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Old boiler in need of some attention

SnoozeControl;446498 wrote: ... how would you describe yourself to get a date?


why don't you first?:sneaky:

SnoozeControl;446498 wrote: ... how would you describe yourself to get a date?


That's an excellent question, Snoozie!

I'll try:

Lovely mid-forties woman, dark curly hair with a big smile and the enthusiasm to match! Seeking a bright, articulate middle-aged man who can make me think, feel and of course laugh! Let's explore all life has to offer together :guitarist

How's that for a beginner? I've never written a personal ad before!

cherandbuster;446516 wrote: That's an excellent question, Snoozie!

I'll try:

Lovely mid-forties woman, dark curly hair with a big smile and the enthusiasm to match! Seeking a bright, articulate middle-aged man who can make me think, feel and of course laugh! Let's explore all life has to offer together :guitarist

How's that for a beginner? I've never written a personal ad before!


Sounds good cher what's your number?:sneaky:

zinkyusa;446518 wrote: Sounds good cher what's your number?:sneaky:


The Zinkmeister

'Course I'd have to see your personal ad before I could respond . . . :sneaky:

i'd get cher to write me one

buttercup;446523 wrote: i'd get cher to write me one


Awwww that's nice BCup

Anything for a friend like you :-6

Sweet, funny, male bat tired of "hanging" around from the cave ceiling alone..Seeks attractive, personable, upbeat female bat for aerial acrobatics..:sneaky: Sonar and all other equipment works very well. Interests include flying, eating bugs and just "hanging" around.

zinkyusa;446537 wrote: Sweet, funny, male bat tired of "hanging" around from the cave ceiling alone..Seeks attractive, personable, upbeat female bat for aerial acrobatics..:sneaky: Sonar and all other equipment works very well. Interests include flying, eating bugs and just "hanging" around.


Excellent Zinkster! :guitarist

Your wonderful sense of humor shines right through :-6

Hamster;446562 wrote: "In desperate need of a service" :sneaky: :wah:


short and to the point.......:wah:

A few miles on the clock, but a smooth runner with all moving parts in working order. No sense of humour.

Someone soft and cuddley, looking for the right one to snuggle up to at nights.

Women's Personal Ads

40-ish...Really means...48

Athletic...Really means...Flat-chested.

Average looking...Really means...Ugly.

Beautiful...Really means...Pathological liar.

Educated...Really means...College dropout.

Emotionally Secure...Really means...Medicated.

Feminist...Really means...Fat; ball buster.

Free spirit...Really means...Drug user.

Friendship first...Really means...Trying to live down reputation as sl*t.

Fun...Really means...Annoying.

Good Listener...Really means...Borderline Autistic.

New-Age...Really means...All body hair, all the time.

Old-fashioned...Really means...Lights out, missionary position only.

Open-minded...Really means...Desperate.

Outgoing...Really means...Loud.

Poet...Really means...Depressive Schizophrenic.

Professional...Really means...Real Witch.

Redhead...Really means...Shops the Clairol section.

Reubenesque...Really means...Grossly Fat.

Romantic...Really means...Looks better by candle light.

Weight proportional to height...Really means...Hugely Fat.

Wants Soulmate...Really means...One step away from stalking.

Widow...Really means...Nagged first husband to death.



thought these were funny. :wah:

Looking for an artistic man with good imagination so he can draw a good picture of why I'm mad at him all the time.

How about putting me in the used cars section -



1967 classic model, bodywork reasonably sound with a few dents here and there, comfortable but worn seating. Some re-spraying done. Slow to start in the mornings, some knocking in the engine and quite loud at times. Drives better on alcohol. One previous owner, needs gentle handling or will break down. All offers considered.

big bald ugly guy seeks blind woman with a crap sense of humour



must like the smell of jack daniels ... big boobs would be nice :wah:

jimbo;446627 wrote: big bald ugly guy seeks blind woman with a crap sense of humour



must like the smell of jack daniels ... big boobs would be nice :wah:
Jimbo you forgot Big boobs and a BOAT!:wah:

Mine would be:

Sexually distant but useful, callous, blunt, opinionated, Irish internet agony uncle, 34, own hair and teeth, (but who could lose some excess flab off his belly), seeks woman for getting busy with once in a while, (ditch or castle can be arranged by appointment). Would help enourmously if said woman was looking for an opinionated, annoying Irish internet agony guy.

P.S. have been fully housetrained by previous owners, am not sexually jealous, full medical and sexual history can be supplied on request, and can drive to the shop for milk and sugar afterwards.

here's mine;

blonde ,43, green eyes, loves to fish, kind of a goof ball, get told i am too sweet everyday. looking for guy who thinks sweet is sexy and doesn't mind being handcuffed to the bed untill i am done with him.:wah:

Beautiful Average Reubenesque Widow seeking something to keep her body warm on cold winter nights.

SWF, natural brunette, good figure, sense of humour, caring, loyal and passionate would like to meet a reliable, sensitive, possibly romantic kind of guy.



Really reads - wish i was blonde, well I have had two children, SOH? it's in there somewhere, i can nod sagely and pretend I care, I'll be your puppy dog and follow you everywhere loyally, passion uuummmmm whats that??



:D

tall skinny sweet funny dorky goofball who drinks and smokes and curses too much seeks fellow hippy.

sunny104;446698 wrote: tall skinny sweet funny dorky goofball who drinks and smokes and curses too much seeks fellow hippy.
Erm uhh were you talking to me?:sneaky:

YZGI;446699 wrote: Erm uhh were you talking to me?:sneaky:


:-4 :wah:



I forgot to mention that I can burp really loud too...

sunny104;446704 wrote:



I forgot to mention that I can burp really loud too...


Oh baby, now that turns me on!!:D :-4

zinkyusa;446708 wrote: Oh baby, now that turns me on!!:D :-4
:-4

see, it takes a special bat to appreciate things like that in a girl....

sunny104;446715 wrote: :-4

see, it takes a special bat to appreciate things like that in a girl....


can you burp Dixie?;)

zinkyusa;446717 wrote: can you burp Dixie?;)


no, but I do like to give each burp Olympic type scoring...8.5, 9.7, etc.

the other night my husband gave me a 14! :yh_blush :wah:

sunny104;446726 wrote: no, but I do like to give each burp Olympic type scoring...8.5, 9.7, etc.

the other night my husband gave me a 14! :yh_blush :wah:
If I was your husband I'd give you one

it just hit me that if I ever put out a personal ad I would probably do best by submitting it to publications with a largely redneck customer base....

Uncle Kram;446730 wrote: If I was your husband I'd give you one


:yh_ooooo :sneaky:

sunny104;446726 wrote: no, but I do like to give each burp Olympic type scoring...8.5, 9.7, etc.



the other night my husband gave me a 14! :yh_blush :wah:


WOW!!! Thats all I have to say about that.

Wanted:

Single young healthy woman who likes to fish and hunt.

Must have boat.

Send picture of boat.

Busty blonde, 5ft 8 blue eyes, friendly and genuine person. Loves sex and my motto is any place, any time, any where. No longer working since winning the lottery, looking for a well endowed man, looks and SOH not important.





DREAM ON............................................. :sneaky: :sneaky: :sneaky:

*sigh*

I could hear the song at the end, lovely Clancy.....................:-4

Clancy;446893 wrote: Maybe I will and maybe I won't.

Maybe I do and maybe I don't.

Maybe I shall and maybe I shan't

Maybe I can and maybe I can't.

Maybe I'm smooth and maybe I'm rough

Maybe I'm strong and maybe I'm tough



......maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time.... :guitarist



.
one of my all-time faves

cherandbuster;446516 wrote: That's an excellent question, Snoozie!

I'll try:

Lovely mid-forties woman, dark curly hair with a big smile and the enthusiasm to match! Seeking a bright, articulate middle-aged man who can make me think, feel and of course laugh! Let's explore all life has to offer together :guitarist

How's that for a beginner? I've never written a personal ad before!


Shame you're not in the U.K. You sound my type. Shame too, that at I'm fifty-eight I'm a bit too old for you, and probably too sober. Here's mine coming up next:

weinbeck;447001 wrote: Shame you're not in the U.K. You sound my type. Shame too, that at I'm fifty-eight I'm a bit too old for you, and probably too sober. Here's mine coming up next:


Sincere, mid to late fifties man, GSOH, latter day Sean Connery look alike. Practising Christian that enjoys, likes everything that's free - hiking, swimming, camping, boating. Interests include creative writing and theology. WLTM sincere, cuddly, open-air Christian lady, age immaterial for initial committed friendship, possibly more. Apply.........

How's that? No chance, have I?!

weinbeck;447001 wrote: Shame you're not in the U.K. You sound my type. Shame too, that at I'm fifty-eight I'm a bit too old for you


Well Weinbeck

My twin sister is married to a 59-year-old man

So one never knows! :guitarist

SnoozeControl;448705 wrote: Me:

Slightly oversized middle aged woman that really, really needs to get lucky.

I think that says it all.


I'd also add, "Full of wit with the ability to laugh at herself. Clever, bright and a warm heart that she lets others see on special occasions." :-4