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2-Minute Management Course

Lesson One

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing

nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit

on my ass like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why

not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the

eagle, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit

and ate it.

Management Lessons:

To be sitting on your ass and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.



Lesson Two

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love

to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey,

"but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my manure

droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with

nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of manure, found it

actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the

tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second

branch. Finally after a fourth night, he was proudly perched at the top

of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the

turkey out of the tree.

Management Lesson:

Bull s*** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.



Lesson Three

A little bird was flying south for the winter.

It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field.

While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As

the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize

how warm it was and that the dung was actually thawing him out. He lay

there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat

heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the

cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him

out and ate him.

Management Lessons:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of s*** is your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep s***, it's best to keep your mouth shut.

This ends your two-minute management course.

Lesson Four

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He

stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her

legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look

and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid

his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father,

remember Psalm 129?"

The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to

remove his hand. Changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" Once again the priest

apologized: "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance

and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and

looked up Psalm 129.

It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Management Lessons:

Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity.



Lesson Five

A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to

lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in

a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so

I'll give each of you just one."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the

Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.

In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be

in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless

supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I

want those two back in the office after lunch."

Management Lessons:

Always let your boss have the first say.

:wah: