Some helpful (?) advice
Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 5:26 am
This thread is not meant to cause offence to anyone. It is a light-hearted attempt to gently poke fun at and parody its author.
Advice to forum members:
1. Never enter a thread where other members are kicking off. Should you inadvertently find yourself in such a thread, go directly to the main board, do not pass comment, do not collect information.
2. It is not always easy to tell by the title of a thread whether it is kicking off or not. Do not be fooled by titles like “Word Association or “Words that end in ¦ing. The most “surprising words can be "associated" and some "unusual" words can end in ¦ing. Before entering any thread, pm a close and trusted friend and check that the thread is harmless. This is time consuming but well worth the effort.
3. Do not attempt to ease the tension in a thread that is kicking off, by posting a joke. Remember that people who are angry can type and think ten times faster than you can. What might have seemed amusing after post 29, will actually appear after post 173. If you are lucky no-one will notice your contribution. If you are not, you will find that your joke somehow relates to post 173 and appears to directly attack the author of that post. If this happens, exit immediately, delete your profile and log out. Do not return to the forum for at least 4 months and then do so under a new name.
4. Never post phrases such as “Calm down folks or “Hey gang, come on, let it go, it’s not important in a kicking off thread. Whilst your comments will temporarily unite the warring factions, they will be united against just one person, you. If you can’t resist a peace making attempt, follow the instructions at the end of 3 above, immediately after posting.
5. Never start a new thread when another is kicking off. However fascinating you might think the topic, at this present time, it isn’t. You will receive a maximum of 6 views and two responses. The responses will be dull and ill thought out and posted by a couple of members who are feeling guilty at spending all their time viewing the kicking off thread and who want to appear disinterested and remote from the fall out. You also run the risk of providing an opportunity for a passing and mischievous troll to post their comments on your thread (well, no-one’s looking, so why not?) and your thread will subsequently be removed from the board.
6. Do not log out and then lurk on the kicking off thread to avoid your name being displayed at the bottom of the page. The moment you do, one of the posters will comment on the high number of guests who are viewing the thread. You will be convinced that your cover is blown and this will provoke feelings of intense guilt, which will last for a minimum of three weeks.
7. Never try to be helpful by explaining the process of kicking off on the kicking off thread. People do NOT want to know. Be realistic, did you want your process explained to you the last time you were yelling at your partner? Probably not.
8. If anyone approaches you in the aftermath of the kicking off, asking your opinion, look closely at their words. If they appear positive, emphasise your non commitment to any faction whilst at the same time quietly and self effacingly mentioning your ability to remain calm in times of adversity. If their approach implies any negativity at all, reply, “What thread? Did I miss something? I went off on a three day seminar and lent my computer etc. to a cousin of mine. Oh no! You’re not saying that she contributed to the thread, are you? She has no idea about forum etiquette¦I am so sorry. I’d better go and have a look at what she posted. This response has two distinct advantages: the first being that you can read through the whole of the thread again but this time with immunity and without guilt. The second is that you are now absolved of any responsibility for the inane comments you did make.
9. Finally, do NOT congratulate yourself if you manage to avoid involvement in the kicking off thread. Next time, it COULD (so easily) be YOU!!
Advice to forum members:
1. Never enter a thread where other members are kicking off. Should you inadvertently find yourself in such a thread, go directly to the main board, do not pass comment, do not collect information.
2. It is not always easy to tell by the title of a thread whether it is kicking off or not. Do not be fooled by titles like “Word Association or “Words that end in ¦ing. The most “surprising words can be "associated" and some "unusual" words can end in ¦ing. Before entering any thread, pm a close and trusted friend and check that the thread is harmless. This is time consuming but well worth the effort.
3. Do not attempt to ease the tension in a thread that is kicking off, by posting a joke. Remember that people who are angry can type and think ten times faster than you can. What might have seemed amusing after post 29, will actually appear after post 173. If you are lucky no-one will notice your contribution. If you are not, you will find that your joke somehow relates to post 173 and appears to directly attack the author of that post. If this happens, exit immediately, delete your profile and log out. Do not return to the forum for at least 4 months and then do so under a new name.
4. Never post phrases such as “Calm down folks or “Hey gang, come on, let it go, it’s not important in a kicking off thread. Whilst your comments will temporarily unite the warring factions, they will be united against just one person, you. If you can’t resist a peace making attempt, follow the instructions at the end of 3 above, immediately after posting.
5. Never start a new thread when another is kicking off. However fascinating you might think the topic, at this present time, it isn’t. You will receive a maximum of 6 views and two responses. The responses will be dull and ill thought out and posted by a couple of members who are feeling guilty at spending all their time viewing the kicking off thread and who want to appear disinterested and remote from the fall out. You also run the risk of providing an opportunity for a passing and mischievous troll to post their comments on your thread (well, no-one’s looking, so why not?) and your thread will subsequently be removed from the board.
6. Do not log out and then lurk on the kicking off thread to avoid your name being displayed at the bottom of the page. The moment you do, one of the posters will comment on the high number of guests who are viewing the thread. You will be convinced that your cover is blown and this will provoke feelings of intense guilt, which will last for a minimum of three weeks.
7. Never try to be helpful by explaining the process of kicking off on the kicking off thread. People do NOT want to know. Be realistic, did you want your process explained to you the last time you were yelling at your partner? Probably not.
8. If anyone approaches you in the aftermath of the kicking off, asking your opinion, look closely at their words. If they appear positive, emphasise your non commitment to any faction whilst at the same time quietly and self effacingly mentioning your ability to remain calm in times of adversity. If their approach implies any negativity at all, reply, “What thread? Did I miss something? I went off on a three day seminar and lent my computer etc. to a cousin of mine. Oh no! You’re not saying that she contributed to the thread, are you? She has no idea about forum etiquette¦I am so sorry. I’d better go and have a look at what she posted. This response has two distinct advantages: the first being that you can read through the whole of the thread again but this time with immunity and without guilt. The second is that you are now absolved of any responsibility for the inane comments you did make.
9. Finally, do NOT congratulate yourself if you manage to avoid involvement in the kicking off thread. Next time, it COULD (so easily) be YOU!!
