ForumGarden

This is lengthy, but, it deals with a subject close to home for me, and I want to share it with you guys. Maybe someone would also have some input.



5 nights ago, Bullet got a call from a friend of a friend, Quentin. Quentin informed us that he had been with our buddy Cuda, a patch holder from another club, but a brother to Bullet nonetheless. Cuda is the son of Tim Beels, the memorial run we go on in Ohio every year.

Anyway. Quentin informed us that he had picked up Cuda at home after a drunken phone call from Cuda that he needed to get out of the house. Keep in mind here, Cuda has been on a self-distruct, downward spiral in the five years since his dad was taken from him. Not one day goes by where Cuda is not drunk. Not just drinking till he's messed up, but drinking himself into oblivion and black-outs. The call to Quentin told of his (Cuda's) fight with his wife, punching a door, and breaking his hand. Quentin of course, went and got him and took him to the hospital. He blew a .31 at 8 o'clock in the evening.

After staying with Cuda for several hours, Quentin called Bullet. By now, its 2 am. Bullet gets up out of bed, goes to yell at Cuda and try to knock some sense into him, and then takes matters into his own hands.

When the hospital released Cuda the following morning about 10 am, he still blew way over the limit, but since he was leaving with Bullet, they let him go. While Cuda had been in the hospital, Bullet went to his house and emptied the entire place of any type of booze. He found over 60 liquor bottles stashed everywhere, and came out with about 75 bucks in returnables of beer cans.

His next move? He got him a bed in a rehab center and took him there himself.

Cuda's wife has had it. She said she is done with him, but there are 3 things he needs to do to make her even consider coming back: 1: Stay in rehab as long as his insurance will cover him. 2: Never touch a single drop of booze again. 3: Quit his M/C.

I agree with every demand she has made and even doing this is no guarantee that she will take him back.

Bullet was very harsh with Cuda. Cuda has his daughter's name tattooed on his forearm, and Bullet said to him: "Why not get that inked over with Jack Daniels, or maybe 5 Star? That's apparently what means the most to you."

He pulled no punches.

Ya know where Bullet is right this very minute? At an AA meeting with Cuda.

Is it any wonder why I love this man?

Back to the point. When I was drinking, Bullet offered me a choice: Him, or the booze. There was no decision to make, I put it down, never looked back. Cuda will be a much different story. He hasn't been sober 2 days in a row for 5 years. Now he's gone 5 days without a drink and he can't believe how he feels. He's got a tough road ahead of him, I know. Tougher than I had. I was just a drunk who liked to party too much, and didn't know when to say when. Cuda is a man trying to escape his life and drown his sorrow of the loss of his dad.

So, we have a kid to babysit for a while. I told Cuda myself, "You have a chance to redeem yourself, both with your wife and with Bullet. If you help yourself, we'll help you all we can. If you use Bullet as a crutch and rely on him to do this for you, he will wash his hands of you. Period."

We are about to witness what the human spirit can or cannot endure. I'm hoping for a good outcome.



Cuda...peace to you, man. TCOB

Bullet's a good man. I hope things go well for Cuda and hugs to you and Bullet BR.

All 3 of you, plus Cuda's family, will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Special hugs to you both for being such good people, and such a strong couple.

big hearts!! xoxoxox

Alcohols a tough thing........I will be thinking of him and saying an extra prayer that he can whip this thing and get his family back...been there with my dad--and I tell ya..for the first year -we almost wished he would drink again---sad thing to say....but then things got put into perspective....WAY TO GO BULLET and BR!!!:-4

Wow! Bullet is a true friend!

That's sad about your friend though, hopefully he is on the road to recovery! Maybe he needs to be reminded that his dad would never want to see him living his life this way!:-1

Thoughts and prayers to you all!

good luck ahead for you all

Oh, yeah, it's never boring around here, huh guys? Geeze, I feel like I'm on a roller coaster half the time!!

But, thanks for support yet again, and we will see things pan out.

Cuda p!ssed me off yesterday after the AA meeting, he said he wasn't sure he wanted to quit his M/C. I almost fell on the floor. He cannot be around that group and remain sober, not to mention the fact, where are his so-called "brothers" when he's going through this? Bullet doesn't belong to his club, yet he's the one taking care of things for Cuda. I have a feeling this is going to be a very long, bumpy, difficult road.

In fact, because of Bullet's new club, he is no longer welcome in the clubhouse that Cuda belongs to, yet he STILL is taking care of him.

When Tim (Cuda's dad) died, the last thing he said to Bullet was "Look after Josh for me." (Obviously, Cuda is Josh.) Bullet took that to heart and is doing all he can, but I have a sinking feeling that Cuda will go back to his old habits, and Bullet will wash his hands of him.

God I hate seeing someone I care about sunk so low into a bottle. It's selfish, really.

Be strong, be forceful with him cause it appears it isn't going to work any other way. Gosh I admire Bullets dedication. Awesome.

is cuda & his family going to be ok with you posting this personal stuff here br?

buttercup wrote: is cuda & his family going to be ok with you posting this personal stuff here br?
I'm not using real names, for one. And actually, Cuda is about as computer illiterate as they come. Bullet knows what I've done, and he has no problem with it, and actually asks me what sort of input all you guys come up with on stuff. If I thought for one second it would hurt him, I would never do it. He's a brother. You don't intentionally hurt brothers.



Update, too:

Bullet went with him this morning to his 2nd AA meeting, but this time at an ALANON club. It's set up just like a bar, with an actual bar and stools, video games, juke box, pool tables, etc. Only difference is, the hardest thing they sell is root beer. He really enjoyed the meeting today, and is in good spirits.

BabyRider wrote: I'm not using real names, for one. And actually, Cuda is about as computer illiterate as they come. Bullet knows what I've done, and he has no problem with it, and actually asks me what sort of input all you guys come up with on stuff. If I thought for one second it would hurt him, I would never do it. He's a brother. You don't intentionally hurt brothers.



Update, too:

Bullet went with him this morning to his 2nd AA meeting, but this time at an ALANON club. It's set up just like a bar, with an actual bar and stools, video games, juke box, pool tables, etc. Only difference is, the hardest thing they sell is root beer. He really enjoyed the meeting today, and is in good spirits.


root beer is a good spirit eh hehehehe

GL to Cuda!

Bullet sounds like a gem, many people say they are your friends but few are there for you when you really need them, is nice to hear of someone taking the time out to help a mate, wtg

embers wrote: GL to Cuda!



Bullet sounds like a gem, many people say they are your friends but few are there for you when you really need them, is nice to hear of someone taking the time out to help a mate, wtg
Hey, thanks, Embers.

Bullet is a gem, and even though he doesn't come here anymore, you'll get to know him if you stick around. I brag about my guy all the time. I'm sure there are many members here who would like me to just shut up already! :yh_rotfl



Oh, welcome to FG!! :yh_peace

*Bump* for update:



Sadly, Cuda has fallen off the wagon. He spent the weekend drinking and doing blow. Bullet had warned him that if he went back to the hard stuff, he would wash his hands of him. And so he has. Cuda called this morning looking for taxi service, not knowing that Bullet was aware of his weekend escapades. Bullet told him, in no uncertain terms that he had his own life and own problems to deal with and he could no longer play nurse-maid to Cuda. Cuda of course lied his face off, (the addicts cry of martyrdom) "I haven't touched a thing, I'm totally sober!!!" When in fact he was drunk while he was talking to Bullet at 10:30 this morning.

Bullet is pretty ripped up about this, but he's determined to throw Cuda overboard to sink or swim on his own.

Cuda was able to stay sober for one month exactly.

BabyRider wrote: *Bump* for update:



Sadly, Cuda has fallen off the wagon. He spent the weekend drinking and doing blow. Bullet had warned him that if he went back to the hard stuff, he would wash his hands of him. And so he has. Cuda called this morning looking for taxi service, not knowing that Bullet was aware of his weekend escapades. Bullet told him, in no uncertain terms that he had his own life and own problems to deal with and he could no longer play nurse-maid to Cuda. Cuda of course lied his face off, (the addicts cry of martyrdom) "I haven't touched a thing, I'm totally sober!!!" When in fact he was drunk while he was talking to Bullet at 10:30 this morning.

Bullet is pretty ripped up about this, but he's determined to throw Cuda overboard to sink or swim on his own.

Cuda was able to stay sober for one month exactly.


So sad, pity he abused Bullets kindness.

BR, one thing I know from being the daughter of an alcoholic & the ex-wife of one is that THEY have to WANT to do it... unless they are true & determined, it won't work. They can't be walked to AA, that has to be by choice.

My father's dry only because he's in a nursing home & isn't allowed to drink. When we used to take him out, he'd try to sneak them!

And my ex used to go for days, weeks, & once or twice, months, without a drink. Then, he'd fall right back in. I wasn't about to let my daughter grow up the way I had.

It's very unfortunate. He's lucky to have you & Bullet. All my ex's friends would've rather sat right next to him & bought his drinks. I was just the b***h at home.

Good luck to Cuda. Just remember, he can always get right back up, dust himself off, & climb back onto that wagon... if he really wants to!

I feel for the guy... must have taken a lot of will power to stay clean for 1 month, I bet he feels awful now that he's given in, Bullet did right, this guy needs to know that he cant just give up and expect people to go out on a limb for him time after time... that said, I very much doubt he'll ever be able to do it alone...

BabyRider wrote: *Bump* for update:



Sadly, Cuda has fallen off the wagon. He spent the weekend drinking and doing blow. Bullet had warned him that if he went back to the hard stuff, he would wash his hands of him. And so he has. Cuda called this morning looking for taxi service, not knowing that Bullet was aware of his weekend escapades. Bullet told him, in no uncertain terms that he had his own life and own problems to deal with and he could no longer play nurse-maid to Cuda. Cuda of course lied his face off, (the addicts cry of martyrdom) "I haven't touched a thing, I'm totally sober!!!" When in fact he was drunk while he was talking to Bullet at 10:30 this morning.

Bullet is pretty ripped up about this, but he's determined to throw Cuda overboard to sink or swim on his own.

Cuda was able to stay sober for one month exactly.




Ya know cuddles your right, you and the silver bullet have your hands full and you cant babysit the guy but.............lots and lots of folks struggling with addiction have to fall down over and over before they either die or get well. Hes hurting so say a prayer and wish him well. Who knows one day.......

flopstock wrote: The good and bad thing about free choice is that we are all able to make the decision... once upon a time..YOU chose bullit..that was your 'good' more then it was his. By the same token, if you had gone the other way, it would have been your 'bad', not his.



So while it's okay for you two to feel sad about the choice made by your friend, it's important that you not feel 'bad'...your choice was to offer the hand and that was 'good'.



You two seem to have a lot of 'good' in my humble opinion...that is what you should reflect on, not on how others receive it.



You continue to make me proud to call you my friends.:-4




If I didnt think you were the cats meow Id slam dunk ya twirl you around tip you upside down and pull your pretty little panties out up and over your head

SnoozeControl wrote: She's upside down, how're you going to pull her panties off over her head? You didn't think this out very well, did you?


































dammit

Flops, have I told you lately that I love you? Well, I do. :-4



What worries me is that Bullet will feel he let down Cuda's dad. Bullet was first friends with Cuda's father, and on his deathbed, Tim, (Cuda's dad) asked Bullet to look out for Cuda. Tim and Bullet were like brothers. He's the "Beels" in the Helms/Beels memorial run we do in Ohio every year. I'm sure Bullet is trying to "talk" to Tim, and tell him he's sorry, but he did what he could. He did more than most would. I told him from the outset, "Baby, you can't save the world, and I think you're betting on a losing horse, here." I sure wish I was wrong about people once in a while.

I want Bullet to feel that if he wants to step back in and try one more time that he should, I'll back whatever decision he makes, but 99.9% of the time, once his mind is made up, that's the end of it.

He's got so many other things to focus his energy on right now, and this is really tearing him up inside.

He has guard duty at the clubhouse tonight, so he's got about 11 hours to hang with a few brothers and talk about it to some others who have been there. He'll be okay, but until he settles it in his mind that this is the right thing to do, my baby is going to be hurting, and putting on a brave front for me. It makes me mad at Cuda. I want to go kick his skinny ass.

I have been married to my husband for 19 years. He was clean and sober for 23 years. These past 4 months or so have been hell for me. I found out he was drinking after work. Once confronted, he admitted it. He stopped for about 2 months. Then, one night, he came home drunk. Hard to see when in 19 years I've never seen him drunk. He promised never again. He deejayed a birthday party Saturday night. It was to end at 1a.m. He got home at 4:30a.m. Sunday morning. Drunk again. I gave him a choice. Either the booze or me. He knows I mean business. I just don't know if it's enough. He has thrown away 23 years of sobriety and is close to losing 19 years of marriage. I will not live like I did with my first husband, I will not live like his first wife did. He's talked of going back to AA but has not done it. He knows I will go with him whenever he wants or he can go alone. I will support him as long as he stays sober, but one more time off the wagon, it's over. Done. After 19 years. 19 wasted years. I hurt like hell, I am angry as hell. Sometimes I wonder if I should even stick around and wait for it to happen again. I have begged him to give up bartending and deejaying. He does not need the constant temptation. He won't give either up. I'm so frustrated I want to scream. I'm depressed and tired of crying. Everything in me tells me to run. I can't keep it in any more. I don't usually share my personal life here. I just can't deal with it alone any more.

Oh, Peg....my God. I am so sorry. Here I am blubbering about a friend, and you're going through this. Oh damn. I wish I could grab you up in a bear hug right now. 19 years. Holy sh!t, I don't know what I'd do, you must feel so betrayed. Now that you've started, get it off your chest if you want. Rant, scream, call him every filthy name in the book and none of us here will tell. Oh, goddam, Peg. I am in tears over this, and I don't cry. I know exactly what you're going through. I'm so, so sorry. You have my email if you want to write. Goddam.

Peg wrote: I have been married to my husband for 19 years. He was clean and sober for 23 years. These past 4 months or so have been hell for me. I found out he was drinking after work. Once confronted, he admitted it. He stopped for about 2 months. Then, one night, he came home drunk. Hard to see when in 19 years I've never seen him drunk. He promised never again. He deejayed a birthday party Saturday night. It was to end at 1a.m. He got home at 4:30a.m. Sunday morning. Drunk again. I gave him a choice. Either the booze or me. He knows I mean business. I just don't know if it's enough. He has thrown away 23 years of sobriety and is close to losing 19 years of marriage. I will not live like I did with my first husband, I will not live like his first wife did. He's talked of going back to AA but has not done it. He knows I will go with him whenever he wants or he can go alone. I will support him as long as he stays sober, but one more time off the wagon, it's over. Done. After 19 years. 19 wasted years. I hurt like hell, I am angry as hell. Sometimes I wonder if I should even stick around and wait for it to happen again. I have begged him to give up bartending and deejaying. He does not need the constant temptation. He won't give either up. I'm so frustrated I want to scream. I'm depressed and tired of crying. Everything in me tells me to run. I can't keep it in any more. I don't usually share my personal life here. I just can't deal with it alone any more.




Im sorry you have to go through this...Im sorry he has to go through it. 19 years.........f*cking poison has ruined so many lives

I always try to find the bright side of every situation that sucks. The bright side of this situation? My kids are 16 and 18. I feel I some how need to prepare them in case they see him drunk or we end up split up over this. I have done a lot of thinking. My first thought was I don't want the upkeep of a house. Now my thought is 13 more house payments and I'm done. After all these years, we bought this house and he wants to blow it.

Peg i hope this is a slip and will right itself. and i hope you hang on to your house. :yh_flower

Peg wrote: I always try to find the bright side of every situation that sucks. The bright side of this situation? My kids are 16 and 18. I feel I some how need to prepare them in case they see him drunk or we end up split up over this. I have done a lot of thinking. My first thought was I don't want the upkeep of a house. Now my thought is 13 more house payments and I'm done. After all these years, we bought this house and he wants to blow it.
Harsh as this sounds, (f*ck it, I don't care if I sound harsh) anyway you can dump his sorry ass into rehab and make it on your own for a while?

It's very frustrating not to be able to put an arm around you right now. I wish I could do more.

Peg wrote: I have been married to my husband for 19 years. He was clean and sober for 23 years. These past 4 months or so have been hell for me. I found out he was drinking after work. Once confronted, he admitted it. He stopped for about 2 months. Then, one night, he came home drunk. Hard to see when in 19 years I've never seen him drunk. He promised never again. He deejayed a birthday party Saturday night. It was to end at 1a.m. He got home at 4:30a.m. Sunday morning. Drunk again. I gave him a choice. Either the booze or me. He knows I mean business. I just don't know if it's enough. He has thrown away 23 years of sobriety and is close to losing 19 years of marriage. I will not live like I did with my first husband, I will not live like his first wife did. He's talked of going back to AA but has not done it. He knows I will go with him whenever he wants or he can go alone. I will support him as long as he stays sober, but one more time off the wagon, it's over. Done. After 19 years. 19 wasted years. I hurt like hell, I am angry as hell. Sometimes I wonder if I should even stick around and wait for it to happen again. I have begged him to give up bartending and deejaying. He does not need the constant temptation. He won't give either up. I'm so frustrated I want to scream. I'm depressed and tired of crying. Everything in me tells me to run. I can't keep it in any more. I don't usually share my personal life here. I just can't deal with it alone any more.


Oh Peg, what a crying shame I feel so bad for you. I am very familiar with how drinking can ruin lives. My ex brother-in law was an alcoholic, he first started drinking at my wedding when at that time him he was only "11" years old. No one noticed him getting drunk, as he went from empty table to table, where people left their drinks while they got up to dance. By the end of the night, he was S*itf*ced! Everyone thought it was just an innocent silly thing to do. Well that was just the beginning, (as it turned out we then found out he was in fact an alcoholic) as over the years I had to pick him up & take him home from bars & house parties for the next 12 years. Unfortunately, there were times when he got drunk & didn't call, & drove drunk. He had several accidents, fortunately never hurting anyone else, only himself 3 times. From all the booze & accidents, it finally took it's toll on his body, as he died at the ripe old age of 23! That was a shame too, & a such waste of a young life!

So anyway, I have my fingers crossed for you, & I wish there were some "magic words" I could offer to you that would make things get all better for you & just make it the way you want them to be, but unfortunatelly. . . . . . . . .

He works tonight. In the morning, I am going to talk to him about rehab. I know I can make it. After my first marriage, I made sure I never had to totally rely on my spouse's income and that I could make enough to do it myself. It'll be rough, but I think he may consider rehab. If not, it pretty well gives me my answer. He knows he has a choice to make. Alcohol or his family. To top things off, he refused to take his insulin shot the night he came home drunk. I told him if he wanted a slow, painful death, go off the insulin but I'd prefer a much quicker death. Sounds harsh, but it's true. He knows I speak my mind. Unfortunately, he keeps everything inside.

Peg wrote: He works tonight. In the morning, I am going to talk to him about rehab. I know I can make it. After my first marriage, I made sure I never had to totally rely on my spouse's income and that I could make enough to do it myself. It'll be rough, but I think he may consider rehab. If not, it pretty well gives me my answer. He knows he has a choice to make. Alcohol or his family. To top things off, he refused to take his insulin shot the night he came home drunk. I told him if he wanted a slow, painful death, go off the insulin but I'd prefer a much quicker death. Sounds harsh, but it's true. He knows I speak my mind. Unfortunately, he keeps everything inside.




Yup. :-4