Thanks to all of you!
Posted: Sun Dec 17, 2006 12:04 pm
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat **** in the glue on
envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs
sealing.
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who
is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the
$15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in
their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for
me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks
with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an
email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet
stains.
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a
serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products
are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore
because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with
a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume
sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda
in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American
troops or the Salvation Army.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for
which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and
Uzbekistan.
I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free
replacement pair from Nike.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their
recipe.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African
spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my
butt.
Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a
better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the
parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting
underneath my car to grab my leg. Oh, and don't forget this one either!
I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes,
a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and
the fleas from 12 camels will infest you r back, causing you to grow a hairy
hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next
door neighbor's ex-mother-in- law's second husband's cousin's beautician.. .
Have a wonderful day....
A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered
that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read their e-mail with
their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs
sealing.
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who
is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the
$15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in
their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for
me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks
with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an
email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet
stains.
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a
serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products
are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore
because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with
a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume
sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda
in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American
troops or the Salvation Army.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for
which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and
Uzbekistan.
I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free
replacement pair from Nike.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their
recipe.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African
spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my
butt.
Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a
better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the
parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting
underneath my car to grab my leg. Oh, and don't forget this one either!
I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes,
a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and
the fleas from 12 camels will infest you r back, causing you to grow a hairy
hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next
door neighbor's ex-mother-in- law's second husband's cousin's beautician.. .
Have a wonderful day....
A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered
that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read their e-mail with
their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
