Recovery

Mystery · Post by **Mystery** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 7:22 pm

Hello FG. I was speaking to someone and an idea/suggestion got thrown around, regarding a specific area to discuss addiction and recovery. You see, I'm an addictions counselor, in addition to being a recovering addict. So, topics surrounding recovery of any sort are major parts of my life and I'm passionate about assisting others with anything related.

Not real sure if this is the correct place to put this, or even if anyone would be interested, and I truly hope it's not too presumptious of me to post this, as I don't participate as much as I should.

Anyway, I suppose another offer is that if anyone has struggles with addiction, I've got a terrific ear, a soft shoulder, and a wealth of experience, strength, and hope to offer. On top of that, I like this place and the people that populate it.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 7:29 pm

This is a great idea. Ive seen the kind of work you do with people in need and no one is better suited than you to front a safe area for people to come to. Addiction is a miserable way to go and just knowing theres a place to go with you at the helm would be comforting. I support this 100%

Thank you for offering Mystery. You never know when someone might come along in need of this kind of a support system. Very unselfish indeed.

Mystery · Post by **Mystery** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 7:35 pm

Thank you Nomad, perhaps I'll reconsider a bird poop comment I was considering for another thread. :wah:

You're absolutely correct, addiction is a hard road to travel, and too many get stuck there. In addition to that, too many don't understand the nature of the beast.

Mystery · Post by **Mystery** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 7:36 pm

mrsK;514687 wrote: That is a great idea Mystery:-6

Thanks mrsK

I love that sunshine smiley.

koan · Post by **koan** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 7:38 pm

It's a wonderful idea.

Even for those who might not participate I'm sure a lot of people would benefit from the info and seeing other people talk about it. :-6

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 7:41 pm

Mystery;514688 wrote: Thank you Nomad, perhaps I'll reconsider a bird poop comment I was considering for another thread. :wah:

You're absolutely correct, addiction is a hard road to travel, and too many get stuck there. In addition to that, too many don't understand the nature of the beast.

Bird poop is highly appropriate. Please indulge yourself.

Mystery · Post by **Mystery** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 7:41 pm

koan;514691 wrote: It's a wonderful idea.

Even for those who might not participate I'm sure a lot of people would benefit from the info and seeing other people talk about it. :-6

That's a definite positive. I actually moderated a recovery forum at a long ago website, and the views always far outnumbered the replies.

Mystery · Post by **Mystery** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 7:42 pm

Nomad;514694 wrote: Bird poop is highly appropriate. Please indulge yourself.

I have no idea where the other thread went

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 7:48 pm

That's a great idea, Mystery. Why don't you ask Tombstone if he'll set you up a specific area which you can moderate.

Mystery · Post by **Mystery** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 7:52 pm

AussiePam;514701 wrote: That's a great idea, Mystery. Why don't you ask Tombstone if he'll set you up a specific area which you can moderate.

Well, that was suggested, but I thought maybe it would be better to get a consensus on it? I'd certainly be honored

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 8:23 pm

Very considerate and thoughtful offer.

Great idea

Patsy

Saffron · Post by **Saffron** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 8:29 pm

My x-husband was an addict. And he still is. I finally just divorced him. I even helped him get clean. But he only stayed that way for about 4 months. He needed that fix.

I was recently involved with another addict, he was a sex addict.

I seem to attract the "addictive personalities". Any help you can give me? It seems that the addicts can get help when they need it. But what about the people who are sort of victimized by the addicts?

Don't mean to sound rude. But it just seems that so many people can get away with so many really bad things they do, and then just say "I am an addict". Some even say "I just replaced my old addiction with a new one". And then they are forgiven.

koan · Post by **koan** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 8:32 pm

I think that's why they started Al-Anon, Saffron.

Support for people who have loved/ do love addicts is a good thing as well.

Saffron · Post by **Saffron** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 8:34 pm

koan;514728 wrote: I think that's why they started Al-Anon, Saffron.

Support for people who have loved/ do love addicts is a good thing as well.

I've heard of that. I bet if I joined one of those meetings, another addict would find me and latch onto me. I think I must have a huge sign on my forehead.

Mystery · Post by **Mystery** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 8:36 pm

Being an addict isn't an excuse to get away with bad behavior. In fact, once one is made aware of the condition, and given the tools they need to overcome it, saying "I'm an addict" is only a justification to continue in that bad behavior. Replacing one addiction with another is simply that...switching addictions. Addiction is addiction, no matter what the substance/behavior/etc. is.

I wouldn't term it being victimized by addicts, but there are several different things available for those affected by addiction. First thing though, do some reading on codependency.

Mystery · Post by **Mystery** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 8:37 pm

Saffron;514730 wrote: I've heard of that. I bet if I joined one of those meetings, another addict would find me and latch onto me. I think I must have a huge sign on my forehead.

Addicts don't attend al-anon meetings, they're designed for those affected by the addict/addiction.

Mystery · Post by **Mystery** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 8:43 pm

Keith W;514736 wrote: They may be designed for those affected by the addict/addiction but that does not mean that they would not attend/use such a group.

Good idea by the way

No, it certainly doesn't, although the ones available here are closed, which means for al-anons only.

koan · Post by **koan** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 8:53 pm

I've known a lot of addicts who could benefit greatly from hearing other people talk about it.

Most had trouble admitting that they weren't in control.

koan · Post by **koan** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 9:09 pm

I think it might be easier for some people to take that step online. As nobody can see them and they might feel safer.

koan · Post by **koan** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 9:10 pm

would this recovery forum cover just alcohol or drug abuse too?

I know people who do cocaine and think that it is something they can incorporate into a healthy lifestyle. :rolleyes:

Pythos · Post by **Pythos** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 2:08 am

I was thinking of doing something similar myself. You see after 18 years as a smoker.(half my life) I have decided that I want to quit. The only time I have ever come close to quitting was for 13 weeks of boot camp when I had to. It drove me nuts cause I didn't want to. The first thing I did when I got off of Paris Island was go buy a pack. Now it is different because I am sick and tired of being addicted to these things. I have heard that the chances of success increase with a support group. I also noticed that a few others had thought of quitting as a New Years resolution.

So is anyone else here up for the challenge?

I want this so badly that I will not let myself even consider failure. That doesn't mean that I think it think it is going to be a piece of cake. My body is going to want to smoke really really bad. I going to have to take it one day at a time one trigger at a time. I have gone to "mytimetoquit.com" put out by pfizer. Does anyone know of any good sites with tips for quitting? Has anyone one here quit? What worked for you? What tips should be avoided, if any? Even just a kind word of encouragement would mean the world to me.

Thanks Mystery for starting this thread. :-6

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 5:36 am

Pythos;514988 wrote: I was thinking of doing something similar myself. You see after 18 years as a smoker.(half my life) I have decided that I want to quit. The only time I have ever come close to quitting was for 13 weeks of boot camp when I had to. It drove me nuts cause I didn't want to. The first thing I did when I got off of Paris Island was go buy a pack. Now it is different because I am sick and tired of being addicted to these things. I have heard that the chances of success increase with a support group. I also noticed that a few others had thought of quitting as a New Years resolution.

So is anyone else here up for the challenge?

I want this so badly that I will not let myself even consider failure. That doesn't mean that I think it think it is going to be a piece of cake. My body is going to want to smoke really really bad. I going to have to take it one day at a time one trigger at a time. I have gone to "mytimetoquit.com" put out by pfizer. Does anyone know of any good sites with tips for quitting? Has anyone one here quit? What worked for you? What tips should be avoided, if any? Even just a kind word of encouragement would mean the world to me.

Thanks Mystery for starting this thread. :-6

Hi Pythos,

I used to be a very heavy smoker at least 20 in a day, then Fri, Sat and Sun nights would be nearer to 60. I always used to smoke outside and found even the coldest of days wasn't enough to make me want to give up! Jim and I had been together about 6 months and i knew he really hated me smoking, so we made a deal i stop smoking and in return i get lots more kisses, from that moment on i never touched another cig. I'm the worst person now for moaning about the smell of cig's, and i'm really pleased that in the Summer smoking is going to be banned in public places.

You can do it, i think their are some really good support groups and your GP would be a great starting point.

Good luck, you can do it :-6

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 5:48 am

Ive lived with and around addicts my entire life. Family of 3 girls... my middle sister was an addict. Started at 14 died at 38. Her behavior ripped my family apart. She left behind an infant son, born withdrawing from drugs. First husband.... major pot smoker, and non achiever. Second husband, alcoholic who graduated to cocaine and crack after I divorced him. The worst is my 22 year old son.. who started at 14. I just attended a co dependant meeting last Tuesday night. I thought I was through with all of that... but I am a codependant. One of my observations over a 30 something year period.. regarding why people choose to be in the company of addicts is this... Many of those personalities are some of the warmest hearted lovable people. Often very creative and talented. They are sufferers and very needy. That is why the co dependant is drawn to them. They provide an opportunity for nurturing. Create the possibility of the joy of a happy ending. And provide the perfect excuse for focusing on someone elses life, other than ones own.

Its a hamster wheel of existence, and a slow spiral down into depression and despair for all parties involved. Your idea is wonderful. I hope people turn to you for guidance, insight, and help.

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 5:53 am

weeder;515136 wrote: Ive lived with and around addicts my entire life. Family of 3 girls... my middle sister was an addict. Started at 14 died at 38. Her behavior ripped my family apart. She left behind an infant son, born withdrawing from drugs. First husband.... major pot smoker, and non achiever. Second husband, alcoholic who graduated to cocaine and crack after I divorced him. The worst is my 22 year old son.. who started at 14. I just attended a co dependant meeting last Tuesday night. I thought I was through with all of that... but I am a codependant. One of my observations over a 30 something year period.. regarding why people choose to be in the company of addicts is this... Many of those personalities are some of the warmest hearted lovable people. Often very creative and talented. They are sufferers and very needy. That is why the co dependant is drawn to them. They provide an opportunity for nurturing. Create the possibility of the joy of a happy ending. And provide the perfect excuse for focusing on someone elses life, other than ones own.

Its a hamster wheel of existence, and a slow spiral down into depression and despair for all parties involved. Your idea is wonderful. I hope people turn to you for guidance, insight, and help.

Hi Weeder,

It never ceases to amaze me what some people have to contend with in thier lives, sending you :yh_hugs

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 6:13 am

Thank You Suzy. When you live a life peppered with pain, heartache, and suffering... it draws you to places where you hear about others trials and tribulations. There is tremendous learning in this experience. More fruitful than the lives of people who live life privledged and so not always, but often , seperated from humans battling this sort of thing. You develope a tremendous capacity for compassion and are given the opportunity to understand how very complex the human psyche is.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 8:07 am

Keith W;514754 wrote: Admitting you have a problem is probably one of the most important steps you can take toward recovery

Funny thing about my addiction was I always knew I was a drunk. I grew up in an alcoholic house and I knew Id turned into one as well. No denying it. I always thought that made me "worse" than the ones that were still in denial. Knowing it and still drinking, like I just gave up or didnt care.

Mystery · Post by **Mystery** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 6:18 pm

koan;514752 wrote: I've known a lot of addicts who could benefit greatly from hearing other people talk about it.

Most had trouble admitting that they weren't in control.

Denial is defo the hardest thing to overcome.

Mystery · Post by **Mystery** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 6:19 pm

koan;514758 wrote: would this recovery forum cover just alcohol or drug abuse too?

I know people who do cocaine and think that it is something they can incorporate into a healthy lifestyle. :rolleyes:

No, as addictions covers a wide variety of substances/behaviors/etc, I believe recovery should also, so yes cocaine is defo included.

Mystery · Post by **Mystery** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 6:22 pm

Pythos;514988 wrote: I was thinking of doing something similar myself. You see after 18 years as a smoker.(half my life) I have decided that I want to quit. The only time I have ever come close to quitting was for 13 weeks of boot camp when I had to. It drove me nuts cause I didn't want to. The first thing I did when I got off of Paris Island was go buy a pack. Now it is different because I am sick and tired of being addicted to these things. I have heard that the chances of success increase with a support group. I also noticed that a few others had thought of quitting as a New Years resolution.

So is anyone else here up for the challenge?

I want this so badly that I will not let myself even consider failure. That doesn't mean that I think it think it is going to be a piece of cake. My body is going to want to smoke really really bad. I going to have to take it one day at a time one trigger at a time. I have gone to "mytimetoquit.com" put out by pfizer. Does anyone know of any good sites with tips for quitting? Has anyone one here quit? What worked for you? What tips should be avoided, if any? Even just a kind word of encouragement would mean the world to me.

Thanks Mystery for starting this thread. :-6

My quit date is currently 1/17/07, and I'm already getting nervous. Silly seeing as how I have been recovering from other addictions for years, but the thought of quitting nicotine makes me cringe. But, I'm really going to try hard this time, and I think the idea of supporting one another is a terrific one!

Mystery · Post by **Mystery** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 6:28 pm

SuzyB;515125 wrote: Hi Pythos,

I used to be a very heavy smoker at least 20 in a day, then Fri, Sat and Sun nights would be nearer to 60. I always used to smoke outside and found even the coldest of days wasn't enough to make me want to give up! Jim and I had been together about 6 months and i knew he really hated me smoking, so we made a deal i stop smoking and in return i get lots more kisses, from that moment on i never touched another cig. I'm the worst person now for moaning about the smell of cig's, and i'm really pleased that in the Summer smoking is going to be banned in public places.

You can do it, i think their are some really good support groups and your GP would be a great starting point.

Good luck, you can do it :-6

Good to hear Suzy and thanks for sharing that, perhaps inspiration from others who've quit will add to our ability to quit!

Great tip, as well mrsK!

weeder;515136 wrote: Ive lived with and around addicts my entire life. Family of 3 girls... my middle sister was an addict. Started at 14 died at 38. Her behavior ripped my family apart. She left behind an infant son, born withdrawing from drugs. First husband.... major pot smoker, and non achiever. Second husband, alcoholic who graduated to cocaine and crack after I divorced him. The worst is my 22 year old son.. who started at 14. I just attended a co dependant meeting last Tuesday night. I thought I was through with all of that... but I am a codependant. One of my observations over a 30 something year period.. regarding why people choose to be in the company of addicts is this... Many of those personalities are some of the warmest hearted lovable people. Often very creative and talented. They are sufferers and very needy. That is why the co dependant is drawn to them. They provide an opportunity for nurturing. Create the possibility of the joy of a happy ending. And provide the perfect excuse for focusing on someone elses life, other than ones own.

Its a hamster wheel of existence, and a slow spiral down into depression and despair for all parties involved. Your idea is wonderful. I hope people turn to you for guidance, insight, and help.

Wow, thanks for that weeder! In addition to being an addict, I always suffered from codependent tendencies as well, so I know what that's like. Comparing that existence to a hamster wheel is quite apt.

I'm always willing to lend a helping hand to those suffering through what I've lived through as well. because to keep the recovery I've found, I have to give it away (as we say in AA/NA

) That said, I hope it would be more of a group effort just like this thread that includes so many insightful comments!

Nomad;515236 wrote: Funny thing about my addiction was I always knew I was a drunk. I grew up in an alcoholic house and I knew Id turned into one as well. No denying it. I always thought that made me "worse" than the ones that were still in denial. Knowing it and still drinking, like I just gave up or didnt care.

That's just another form of denial, though Nomad. Important thing now is that you did overcome it and you're striving to make a better life every day.

BTW, I think I figured out this multiple quotes thingy!

Mystery · Post by **Mystery** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 6:29 pm

mrsK;515817 wrote: Hey Mystery,

You can quit as well .I have faith in the both of you :-6

If I can do it anyone can;)

:D Keep saying that when we both inundate you with pm's asking how the heck you got through this!

Thanks mrsK

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 6:37 pm

The book that was my bible for years was Melody Beadys(?) Codependant No More. I have to find it again. Ive given it to so many people over the years, thought I didnt need it anymore.....

Mystery · Post by **Mystery** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 6:38 pm

mrsK;515823 wrote: I will be here.

By the way you need to stock up on sugar free gum as well;)

:o I already bought two packets (with the 6 or 7 packs) of extra

Mystery · Post by **Mystery** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 6:38 pm

weeder;515825 wrote: The book that was my bible for years was Melody Beadys(?) Codependant No More. I have to find it again. Ive given it to so many people over the years, thought I didnt need it anymore.....

I have a dog-eared copy in my office

Excellant read.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 6:59 pm

Mystery;515818 wrote: Good to hear Suzy and thanks for sharing that, perhaps inspiration from others who've quit will add to our ability to quit!

Great tip, as well mrsK!

Wow, thanks for that weeder! In addition to being an addict, I always suffered from codependent tendencies as well, so I know what that's like. Comparing that existence to a hamster wheel is quite apt.

I'm always willing to lend a helping hand to those suffering through what I've lived through as well. because to keep the recovery I've found, I have to give it away (as we say in AA/NA

) That said, I hope it would be more of a group effort just like this thread that includes so many insightful comments!

That's just another form of denial, though Nomad. Important thing now is that you did overcome it and you're striving to make a better life every day.

BTW, I think I figured out this multiple quotes thingy!

Im not getting this. Whats the denial part ?

Mystery · Post by **Mystery** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 7:10 pm

Perhaps denial is not the correct term, in fact it's not.

Thing is for those who grow up in that type of household, not only do they have a predisposition to becoming alcoholic/addict themselves, they tend to take whatever choice they make to the extreme. Meaning if they drink, they're a tee-totaler, and if they don't, other "stuff" takes the place of the dysfunction that surrounded their life. (now of course, there are always exceptions to the rule) YOu used that as a type of coping mechanism, probably during at least the beginning or middle of your addiction, although eventually it would have become your own, if that makes any sense to ya. You knew you were a drunk, and you may have portrayed the role of not caring, but deep down, you cared deeply.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 7:45 pm

Mystery;515846 wrote: Perhaps denial is not the correct term, in fact it's not.

Thing is for those who grow up in that type of household, not only do they have a predisposition to becoming alcoholic/addict themselves, they tend to take whatever choice they make to the extreme. Meaning if they drink, they're a tee-totaler, and if they don't, other "stuff" takes the place of the dysfunction that surrounded their life. (now of course, there are always exceptions to the rule) YOu used that as a type of coping mechanism, probably during at least the beginning or middle of your addiction, although eventually it would have become your own, if that makes any sense to ya. You knew you were a drunk, and you may have portrayed the role of not caring, but deep down, you cared deeply.

I cared but somewhere along the line I gave up. Knowing I had a problem didnt seem to make a difference. I did try to hide it in various ways so thats probably some form of denial. Maybe I thought as long as I was still functioning no matter how meagerly I was still ok. That would be denial I think.

Mystery · Post by **Mystery** » Sun Jan 14, 2007 8:33 am

Nomad;515880 wrote: I cared but somewhere along the line I gave up. Knowing I had a problem didnt seem to make a difference. I did try to hide it in various ways so thats probably some form of denial. Maybe I thought as long as I was still functioning no matter how meagerly I was still ok. That would be denial I think.

;) One of my favorite lines (although I had a huge supply of those justifications) was "I ain't hurtin nobody but me, so Eff off"

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Jan 14, 2007 8:35 am

Yea I like that one ! :-6

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Sun Jan 14, 2007 10:35 am

Mystery, what about food addictions -- compulsive overeating, anorexia, bulimia?

With food, you can't just stop eating. It's not black and white. You have to learn to choose correctly.

Is there a similar mentality with food addiction and alcohol/drug/nicotine addiction?

BTW, this thread is so interesting . . .

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Sun Jan 14, 2007 10:48 am

Did you ever notice that drug and/or alcohol addicts have addictive personalities when it comes to a lot of things? If it's something they really like and it really interests them, they just can't do it half way? My husband is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. When he was into candle making, it took over my house. Now he is into deejaying, which I thought was a passing phase, but years later, he is just as obsessed ( ? ) with it.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Jan 14, 2007 11:00 am

Peg;516457 wrote: Did you ever notice that drug and/or alcohol addicts have addictive personalities when it comes to a lot of things? If it's something they really like and it really interests them, they just can't do it half way? My husband is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. When he was into candle making, it took over my house. Now he is into deejaying, which I thought was a passing phase, but years later, he is just as obsessed ( ? ) with it.

I flirted with gambling. It got me into trouble and it could have gotten very bad.

Hershey bars...dont even get me started.

Mystery · Post by **Mystery** » Sun Jan 14, 2007 11:02 am

cherandbuster;516436 wrote: Mystery, what about food addictions -- compulsive overeating, anorexia, bulimia?

With food, you can't just stop eating. It's not black and white. You have to learn to choose correctly.

Is there a similar mentality with food addiction and alcohol/drug/nicotine addiction?

BTW, this thread is so interesting . . .

Hi Cher

Yes, food addictions are definitely included. It's the same "problem" so to speak, just a different substance. Addiction includes a wide array of things, from drugs/alcohol to gambling and sex addiction

Peg;516457 wrote: Did you ever notice that drug and/or alcohol addicts have addictive personalities when it comes to a lot of things? If it's something they really like and it really interests them, they just can't do it half way? My husband is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. When he was into candle making, it took over my house. Now he is into deejaying, which I thought was a passing phase, but years later, he is just as obsessed ( ? ) with it.

That's most likely related to the obsessive/compulsive tendencies. I catch myself being compulsive with other things, and have to mentally check myself often.