Alternative Recipes ..
Posted: Tue Jun 27, 2006 11:30 am
How To Cook A Husband
Be careful in your selection.
Do not choose too young.
When once selected, give your entire thoughts to preparation for domestic use.
Some insist on keeping them in a pickle.
Others are constantly getting them into hot water. This makes them sour, hard to get along with and sometimes bitter.
Even poor varieties may be made sweet, tender and good by garnishing them with patience and sweetening with kisses.
Wrap them in a mantle of charity.
Keep warm with a steady fire of domestic devotion, and serve with peaches and cream.
Thus prepared, they will keep well for years.
Elephant Stew
Ingredients
* 1 elephant (medium size)
* 1 rabbit (optional)
* Salt and Pepper to taste
Cut elephant into bite sized pieces; this takes about 2 months. Add enough brown gravy to cover. Cook over kerosene fire at 465 degrees. Serves 3800 persons. For those who dislike elephant stew, the rabbit may be added -- but only if necessary because most people don't like hare in their stew.
Fruitcake
Ingredients
* 1 cup water
* 1 cup sugar
* 4 large eggs
* 2 cups dried fruit
* 1 teaspoon baking soda
* 1 teaspoon salt
* 1 cup brown sugar
* 3 tablespoons lemon juice
* 1 cup nuts
* 1 gallon whiskey
Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again to be sure it is of the highest quality. Pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large, fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is still OK. Cry another tup. Turn off mixer. Break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?
Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again. Go to bed.
Who likes fruitcake anyway?
Be careful in your selection.
Do not choose too young.
When once selected, give your entire thoughts to preparation for domestic use.
Some insist on keeping them in a pickle.
Others are constantly getting them into hot water. This makes them sour, hard to get along with and sometimes bitter.
Even poor varieties may be made sweet, tender and good by garnishing them with patience and sweetening with kisses.
Wrap them in a mantle of charity.
Keep warm with a steady fire of domestic devotion, and serve with peaches and cream.
Thus prepared, they will keep well for years.
Elephant Stew
Ingredients
* 1 elephant (medium size)
* 1 rabbit (optional)
* Salt and Pepper to taste
Cut elephant into bite sized pieces; this takes about 2 months. Add enough brown gravy to cover. Cook over kerosene fire at 465 degrees. Serves 3800 persons. For those who dislike elephant stew, the rabbit may be added -- but only if necessary because most people don't like hare in their stew.
Fruitcake
Ingredients
* 1 cup water
* 1 cup sugar
* 4 large eggs
* 2 cups dried fruit
* 1 teaspoon baking soda
* 1 teaspoon salt
* 1 cup brown sugar
* 3 tablespoons lemon juice
* 1 cup nuts
* 1 gallon whiskey
Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again to be sure it is of the highest quality. Pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large, fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is still OK. Cry another tup. Turn off mixer. Break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?
Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again. Go to bed.
Who likes fruitcake anyway?
