How to Photograph a puppy!
Posted: Wed Dec 28, 2005 1:18 pm
HOW TO PHOTOGRAPH A PUPPY
1. Remove film from box.
2. Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in garbage.
3. Remove puppy from garbage and clean coffee grounds from muzzle.
4. Choose a suitable background for photo, mount and pre-focus camera.
5. Find puppy and remove dirty sock from his mouth.
6. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
7. Replace puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
8. Forget about pre-focused spot and crawl after puppy on knees, focusing with one hand and fending puppy off with other.
9. Get tissue. Clean noseprint from lens.
10. Remove tissue from puppy's mouth and discard.
11. Throw cat in basement and put peroxide on cut on puppy's nose.
12. Put ashtrays and magazines back on the endtables.
13. Try to get puppy to make that cute expression by squeaking favorite toy over your head.
14. Put peroxide on scratch on your face and retrieve camera from under sofa.
15. Stand up quickly, grab puppy by scruff of neck and shout, "NO! Outside!"
16. Ask spouse to clean up mess.
17. Put puppy in crate, pour a tall beer, bring the footrest up on the Lazy Boy and resolve to work on his sit-stay first thing tomorrow.
1. Remove film from box.
2. Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in garbage.
3. Remove puppy from garbage and clean coffee grounds from muzzle.
4. Choose a suitable background for photo, mount and pre-focus camera.
5. Find puppy and remove dirty sock from his mouth.
6. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
7. Replace puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
8. Forget about pre-focused spot and crawl after puppy on knees, focusing with one hand and fending puppy off with other.
9. Get tissue. Clean noseprint from lens.
10. Remove tissue from puppy's mouth and discard.
11. Throw cat in basement and put peroxide on cut on puppy's nose.
12. Put ashtrays and magazines back on the endtables.
13. Try to get puppy to make that cute expression by squeaking favorite toy over your head.
14. Put peroxide on scratch on your face and retrieve camera from under sofa.
15. Stand up quickly, grab puppy by scruff of neck and shout, "NO! Outside!"
16. Ask spouse to clean up mess.
17. Put puppy in crate, pour a tall beer, bring the footrest up on the Lazy Boy and resolve to work on his sit-stay first thing tomorrow.