...:sneaky:




whats reality

If your friend won't listen to you anyway - why bother.?

Is your friend 19 yrs old? or 38 yrs old?

We all listen, and I'm sure they've been told before - but do we take others advice?

What business is it of yours? Unless your friend is asking for advice, I don't think anyone needs to step in. We all pick our own cliff to jump from, especially when it comes to relationships - some will continue to repeat & repeat, some learn and some don't.

I wouldn't push my thoughts/beliefs onto anyone, now if my friend asked me for my opinion thats when I'd tell my friend exactly what I thought. Then leave it alone. If this annoys you distance yourself from that person.

Patsy

zinkyusa;629368 wrote: You just say jimbo and YZGI you need a realtiy check...:sneaky:
Just mail me the check. The hell with reality

magenta flame;629716 wrote: OOORRRRR..................... you could aquire a heavy shovel and hit them aound the head with it.


Why am I not surprised by that response??? :wah: :wah:

I have watched my youngest daughter make some wrong choices in her life and saying nothing as I knew she wouldnt listen and I wanted her to know my door is always open for her, but the other day she came over to tell me she is pregnant.

She has 2 children and they both live with their father because of their mothers dreadful lifestyle. Well thats when I decided to tell her exactly what I thought of her choices but also said that I did love her dearly but didnt like her.

Just as I thought she couldnt understand what I was going on about and I havent heard from her since.

Pink

Its a great idea to step back and make some distance from this friend.

I'm not assuming you poke around in others business, not at all - you stated you've tried in the past with advice and it didn't work - it won't work . It was just something you didn't want to hear, sorry. Certainly your concerned thats understandable, and good luck to your friend.

I learned long a go, you can't save the world.

KAYLE

When it comes to a mother & daughter relationship - alot of times the more you say - the other direction the daughter goes - unfortunately.

Patsy

Pinky;629303 wrote: What do you do when you see someone you like making some really stupid choices? Not really living in reality with their feet on the ground anymore? Making the same mistakes over again, although they could be even harder to fix this time?

How do you tell someone that they're starting to sound like a space cadet and they need to get a grip? Especially when it's someone you can't be that blunt with and probably won't listen to you anyway?

If someone keeps doing the same thing, making the same mistakes, do you stick by them even though you know you'll probably have to help sort it, or do you start to lose patience? I think I really am losing patience now...I just have no tolerance for people too wrapped up in what they want to see and going down the same old route again, convincing themselves that everything will be wonderful because they can't not be without some sort of attention?

How do you pull someone's head out of la-la land for long enough to make them look at what's actually going on with them and the fact that it looks like they've completely lost the plot?


If they aren't open to be reasoned with then they're probably the type of person who needs to make their own mistakes, even if the consequences are bad and they've made the mistake again and again. If my friend couldn't get her act together or listen to some good advice, I'm not sure I'd want to stick around to watch the results over and over again. If she doesn't think enough of me as a friend to listen to me tell her to get a clue, then who will she listen to?? But maybe I'm just being cold-hearted.

Pinky;636048 wrote: No, I've come to that conclusion myself. It's not for me to say anything really unless she asks my opinion. I'm going to be selfish from now on though, and not go running as soon as people need digging out of the crap!




do you have a spade pinky ..... just wondering

Pinky;636048 wrote: No, I've come to that conclusion myself. It's not for me to say anything really unless she asks my opinion. I'm going to be selfish from now on though, and not go running as soon as people need digging out of the crap!


Probably the best thing. I don't think it's selfish, but it's definitely self-preserving. Some people just don't realize that their stupid actions can drag others down with them. You're a sweetheart Pinky, and I'm sure you'd help where help was genuinely needed. But there's a difference between helping and getting walked on!

How do you tell someone they need a reality check?



Perch yourself on a shelf and when the person walks in the room pounce on them knocking them to the floor leg locking them. Lay on your back and twirl them in the air with your feet and when theyre super dizzy let them go flying off into the wall.

Thats what I do.

Nomad;639263 wrote: How do you tell someone they need a reality check?



Perch yourself on a shelf and when the person walks in the room pounce on them knocking them to the floor leg locking them. Lay on your back and twirl them in the air with your feet and when theyre super dizzy let them go flying off into the wall.

Thats what I do.


LMAO :wah: :wah: :wah: :wah:

I have found that when people who seem determined to go the wrong way seek advice, it's not the truth they want but validation for their actions.

When you utter sympathies they take them as justification for their senseless behavior and permission to continue crying to you about the sorry state of their lives. When you instead give them the truth as you see it, they more often than not include you in the long list of grievances they're busy compiling as proof the world at large is unfair and cruel. Truthfully? I opt for the latter. Telling them what you observe and believe will either force them to face the unpleasant realities of their choices and seek to improve (and thus salvage a worthy friendship), or offend and drive them away (and in the process end an unhealthy relationship).

Having and keeping real friends is damned hard work. "Acquaintances" are certainly easier. :rolleyes:

Unsolicited reality checks take planning to be effective.

I think you need to set up a coffee date and tell them in advance that you need to talk about "something" with them. Springing it in the middle of a casual get together is not likely to go over well. On the other hand, if the person is constantly yakking about the subject that you want to talk about then it's likely you'll get a good segue without having to set another time aside.

After that, I try to just say it once.

I've had someone that was always asking my advice and after I finally gave him my complete assessment of his overall problem, every time he asked my opinion on the same subject I'd just tell him nothing has changed yet.

koan;639409 wrote: Unsolicited reality checks take planning to be effective.

I think you need to set up a coffee date and tell them in advance that you need to talk about "something" with them. Springing it in the middle of a casual get together is not likely to go over well. On the other hand, if the person is constantly yakking about the subject that you want to talk about then it's likely you'll get a good segue without having to set another time aside.

After that, I try to just say it once.

I've had someone that was always asking my advice and after I finally gave him my complete assessment of his overall problem, every time he asked my opinion on the same subject I'd just tell him nothing has changed yet.


koan ya wanna coffee:wah: :wah: :wah: