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What do you think of this?
Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 12:46 pm
by jennyswan
This is a poem I wrote. What do you think? Be as critical as you would like.
I LIVE FOR THE DAY
FOR THE GLORIOUS LIGHT THAT ILLUMINATES THE SOUL AND CREATES DREAMS
FOR THE STORY THAT STILL REMAINS TO BE TOLD
FOR THE NIGHT THAT IS DARK AND MYSTERIOUS
FOR THE BOOK OF FICTION THAT OPENS UP TO BARE REALITY
AND FOR THE PROMISE OF ANOTHER TIME
ANOTHER TALE AND ANOTHER INVENTION
I LIVE FOR THE TRUTH
FOR THE IMPOVERISHED MINDS BEGGING RELEASE
FOR THE WASHED UP BOTTLE ON THE SIDE OF THE SHORE
FOR THE TIME BOMB THAT TICKS RESOLUTELY INSIDE THE DRAGONS MIND
FOR THOSE STRUCK DUMB BY THE FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN
AND FOR THE LOVE AND COURAGE FORSAKED BY MOST
ANOTHER DAWN AND ANOTHER BATTLE
What do you think of this?
Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 12:51 pm
by DesignerGal
I dont think "forsaked" is a word, really. Maybe forsaken should be used. Its really good though.
What do you think of this?
Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 12:52 pm
by jennyswan
DesignerGal;503339 wrote: I dont think "forsaked" is a word, really. Maybe forsaken should be used. Its really good though.
Thanks DG, I was wondering that myself. Seemed to fit at the time.
What do you think of this?
Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 1:01 pm
by spot
forsook
Not a pretty word.
What do you think of this?
Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 1:04 pm
by jennyswan
spot;503344 wrote: forsook
Not a pretty word.
I'll leave it incorrect. Sounds better!
What do you think of this?
Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 1:11 pm
by chonsigirl
It is very good.
Drgon's Mind-possessive
What do you think of this?
Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 1:17 pm
by jennyswan
chonsigirl;503348 wrote: It is very good.
Drgon's Mind-possessive
Thanks Chonsi. You are my favourite rabbit. :-4
What do you think of this?
Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 1:19 pm
by buttercup
Hi Jenny
Im facinated as to why you said - the time bomb that ticks in the dragons mind, would you elaborate that for me :-4
What do you think of this?
Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 1:20 pm
by Uncle Kram
Get you Jenny. Nice work as I would expect from you.:yh_clap :yh_clap :yh_clap :yh_clap
What do you think of this?
Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 1:25 pm
by jennyswan
[QUOTE=buttercup;503356]Hi Jenny
Im facinated as to why you said - the time bomb that ticks in the dragons mind, would you elaborate that for me :-4[/QUOTE
You know it's a long time since I wrote it and I can't remember what was really going on for me at the time but I would say that I meant that the Dragons mind is fictional and the time bomb relates to our sometimes irrational thoughts as human beings and how they effect us.
I'm not making any sense.
What do you think of this?
Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 1:26 pm
by jennyswan
Uncle Kram;503357 wrote: Get you Jenny. Nice work as I would expect from you.:yh_clap :yh_clap :yh_clap :yh_clap
Thanks Honey xx
What do you think of this?
Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 3:34 pm
by Dizz
Very well thought out!
Forsaken might work, btw.
What do you think of this?
Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 3:38 pm
by jennyswan
Dizz;503455 wrote: Very well thought out!
Forsaken might work, btw.
Thanks Dizz. I might try that. I will think it over.
