Even God Makes Mistakes
Posted: Sun Sep 10, 2006 12:17 pm
This is an old story of mine that has been passed on by everywhere I sent it. No disrespect to any religion here.
“Even God Makes Mistakes by Pete Carter
It was a sunny spring day as I looked out my office window. When lunchtime came, I decided to hightail it to the park. The vernal sun just a bit closer to earth to beat back old man winter back into the north. It’s not that often in my cubicled job in a sterilized office, you get to actually experience nature other than through a window. After selecting a bench to put me in the best position to observe my female counterparts I opened my lunch bag. It was a turning out to be a good day.
Right in the middle of my glorious day, right in the middle of heaven achieved, for god sakes right in the middle of my lunch hour, one of those bible stomping jokers sets up shop.
He was one of those un-dyed in white wool types with a long flowing white beard that collects bits of lunches from times gone by. I listened to him while he used his power on the crowd. His power was the amazing ability to drive all the people, including the beautiful women as far away from him as possible. It was awe inspiring, godlike.
He spouted on about the end of the earth, the Day of Judgment, yada yada yada ¦
I listened enthralled and wondered about his awesome power to turn a park full of people into a graveyard. He even scared the Friggin’ dogs away.
I don’t know why I decided to talk to him. Maybe it was something in his voice. Perhaps it was his startling resemblance to Charlton Heston. Maybe I was pissed off at this token messiah and wanted poke him in the eye and pull his beard. I sauntered up chewing my sandwich as he prattled on to the empty park. Looking over my shoulder I realized he had cleared out the entire section of the park and only him and I were left. He sat down on his rickety soapbox head in hand.
“ Don’t give up old geezer, I think there is still some people in the next county.
“ You don’t get it do you, the world is ending, the Methuselah mumbled.
“ Yeah, yeah I twiddled my fingers for effect, “ Apocalypse, ooh, fire and blemstone
“ Brimstone you idiot, the old man said, “ Your name is Derrick Wallace, your were born in Sioux City, your mother’s maiden name is Erickson, your dog is named Bobo and your favorite cereal is Captain Crunch.
“ How ¦
“ I am God.
“ Yeah, right.
“ How about a miracle? Raise something up from the dead? End gravity?
“ O.k. I said. Instantaneously all the grass in the park was blue, a pretty sea green blue.
“ See, I suppose you want another one? I nodded. At that point the sky turned pink, a rather nice color actually, kind of salmony.
“ Believe? he asked. I nodded, beginning to believe a bit.
“ You know what my problem is? I shook my head dumbly.
“ The world has ended. I mean really ended. But no one wants to leave.
I crumpled my face not quite understanding.
“ I threw every thing I could at you people. You name it and I threw it at you, everything from floods, cataclysms, war, plague, death, bunions, Zamfir and the pan flute and you humans ignored it. I turn the grass blue, ‘oh, well the grass is blue’. I turn the sky pink, ‘ oh well, the sky is pink’. What is it with you? I mean I invented you and I have no idea what the hell makes you people tick. What are you some sort of lame-brained, defective, half-baked morons? I mean really, he huffed.
Not knowing how to answer for humanity I asked a question, “ How long ago did the world end?
“ It ended over a 100 years ago in 1901. Can’t you people take a hint? No! I’ve got things to do you know, new species, the universe thing.
“Why don’t you tell people? I said
“ Oh, aren’t we the smart one. ‘Oh, I am the smart little being’. What do you think I have been doing! They won’t listen. I follow them around and they run away from me. I make them spontaneously combust and nothing. ‘Oh, it was hot that day’. Idiots!
This guy was either a complete nut with god-like powers or he was God with nut-like powers, I checked my watch.
“ I gotta get back to work, I said.
“ Haven’t you listened to anything I said? It’s over. I want all you people out of here. This place is mine and I want you out. Waiting for all of you is a place of everlasting happiness with any you want, he said.
“ I know, but I’m gonna be late.
“ Fine, he said as he turned and walked away, “ Moron.
The last I saw of him he was yelling at people to get out.
I scurried back to my cubical, relieved to surround myself with phones and faxes and the fidgety blink from fluorescent lights. It was going to be a long time before I took lunch in the park.
“Even God Makes Mistakes by Pete Carter
It was a sunny spring day as I looked out my office window. When lunchtime came, I decided to hightail it to the park. The vernal sun just a bit closer to earth to beat back old man winter back into the north. It’s not that often in my cubicled job in a sterilized office, you get to actually experience nature other than through a window. After selecting a bench to put me in the best position to observe my female counterparts I opened my lunch bag. It was a turning out to be a good day.
Right in the middle of my glorious day, right in the middle of heaven achieved, for god sakes right in the middle of my lunch hour, one of those bible stomping jokers sets up shop.
He was one of those un-dyed in white wool types with a long flowing white beard that collects bits of lunches from times gone by. I listened to him while he used his power on the crowd. His power was the amazing ability to drive all the people, including the beautiful women as far away from him as possible. It was awe inspiring, godlike.
He spouted on about the end of the earth, the Day of Judgment, yada yada yada ¦
I listened enthralled and wondered about his awesome power to turn a park full of people into a graveyard. He even scared the Friggin’ dogs away.
I don’t know why I decided to talk to him. Maybe it was something in his voice. Perhaps it was his startling resemblance to Charlton Heston. Maybe I was pissed off at this token messiah and wanted poke him in the eye and pull his beard. I sauntered up chewing my sandwich as he prattled on to the empty park. Looking over my shoulder I realized he had cleared out the entire section of the park and only him and I were left. He sat down on his rickety soapbox head in hand.
“ Don’t give up old geezer, I think there is still some people in the next county.
“ You don’t get it do you, the world is ending, the Methuselah mumbled.
“ Yeah, yeah I twiddled my fingers for effect, “ Apocalypse, ooh, fire and blemstone
“ Brimstone you idiot, the old man said, “ Your name is Derrick Wallace, your were born in Sioux City, your mother’s maiden name is Erickson, your dog is named Bobo and your favorite cereal is Captain Crunch.
“ How ¦
“ I am God.
“ Yeah, right.
“ How about a miracle? Raise something up from the dead? End gravity?
“ O.k. I said. Instantaneously all the grass in the park was blue, a pretty sea green blue.
“ See, I suppose you want another one? I nodded. At that point the sky turned pink, a rather nice color actually, kind of salmony.
“ Believe? he asked. I nodded, beginning to believe a bit.
“ You know what my problem is? I shook my head dumbly.
“ The world has ended. I mean really ended. But no one wants to leave.
I crumpled my face not quite understanding.
“ I threw every thing I could at you people. You name it and I threw it at you, everything from floods, cataclysms, war, plague, death, bunions, Zamfir and the pan flute and you humans ignored it. I turn the grass blue, ‘oh, well the grass is blue’. I turn the sky pink, ‘ oh well, the sky is pink’. What is it with you? I mean I invented you and I have no idea what the hell makes you people tick. What are you some sort of lame-brained, defective, half-baked morons? I mean really, he huffed.
Not knowing how to answer for humanity I asked a question, “ How long ago did the world end?
“ It ended over a 100 years ago in 1901. Can’t you people take a hint? No! I’ve got things to do you know, new species, the universe thing.
“Why don’t you tell people? I said
“ Oh, aren’t we the smart one. ‘Oh, I am the smart little being’. What do you think I have been doing! They won’t listen. I follow them around and they run away from me. I make them spontaneously combust and nothing. ‘Oh, it was hot that day’. Idiots!
This guy was either a complete nut with god-like powers or he was God with nut-like powers, I checked my watch.
“ I gotta get back to work, I said.
“ Haven’t you listened to anything I said? It’s over. I want all you people out of here. This place is mine and I want you out. Waiting for all of you is a place of everlasting happiness with any you want, he said.
“ I know, but I’m gonna be late.
“ Fine, he said as he turned and walked away, “ Moron.
The last I saw of him he was yelling at people to get out.
I scurried back to my cubical, relieved to surround myself with phones and faxes and the fidgety blink from fluorescent lights. It was going to be a long time before I took lunch in the park.
Glitter is as glitter does. Or something like that. :wah: