ForumGarden

Well, if she is self-destructing someone should check on her every so often. If she starts making negative comments about your uncle, just tell her you are not taking any sides but love them both. You are in a pickle tmbsgrl!

tmbsgrl wrote: So here is the story: My Aunt and Uncle have been married for over 23 years. My uncle is my moms brother and obviously my aunt got married into the family. Well 12 years ago my uncle decided that he didn't love her anymore & he wanted to leave her.. He didn't-he stayed until all his children were 18 and older. He didn't want to pay child support.. So as he says he has lived unhappily for 12 years for the sake of his children. He finally left her about 2-3 weeks ago and is now living at my moms house..he is happier than they have seen him and he is laughing again. (before he was real depressed & not himself) My Aunt Kathy is going nuts because she can't figure out what she did to make him not love her anymore. They had their fair share of problems over the years just like any couple. She used to be real nasty to my sister and my gram because is a very jealous person.. But for the past 10 years or so she has been the sweetest person & she totally changed her ways and her negativity toward my family. She has been begging my uncle to give her one more chance & he won't do it.. he is divorcing her. She has threatened to kill herself and she is slowly self destructing. I feel so horrible for her but I have been trying to stay out of it.. Her and I get along and I like it that way. She has come here by herself for vacations so I don't want any hard feelings toward me from her or my uncle. Well Today is my Grams birthday & my aunt wanted her to be with her and the kids & the grand babies tonight. Aunt Kathy went to the store to pick up last minute party items and ran into my uncles ( who is married into the family) sister, Diane.. She started to talk to my aunt and mentioned that My uncle was divorcing her while she was smirking.. Diane went on saying nasty things to my aunt which lead to Aunt Kathy dropping everything and walking out of the store.. She canceled on my gram tonight because she is really ashamed and upset.. My mom called me and told me all of this and says she has been trying to reach aunt Kathy & she won't answer. Do you think I should call there to talk to her just to try to make her feel better? What should I say when she says things about my uncle. I know she loves him but out of anger and her hurting so bad she is bound to say some pretty bad things about my Uncle Bill. Like I said I feel horrible for her & I think she needs someone to talk to.. I just don't know what to say to her.. I can't exactly call and ask "Are you ok" I already know that answer..



Does this make sense? Thanks in advance & if you have any questions ask me..


there is nothing more glum than a dead end marriage... I hope she can get past it.

If you care for her then be caring.

tmbsgrl wrote: Do you think I should call there to talk to her just to try to make her feel better? What should I say when she says things about my uncle. I know she loves him but out of anger and her hurting so bad she is bound to say some pretty bad things about my Uncle Bill. Like I said I feel horrible for her & I think she needs someone to talk to.. I just don't know what to say to her.. I can't exactly call and ask "Are you ok" I already know that answer..



Does this make sense? Thanks in advance & if you have any questions ask me..


Yes, I thing that it's important, both for you and for her, that you go round and make sure that she's all right and to make your peace with her.

I wouldn't worry about it being awkward - explain that your concerned for her after what's happened and don't want her to think that the whole family is against her.

Even though she originally married into the family, after 23 years she is a part of it and doesn't deserve to loose your friendship overnight.

tmbsgrl wrote: She will never lose my friendship.. I will always be here for her.. I am just nervous and I don't want to hurt her anymore than she is already hurting. You know..



So I just tried to call her but I got the Machine. I left a message and I pray that she calls me back..


You wont hurt her by caring - let her know you're there if she needs you.

If you don't hear from her, try calling again. Just let her know that, even though she and your uncle are divorcing, she will always be your aunt. If she starts talking bad about your uncle, tell her you did not call to hear that kind of stuff but to hear how she is doing and if there is anything you could do for her.

Good adivce here from Peg. I hope she is OK and you get to talk to her..

[QUOTE]If you don't hear from her, try calling again. Just let her know that, even though she and your uncle are divorcing, she will always be your aunt. If she starts talking bad about your uncle, tell her you did not call to hear that kind of stuff but to hear how she is doing and if there is anything you could do for her.[/QUOTE]

Susie

What a kind, caring and loving person you are being to your Aunt

I think you handled things beautifully

And I know you will continue to do so where she is concerned.

Nice job! :-6

tmbsgrl...

Have you ever heard of Borderline Personality Disorder? My father has it. This sounds like a good case for that. Here is a link to a message board where you can find a million different resources. Its awesome! IM a member there too!

http://nook.bpdcentral.com/nookboard/index.php