Anti-Antiques.
Posted: Fri Dec 29, 2006 6:34 am
Let us assume that the world will not end shortly. It has been going with us long enough. From about 500 years ago, when time did not matter much, and we decided we wanted something better than our neighbours, i.e. plates decorated with birds, knobs on the bed, etc. ‘Showing off’ things really, then much painstakingly useless stuff was made. They are now antiques. Some admittedly have a practical use, e.g. clocks that are accurate to half an hour a day, but many are good for nothing except wondering at the workmanship thereof. As we progress along the time path the antique net sweeps wider and inevitably, since there are more of us and we've made, and are making , hell and all stuff, there will be more and more antiques. The handmade criterion no longer applies, Dinky Toys were not carved from the solid, like netsuke, and toy robots which tumbled out of a plastic injection moulding machine by the thousand are now valuable, and collected future antiques. We can’t go on the way we are going, people make way for new people, so should everything else.
History is piling up. The great age of chucking it all out is necessary. The museums with old packets of Bisto and candle snuffers. Out. Rural Life museums with wooden ploughs and knife cleaning machines. Out. Stately homes were luxury for about eight people and drudgery for a thousand, not a worthwhile keepsake. Out. The National Trust becomes the National Hardcore Company. English Heritage will be English Arsonage. Listed buildings will be listed for demolition. With the present system, when a stately pile dilapidates for the twentieth time, we will make the white elephant as good as new again. I don’t want to pay for that, and pay again to go and see it and stand behind the red rope and be kept off the chairs. It will have to go eventually. Let’s do it now.
Auction Houses and dealers have a great interest in keeping antiques in circulation. If they were made to give more accurate descriptions of their goods perhaps the demand would go away. Examples;. ‘Two hundred year old piece of flimsy wooden crap.’ ‘Great big old non-working wooden clock with only one hand, the size of a fridge-freezer.’ ‘Worm eaten wooden bicycle, no pedals, heavy as five new ones.’ and ‘Foreign saucer, chipped.’ .
We are at present walking backwards into the future, like Marley’s ghost, chained to as much of the past as we can drag. Cut loose, turn round. We haven’t got shillings, pounds, feet and inches or forelocks to tug, so fling out the old, bring in the new. If we don’t, goodness knows what the aliens will say when they come and see us.
Happy NEW Year!
Peter :-5
History is piling up. The great age of chucking it all out is necessary. The museums with old packets of Bisto and candle snuffers. Out. Rural Life museums with wooden ploughs and knife cleaning machines. Out. Stately homes were luxury for about eight people and drudgery for a thousand, not a worthwhile keepsake. Out. The National Trust becomes the National Hardcore Company. English Heritage will be English Arsonage. Listed buildings will be listed for demolition. With the present system, when a stately pile dilapidates for the twentieth time, we will make the white elephant as good as new again. I don’t want to pay for that, and pay again to go and see it and stand behind the red rope and be kept off the chairs. It will have to go eventually. Let’s do it now.
Auction Houses and dealers have a great interest in keeping antiques in circulation. If they were made to give more accurate descriptions of their goods perhaps the demand would go away. Examples;. ‘Two hundred year old piece of flimsy wooden crap.’ ‘Great big old non-working wooden clock with only one hand, the size of a fridge-freezer.’ ‘Worm eaten wooden bicycle, no pedals, heavy as five new ones.’ and ‘Foreign saucer, chipped.’ .
We are at present walking backwards into the future, like Marley’s ghost, chained to as much of the past as we can drag. Cut loose, turn round. We haven’t got shillings, pounds, feet and inches or forelocks to tug, so fling out the old, bring in the new. If we don’t, goodness knows what the aliens will say when they come and see us.
Happy NEW Year!
Peter :-5