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I was always last picked in sports-I was a clutz. Still am. Boys only liked me on test days, to sit by me to try and copy my paper....................:p

We still want to be picked first, even as an adult.

I was pants at sports and any activity that required me to perform in front of others. I was shy and though I desperately wanted attention and wanted to be "picked" I pretended I couldn't care less. I never clamoured to be chosen but instead adopted a sort of withering, sulky expression. I still do the same in some situations now, fifty seven years later!

Yet your post made me think, Floppy...being a bit of an introvert means that I shall never be at the front of the queue but I so appreciate my "inner" world, my imaginings and my dreams. I've had my most beautiful moments (well, and my worst) when I'm on my own and I might have missed some of these had I not been forced to hover around at the back, waiting to be chosen.

I joined little league baseball one summer when I was 10. The coach taught me how to do the stats.



I was never picked and never went after what I wanted. In Jr. High we had to join a team sport or marching band. I picked up a trombone to avoid the stronger guys laughing at me. Turns out I was not half bad.



There were a hundred things I wanted to try but didn't have the guts to raise my hand. Social pressure is a tremendously powerful thing. I take far more risks now than I used to, and I feel sad when I see others decline to try something for fear of failure. Don't they realize it's the same thing?



But it starts in childhood. What, if anything, can we do?

Boy, I remember those days well, always dreading if I'd be the last one picked.

But don't you think it taught us humility and compassion, now that we are adults? Don't we really feel for the underdog?

Another example of an excellent thing coming out of a not-so-good situation :-6

I usually got picked pretty quickly i was good in sports; i always felt sorry for the kids that were picked last i could see sometimes they were near tears. It must have been shattering for them. Most of them are Dr's and lawyers now and make 10 times as much money as me so I guess they did OK.:-6

zinkyusa wrote: I usually got picked pretty quickly i was good in sports; i always felt sorry for the kids that were picked last i could see sometimes they were near tears. It must have been shattering for them. Most of them are Dr's and lawyers now and make 10 times as much money as me so I guess they did OK.:-6


:D The Zinkster

When I was in high school, it was MANDATORY that all girls tried out for Rose Queen. It was done in your gym class and they made you walk diagonally across the wooden floor, stop in front of the judges, announce the number you'd been assigned and then continue through the gym. My friend Ann and I used what we thought were outrageous accents and rolled our eyes, etc.

In my class was a girl named Delouise, who'd had some condition which left her forever wearing awkward leg braces.

THEY MADE HER TRY OUT!

I can still hear the horrible sound of her braces and crutches on that damned wooden floor as she clacked along and did what she was told to do!

After that, I thought that being chosen last wasn't so bad. Childhood traumas stay with us, don't they?

Lulu2 wrote: Childhood traumas stay with us, don't they?


Yes, they really do

But hopefully some of the good stuff, too

in high school, i always got picked on the boys team.........dont know why:D

guppy wrote: in high school, i always got picked on the boys team.........dont know why:D


I do;)

It's really all part and parcel of the same thing. I was almost never chosen last. Oh, I was often the last one not picked. I was just hardly ever chosen. I was placed.

That really gets to you after a while. You start to feel you have no worth. Carry that forward enough years and suddenly you're not really worth anything. You can't be what you most desire because only somebody who is actually worth something can be that. You don't ask for anything because who the heck are you to ask for anything, anyway?

You learn to avoid the hurt. If second is doable then it won't hurt to get it. It WILL hurt to try for first and not get it. Since you've never really figured out why you always came in last you keep thinking that not getting first still means there's something wrong with you.

It's a hard cycle to break. And there's a disconnect between what we know in our head and what we know in our core. We may know we're worth more than that but until we FEEL it, knowing it won't be worth a darn.

(Only 237 hours until my next session. :wah: )

Casey Morgan wrote: It's really all part and parcel of the same thing. I was almost never chosen last. Oh, I was often the last one not picked. I was just hardly ever chosen. I was placed.

That really gets to you after a while. You start to feel you have no worth. Carry that forward enough years and suddenly you're not really worth anything. You can't be what you most desire because only somebody who is actually worth something can be that. You don't ask for anything because who the heck are you to ask for anything, anyway?

You learn to avoid the hurt. If second is doable then it won't hurt to get it. It WILL hurt to try for first and not get it. Since you've never really figured out why you always came in last you keep thinking that not getting first still means there's something wrong with you.

It's a hard cycle to break. And there's a disconnect between what we know in our head and what we know in our core. We may know we're worth more than that but until we FEEL it, knowing it won't be worth a darn.

(Only 237 hours until my next session. :wah: )


Casey

That was quite well said

Thank you for posting it :-6

Thanks Cher. And to think it only cost me the GNP of a small third world country in therapy fees to figure all that out. LOL

Casey Morgan wrote: Thanks Cher. And to think it only cost me the GNP of a small third world country in therapy fees to figure all that out. LOL


:D Casey

It's not easy being on a quest to understand yourself, to be the VERY best you can be -- is it, Casey?

I admire your efforts to do so :-6

flopstock wrote: Do you suppose it stems back to grade school gym class... when we'd be begging to get picked and not be left behind...and then being left standing, anyways? What was it about those others that made them be wanted more?



How do we get conditioned 'not to ask' for want we want more then anything? What causes us to step back from an opportunity, rejecting it before it surely rejects us? How do we let ourself become convinced that we cannot possibly be the thing most wanted, so we refuse to fight for it?



Why do we convince ourself that it's easier to not expect the best, that second is doable? Why do we 'settle'. Aren't we worth more then that?



just an idle thought...:wah:




Im sure you would have been picked if you didnt throw like a girl. :-4