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Why do we always need someone else's opinion?

Sometimes I wonder if we are so unsure of our

decisions, so unsure of ourselfs that we don't make a move

until we've sought out anothers thoughts or opinions, someone else's

advice. Could this be low self esteem?

:-3

Self esteem - I think you ask opinions from others more when your young.

If your confident with yourself - there's no need to ask.

Patsy

Unless you had in mind something specific regarding the advice sought... I don't see how self-esteem necessarily needs to be a factor in this. I've certainly never been accused of having low self-esteem, at least not in any recent memory... and I constantly seek others invaluable input and critique... and I've been a consultant, by trade for a number of years on just about any topic... and I'm often considered to be generally more intelligent than the majority... but... I'd be an idiot to say I know it all. I certainly do not know it all... nobody on this earth does... and everyone thinks differently... and that's precisely the beauty of it... we're all different. (How boring it would be if we weren't...) I value any and all advice I receive... regardless of the supposed credentials... to be honest, I'm with Flopstock up there regarding this... I'm more concerned about those that Don't ask! What do you think would happen if we stopped asking questions? ...and since you're the one asking here, Honeybee... I'm not going to question your self-esteem one bit, either!

I checked around with some experts, and decided that I agree with the majority.



Self-esteem only becomes an issue if a person can't/won't make a decision. When they go round and round asking advice and rehashing every detail, listing what can go wrong and "what if-ing" everything, when deciding what to wear or some other minor decision.

honeybee wrote: Why do we always need someone else's opinion?

Sometimes I wonder if we are so unsure of our

decisions, so unsure of ourselfs that we don't make a move

until we've sought out anothers thoughts or opinions, someone else's

advice. Could this be low self esteem?

-3


Most people ask the opinion of others, to fit in with society as a whole. Normal

behaviour! If someone won't make *any* decision without help, I should think

that is something of a mental problem!

I'm really stubborn...

I do things how I wish, and how I feel is the best decision given certain circumstances. But like Flopstock said, on dire occasions I think one should seek advice, even if its only to seek insight so as to help you figure out what would be best for yourself.

Wendybird wrote: ^^^ Couldn't have put it better myself!

(well I probably could but that would be showing off )




Oh Wendybird you're such a humble bird..

she's a bit flighty though:p

Ooh ooh I know this one! My therapist and I were discussing something Monday that seems to work here.

Asking for others' opinions is in a way seeking validation of the idea or whatever it is. We have our own opinion but we look to others to double check ourselves. It's a reality check, a way of confirming that our idea has merit. This isn't low self-esteem. Low self-esteem in this situation would be fearing to get the opinions of others because either we're afraid that our idea is stupid or we think others will think we're stupid for having the idea.

Asking others for their advice when you don't know what to do isn't low self-esteem either. This of course is assuming that we are going to take what others say and form our own opinion. Low self-esteem in this case would be failing to form our own opinion after asking others for theirs, not asking for opinions because they'll think we're dumb for not knowing the answer, or disegarding our own opinion and going with the opinion of someone else because we hold our own opinion in little regard.

What this all is, is really a form of self validation. Validation never really only comes from inside, says my therapist, but partly comes from outside.

Then too, you have to keep in mind what it is you want opinions about. If you can't choose between the green socks and the blue socks without outside opinions (and this is different than asking which goes better with the outfit) then you may have low self-esteem issues or something just as insidious.

Im actually doing a course at the moment and one of the segments is about identifying self esteem and ways a persons self esteem can be damaged, you know it could be self esteem (not that im qualified)! I would look at ways to boost your self-esteem!

my father used to really beat me i mean really beat me sticks iron bars belts the lot it hurt a lot i was a kid and he was a 250 pound man 18 stone

but it never hurt my self esteem what did was he would tell me i was ugly and useless and he would beat me until i repeated the words parrot fashion i am ugly and use less

now that has stayed with me for life no matter how many people tell me i'm not ugly i feel i am and nothing can change that nothing its there for life, i am ugly



now on the flip side my grandad and my uncle used to find me really funny and i feel i am funny and despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary i feel funny there fore i am funny and i don't care who says i ain't



and i still think i'm funny

Accountable wrote: I checked around with some experts, and decided that I agree with the majority.

.
:wah:

In our everyday conversations we are generally giving and receiving opinions. Reactions may subconciously lead us to tailor our opinions unless it's something we feel strongly about

I don't necessarily think asking others opinions is a low esteem issue. I prefer to think of it as being a team player. I work in a school and we are always meeting and asking teachers their opinions on approaches to instruction. It's a great way to share ideas and sometimes come up with a better plan than what you had in mind.

I ask others opinions almost on a daily basis and I have never been accused of having low-esteem. Have faith in your self! :-4

jimbo wrote: now that has stayed with me for life no matter how many people tell me i'm not ugly i feel i am and nothing can change that nothing its there for life, i am ugly


It's only there for life if you let it be there for life. Look, right now I don't have anything that makes me special and I know I'm not allowed to have anything that makes me special. Because if I had that something that makes me special then I'd be special and I'm not and can never be. (I know, circular logic.)

And I'm tired of being that way. Fortunately I know that I'm making me be not special. It doesn't even matter what anybody else thinks right now. This is a message I'm giving myself. It doesn't matter how that message got there, it only matters that it's there and that I'm the one giving myself that message.

But that's the thing Jim. If I'm the one giving myself that message then I have to find a way to stop giving myself that message. For me, I can't stop that message without help. That's just where I am.

But I know that message doesn't have to be there for life. I want to change it. You can too. All you have to do is know you don't want that message to be there forever. Realize that no matter how that message got there, these days it's you giving yourself that message.

I can't even really put this into words. But if you know what I'm trying to get at, know too that it CAN change.