Sarcastic girl's blues
Posted: Thu Dec 21, 2006 3:00 am
Hello,
I've just written my first poem in English. I am not sure whether it is correct. It's so difficult to write anything in the language which is not your mother tongue... Could you, please, let me know whether it's correct. Just out of curiosity, I'd also like to know if you like it or dislike it and why. And, please, feel free to criticise
Both its formal aspect and the *meritum*. Besides, I would greatly appreciate if you suggested any corrections.
***Sarcastic girl's blues***
When they put you down
When you feel so low
Just think what a lucky
And brave spermatozoan
You must have been, girl
While climbing mum's womb
In order to meet
The ovum and join it
Out of all your herd
You - the only one
Were given a chance
To discover a sense
Of being the first
Of being the best
Of feeling how sweet
Your victory tastes
You think: it's so sad
Your trip through the womb
Was the only time
You were not alone
You think: it's so sad
Mum's ovarian tube
Was the only place
Noone said: "Cry, noob!"
Don't let your thoughts stop
Just make them still sail
It was the only time
You were male, my dear
Not alone and male!
Not considered alien!
If only I could come back
To what happened earlier!
Would it be possible?
If so - let me know:
How I could return
To my mother's womb?
---------------------------------
I've just written my first poem in English. I am not sure whether it is correct. It's so difficult to write anything in the language which is not your mother tongue... Could you, please, let me know whether it's correct. Just out of curiosity, I'd also like to know if you like it or dislike it and why. And, please, feel free to criticise
Both its formal aspect and the *meritum*. Besides, I would greatly appreciate if you suggested any corrections. ***Sarcastic girl's blues***
When they put you down
When you feel so low
Just think what a lucky
And brave spermatozoan
You must have been, girl
While climbing mum's womb
In order to meet
The ovum and join it
Out of all your herd
You - the only one
Were given a chance
To discover a sense
Of being the first
Of being the best
Of feeling how sweet
Your victory tastes
You think: it's so sad
Your trip through the womb
Was the only time
You were not alone
You think: it's so sad
Mum's ovarian tube
Was the only place
Noone said: "Cry, noob!"
Don't let your thoughts stop
Just make them still sail
It was the only time
You were male, my dear
Not alone and male!
Not considered alien!
If only I could come back
To what happened earlier!
Would it be possible?
If so - let me know:
How I could return
To my mother's womb?
---------------------------------
ME!