ForumGarden

after been married for 11 years,i am in search of my life ...me too.

i thought i was happy untill a few rocks in the road have made me sit back and think.

everythink i wanted in life has become a faded memory and i ended up becoming what i most feared.

IS THIS A MID LIFE CRISIS..

shadow man wrote: after been married for 11 years,i am in search of my life ...me too.

i thought i was happy untill a few rocks in the road have made me sit back and think.

everythink i wanted in life has become a faded memory and i ended up becoming what i most feared.

IS THIS A MID LIFE CRISIS..


If you are upset but a couple of rocks - they maybe a mid-life crisis is looming large for you. Did you really give up what you wanted or di you just change your mind along the way? Sometimes what we hope for in our 20's is not what we really want as we get older. I don't know what you feared most but I would sit back and really think about whether or not I am happy. Sorry without more info I really don't have advice.

Probably, it's not to late to change things and improve on what you don't like about you life.



If your marrige is Ok work on how to make it better, if you need a career change think about how to do it. Look at the things that you have accomplished and feel good about them.



It's never to late to make improvements on life, or changes.

My lifes dream was to travel, as i have a interest in the wild outdoors, from Mountains to green pastures, from lizzards to lions and butterflies to buzzards, a passion for photography and to meet nice interesting people, didnt get on to well at school was the little boy who got bullied and had a father that what ever i did i was a disapointment. i ended up living in the same place with the girl form next door. in a 9-5 job....... sitting in watching tele and counting the pennies just seem there should be more too life

make a list

good things in my life

bad things in my life

then go back over the list and write next to the bad things... Do I want to make this better, and next what can I do to make this better?

If you don't see anything you can improve then you have to take a long look and determine what really makes you feel this way and decide to walk out, or improve. This being job, marriage, house etc.

shadow man wrote: My lifes dream was to travel, as i have a interest in the wild outdoors, from Mountains to green pastures, from lizzards to lions and butterflies to buzzards, a passion for photography and to meet nice interesting people, didnt get on to well at school was the little boy who got bullied and had a father that what ever i did i was a disapointment. i ended up living in the same place with the girl form next door. in a 9-5 job....... sitting in watching tele and counting the pennies just seem there should be more too life


Life is what you make it, why don't you change things, it isn't too late????

shadow man wrote: after been married for 11 years,i am in search of my life ...me too.

i thought i was happy untill a few rocks in the road have made me sit back and think.

everythink i wanted in life has become a faded memory and i ended up becoming what i most feared.

IS THIS A MID LIFE CRISIS..


Shadow Man, welcome to the Forum. I really hope you get to change your username in time because it suggests that you have given up on yourself.

Did you have aspirations and dreams that got drowned in the quagmire of the poor man's daily working routine? Or was it the result of doing one's duty first and putting yourself second?

Do you have any children? How old are they? Where are they now? Are they doing well?

To what extent do you want to travel? Where do you want to go? How do you want to travel? Does your wife want to travel too? What are the reasons that stop you?

thats the problem at the routes i guess, the wifes happy with sitting watching tele and plodding on with life, I just think there should be more.

no childeren i guess i am a bit sinicle, i am quite old fashioned i ju

st hate to see kids waste there lives in front of tv and video games, andalways wanting better than there freinds,, i guess that makes me sould old, im not.

i guess money has stopped me , and as far as where goes:-6 where the sun shines the snow falls and where there is some natural beutty left in the world.

and there more to life than TV and video games and keeping up with hte jones's.

Thanks for talking;)

shadow man wrote: thats the problem at the routes i guess, the wifes happy with sitting watching tele and plodding on with life, I just think there should be more.

no childeren i guess i am a bit sinicle, i am quite old fashioned i ju

st hate to see kids waste there lives in front of tv and video games, andalways wanting better than there freinds,, i guess that makes me sould old, im not.

i guess money has stopped me , and as far as where goes:-6 where the sun shines the snow falls and where there is some natural beutty left in the world.

and there more to life than TV and video games and keeping up with hte jones's.

Thanks for talking;)


As the others have said before me - re-evaluate. Maybe you can interest your wife in other things. Has it ever occurred to you that she does the TV because you 2 have nothing in common anymore OR you have just grown too comfy in your lives together. Both of you need a re-vitaliztion. DO IT TOGETHER!!!!!!!!

minks wrote: Life is what you make it, why don't you change things, it isn't too late????


Well i'm thinking about it. CANADA what a fantastic place, spent a few months there some years ago. lovley people. welcome you without judging

Hey shadow, go take your wife out and have some fun! It doesn't have to cost alot to go out somewhere-go hiking in the mountains, a picnic in the park. Turn off the TV and go somewhere you both think is fun.

chonsigirl wrote: Hey shadow, go take your wife out and have some fun! It doesn't have to cost alot to go out somewhere-go hiking in the mountains, a picnic in the park. Turn off the TV and go somewhere you both think is fun.


just muddy fields here....:wah: :wah: but thats for the tip;)

Why don't you start going camping on the weekends, Thats heaps of fun you get to meet loads of other people and explore different areas around where you live.



I grew up camping and still go as often as I can as it gives me chance to get away on Friday evening and come back Sunday for a fresh start to the week. It'll give you something to look forward to on the weekends and during the week you can plan where to go and what you'll do when you get there.



You could change your user name to "Out there doing it"

shadow man wrote: just muddy fields here....:wah: :wah: but thats for the tip;)


So take her to the obviously muddy field your bedroom has become. I could be very wrong here so forgive me if I am. Light candles - buy some of her favorite flowers - do it in the middle of the day on your days off.

nvalleyvee wrote: So take her to the obviously muddy field your bedroom has become. I could be very wrong here so forgive me if I am. Light candles - buy some of her favorite flowers - do it in the middle of the day on your days off.


tried that one....but thanks....your a great bunch...:driving:

I myself have some regrets. Regrets that I would like to blame on other things. In truth, I wasted the first part of my life. I never had much money, nor hope. Neither have I ever been married. My aspirations were always beyond my means from childhood up. Such being my outlook, I spent more on booze than I should have. This, of course, helped to dull my senses.

Now I am 50. In the last 13 years, I have gone off drinking and have begun focussing on what is important in life. This last year in particular has given me cause to take stock.

I have realised that the most important thing is being happy to be alive. I hate having to get up at some unearthly hour to go to slave for some ungrateful employer. But once I am there, I am surrounded by my fellow 'slaves' with whom I can have a good laugh. Laughter makes me feel good.

It wouldn't matter where I went in the world, without something to laugh about and someone to laugh with, it would mean nothing.

I am grateful for the lessons I have learned in life, without these lessons, life would be meaningless. I am grateful for the lost loves without which I would never have known what love means.

I am grateful that I am alive now. Otherwise I would not have experienced the amazing warmth of this Forum. I have learnt to live for the moment and maximise it. Never mind my dreams.

Once, I saw myself with a motorcaravan touring the world with a rock band. At another time, I envisioned myself with an amazing home both resplendent and secure with all the latest technologies and more that I dreamed of that hadn't been invented.

All these things were the dreams of a child of a poor family. And there were many more that I have not mentioned here. Yet I have realised a couple of dreams that I didn't have as a child and yet were insignificant until I looked back.

Most importantly, I have a home. I have a life. I have friends dotted around the country (excluding my Forum friends). I have the ability to get on with just about everyone I meet. I have food, warmth, and shelter.

When I look back on my life, I could easily have become a tramp, but somehow, life looked kindly on me and kicked me up the arse. The little things have become treasures. I have not travelled much, but circumstances have seen me in different places either domestic, professional, or pleasure.

I have yet to take my life in the firm grip of my hand. But, sometimes, I wonder if I could do a better job than life itself.

It is my belief that your life is NEVER wasted. You may have done things you would change but in the END - it is what got you to where you are today. Now - I'm a very positive person and always know I can go from this place and this point in my life to a place I might rather life in.

nvalleyvee wrote: It is my belief that your life is NEVER wasted. You may have done things you would change but in the END - it is what got you to where you are today. Now - I'm a very positive person and always know I can go from this place and this point in my life to a place I might rather life in.


Well said NV.

Buy a motorcycle. Nothing like seeing the great outdoors and riding through those mountains you talk about on a bike.

shadow man wrote: Well i'm thinking about it. CANADA what a fantastic place, spent a few months there some years ago. lovley people. welcome you without judging




Tis a pleasing place indeed, one day you will have to share with us where all in Canada you visited.

Anyway back to you, if you have no children, what keeps you and the wife there, why not another visit to Canada, and why not with your wife, show some enthusiasim towards something you desire and perhaps she will share in the enthusiasim too.

Never give up "yourself" for the sake of just plodding along. If you wish to remain married go on and take a bold step and do something for yourself by yourself, it really isn't so bad. Go take a photography class, go take a wee drive for a day to someplace beyond the mud fields and take pictures to your hearts content, challenge yourself, aim for your perfect picture. have fun, live for yourself once in awhile and you will find life isn't so grim.

Yes this is sounding like a mid-life crisis, but don't call it a crisis before it becomes a crisis, it's a midlife bump in the road, a time of self re-evaluation, take a good hard look at yourself, and determine what you want and how you can go about getting it. And make some serious changes that are not going to cause a crisis.

You are more than welcome to PM me if you wish to talk more about Canada, or this or anything really.

BabyRider wrote: Buy a motorcycle. Nothing like seeing the great outdoors and riding through those mountains you talk about on a bike.


Stop it that is my dream ahahahahaha

BabyRider wrote: Buy a motorcycle. Nothing like seeing the great outdoors and riding through those mountains you talk about on a bike.


I think you are close BR..............the freedom and wind around your body.........the feeling of being free and in a dangerous place (:-4 ) There is nothing like raising adrenilin(sp).

nvalleyvee wrote: I think you are close BR..............the freedom and wind around your body.........the feeling of being free and in a dangerous place (:-4 ) There is nothing like raising adrenilin(sp).


Are mountains dangerous?

OpenMind wrote: Are mountains dangerous?


yes cliff sides are indeed hehehehe

OpenMind wrote: Are mountains dangerous?
You mean to ride a bike through?

My first thought: this man is depressed.

If this is so, travel isn't going to change it cause you will take with you all that is bothering you, so you best save the money until you can enjoy the trip.

Why are you feeling as you do? Your short post doesn't begin to give enough info to try and form an opinion.



Perhaps you need to speak with a professional who can help you pull forth that which is really troubling you. You apparently realize you have a problem. Left to your own devices, you may escalate this situation and cause a lot of grief to yourself and those you love.

FG is a happy and supportive place. Hope you'll be around long enough to get to enjoy life here in the Garden.

BabyRider wrote: You mean to ride a bike through?


Try riding a bike through my flat. Now that's dangerous!!!

OpenMind wrote: Try riding a bike through my flat. Now that's dangerous!!!


Dare we ask?

minks wrote: Dare we ask?


Nope. Let's just say I'm a typical male and my flat reflects that.

OpenMind wrote: Nope. Let's just say I'm a typical male and my flat reflects that.


Oooo a dirty socks obstical course brilliant hehehehe

minks wrote: Oooo a dirty socks obstical course brilliant hehehehe


Not forgetting the empty bottle course by the front door.:wah:

OpenMind wrote: Try riding a bike through my flat. Now that's dangerous!!!
I think I'm up to the challenge. Anyone care to place some bets? :yh_rotfl

OpenMind wrote: Not forgetting the empty bottle course by the front door.:wah:


Ohhhh are those waiting to be returned for money back or do your boy scouts come and collect them hehehehehehe How about dishes in the sink? That is my fave bachelorette thing.

BabyRider wrote: I think I'm up to the challenge. Anyone care to place some bets? :yh_rotfl


5 bucks says the cat gets outta the way before you run it down ahahahahaha

BabyRider wrote: I think I'm up to the challenge. Anyone care to place some bets? :yh_rotfl


There will be stringent rules of course. Bear in mind that there is no back door. One way in one way out.

Damages will be taken out of hefty returnable deposit for the privilege of riding the course.

The target is to ride through each room and back out through front door or out through 3ft tall window in back bedroom (being the tallest window in the flat).

This has never been tried before in my flat and the landlord won't like it so if he finds out all deposits will not be refunded.

shadow man wrote: i ended up becoming what i most feared.

IS THIS A MID LIFE CRISIS..


Are you a mass murderer? a wife beater? a child molester? No???

Then how can you be what you most feared? That is the worst you could become!

As others have said, you sound a little down. I wouldn't have said you were truly depressed or even facing a mid-life crisis, it just sounds to me like you're stuck in a rut. I would suggest evening classes for you and your wife, either separate ones or doing something together. You'll meet loads of people and they're always friendly and you can improve on something you enjoy. For instance, join a photography class, have fun, practise, improve, go out with the class and compare pix after, maybe enter competitions at local shows. Then next year do an evening class which will help improve your job, meet still more people. Employers are also happy when staff make an effort to improve, they may even help with the cost of the course!

My friend was recently talking to me about her "Ten year plan". She's thought about where she wants to be in 10 years and worked out how she can achieve that. At the moment she's going part time to Uni to get her degree. Moneys tight, but once she's employed again her salary should increase from £15,000 p.a. to £40,000p.a! She made me realise I am drifting through life and so I made a one year plan of all the things I want to achieve this year. Next year it will be a 5 year plan! De-rut & enjoy life!

Oh! and exercise helps! Not yucky boring exercise but something you enjoy. I always cycle to the local shops and leave the car at home. I always feel refreshed after a bike ride. Swimmings fun too, go with the missus to somewhere where they have flumes and tides, etc. Its good fun being swooshed around and peps you up too! :-6

Rap, the worst anyone could be is nothing. That is to say, nothing like what they dreamt. To become any of those things you listed is a devastation.

Yet, as I write this, the fear enters my mind. I can be very naive and maybe you are uttering an obvious truth.

But, assuming that SM is none of these things, then he is nothing more than a non-achiever. Someone who has not been able to do more than sit in his armchair and dream. Only, now, SM realises that he could have actually realised something of his dreams if he'd only but got out of the armchair.

Worse than that, sitting in his armchair, he does not even experience life, except as it's shown on telly. Eastenders may be his reality. (I still don't know why when I see Eastenders the actors aren't all sitting down watching soaps on telly.)

He and his wife need help and encouragement to escape their reality.

shadow man wrote: My lifes dream was to travel, as i have a interest in the wild outdoors, from Mountains to green pastures, from lizzards to lions and butterflies to buzzards, a passion for photography and to meet nice interesting people, didnt get on to well at school was the little boy who got bullied and had a father that what ever i did i was a disapointment. i ended up living in the same place with the girl form next door. in a 9-5 job....... sitting in watching tele and counting the pennies just seem there should be more too life
You are where you are in life at the moment because of certain choices that you have made. To fullfill your wishes will require you to make some different choices. Good luck to you.

OpenMind wrote: Shadow Man, welcome to the Forum. I really hope you get to change your username in time because it suggests that you have given up on yourself


....how about....' lone wolf '

shy

mysterious

bit of a rebel

a cunning creture

a beutifull creture

a seaker

a hunter

a free spirit......:sneaky:

shadow man wrote: ....how about....' lone wolf '

shy

mysterious

bit of a rebel

a cunning creture

a beutifull creture

a seaker

a hunter

a free spirit......:sneaky:


That is definitely more positive. A better choice of username than Shadow Man. But don't expect to be alone in this Forum.

[QUOTE=SOJOURNER]My first thought: this man is depressed.

If this is so, travel isn't going to change it cause you will take with you all that is bothering you, so you best save the money until you can enjoy the trip.

Why are you feeling as you do? Your short post doesn't begin to give enough info to try and form an opinion.

Perhaps you need to speak with a professional who can help you pull forth that which is really troubling you. You apparently realize you have a problem. Left to your own devices, you may escalate this situation and cause a lot of grief to yourself and those you love.

FG is a happy and supportive place. Hope you'll be around long enough to get to enjoy life here in the Garden.

thats some wise words, :yh_worshp There more to you GRASS HOPPER than meets the eye...

shadow man wrote: [QUOTE=SOJOURNER]My first thought: this man is depressed.

If this is so, travel isn't going to change it cause you will take with you all that is bothering you, so you best save the money until you can enjoy the trip.

Why are you feeling as you do? Your short post doesn't begin to give enough info to try and form an opinion.

Perhaps you need to speak with a professional who can help you pull forth that which is really troubling you. You apparently realize you have a problem. Left to your own devices, you may escalate this situation and cause a lot of grief to yourself and those you love.

FG is a happy and supportive place. Hope you'll be around long enough to get to enjoy life here in the Garden.

thats some wise words, :yh_worshp There more to you GRASS HOPPER than meets the eye...


Hey shadow of a man, you can always come talk to any of us for any reason, we do hope you hang in there and find your calling soon.

Thanks .' Minks '

its been great talking.......

A comment has been made about my , LOG IN NAME . so if Mr wolf comes knockin at your door, dont shoot...its only ME:sneaky:

[QUOTE=OpenMind]Shadow Man, welcome to the Forum. I really hope you get to change your username in time because it suggests that you have given up on yourself.

can any one tell me how to change my USERNAME...

Thanks...

HEY. ' MINKS.

Just found a photo of ya in another thread...WOW:-4

Not at all how i pictured you......

:yh_brokeh

shadow man wrote: Thanks .' Minks '

its been great talking.......

A comment has been made about my , LOG IN NAME . so if Mr wolf comes knockin at your door, dont shoot...its only ME:sneaky:


ok I will remind myself to not cower

shadow man wrote: HEY. ' MINKS.

Just found a photo of ya in another thread...WOW:-4

Not at all how i pictured you......

:yh_brokeh


ummmm dare I ask what you expected? Ahahahaha