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The Great British Food Conspiracy





Some years ago I spent two weeks at a British computer science meeting, living in a university dorm and eating their food. The widespread feeling among the Americans present was that the food had no taste. Most amazing was an apple pie that looked just like an American apple pie but had no taste at all.

Later, I spent some months living in Oxford in the house of a professor on leave and cooking for myself. I discovered that even though I cooked the same food the same way as I do in Ohio, it had no taste at all.

I investigated and discovered the Great British Food Conspiracy. There is a factory in Worcestershire to which all British food is sent (excepting obviously the food served in restaurants run by Asians, which is delicious). At that factory all the flavor is removed and used for some purpose I was unable to discover, although I must say Worcestershire Sauce is particularly flavorful. The denatured food is then slyly redistributed to shops and non-ethnic restaurants. This map shows where the factory is. Zoom in for PROOF of the conspiracy!

More recently I saw another proof of this conspiracy: A car with a bumper sticker that said I am the Anti-Spice. That PROVES the existence of the conspiracy. Some authority figures have tried to put what politicians call a "spin" (in other words, lie) on this bumper sticker, saying it refers to the Spice Girls. This is obviously another aspect of the Coverup of the Great British Food Conspiracy.

Charles Wells, May, 2004

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koan;526144 wrote: The Great British Food Conspiracy





Some years ago I spent two weeks at a British computer science meeting, living in a university dorm and eating their food. The widespread feeling among the Americans present was that the food had no taste. Most amazing was an apple pie that looked just like an American apple pie but had no taste at all.

Later, I spent some months living in Oxford in the house of a professor on leave and cooking for myself. I discovered that even though I cooked the same food the same way as I do in Ohio, it had no taste at all.

I investigated and discovered the Great British Food Conspiracy. There is a factory in Worcestershire to which all British food is sent (excepting obviously the food served in restaurants run by Asians, which is delicious). At that factory all the flavor is removed and used for some purpose I was unable to discover, although I must say Worcestershire Sauce is particularly flavorful. The denatured food is then slyly redistributed to shops and non-ethnic restaurants. This map shows where the factory is. Zoom in for PROOF of the conspiracy!

More recently I saw another proof of this conspiracy: A car with a bumper sticker that said I am the Anti-Spice. That PROVES the existence of the conspiracy. Some authority figures have tried to put what politicians call a "spin" (in other words, lie) on this bumper sticker, saying it refers to the Spice Girls. This is obviously another aspect of the Coverup of the Great British Food Conspiracy.

Charles Wells, May, 2004

site


Having been born, and brought up in England, your thread has lost me completely. ? What food conspiracy ? Never heard of it. ! You have to pulling a kind of farcical joke on us. :wah:

scaminfo;530151 wrote: Having been born, and brought up in England, your thread has lost me completely. ? What food conspiracy ? Never heard of it. ! You have to pulling a kind of farcical joke on us. :wah:


They have you completely fooled. You've never known the difference, of course you don't know what I speak of. It's a sign that they have been successful.

scaminfo;530151 wrote: Having been born, and brought up in England, your thread has lost me completely. ? What food conspiracy ? Never heard of it. ! You have to pulling a kind of farcical joke on us. :wah:
I dont think it is a joke, I have been to London and the only place to get food that had flavor was in the Americanized Hotels. Of course it was some kind of beef stew that tasted like fish and chips.

YZGI;530158 wrote: I dont think it is a joke, I have been to London and the only place to get food that had flavor was in the Americanized Hotels. Of course it was some kind of beef stew that tasted like fish and chips.
I too have been to London and the only thing I liked there, believe it or not, was the warm beer! Now that beat ours here in the US anyday!:D

Funnily enough, Europeans who go over to America say the same thing about American food (except California), and also that you get far far too much of it on your plate, whatever it is, though British food can be a bit of a mouthful sometimes, especially on campus, Koan, :wah: (students are not gourmets). I dunno because I have never been in America, but best food in Europe, France and Italy. Check it out.

I do believe in the conspiracy about air though, they have put these chemicals oxygen, nitrogen, argon, and some others into this kinda big amorphous "atmosphere" (sounds innocuous doesn't it?) well, let me tell you, this "atmosphere" is now everywhere, everywhere, they have completely enveloped us in it, and we are trapped, I believe this is a plan by evil American corporations that plan to use this "atmosphere" to grow "food" and then sell it to us at a profit, the fascist pigs HOW DARE THEY!

And the curry houses. They've managed to bypass the system somehow.

koan;530167 wrote: And the curry houses. They've managed to bypass the system somehow.


Oh so you like curry, (unlike the other 300 million odd people who come from N. America for some strange reason?) Cool, I love curry too! (I think they must bribe the British taste police!). What about British kebabs, now come on, they are nice aren't they? You know you like them, you do really, come on now. :wah:

Galbally;530180 wrote: Oh so you like curry, (unlike the other 300 million odd people who come from N. America for some strange reason?) Cool, I love curry too! (I think they must bribe the British taste police!). What about British kebabs, now come on, they are nice aren't they? You know you like them, you do really, come on now. :wah:
Hey!!! I love curry!!!! and p.s. Gal- been to france and didnt care for the food much- so far best food in Europe- Italy!!

Sweet Tooth;530181 wrote: Hey!!! I love curry!!!! and p.s. Gal- been to france and didnt care for the food much- so far best food in Europe- Italy!!


You no like the French food mademoiselle, oh no, "cest nest pas tres bien"? Mon dieu! They do say Italy is the best, and its fair enough. Greece, Spain, get a look in as well, I quite like a lot of different types including German, but then I am Irish and we are weird!

If you don't like French food then you mustn't like very "red" meat, chocolate bread, and wine and butter, (which is fair enough).

Oh of course I know you like curry in America, but not as much as us, you like Chinese, Mexican, and Italian, and you have lots and lots of very nice food, I know that, I'm messing, your name suggests you are a foodie thats cool! Its all good! I am from Ireland, we have a whole cuisine based on potatos and dairy products, its fantastic! :wah:

I had a whole book of potato recipes. Just potatoes.

Potatoes are good.

Galbally;530192 wrote: You no like the French food mademoiselle, oh no, "cest nest pas tres bien"? Mon dieu! They do say Italy is the best, and its fair enough. Greece, Spain, get a look in as well, I quite like a lot of different types including German, but then I am Irish and we are weird!



If you don't like French food then you mustn't like very "red" meat, chocolate bread, and wine and butter, (which is fair enough).



Oh of course I know you like curry in America, but not as much as us, you like Chinese, Mexican, and Italian, and you have lots and lots of very nice food, I know that, I'm messing, your name suggests you are a foodie thats cool! Its all good! I am from Ireland, we have a whole cuisine based on potatos and dairy products, its fantastic! :wah:


Gal ,you crack me up! Ok, I am not a fan of very red meat- I would like my steak not to moo at me! I love wine and chocolate and France has the best Champagne! I havent been to Greece yet, but its on my list! And I could live off of potatoes and dairy! Maybe I will come stay with you fora while! :wah:

Sweet Tooth;530194 wrote: Gal ,you crack me up! Ok, I am not a fan of very red meat- I would like my steak not to moo at me! I love wine and chocolate and France has the best Champagne! I havent been to Greece yet, but its on my list! And I could live off of potatoes and dairy! Maybe I will come stay with you fora while! :wah:


Not me. I like my steak extra extra rare. I tell the waiter to just cut the horns off wipe its arse and serve it.

Steak should be on the rare side of medium rare.

YZGI;530196 wrote: Not me. I like my steak extra extra rare. I tell the waiter to just cut the horns off wipe its arse and serve it.
:wah: HAHAHA You are so vile!!!! I usally order my steak medium- now that I am prego, i take some precautions and go with medium well!

Galbally;530192 wrote: You no like the French food mademoiselle, oh no, "cest nest pas tres bien"? Mon dieu! They do say Italy is the best, and its fair enough. Greece, Spain, get a look in as well, I quite like a lot of different types including German, but then I am Irish and we are weird!

If you don't like French food then you mustn't like very "red" meat, chocolate bread, and wine and butter, (which is fair enough).

Oh of course I know you like curry in America, but not as much as us, you like Chinese, Mexican, and Italian, and you have lots and lots of very nice food, I know that, I'm messing, your name suggests you are a foodie thats cool! Its all good! I am from Ireland, we have a whole cuisine based on potatos and dairy products, its fantastic! :wah:


""Its all good! I am from Ireland, we have a whole cuisine based on potatos and dairy products, its fantastic! ""

Yeah. Fantastic cuisuine. Like the stuff they eat in their 'shambas' in Kenya. ! Utterly tasteless 'pratai's' and 'cabaiste' and 'mairteoil' with all the fat still sticking to it.

Sweet Tooth;530194 wrote: Gal ,you crack me up! Ok, I am not a fan of very red meat- I would like my steak not to moo at me! I love wine and chocolate and France has the best Champagne! I havent been to Greece yet, but its on my list! And I could live off of potatoes and dairy! Maybe I will come stay with you fora while! :wah:


Cool, bring some ranch dressing so I can see what the fuss is about will ya! :wah:

YZGI;530196 wrote: Not me. I like my steak extra extra rare. I tell the waiter to just cut the horns off wipe its arse and serve it.


Then my friend you would like Paris, a lot!

koan;530198 wrote: Steak should be on the rare side of medium rare.


Yes, thats the way I like it as well. But not too often, too heavy for all the time. Lovely though, yum, with mushrooms and onions yummy! Argentina, thats the place for steak apparently, long way to go for one though.

Galbally;530243 wrote: Cool, bring some ranch dressing so I can see what the fuss is about will ya! :wah:


You can even put ranch dressing in your mashed potatoes!!! Ranch dressing is the bomb!:wah:

Galbally;530244 wrote: Then my friend you would like Paris, a lot!
So in Paris they eat very rare meat also eh? I didnt know that.

Sweet Tooth;530246 wrote: You can even put ranch dressing in your mashed potatoes!!! Ranch dressing is the bomb!:wah:
Oh yeah it is great on baked taters also instead of sour cream.

scaminfo;530236 wrote: ""Its all good! I am from Ireland, we have a whole cuisine based on potatos and dairy products, its fantastic! ""

Yeah. Fantastic cuisuine. Like the stuff they eat in their 'shambas' in Kenya. ! Utterly tasteless 'pratai's' and 'cabaiste' and 'mairteoil' with all the fat still sticking to it.


Oh oh, too much bacon agus cabaiste for this man, send him over a nice spicy thai green curry, scaminfo on table six! :wah:

God I love good Irish food! Fresh wild samon, boile cheese, spring vegetables, batch bread, smoked bacon, whiskey mustard, boxty, colcannon, coodle, yummy! But I love foreign food too, I love all food really (if its nice). YUM!

Especially cheese, I love cheese.

YZGI;530247 wrote: So in Paris they eat very rare meat also eh? I didnt know that.


Oh flippin hell yeah, they would hit you if you asked for a well done one, but medium rare is good for them, they love steak, its their big thing in paris, as well as lamb stuffed with truffles, Fois Gras from specially fed geese, god the French are foodie, they invented this stuff. Well, them and the Italians.

Sweet Tooth;530246 wrote: Ranch dressing is the bomb!:wah:


It goes BANG???? EEEEEEeeeeeeekkkkk!

Sweet Tooth;530246 wrote: You can even put ranch dressing in your mashed potatoes!!! Ranch dressing is the bomb!:wah:


Yes, I have heard this said before, I must try it!

Galbally;530252 wrote: Oh oh, too much bacon agus cabaiste for this man, send him over a nice spicy thai green curry, scaminfo on table six! :wah:



God I love good Irish food! Fresh wild samon, boile cheese, spring vegetables, batch bread, smoked bacon, whiskey mustard, boxty, colcannon, coodle, yummy! But I love foreign food too, I love all food really (if its nice). YUM!



Especially cheese, I love cheese.


So it really surprised me that you guys dont have ranch dressing! So now you gotta answer some otherstupid food question for me! Do you have cheesecake? oh no! I bet you dont have a Krispy Kreme! and you do have starbucks right??

Chookie;530256 wrote: It goes BANG???? EEEEEEeeeeeeekkkkk!


Oh Chookie, tell them about haggis, god I love haggis, its so tasty.

Sweet Tooth;530258 wrote: So it really surprised me that you guys dont have ranch dressing! So now you gotta answer some otherstupid food question for me! Do you have cheesecake? oh no! I bet you dont have a Krispy Kreme! and you do have starbucks right??


Yes, we have cheesecake, and starbucks, (I like that choco-coffe-mint-crazy thing they do there). We have everything the same as you more or less in Europe, but you have some supermarket things we don't have (actually I think we just call them different names), and we have some things you don't.

There's not really much point Gally, it seems that the humble haggis is banned from the USA.

They have frozen Yorkshire puddings.

Galbally;530261 wrote: you have some supermarket things we don't have (actually I think we just call them different names), and we have some things you don't.


Yeah, for example what you call Wal-Mart, we call ASDA.

Chookie;530262 wrote: There's not really much point Gally, it seems that the humble haggis is banned from the USA.
Ok, you two have talked about this stuff enough! What is it?? Im sooo curious! And Gal, I'm glad you guys have cheesecake! Thats one of my favorites!

A place in Europe where perhaps the food is not so great, Czech Republic, great country, bad local food (commies ruined the farm produce quality like everything, but its probably better now, as capitalists generally do better food, don't they?). So its best to go for foreign food if you are there, they have some great food to eat in Prague, very reasonable when I lived there as well. They have boiled carp for Christmas dinner for one thing, what the hell is that about?, I mean I asked them, but they didn't know why they would do that to themselves??? Very, very good beer though, probably best in the world, even better than the Germans, and they are good.

OK, sweets, here's the basic info:-

Although there are many recipes, it is normally made with the following ingredients: sheep's 'pluck' (heart, liver and lungs), minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock, and traditionally boiled in the animal's stomach for approximately an hour. It somewhat resembles stuffed intestines (pig intestines otherwise known as chitterlings), sausages and savoury puddings of which it is among the largest types. Most modern commercial haggis is prepared in a casing rather than an actual stomach. There are also meat-free recipes specifically for vegetarians which supposedly taste similar to the meat-based recipes.

Haggis is traditionally served with "neeps and tatties" (Scots: turnip and potatoes), each of these being mashed, separately. (The "neep" is the yellow vegetable — Brassica napobrassica, or Brassica napus var. napobrassica — called 'swede' in southern England and 'rutabaga' in North America.)

Sweet Tooth;530266 wrote: Ok, you two have talked about this stuff enough! What is it?? Im sooo curious! And Gal, I'm glad you guys have cheesecake! Thats one of my favorites!


Okay are you ready?



Haggis consists of the sweetmeats and offal from inside a sheep (I think?) or one of the farm lads, mixed with oats and spices, wrapped in a sheeps bladder, and boiled, you serve it with turnips and potatoes, it sounds disgusting, it tastes divine! Yummy!



Are you feeling ill yet?



Would you like a piece of Baileys Irish Cream Cheesecake with a Butlers Chocolate dressing instead?

Sweet Tooth;530266 wrote: Ok, you two have talked about this stuff enough! What is it?? Im sooo curious! And Gal, I'm glad you guys have cheesecake! Thats one of my favorites!


Oh we have lots of cakes, some of them even you don't have. We like cakes too! I do like cheesecake, and sticky toffee pudding, and carrot cake, and muffins, and gateaux, and Hungarian chocolate cake (unbelievable), and bread and butter pudding, and summer fruits cake, and jam roly poly, swiss roll, spotted dick, plum pud, oh I could talk about cakes all night!

Ok, and its supposed to be good???? Now dont get me wrong, i LOVE rutabaga, ALOT! But I dont think i could handle the intestines so well- i have a rough time eating calamari!

"Would you like a piece of Baileys Irish Cream Cheesecake with a Butlers Chocolate dressing instead?"



YES PLEASE!!!!

Galbally;530267 wrote: A place in Europe where perhaps the food is not so great, England Agreed #;- Jellied eels, pigs trotters, tripe etc...

Very, very bad beer though, probably worst in the world, even worse than American (Yes, I know you have some very, very good beers in the US, equally, you have a lot which should have been left in the diabetic cat

Chookie;530270 wrote: OK, sweets, here's the basic info:-

Although there are many recipes, it is normally made with the following ingredients: sheep's 'pluck' (heart, liver and lungs), minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock, and traditionally boiled in the animal's stomach for approximately an hour. It somewhat resembles stuffed intestines (pig intestines otherwise known as chitterlings), sausages and savoury puddings of which it is among the largest types. Most modern commercial haggis is prepared in a casing rather than an actual stomach. There are also meat-free recipes specifically for vegetarians which supposedly taste similar to the meat-based recipes.

Haggis is traditionally served with "neeps and tatties" (Scots: turnip and potatoes), each of these being mashed, separately. (The "neep" is the yellow vegetable — Brassica napobrassica, or Brassica napus var. napobrassica — called 'swede' in southern England and 'rutabaga' in North America.)


This is a better description, it tastes so nice on a cold Scottish night, we have it in Ireland as well, but you have to go to special shops as its a Scottish specialty. Yum yum.

Galbally;530278 wrote: Oh we have lots of cakes, some of them even you don't have. We like cakes too! I do like cheesecake, and sticky toffee pudding, and carrot cake, and muffins, and gateaux, and Hungarian chocolate cake (unbelievable), and bread and butter pudding, and summer fruits cake, and jam roly poly, swiss roll, spotted dick, plum pud, oh I could talk about cakes all night!


Thats the kind of stuff I'm talking about!!! That sounds great!! Quick question- what in the hell is spotted dick- i hear about it but have no clue what it is made of! Maybe I will come visit- with some ranch dresing!

I haven't found any English Muffins yet

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Chookie;530280 wrote: Agreed #;- Jellied eels, pigs trotters, tripe etc...

Very, very bad beer though, probably worst in the world, even worse than American (Yes, I know you have some very, very good beers in the US, equally, you have a lot which should have been left in the diabetic cat


Oi, you misquoted me you stirring Scot! Some English food is very nice I think actually, roast beef, Yorkshire pud, all the summer fruits, the tarts, the pies, I dig it, if its quality its lovely, its when the ingredients are bad then not so good. You Scots and English do you ever give up!

Sweet Tooth;530279 wrote: Ok, and its supposed to be good????


It's supposed to accompanied with large amounts of Whisky.

Which is another reason why I'm glad to live here!

Sweet Tooth;530282 wrote: Thats the kind of stuff I'm talking about!!! That sounds great!! Quick question- what in the hell is spotted dick- i hear about it but have no clue what it is made of! Maybe I will come visit- with some ranch dresing!


Its a sort of a boiled pudding with fruit in it, and with a fruit sauce, its lovely, and you eat it warm, yes the name is a bit strange, but there you go, its good to have fun with food! :wah:

Galbally;530284 wrote: You Scots and English do you ever give up!


Where would be the fun in that?

koan;530283 wrote: I haven't found any English Muffins yet


You mean crumpets? If you ask by name you shall receive!

Galbally;530286 wrote: Its a sort of a boiled pudding with fruit in it, and with a fruit sauce, its lovely, and you eat it warm, yes the name is a bit strange, but there you go, its good to have fun with food! :wah:


It does sound fun! ( without the spotted part) JUST KIDDING!! :sneaky: :wah:

Chookie;530287 wrote: Where would be the fun in that?


True I suppose, you have each other, thats the main thing! Oh, what about potato scones, they are lovely as well, we call em potato cakes, but me scot ex swore (often) that they were not quite the same.

Sweet Tooth;530289 wrote: It does sound fun! ( without the spotted part) JUST KIDDING!! :sneaky: :wah:


Yes, food and sex together, the impossible dream.