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Two Friends Were Walking

Through The Desert.

During Some Point Of The

Journey, They Had An

Argument; And One Friend

Slapped The Other One

In The Face.

The One Who Got Slapped

Was Hurt, But Without

Saying Anything,

Wrote In The Sand:

Today My Best Friend

Slapped Me In The Face.

They Kept On Walking,

Until They Found An Oasis,

Where They Decided

To Take A Bath

The One Who Had Been

Slapped Got Stuck In The

Mire And Started Drowning,

But The Friend Saved Him.

After He Recovered From

The Near Drowning,

He Wrote On A Stone:

"today My Best Friend

Saved My Life ".

The Friend Who Had Slapped

And Saved His Best Friend

Asked Him, "after I Hurt You,

You Wrote In The Sand And Now,

You Write On A Stone, Why?"

The Friend Replied

"when Someone Hurts Us

We Should Write It Down

In Sand, Where Winds Of

Forgiveness Can Erase It Away.

But, When Someone Does

Something Good For Us,

We Must Engrave It In Stone

Where No Wind

Can Ever Erase It."

Learn To Write

Your Hurts In

The Sand And To

Carve Your

Benefits In Stone.

They Say It Takes A

Minute To Find A Special

Person, An Hour To

Appreciate Them, A Day

To Love Them, But Then

An Entire Life

To Forget Them.

Sand And Stone

:-6 :-6

Thank you KE, my mate sent me that, of all people

I have to make this my mantra

Choose your attitude!!!!!!

just to clarify incase anyone thought this



Those are not my words, I don't know who wrote them. But not I.

...then walking along the beach later, the person slips on the stone, which is now covered in moss, falls to the sand, where the reminder of the slap is gone and breaks their neck.









sorry

koan;585384 wrote: ...then walking along the beach later, the person slips on the stone, which is now covered in moss, falls to the sand, where the reminder of the slap is gone and breaks their neck.









sorry


killjoy!!!!

minks;585385 wrote: killjoy!!!!


:wah: :wah:

I didn't just write it because I thought of it though.

I have very specific feelings about forgiveness - When it is appropriate and when it is not.

I won't burden this thread with the reasons unless people want to discuss forgiveness in detail outside of just saying 'wow, that was a nice Hallmark card'

koan;585386 wrote: :wah: :wah:

I didn't just write it because I thought of it though.

I have very specific feelings about forgiveness - When it is appropriate and when it is not.

I won't burden this thread with the reasons unless people want to discuss forgiveness in detail outside of just saying 'wow, that was a nice Hallmark card'


Well it is in friends and relationship cause of it's "niceness" but forgiveness as a discussion could work elsewhere.

Kathy Ellen;585395 wrote: Hey Koan,

I didn't view this as a "Hallmark card." This poem just reminded me of how fragile life really is and that it's a nice idea to forgive sometimes even though we don't want to.

This poem really made me think about some problems that I'm having with my family right now. The big question for me is "should I forgive them or not." And because of this poem I've decided to let my hurt feelings go....it was a turning point for me.

What are your thoughts about forgiveness? Tell me if you wish.


no no, this is a good topic IMO, I thought it could work as a discussion in a proper discussion place instead of the cuddly friends and relations but hey ok Koan, KE I am ok with it here we could use this as a base.

:)

It might - possibly, perhaps - be by Ann Landers, but I'm being very tentative.

The reason I call it a Hallmark is because of my own experiences with family as well.

Tons of people gave me the classic advice to forgive and forget but it never rang true. The best I could do was to forget. The forgiveness was forced and actually felt hurtful. Hurtful because by forgiving them I was placing the value of my rights, my feelings and my pain beneath theirs. To do that actually made the harm they caused me worse.

Finally I came across a book that made a brilliant point. Not only can you not forgive someone who refuses to admit that they wronged you but you "shouldn't". You don't need to think about it all the time or actively keep the memory alive but, for you own sake, learn from it.

If someone wrongs me and refuses to admit wrong doing then one of us is incorrect. If we can't work it out to agreement on the issue then we have verified that we have different ethics and/or morals. That is something to keep in mind when dealing with a person in the future. I can continue a relationship with someone who wrongs me but I will not forget that I don't trust them anymore. It comes down to a definition of forgiveness. For me, I accept that people always do the best they are capable of but that, sometimes, their best isn't good enough. That is my own judgment but one that keeps me safe.

Dear Spot Landers:

Am I on crack to promote forgiveness, yet really and truly I practice "selective" forgiveness.

Time and time agian I have forgiven, but some folks just abuse that and think I am all ok with it and blamo they go off doing unforgiveable things again, I try to be a good person, I give second chances, I am nice, yet they continue to push me. I have reached the point now in my bitter old age where I will forgive you once and if you come back at me a second time I will chop your knee caps off.

Am I wrong?

Sincerely

Minks

:P

koan;585408 wrote: The reason I call it a Hallmark is because of my own experiences with family as well.



Tons of people gave me the classic advice to forgive and forget but it never rang true. The best I could do was to forget. The forgiveness was forced and actually felt hurtful. Hurtful because by forgiving them I was placing the value of my rights, my feelings and my pain beneath theirs. To do that actually made the harm they caused me worse.



Finally I came across a book that made a brilliant point. Not only can you not forgive someone who refuses to admit that they wronged you but you "shouldn't". You don't need to think about it all the time or actively keep the memory alive but, for you own sake, learn from it.



If someone wrongs me and refuses to admit wrong doing then one of us is incorrect. If we can't work it out to agreement on the issue then we have verified that we have different ethics and/or morals. That is something to keep in mind when dealing with a person in the future. I can continue a relationship with someone who wrongs me but I will not forget that I don't trust them anymore. It comes down to a definition of forgiveness. For me, I accept that people always do the best they are capable of but that, sometimes, their best isn't good enough. That is my own judgment but one that keeps me safe.


i totally 1000% agree if I'm wronged there is no way in a million years can i forgive any one unless the apologize for what they did and make sure they never do it again ,i'm afraid i'm a very small person like that its my biggest character flaw but there you go

Kathy Ellen;585425 wrote: Koan,

Thank you. I agree with you 100%. When someone hurts me, knows that they are wrong, AND doesn't say they're sorry...then they are in the wrong.

I've just been thinking about a different kind of hurt... how fragile my feelings are lately. I just hate it when someone starts a fight with me over nonsense (ha, ha...or what I view as nonsense). My sister-in-law started a fight with me, and my brother took her side and couldn't give a rat's ass about my thoughts. He thought that I was just "WRONG." I felt that I lost my brother and my feelings about him will never be the same. We had this fight last March and have made "some-what amends."They've moved on ,and I haven't because I am still MAD and haven't forgiven them in my heart.

Reading Minx's poem I realize that I have to move on and put the hurt away. I'm now going to work on that.

But, you know what Koan...One of the things that I will never forgive is when my friend told my ex- sister-in-law (not the one above) a secret ,and it has destroyed my relationship with my ex sister-in-law forever. And, I will never forgive my friend for doing that.


I'm glad we agree. It's encouraging that I managed to get the point across. I've been working on how to explain that for awhile.

jimbo;585426 wrote: i totally 1000% agree if I'm wronged there is no way in a million years can i forgive any one unless the apologize for what they did and make sure they never do it again ,i'm afraid i'm a very small person like that its my biggest character flaw but there you go
Not only does that NOT make you a small person, but you named the second condition from that book I was talking about. They have to make all efforts to not repeat the mistake again.

minks;585421 wrote: Dear Spot Landers:

Am I on crack to promote forgiveness, yet really and truly I practice "selective" forgiveness.

Time and time agian I have forgiven, but some folks just abuse that and think I am all ok with it and blamo they go off doing unforgiveable things again, I try to be a good person, I give second chances, I am nice, yet they continue to push me. I have reached the point now in my bitter old age where I will forgive you once and if you come back at me a second time I will chop your knee caps off.

Am I wrong?

Sincerely

Minks

:P
Dear minks,

The entire universe has been forgiving you since the day you were born, you have a lot of catching up to do.

At the very least, keep on trying to see the best in people and don't forget to smile when you see them coming. They may not all warrant forgiveness but they're still worth something to someone somewhere, chopping their kneecaps off will just sour their attitude to life and reduce their value.

The point of forgiving isn't to make things easier for others, it's to clean yourself. Of course there have to be preconditions for it to be possible in the first place. Very little in life is more important than getting those preconditions met if that can be managed. Sometimes it can't be and you're stuck with avoiding bitterness instead which is far harder to achieve.

You're not so much wrong as impatient.

Truly,

Spot Landers.

spot;585433 wrote: Dear minks,

The entire universe has been forgiving you since the day you were born, you have a lot of catching up to do.

At the very least, keep on trying to see the best in people and don't forget to smile when you see them coming. They may not all warrant forgiveness but they're still worth something to someone somewhere, chopping their kneecaps off will just sour their attitude to life and reduce their value.

The point of forgiving isn't to make things easier for others, it's to clean yourself. Of course there have to be preconditions for it to be possible in the first place. Very little in life is more important than getting those preconditions met if that can be managed. Sometimes it can't be and you're stuck with avoiding bitterness instead which is far harder to achieve.

You're not so much wrong as impatient.Truly,

Spot Landers.


that and jimbos video made me cry today

How stupid to sit at the computer and get emotional....

Ok on a serious note spot landers....

I can forgive people for the wrongs against me but how do I forgive the wrongs the commit against my family and friends? That still affects me, yes perhaps it's up to my family and friends to forgive and me to let it go, but many times I feel it's my place to protect them.

Argh I need to go back to bed this morning. I am way to serious

minks;585369 wrote: Two Friends Were Walking

Through The Desert.

During Some Point Of The

Journey, They Had An

Argument; And One Friend

Slapped The Other One

In The Face.

The One Who Got Slapped

Was Hurt, But Without

Saying Anything,

Wrote In The Sand:

Today My Best Friend

Slapped Me In The Face.

They Kept On Walking,

Until They Found An Oasis,

Where They Decided

To Take A Bath

The One Who Had Been

Slapped Got Stuck In The

Mire And Started Drowning,

But The Friend Saved Him.

After He Recovered From

The Near Drowning,

He Wrote On A Stone:

"today My Best Friend

Saved My Life ".

The Friend Who Had Slapped

And Saved His Best Friend

Asked Him, "after I Hurt You,

You Wrote In The Sand And Now,

You Write On A Stone, Why?"

The Friend Replied

"when Someone Hurts Us

We Should Write It Down

In Sand, Where Winds Of

Forgiveness Can Erase It Away.

But, When Someone Does

Something Good For Us,

We Must Engrave It In Stone

Where No Wind

Can Ever Erase It."

Learn To Write

Your Hurts In

The Sand And To

Carve Your

Benefits In Stone.

They Say It Takes A

Minute To Find A Special

Person, An Hour To

Appreciate Them, A Day

To Love Them, But Then

An Entire Life

To Forget Them.

Sand And Stone


A lovely poem and so true.

Very nice and very you minksy.

Lovely poem still but of course it is hard to forgive someone who is not sorry.

just my opinion.

DelicateDominatrix;586345 wrote: Lovely poem still but of course it is hard to forgive someone who is not sorry.

just my opinion.


totally agree , but if some on has wronged you and its proven that they are wrong and they still are not sorry , it says an awfull lot about them not you

More forgive but not forget unless they try to redeem themself.



An example?

At work a while ago one of my co-workers tried to get me the sack - he a permie and me but a lowly contractor, he thought he'd have no problem. He went to the senior management with a completely fabricated accusation about my behaviour that could have been instant dismissal.

First I knew about it was when I was called into a disciplinary meeting the next day – he'd underestimated how well they knew me and he came off worse.



He has never shown any contrition over his actions and is unlikely to ever do so but, what good would it do me to harbour resentment and bitterness about it – I still have to work with him (even though he's now in a different department) and life goes on. It would harm me a damned sight more hanging onto it than it would him so why bother – watch my back and let it go.



I have the benefit of knowing that he was shunted sideways and has not been promoted since