ForumGarden

As Clipper has been posting some gorgeous breakfast ideas and getting our day off to a wonderful start,

I thought I'd start a 'Joke of the Day' to give us a giggle and give our fun levels a boost for the day, as well!

I'm sorry if you've heard any of them before, but good jokes are always worth repeating!

And in honour of Clippers scrummy posts........this first 'Joke of the Day' is about breakfasts!



Tenjewberrymuds



To get the full effect, this should be read aloud.

You will understand what 'tenjewberrymuds' means by the end of the conversation.

This has been nominated for the best email of 2005.

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia,

which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review:



Room Service (RS): "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialled room-service."

RS: "Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??"

G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs."

RS: "Ow July den?"

G: "What??"

RS: "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?"

G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them?

Sorry, scrambled please."

RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

G: "Crisp will be fine."

RS : "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

G: "What?"

RS:"An toes. July Sahn toes?"

G: "I don't think so."

RS: "No? Judo wan sahn toes??"

G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."

RS: "Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"

G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RS: "We bodder?"

G: "No...just put the bodder on the side."

RS: "Wad?"

G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."

RS: "Copy?"

G: "Excuse me?"

RS: "Copy...tea...meel?"

G: "Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all."

RS: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy....rye??"

G: "Whatever you say."

RS: "Tenjewberrymuds."

G : "You're very welcome."

Phone trouble



I checked into a hotel on a business trip and

was a bit lonely so I thought I'd get me one of those girls you see

advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab.

I grabbed a card on my way in. It was an ad for

a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the

photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy

hair, long graceful legs all the way up to her ass. You know the kind. So

I'm in my room and figure, what the hell, I'll give her a call.



"Hello?" the woman says. God, she sounded sexy.



"Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd

like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be

straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex.

I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. I'm talking kinky the whole night long.

You name it, we'll do it. Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks.

We'll go hot and heavy all night; Tie me up, wear a strap on, cover me in

chocolate syrup and whip cream, anything you want

baby. Now, how does that sound?"

She says,

"That sounds fantastic, but for an outside line you need to press 9."

:yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl LMFAO! That's blooming brilliant Wolverine!

I've saved it in my Jokes file! hehehe :wah:

When Dan found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.

So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much smarter than men...

Wolverine wrote: When Dan found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.



So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.



I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."



Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother.



Women are so much smarter than men...




lmao, good one.......

Wolverine wrote: When Dan found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.

So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much smarter than men...


Reciprocating: Traitor!:-2

cars wrote: Reciprocating: Traitor!:-2
sorry counselor, you opened the door.:wah:

Wolverine wrote: sorry counselor, you opened the door.:wah:


Two wrongs don't make a left! :p Two rights don't make a wrong! :-2

cars wrote: Two wrongs don't make a left! :p Two rights don't make a wrong! :-2
but 4 lefts and 2 rights and you're going back the way you came.

Wolverine wrote: but 4 lefts and 2 rights and you're going back the way you came.


We drive alike!!! :wah:

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and theres a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.

The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions whatever the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man looked horrified and said, "You cant be serious! I could never shoot my wife!" "Well," said the CIA man, "youre definitely not the right man for this job then."

So they brought the second man to the same door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes; then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her; I just couldnt pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess Im not the right man for the job."

"No," the CIA man replied, "You dont have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Now they only had the woman left to test. They led her to the same door to the same room and handed her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances; this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him." The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing, one shot after another for 8 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, rashing, and banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes; then all went quiet.

The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didnt tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat the son of a bitch to death with the chair!"

A man went over to his girls place for a little bit of nookie between the sheets. He presented her with three choices of condom -- gold, silver, or bronze.

"Silver," she said.

"Why not gold?"

"Because I want you to come second for once!"

Here's a joke I was told years ago when I first started work

A man gets home from work and his wife has sent their son up to his room. The man asks what the problem is and is told by his furious wife that Johnny was sent home from school after he was discovered having sex with a teacher.

The mans wife tells him that he needs to go up to their sons room and have a word with Johnny, which he agrees to do.

As he climbs the stairs, he smiles to himself and is inwardly pleased that his boy is a chip off the old block.

He goes into Johnnys room and tells him that although his Mom is angry, he understands the needs of a teenage boy, after all, he was once a teenager himself. He says "Look Johnny, I don't mind you messing around with your teacher, but if your Mom says anything, just say that I told you off and you're not going to do it again , OK?"

Johnny nods and is pleased by his dads lenient approach.

The man ruffles Johnnys hair and asks "Do you think you'll be having sex with your teacher again in the near future?"

"Well hopefully" replies Johnny, "but I think I'm going to wait until my arse stops bleeding"