Rules of Chocolate
Posted: Tue May 30, 2006 10:57 am
The Rules of Chocolate
* If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.
* Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
* The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in hot car.
The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
* Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.
* A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?
* If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
* If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract eachother?
* Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.
* Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?
A. Because no one wants to quit.
* Money talks. Chocolate sings. Beautifully.
* Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. Therefore, you need to eat more chocolate.
* Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.
* If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?
* If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can't let that happen, can you?
* If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.
* Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
* The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in hot car.
The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
* Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.
* A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?
* If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
* If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract eachother?
* Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.
* Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?
A. Because no one wants to quit.
* Money talks. Chocolate sings. Beautifully.
* Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. Therefore, you need to eat more chocolate.
* Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.
* If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?
* If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can't let that happen, can you?
