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Hi, this is my first post. Just needing to vent. I have been estranged from my sister since around March of this year. A little background.....we were raised by my grandparents (saw father all the time, but mom was never around) since I was 4 yrs old and she was 6 mos. I suffered mental, emotional and physical abuse from my grandparents until my father could get me out of there. Sister was spoiled rotten by them and still is. She is still referred to as a spoiled brat and she is 37. Our only Aunt (mom's twin) does not speak to her anymore either because of who she has become. G'mother always told me I'd amount to no good. Well, I am the one who turned out great (she acknowleges this and LOVES my DH and I NOW) and my sister has not had great success in the relationship dept. To back up a bit, Mom died and left me a life insurance policy....just for me and we both got a substantial trust fund from my stepfather after my Mom passed. This is what the falling out was over. Mom was just trying to make things up to me for the bad things I have had to go through. Sister always had someone to go to and my g'parents bought her her first home at 18 so she could live w/her boyfriend. He dumped her. Next guy cheated on her and dumped her. 3rd (current) guy is an a$$. They've been together about 5 yrs. Very narcissistic, controlling, OCD, and God knows what else. We all think she has become the way she is because of him. He is from a fairly wealthy disfunctional (not that mine was better) family. Dad is an alchie, Mom codie, and brother has some serious mental issues....bi-polar, schitzophrenic (sp) they tend to self medicate. Bro is druggie also and threatened to kill them on vacation at christmas last year/while he was high. On top of being italian egotistical men.....they have serious control issues also. Sisters b-friend is a junkie...functioning but still. He has a major hydroponic system set up in the basement (300yards from a school) and he does prescription drugs......I have no idea how he gets them....he has had no illlness or injuries EVER. He has done coke, heroin, hydrocodone, oxycontin, kolonopine (SP) god knows what else. He always has pills....not prescribed. I KNOW that he takes OXY"S every day. She tried the tough love thing a couple of years ago by telling his Mom about the heroin. This just made her more codiee if you ask me. ( I guess drugs aren't a problem if you can afford them) His father also kicked up the verbal abuse which is something that makes me think that's why these people are messed up to begin with. These are upper middle class....or maybe a step higher...people. Father owns a big company and BF is VP. Stupid sister thinks money is everything. So here is the clincher......i want not to care but i am upset.........She is pregnant by this guy. 38 first child. Not married, and he probably never will marry her. She's not happy, just too dumb or codie to realize it. I cannot believe she would be so stupid. She is a legal secretary....but, so dumb. All I see is disaster. DH said the same thing. G'parents obviously do not know yet.....talked to g'ma yesterday. They DO NOT LIKE THE BOYFRIEND EITHER. AT ALL. My half sister told me. I see a relationship going kaput when b'friend doesn't get her undivided attention. He is very selfish and demands some type of sexual satisfaction every day. A PIG. So, then, I see the family taking the baby from her....because she is weak....and they have the powerful $$. I don't even know what I'd say to her right now. I am not happy for her....that is for sure. Another worry is that the baby may have defects because of his drug use. She doesn't do them with him...or wasn't as of last March but who knows now? I am just sick. I have always thought she'd wise up and move on with her life since he wasn't into marrying her. So, they must've planned to get preg cuz she was on the pill forever. Well, thanks for letting me vent.....I needed to get it out.

Hope your venting helped you to clear your thinking. Don't know what you can possiblly do until your sister decides she wants to change............. It's hard not to try and fix things for others, but it is a futile endeavor. Pray for patience and wait until the time comes that you can help and it will make a difference in her life.

Hiya GC & welcome to FG!

It always helps to have a vent hun. Sometimes just putting down your thoughts helps you see things more clearly.

In my experience, when you have a big pot of crud like this, just bubbling away, then its always best to leave well alone. Especially when family's involved. If you get involved, you get dumped on, you get blamed, and you end up getting burnt! And you get hurt! Hurt and angry and frustrated.

You are probably all of those things now, but you would be even MORE wound up by it all.

I think the hardest thing to do, but also the best thing, is to take a deep breath, step back, and not get involved!

Whatever you do for your sister, or any of them, will be wrong! In their eyes.

So tell her you love her and that you're there for her if she needs you, then leave her alone. Perhaps you can help look after the baby when its born. If the baby is suffering in any way, report them to social services, but if its cared for and loved....all you can do is be there.

Usually getting involved means getting kicked in the teeth, you suffer for it and no one gives a damn! Use your spare time to come here and chat or rant or just chill.

You need to step back to keep your sanity cos people like this will screw with your mind and turn you into a gibbering wreck. Especially when its family.

Keep sane in our peaceful garden. Pick some flowers. Breathe deeply. We're all here for you. All very best wishes to you. R. xx

I agree with Repunzel, don't get involved and mess up your own life. I know it's hard to do, but for your own mental health, stay out of it. Your sister is an adult now and if she makes mistakes, let her deal with it. It's tough love but you gotta do it.