Sipping Vodka
Posted: Thu Nov 16, 2006 7:22 pm
>A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
>?
>
>After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
>?
>
>The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous On the
>pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to
>get nervous, I take a sip."
>?
>
>So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
>At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
>?
>
>He proceeded to talk up a storm.
>?
>
>Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following
>note on the door:
>
>1)?? Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
>
>2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
>
>3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
>
>4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
>
>5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
>
>6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
>
>7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy,
>Junior and the spook.
>
>8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
>
>9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't
>say he was stoned off his ass.
>
>10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
>
>11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this
>and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" .
>
>12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.
>
>13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks
>for the grub, Yeah God.
>
>14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not
>a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
>
>
>
>?
>
>
>
>?
>
>After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
>?
>
>The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous On the
>pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to
>get nervous, I take a sip."
>?
>
>So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
>At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
>?
>
>He proceeded to talk up a storm.
>?
>
>Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following
>note on the door:
>
>1)?? Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
>
>2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
>
>3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
>
>4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
>
>5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
>
>6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
>
>7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy,
>Junior and the spook.
>
>8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
>
>9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't
>say he was stoned off his ass.
>
>10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
>
>11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this
>and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" .
>
>12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.
>
>13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks
>for the grub, Yeah God.
>
>14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not
>a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
>
>
>
>?
>
>
>
