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I believe my wife is cheating on me. This is my secong marriage, but I'm in love with her. My first wife cheated on my 3 times. I have no one to talk to, and I just don't know how to go about this. I want things to work, but I feel that I'm lost right now. I just feel like giving up on everything. I just want everything to work with my wife, but I don't think she is honest with me about things. I just don't know what to do. HELP

Lost

I have, but she denies it, but she came home from a work party at 2 am and her shirt had been rebuttened, and it wasn't buttened correctly either. These guys from work that are married are constantly calling her and she lies to me about them calling and she calls them.

She will continue to make you misreale. Get out. Start a new life and learne how to be alone. Alone doesnt always mean lonely. It sounds like you depend on this woman to make you happy, Lost, you hvae to make yourself happy.

Join a book club, take up a new hobby and leave her. Start a new life by yourself. She obviousley doesnt give a damn about your feelings. But, if you really want to make it work, she has to aadmit, apologize and you to could see a counselor together.

*big hug for Lost*

Suggest counseling for you two. If she doesn't agree, then you might have to consider it is time to part. You cannot live under stress like this, and not be hurt, inside and out, from this.

hi and welcome .... if your wife has cheated would you forgive her ...

Lost, this is such an involved subject. My observations can only be derived by friends who have dabbled in extra marital affairs.

The fastest road to heartache and immeasurable pain is to become involved with a married person. Or to be married to someone who cheats. There are women and men who are thrilled by the challenge of taking someone " away" from someone else. Women who get involved with married men have very little respect for other women. If someone cheats on their spouse... they will cheat on you. Someone who cheats.. will cheat again. The biggest delusion is to belive that someone who professes to be unhappy will leave their mate.. to start something new. 99% of the time it doesnt happen. They are not going anywhere. Too much to lose.

So you can act oblivious... and she will probably return to you.

Or, you can muster up your self respect and your pride.. and find someone with some loyalty,& morals who will be true to you.

I personally wouldnt look twice at someone I couldnt trust. Take yourself " Out of the game"

Thanks everyone, I never thought LOVE could hurt so bad. What sucks is that I care so much about her and I want everything to work out. I don't know, maybe I'm fooling myself, I just want to hold out hope. I don't know, maybe I just need to pull myself up and worry about myself so I don't get sick.

Lost

a man once told me that just because you cheat doesent mean you dont love your wife

i suppose what you have to weigh up is - is the fact that she loves you enough to turn a blind eye to this?

no-one can answer this question but yourself, all we can do is support you through the pain of it whatever your decision is - its not easy but you will drive yourself nuts until you decide which way you are going

Lost wrote: Thanks everyone, I never thought LOVE could hurt so bad. What sucks is that I care so much about her and I want everything to work out. I don't know, maybe I'm fooling myself, I just want to hold out hope. I don't know, maybe I just need to pull myself up and worry about myself so I don't get sick.

Lost
Love isnt supposed to HURT.

SnoozeControl wrote: I've got a friend who cheated on her husband every chance she got. Either he was oblivious to it or he chose to ignore the situation. She'd cheat and always return to him, and they seem to be very happy together after 30 some year of marriage. She's just unable to remain monogamous.



That probably wasn't very helpful, but there's one scenario you might want to be aware of.




Ya think ? :rolleyes: God sneeze ! :wah:

Hi there, Lost. I'm sorry your intro post is about something so painful, but I'm glad you found us. There are so many people here, with so much life experience, and so diverse, with so many different ways of looking at the world, you're bound to find some good advice, some comfort, something to p!ss you off, and any and everything else.



First off, I noticed you said, "I want this to work out." The question is, does your wife? If she is confronted with your suspicions and you tell her what you're feeling, is she going to be willing to do all the work neccessary to regain your trust? Or would she rather continue playing her games? Because even though you want it to work, it doesn't mean she does. Infidelity is so incredibly painful, and I'm sorry you're going through this. But I'll tell you this, you found a great place to come talk about it. This forum is full of wonderful, caring, understanding people who are always willing to listen and help someone out who is down.

I hope you stay, and find some comfort here. Maybe even some useable advice.

Welcome to FG. :yh_peace

SnoozeControl wrote: Oh, shut up! I'm just saying that there's something for everyone out there. If you can stand having your wife cheating yet returning to you at the end of the day, then I suppose its a good thing. Personally, I'd rather life alone with 27 cats and reeking of cat pee than having to go through that.:-2




Dont make me come over there.

and what about STDs?

BabyRider wrote: Hi there, Lost. I'm sorry your intro post is about something so painful, but I'm glad you found us. There are so many people here, with so much life experience, and so diverse, with so many different ways of looking at the world, you're bound to find some good advice, some comfort, something to p!ss you off, and any and everything else.



First off, I noticed you said, "I want this to work out." The question is, does your wife? If she is confronted with your suspicions and you tell her what you're feeling, is she going to be willing to do all the work neccessary to regain your trust? Or would she rather continue playing her games? Because even though you want it to work, it doesn't mean she does. Infidelity is so incredibly painful, and I'm sorry you're going through this. But I'll tell you this, you found a great place to come talk about it. This forum is full of wonderful, caring, understanding people who are always willing to listen and help someone out who is down.

I hope you stay, and find some comfort here. Maybe even some useable advice.

Welcome to FG. :yh_peace
Baby Rider,

I'm so glad that I found this group, everyone has been so nice and I do appreciate everyones advice to me. I hope she wants to work things out, SHE says she does, but sometimes it's so confusing because she is so nice to me then for no reason 10 minutes later she can be very cold to me. I'm not saying everything is her fault, I was in a car accident 6 years ago this May and broke my back. I'm disabled and can't work and that has been very hard on me and I'm sure on her. But 15 days before my accident my wife had fallen into a deep depression and wouldn't get out of bed, so when I had my accident and had to have my surgeries when I was sent home after both my surgeries I was told to stay down for 4-6 weeks, but I couldn't my wife wouldn't get out of bed and I felt like I needed to take care of her and the kids. She was like that for nearly 15 months. But I don't blame her for it, I would do it again that is how much she means to me. She has said she knows she needs to find another job and get away from these guys she works with because all they talk about is wanting to have there way with her. I can only imagine how tough it is for her. But you said the key words, she needs it to want to work it out as well. Thanks again

LOST

SnoozeControl wrote: Oh, shut up! I'm just saying that there's something for everyone out there. If you can stand having your wife cheating yet returning to you at the end of the day, then I suppose its a good thing. Personally, I'd rather life alone with 27 cats and reeking of cat pee than having to go through that.:-2
I know what you meant, and I appreciate you taking the time to share your advice and thoughts with me during this hard time.

Hm, I'd have to say....get out while you still can.

It's hard to admit this but, I cheated on my husband. (when I was married). I was just prolonging the inevitable.

Lost wrote: Baby Rider,

I'm so glad that I found this group, everyone has been so nice and I do appreciate everyones advice to me. I hope she wants to work things out, SHE says she does, but sometimes it's so confusing because she is so nice to me then for no reason 10 minutes later she can be very cold to me. I'm not saying everything is her fault, I was in a car accident 6 years ago this May and broke my back. I'm disabled and can't work and that has been very hard on me and I'm sure on her. But 15 days before my accident my wife had fallen into a deep depression and wouldn't get out of bed, so when I had my accident and had to have my surgeries when I was sent home after both my surgeries I was told to stay down for 4-6 weeks, but I couldn't my wife wouldn't get out of bed and I felt like I needed to take care of her and the kids. She was like that for nearly 15 months. But I don't blame her for it, I would do it again that is how much she means to me. She has said she knows she needs to find another job and get away from these guys she works with because all they talk about is wanting to have there way with her. I can only imagine how tough it is for her. But you said the key words, she needs it to want to work it out as well. Thanks again

LOST
Whoa.....there is a LOT more going on here than just screwing around. Your wife needs some major psychological help. Depression, the fact that she didn't take one of the guys who said he'd like to "have his way with her" and give him a good ass-kicking, her inability to help YOU when you needed it...all classic symptoms of a total lack of self esteem. This lady is screaming out for attention. How long have you 2 been married and are your children in common, or from a previous marriage?

have their way with her? is she some delicate helpless princess in an ivory tower who can't defend herself? sounds like a lot of hooey to me. if a woman does not welcome attentions, men know it. and as i asked before, what about STDs? also...in this century, women (and men) have the option of sexual harassment charges in the workplace.

When my children were 4 and 4 months old.. I discovered my husband was having an affair. The initial shock took a piece of my heart. For a year afterwards I felt like I had been hit with a shot gun blast. I went to get tested for stds, and aids, and everything you can imagine. Although I didnt divorce the bastard until 3 years later... The marriage was really over from the day I found out. Not having the guts to end one relationship before starting another is unexcusable under any circumstances. Because the behavior drags all people concerned through hell.

BabyRider wrote: Whoa.....there is a LOT more going on here than just screwing around. Your wife needs some major psychological help. Depression, the fact that she didn't take one of the guys who said he'd like to "have his way with her" and give him a good ass-kicking, her inability to help YOU when you needed it...all classic symptoms of a total lack of self esteem. This lady is screaming out for attention. How long have you 2 been married and are your children in common, or from a previous marriage?


We have been married 7 years, and she has a son (10 yrs. old) from a previous marriage and I have a son (12 yrs old) from a previous marriage and we have one son (5yrs. old) together. I know she is screaming for attention, but I don't know what more I can do, I've always been there for you, I tell her every day how beautiful she is and how much "I LOVE HER". Someone told me that she acts as though she was molested as a child because she doesn't know how to put up boundries and she is afraid to say "NO". The thing that is so upsetting is I know if she would just say something to the company that she works for that something would be done. She works for a well know sporting goods company here in the USA and now is expanding to Canada. I know that they wouldn't allow this to go on, at least I would hope not. Some how though I've got to get control of myself, because I'm afraid at the rate I'm going I'm going to have a heart attack. For the last two weeks I've been having chest pains and I'm to afraid to do anything about it. Thanks for talking with me and letting me pour out my soul.

LOST

lady cop wrote: have their way with her? is she some delicate helpless princess in an ivory tower who can't defend herself? sounds like a lot of hooey to me. if a woman does not welcome attentions, men know it. and as i asked before, what about STDs? also...in this century, women (and men) have the option of sexual harassment charges in the workplace.


STDs? I'm completely afraid. I mean if we are able to work this out, I can't imagine us being together for awhile, because I'm going to want her to be tested, but that is a long ways out. Because, we have a lot of work to do.

It certainly seem's like your doing all the giving and she's doing all the taking. I think you need to sit down and take a long hard look at your life and decide what you really want and how you see yourself in 10 year's time .Sorry to be brutal but your wife sound's like a complete selfish bitch maybe she need's reminding what you have sacrificed (bringing up her kid)marriage is about give and take and there has to be love on both side's and if there is any hope for your marriage you need to get some sort of therapy and fast - good luck

I can't go on and have fun with what is going on in my life. I have chased my wife since day one, and never stopped chasing her until all this happpened and she told me that I needed to stop until things were worked out. I'm so confused, I want to work things out with my wife, but I don't know what she wants, she has given me so many mixed messages that it is hard to follow what is going on. I'm tired of crying because I hurt.

LOST

Lost wrote: We have been married 7 years, and she has a son (10 yrs. old) from a previous marriage and I have a son (12 yrs old) from a previous marriage and we have one son (5yrs. old) together. I know she is screaming for attention, but I don't know what more I can do, I've always been there for you, I tell her every day how beautiful she is and how much "I LOVE HER". Someone told me that she acts as though she was molested as a child because she doesn't know how to put up boundries and she is afraid to say "NO". The thing that is so upsetting is I know if she would just say something to the company that she works for that something would be done. She works for a well know sporting goods company here in the USA and now is expanding to Canada. I know that they wouldn't allow this to go on, at least I would hope not. Some how though I've got to get control of myself, because I'm afraid at the rate I'm going I'm going to have a heart attack. For the last two weeks I've been having chest pains and I'm to afraid to do anything about it. Thanks for talking with me and letting me pour out my soul.

LOST
You initally described the situation as... My wife is cheating on me. Now it sounds like she is a victim being sexually harassed on the job. Which is it? Is she deceptive.. or is she a helpless victim. Or are you grasping at straws and making excuses because your in denial? Denial is the brains defense mechanism agains horiffic pain that a person is not yet prepared to handle. Its ok to take some time but then one has to see the writing on the wall. Make decisions or suffer worse consequences later. If I had stayed in denial and not divorced my husband, he would have eventually given me a venereal disease or killed our children while drunk in a car. So... I HAD to break up my : Little Family" It wasnt the reality I imagined it to be.

God life can be hard.

Hey Lost,

The way I see it is that you need to check out your convincing strategies. What I mean is that if you are convinced of something, you then need to take the appropriate action, if any action is in fact necessary. For example, if you are convinced your wife is cheating on you, are you convinced that you can live with it? If you can, you keep on working at it. If not, you split up. You need to think through all of your basic beliefs, imagine ALL the possible scenarios & re-run them until you are left with what you are absolutely convinced about - not easy. I've had some serious relationship issues & this technique helps me to understand what to do.

Gus.

Hey Everyone,

Well, I was a little late seeing the doctor, I had a heart attack a couple of days ago, and they did an emergency angioplasty at midnight. It really made me realize how important life is and that my kids need me even if my wife doesn't. The night it happened she had told me that she was going out to eat with a bunch of girls. The amazing thing was that she went to a restuarant that a friend of ours went to and saw here with another man that was at least 30 yrs older than her. Some how someone got a hold of her and told her that I had a heart attack and had been taken to the hospital. She showed up in tears and she kept saying she was afraid she was going to lose me and have to plan a funeral. I don't know if it's true or not, but it's time for me to just pull myself up and go on with my life and if she wants to be a part of it great, other wise I need to go on. I'm 39 and have kids, but I'm a great father and husband so if she doesn't want to be with me HER LOSS!!

Lost (but beginning to find myself)

you had a heart attack and are home already? you last posted on the 21st at 11:30 PM and this is the 23rd at 2 PM. we are supposed to believe this?

Lost wrote: Hey Everyone,

Well, I was a little late seeing the doctor, I had a heart attack a couple of days ago, and they did an emergency angioplasty at midnight. It really made me realize how important life is and that my kids need me even if my wife doesn't. The night it happened she had told me that she was going out to eat with a bunch of girls. The amazing thing was that she went to a restuarant that a friend of ours went to and saw here with another man that was at least 30 yrs older than her. Some how someone got a hold of her and told her that I had a heart attack and had been taken to the hospital. She showed up in tears and she kept saying she was afraid she was going to lose me and have to plan a funeral. I don't know if it's true or not, but it's time for me to just pull myself up and go on with my life and if she wants to be a part of it great, other wise I need to go on. I'm 39 and have kids, but I'm a great father and husband so if she doesn't want to be with me HER LOSS!!

Lost (but beginning to find myself)see my above post. my BS detector is going crazy.

lady cop wrote: you had a heart attack and are home already? you last posted on the 21st and this is the 23rd. we are supposed to believe this?
YEP, and do you want to watch the dvd of the procedure to! The dr. wanted to keep in till tomorrow or Tuesday but I talked him into letting me come home last night as long as I take the medicine and do everything as he says, and if I begin to bleed from the insision where they did the angioplastio that I return immediately. I agreed. I don't care what you believe but if knocked some sence back into me.

total bollocks. and its incision and sense. you're full of it.

lady cop wrote: you had a heart attack and are home already? you last posted on the 21st at 11:30 PM and this is the 23rd at 2 PM. we are supposed to believe this? i never quote myself as a rule, but i want people who read this thread to see the implications. this lost guy is a liar. i had a heart attack. no dr. who pays malpractice insurance would let a person out of hospital that fast after a coronary. so if you read this thread and get suckered, don't say i didn't tell you.

lady cop wrote: total bollocks. and its incision and sense. you're full of it.




yoor ! :-5

Nomad wrote: yoor ! :-5let's keep YOUR personal spelling problem out of this doofus. BAWWAAAAA!!! :wah:

lady cop wrote: let's keep YOUR personal spelling problem out of this doofus. BAWWAAAAA!!! :wah:








Bawwaaaaa !!! ? How odd, how very odd indeed. You shall be my next subject.

My brotherinlaw is a Thorasic Surgeon I also find it very hard to believe that after a Coronary, followed by an angio you would be released, just not going to happen in most cases minimum stay would be 3 days, unless it was a scheduled procedure to be done on an outpatient basis. Unless your insurance pushed you out the door for financial reasons I tend to believe your time line is in error..Just my opinion...

My sister had a double mastectomy and was out in 24 hrs complete with drains etc....nothing surprises me nowadays.... my friends daughter in law was out of hospital with her baby weighing only 4 and a half pounds in 24 hrs too (with the baby).

All you people who think you know everything WOW, after a angioplasty and if they use a angioplug your up in 6 hrs and out of the hospital within 12-16hrs, I was in more than 24hrs and had a enough, yea the dr wanted me to stay till Monday or Tuesday but I said NO. Oh by the way for all you people who know so much the average stay in the hospital after angioplasti is 12hrs. So there

Usually the short stays are driven by the HMO's period it is all about the dollar not the patient. Many times they are back in the hospital the next day beacuse they should have never be released in the first place, it is a real problem in the health care field now. Patients are being released way to early and some are dying because of it..