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I don't think I am a good marriage candidate. I tried (really tried) it for 10 years, but I was not successful. I think I changed. Or at least changed more than he did. I thought that since we had lived together for a few years that nothing would really change, just the tax status. BUT, I was wrong. (what?!? who said that?!?!) We still communicate since we have children together, but both of us are wounded, and it shows in our dealings with each other and others. So, having bared my soul, is there anyone else out there who thinks along the same lines...that they are just not good marriage material?

BONUS SIDE QUESTION: Is there really a good age to get married? How do you feel about living together before hand?

:driving: <----this is me, cruising along lifes highway **beep beep** (hey, is my right turn signal still on??)

love the question. so true.

I give up on marriage as well. I never should have tried it in the first place.

Marriage......LOL something like spittin' into the wind. dam I can't spit:wah:

i was married for twenty three years. he never sobered up. i got good at it by myself. might be a different story if i had to be in a marriage with someone. :driving:

Hey not so clueless- i am from houston texas, and am a gemini myself. my b day is may 29th.

guppy wrote: i was married for twenty three years. he never sobered up. i got good at it by myself. might be a different story if i had to be in a marriage with someone. :driving:


Gotta love someone Guppy.:-6 might as well be yourself:D

weber wrote: Gotta love someone Guppy.:-6 might as well be yourself:D


how true!:D

Yeah, I guess I sucked at it too. Tried it once 23 years ago. Have been single for 18 years now. LOL!

Lizard Lips wrote: Yeah, I guess I sucked at it too. Tried it once 23 years ago. Have been single for 18 years now. LOL!


dang, that must of really got your attention.

it snows all winter...................what the heck do you do for fun up there????

(Not so) clueless wrote: I don't think I am a good marriage candidate. I tried (really tried) it for 10 years, but I was not successful. I think I changed. Or at least changed more than he did. I thought that since we had lived together for a few years that nothing would really change, just the tax status. BUT, I was wrong. (what?!? who said that?!?!) We still communicate since we have children together, but both of us are wounded, and it shows in our dealings with each other and others. So, having bared my soul, is there anyone else out there who thinks along the same lines...that they are just not good marriage material?

BONUS SIDE QUESTION: Is there really a good age to get married? How do you feel about living together before hand?

:driving:


Don't believe the hype, You just didn't have the right marriage partner. neither did I. Sometimes the two right people just don't meet and hook up, don't mean you are not marriage material. Don't ever give up, you never know what's around the corner because you can't see around there. Keep the faith!!!:-4

A failed marriage doesn't mean you aren't marriage material; just that you married the wrong person. I was lucky enough to get it right the second time. Not everyone is.

Peg wrote: A failed marriage doesn't mean you aren't marriage material; just that you married the wrong person. I was lucky enough to get it right the second time. Not everyone is.


Happy for you Peg, just knowing that it works for some people lets me know I still have a chance. I still believe in marriage!:)

Every relationship is different - every Love is different. As we age our want and needs are different You just haven't met the right person yet.

With kids involved - don't look at it like a interview for a job - this is the tough stage for you right now and probably will be for a few years. There is no dead line to when to get married. Now with your time, think about what you really want from or out of a relationship. Value yourself.

Patsy

We've been married twenty years this year. I know this for a fact because my wife feels I should have remembered without being prompted.

I had an uncle who always used to say wait twenty years before getting married, spend another ten looking for the right woman and that way you won't have to suffer for long and it's only now I realise how right he was.

I wouldn't presume to give advice to anyone but from a male perpective

Always remember it's your fault.

Saying How can more of you be a bad thing won't retrieve the situation when she has just asked you if she looks fat and out of habit you said yes.

Sometimes you should listen to what she says as occasionally she expects an answer.

Telling the difference between having a two way conversation and interrupting is not always easy which is why the above is so difficult.

Keep your opinions to yourself unless asked but be wary of traps.

Women relax by talking, men do so by sitting down watching TV and not speaking to anyone. With a bit of practice you can listen to the TV over the constant droning.

Make sure the lawn mower is of a size that she can handle comfortably. Accept that it will never occur to her to clean it before putting it back in he shed and don't criticise otherwise you will end up doing it yourself, just clean it for her while cpmplimenting her on her ability to go in a straight line-be careful though that might be taken as sarcasm.

Always put the toilet seat down-it's not worth the aggro.

To quote Andy capp-Home is where you hang your head.

gmc wrote: We've been married twenty years this year. I know this for a fact because my wife feels I should have remembered without being prompted.

I had an uncle who always used to say wait twenty years before getting married, spend another ten looking for the right woman and that way you won't have to suffer for long and it's only now I realise how right he was.

I wouldn't presume to give advice to anyone but from a male perpective

Always remember it's your fault.

Saying How can more of you be a bad thing won't retrieve the situation when she has just asked you if she looks fat and out of habit you said yes.

Sometimes you should listen to what she says as occasionally she expects an answer.

Telling the difference between having a two way conversation and interrupting is not always easy which is why the above is so difficult.

Keep your opinions to yourself unless asked but be wary of traps.

Women relax by talking, men do so by sitting down watching TV and not speaking to anyone. With a bit of practice you can listen to the TV over the constant droning.

Make sure the lawn mower is of a size that she can handle comfortably. Accept that it will never occur to her to clean it before putting it back in he shed and don't criticise otherwise you will end up doing it yourself, just clean it for her while cpmplimenting her on her ability to go in a straight line-be careful though that might be taken as sarcasm.

Always put the toilet seat down-it's not worth the aggro.

To quote Andy capp-Home is where you hang your head.


i hope you mean this as a joke. otherwise this is just plain SAD:(

honeybee wrote: Happy for you Peg, just knowing that it works for some people lets me know I still have a chance. I still believe in marriage!:)


That's the spirit!

I am on my 2nd marriage, going on six years now. I love being married, being part of a unit, working towards a wonderful life together :-4

I'm older and wiser about marriage than I was the first time around. I *don't* expect my husband to make me feel fulfilled. I *don't* expect him to be a great husband all of the time. I *don't" expect to feel madly and passionately in love all of the time.

Once I realized the above, I found contentment with the person to whom I am married.

I expect to be happy most of the time, but not all of the time.

I think relaxing your expectations of others is the key here. And also the ability and desire to compromise.

Being right can be very lonely indeed. :-6

BTW, GREAT thread title!

gmc wrote:

Telling the difference between having a two way conversation and interrupting is not always easy.

With a bit of practice you can listen to the TV over the constant droning.




hehe

Those two were good.

I recently discovered that I can type whilst looking in the opposite direction and carrying on a conversation. In certain circumstances it takes very little concentration to respond to dialogue.

koan wrote: hehe

Those two were good.

I recently discovered that I can type whilst looking in the opposite direction and carrying on a conversation. In certain circumstances it takes very little concentration to respond to dialogue.


Hey Koan, could you teach me to do that:guitarist

cherandbuster wrote: That's the spirit!

I am on my 2nd marriage, going on six years now. I love being married, being part of a unit, working towards a wonderful life together :-4

I'm older and wiser about marriage than I was the first time around. I *don't* expect my husband to make me feel fulfilled. I *don't* expect him to be a great husband all of the time. I *don't" expect to feel madly and passionately in love all of the time.

Once I realized the above, I found contentment with the person to whom I am married.

I expect to be happy most of the time, but not all of the time.

I think relaxing your expectations of others is the key here. And also the ability and desire to compromise.

Being right can be very lonely indeed. :-6

BTW, GREAT thread title!


I love hearing encouraging stories like these. I know a good marriage is possible, I see them everywhere! It just seems that now I have so much more to think about since I have childrens lives to consider. And you know what? I dont think anyone is good enough to help me parent my children! LOL Is that bad? :-3

(Not so) clueless wrote: I love hearing encouraging stories like these. I know a good marriage is possible, I see them everywhere! It just seems that now I have so much more to think about since I have childrens lives to consider. And you know what? I dont think anyone is good enough to help me parent my children! LOL Is that bad? :-3
No, it's called being a good, loving mother.

(Not so) clueless wrote: I love hearing encouraging stories like these. I know a good marriage is possible, I see them everywhere! It just seems that now I have so much more to think about since I have childrens lives to consider. And you know what? I dont think anyone is good enough to help me parent my children! LOL Is that bad? :-3


Never give up clue, my wife & I have been happily married for 31 years this past June! Don't even be looking for some one, when that right one comes along, fate will allow you to encounter that special person when you're not looking. My wife & I are "both" Virgos, many say that should be a bad match! But we are like two peas in a pod. We finish each other's sentences, & we seem to always know what the other is thinking. (Scary) We have a marriage based on trust, kindness towards each other, understanding the other's feelings & or emotions, neither has to always be right, it's a give & take proposition. Neither one of us has to be the boss, we are "partners"!

Good Luck, & best wishes!

I'm lucky - damned lucky. I wish I could say the same for my beloved. I mean, I got her ... but she only got me.



21st anniversary coming up in November. Marriage takes work, from both partners. If only one wants to stay married, it's like being the only one in a relay race. That's the only thing I'm sure of in this arena.



When I hear of friends going through divorce, I feel simultaneously sad and lucky. Same thing when I hear screaming kids, but that's a different thread.

I am still married, but it pretty muck sucks. Not my husband' s fault. Just have not yet gotten good at it....the doing things as a couple, and being responsible. Not sure I should have ever considered myself marriage material

Marie5656 wrote: I am still married, but it pretty muck sucks. Not my husband' s fault. Just have not yet gotten good at it....the doing things as a couple, and being responsible. Not sure I should have ever considered myself marriage material


Isn't it wierd how we all go in to a marriage with high hopes but not necessarily realistic thoughts? Nobody ever goes into a marriage with the thoughts of..."I really hope I can get 10 good years out of this before things disintigrate!"

(Not so) clueless wrote: Isn't it wierd how we all go in to a marriage with high hopes but not necessarily realistic thoughts? Nobody ever goes into a marriage with the thoughts of..."I really hope I can get 10 good years out of this before things disintigrate!"


Unfortunately, there are no "Learners Permits" for a Marriage.:wah: Only full blown Marriage Certificates, so if & when it turns out that there is a mismatch, "divorce" seems to be the only other option! :wah:

guppy wrote:

it snows all winter...................what the heck do you do for fun up there????


It helps if you appreciate winter sports. I ski.:-6

The weather is actually great here. The heat is dry, the cold is dry. We get all 4 seasons, even if we do get to experience each of them at the extreme.

hey guys do you think people change or grow up as they age



i mean i'm nothing like the guy who got married and failed at it 25 years ago



i was not fat and bald then :wah: actually i was bald but no matter my point is



I'd feel sorry for any one that married some one as i was then ,ego bigger



than my beer gut now chips on each shoulder i was no where near the fun



loving giving kind guy i am now , a marriage to me now would pretty much



work no matter who i married, a marriage to me then was doomed no matter



who i married the only thing that's changed is me



gems don't get pretty without abrasion and men don't change without trials

Jimbo,

Of course we change. Life experiences chamge us, our priorities change.

I used to be high strung - in a hurry - addicted to work, I'm much calmer now.

I know myself and I'm secure within.

Yes, we change from sports car to station wagon, and probably back to sports car, belly and bald.

Patsy

Not really the best to answer only been married a year but for as much as its worth i think you did the right thing so many people just carry on at least you relised it wasnt working. I think you need to live together first try before you buy!!!!