Do you talk to the ex-wife or husband?

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Sun Dec 04, 2005 5:02 pm

What a trip...............You know when you have to talk to the ex because of under 18 year old kids..............and it's the second contact with them. The first contact for me and BTS with his ex was his heart attack...........typical snippy remark about BTS. It was ignored. Now I'm making a second attempt for his children. I will always be a step-mom.....no illusions here. I will be respected though or they won't be a part of our life,

As far as my T-Girl and her Dad ............never denegrated him and he paid me the same respect. Result............she loves us both.

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Sun Dec 04, 2005 5:21 pm

OK I pressed the submit line too many times............I swear I didn't do it ...shame.......HOW THE HECK DO I DELETE A NEW THREAD?

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Sun Dec 04, 2005 6:32 pm

Me and my husband's ex email each other jokes and pics all the time. It wasn't always good. It got better when she stopped calling us when she was drunk.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sun Dec 04, 2005 6:34 pm

I talk to the ex, send the kids to see him, but mine are full grown. We never had a problem with it.

Valerie100 · Post by **Valerie100** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 3:42 am

I don't talk to my ex-husband at all. I had a stepdaughter in that marriage. When she was 13, her father and I split up. She's 18 now, and I haven't talked to her or spoken to her in all of this time.

The problems between her father and I are just that, our problems. She's got a good life with her mom and family, which I was no longer a part of. My ex-husband put a bridge of distance between her and I, anyway. She called her stepfather dad, but my ex wouldn't have her call me mom. She did at times, though, but mostly, I got called by my first name. I hated the disrespect. The ex felt that since he never called his stepmother mom, that she shouldn't call me mom either. It hurt, and it automatically put a distance there. My ex-husband was such a selfish man.

Since my ex is no longer a part of my life, I felt it best to just completely cut ties.

pina · Post by **pina** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 9:05 am

My ex and I still talk, when I visit my family I always go see him. We stayed on friendly terms mostly because of the kids but more so because we had been friends since school and could always make each other laugh.

To be honest I sometimes get in touch with him for no other reason but to annoy his new wife, she is sooo jealous of me even after 10 years. :sneaky:

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 11:22 am

pina wrote: My ex and I still talk, when I visit my family I always go see him. We stayed on friendly terms mostly because of the kids but more so because we had been friends since school and could always make each other laugh.

To be honest I sometimes get in touch with him for no other reason but to annoy his new wife, she is sooo jealous of me even after 10 years. :sneaky:

I keep my ex at arms length, he was a crap father way back and still is, the good thing, my girls are old enough now to make the choices as to when to see him and when not. It works well for them, as well he keeps out of my life, I keep out of his, and our paths cross only when it comes to Jr. Minks, The other is 18 so she is on her own.

Post by **Betty Boop** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 12:17 pm

Right now as little as possible, maybe in a couple of years things will be better but I somehow doubt it!!

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 12:26 pm

The D-I-V-O-R-C-E was a real war of attrition. My son kept asking me to get a flat and take me with him from the age of 8. He's 22 now and refuses any contact with his mom. My daughter wanted to live with me. Had to take it to court as ex said I could see her once a fortnight for tea with no stopovers. I don't get home til late so settled for 2 stopovers per week and Saturday plus taking her to school everyday which I'd always done for both of them. Daily contact is good. Ex is finally mellowing as she is expecting another kid. Means I see even more of my daughter than agreed in court. For my daughters sake I've always been civilised but my ex has only just got there. Hope the arrival of the baby reunites my son and ex as years of hatred have mashed his head up. After this post I'm making something to fit into my ex's house. That's progress ...right?

Marie5656 · Post by **Marie5656** » Sat May 13, 2006 5:24 pm

Yes, on that. I have met Rick's ex on a few occasions..most recently just the other day at ste-grandaughters birthday party. First time was at wedding of Rick's step daughter and her second hubby. We were all at the same table. Funny, a few weeks before wedding, Brenda called and said she was doing seating chart..and she really wanted Rick at family table..with mee too of course. Would I have a problem sitting at same table with his ex? I think Rick had more of a problem than me. Still does, as thier divorce was not happy.

mominiowa · Post by **mominiowa** » Sat May 13, 2006 5:36 pm

My X was very abusive and a drunk....our divorce was nasty...NOW the drinking, has quit and he and I are very close...I love him --and he is a great dad...It was a terrrible thing but it has been a blessing for all of us that we let the past go....

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sun May 14, 2006 4:16 am

I do not speak to my former husband. We have been divorced for about 15 years. When I needed to talk to him ( about our children) He wasnt interested. Left me to handle every crisis or problem on my own. He was very busy chasing down the affections of a young woman 27 years his junior. She must have been great as he was willing to flush two sons down the toilet to be with her. Today, as we speak... he is very interested in seeing " The boys" They are now 25 and 21. Alas... its too late. They are not interested in hearing from him. Its quite pathetic and sad.. He is a lonely old 62 year old man STILL chasing that same woman. She no longer seems to be interested either. In his case the saying " What goes around comes around" seems to be true. It takes very many years to see the addage reveal its power though. I am certainly glad that I didnt wait to see the results of gross selfishness unfold.

(Not so) clueless · Post by **(Not so) clueless** » Sun Oct 08, 2006 6:28 pm

we talk alot because we have two children together. I don't know if we would still be in contact if we didn't. Sometimes I think maybe we rushed into the divorce, then I think we rushed into the marriage. Depends on the mood I guess:rolleyes:

Erinna1112 · Post by **Erinna1112** » Sun Oct 08, 2006 7:31 pm

Yes, the ex and I talk a couple of times a week. We have a middle-schooler together, and it's important that we are on the same page about a lot of things. As someone astutely said uptopic, our problems are not our child's fault, and when we realized we couldn't live together anymore we made a resolution to never take it out on our child.

My parents used me and my sister as a bat between them, and it was tough. I swore I'd never do that to my own children. Only had one, but I have never, and will never, badmouth his father to him, and never stand in the way of him spending time with his father.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Mon Oct 09, 2006 1:33 am

my ex is a very horrible person who has made both my life and my partners life a total misery for years but of course i still want to talk to her just preferably through a medium :sneaky: :sneaky:

Supersilly@rse · Post by **Supersilly@rse** » Mon Oct 09, 2006 3:00 am

I don't have any kids but I do have a mixed bag of exes.

They range from the psychotics and dysfunctionals to nice guys who just weren't right for one reason or another.

The only ones I don't keep in contact with are the ones that were violent.

I think that if you think enough of someone to sleep with them, then unless they betray you in one way or another, I'd really like to keep them in my life in some capacity.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Mon Oct 09, 2006 3:55 am

Supersilly@rse wrote: I don't have any kids but I do have a mixed bag of exes.

They range from the psychotics and dysfunctionals to nice guys who just weren't right for one reason or another.

The only ones I don't keep in contact with are the ones that were violent.

I think that if you think enough of someone to sleep with them, then unless they betray you in one way or another, I'd really like to keep them in my life in some capacity.

has any one reported them missing :wah: :wah: :wah: :wah:

Supersilly@rse · Post by **Supersilly@rse** » Mon Oct 09, 2006 4:12 am

[QUOTE=jimbo]has any one reported them missing :wah: QUOTE]

Not officially, however I think that one of the very young ones did appear on the back of a milk carton.......

*snigger*

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Mon Oct 09, 2006 5:44 am

My ex and I don't keep in touch

Of course, we had no children together so it's been very easy.

We both remarried in the same year.

He now lives in another state and just had his third child. Strangely enough, my brother and my sis's hubby keep in touch with him.

Rumor has it he is now a multimillionaire living in Texas. I wish him all the best.

What I really miss is my mother and father-in-law. I had a wonderful relationship with them. We were very close.

My sister ran into my ex-in-laws at a flea market in Florida. She said they had *nothing* but good things to say about me. Isn't that nice?

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Mon Oct 09, 2006 5:49 am

honestly cher i cant imagine any one ever saying anything bad about you ever

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Mon Oct 09, 2006 5:53 am

jimbo wrote: honestly cher i cant imagine any one ever saying anything bad about you ever

Jimbo

Even though I am kind

I have some strong opinions and express them pretty freely

So I'm sure I've offended some in the past

but thank you nonetheless :-6

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Mon Oct 09, 2006 6:06 am

Do you talk to the ex-wife or husband?

Yes we still speak, but less and less.....I'm happy with that.... my kids tell me how he is....they know I still care, after all we knew each other for 43 years and he was the love of my life.....I never looked at or fancied another man in all that time.

It breaks my heart to see the bitterness between couples when they split, particularly when children are used in the emotional warfare that goes on.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Mon Oct 09, 2006 6:13 am

SnoozeControl wrote: Are you kidding? I can't stand her!

It's true.

She left a bag of flaming dog poo on my front steps :guitarist

Snickz · Post by **Snickz** » Thu Oct 12, 2006 2:59 pm

I never speak to my ex....the seperation was a fairly horrible experience, he was an alcoholic drug addict who didn't seem to think he had a problem.

I tried to cut all contact but he kept coming back and harrassing the crap out of me to take him back.

Then there was this "incident", so I packed up and moved towns ever since then I havn't spoken a word to him and don't care if I never see him again.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Thu Oct 12, 2006 3:38 pm

Snickz wrote: I never speak to my ex....the seperation was a fairly horrible experience, he was an alcoholic drug addict who didn't seem to think he had a problem.

I tried to cut all contact but he kept coming back and harrassing the crap out of me to take him back.

Then there was this "incident", so I packed up and moved towns ever since then I havn't spoken a word to him and don't care if I never see him again.

like me the only way i'd like to my ex wife is through a medium :sneaky:

if i have to get in contact at all i only do it via text its the only way the cow cant interrupt me:mad:

Lulu2 · Post by **Lulu2** » Thu Oct 12, 2006 8:30 pm

Unless you have children, or mutual property...why WOULD you?

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Thu Oct 12, 2006 8:58 pm

Lulu2 wrote: Unless you have children, or mutual property...why WOULD you?

fer real!!...............

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:52 am

guppy wrote: fer real!!...............

you American women seem so bitter ........where is the love :wah: :wah:

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Fri Oct 13, 2006 1:01 am

SnoozeControl wrote: Your feelings are your own and you certainly don't have to validate them to an online nitwit like me, but I'm not really sure that the stepdaughter using your first name is disrespectful. "Mom" wouldn't be appropriate since she's already got a mother. What other choices are there?

snoozie i totally agree with you my step son went through a stage where he wanted to call me dad i said i did not think that would be a good idea as he already had a dad and it could really hurt his dads feelings

i feel that if this person had tried harder with the child instead of digging her heels in over what is really a totally unimportant issue both her and the child would have had a much better relationship , in my experience stepmothers have a much harder time loving a child that's not theirs than the stepfather

what are your thoughts on that guys eh ...eh .....once again jimbo asks the questions that all others are afraid to ask

that's why he got no friends me thinks

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Fri Oct 13, 2006 5:09 am

jimbo wrote: you American women seem so bitter ........where is the love :wah: :wah:

jimbo-who's bitter, but think about it, it we couldn't get along after twenty three years why go back and beat a dead horse?????:driving:

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Fri Oct 13, 2006 5:18 am

jimbo wrote: in my experience stepmothers have a much harder time loving a child that's not theirs than the stepfather (

Now THAT is an interesting question.

I'd like to hear from the stepmoms and stepdads out there . . .

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Fri Oct 13, 2006 6:49 am

Lulu2 wrote: Unless you have children, or mutual property...why WOULD you?

You would if there was a deeper connection there... and your ex

had shown a "sea change" in character... like mine did. When

someone shows me that they can change, then I try not to hold

them to the past, however terrible.

Last year, my ex asked me to attend his mom's memorial service,

and I did.

He is a good man who lived through a lot in his past, not the least of

which was a tour of duty in Vietnam... he was a helicopter door

gunner. Tell me that doesn't mess with your head big time.

I'm proud to still call him friend.

Lulu2 · Post by **Lulu2** » Fri Oct 13, 2006 6:51 am

You're a good person, Val! If my "former" made such a change, I'd feel as you do. However, he was never wrong, until the day he died. Too bad for him.

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Fri Oct 13, 2006 6:55 am

Val, you are lucky. i am glad for you. mine is like lu's was. never wrong. i was nevr more than the trophy wife. you know, the one you leave at home and brag you got but dont have time for..and absolutely no interest in....

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Fri Oct 13, 2006 7:01 am

My divorce was fairly amicable; I initiated it but we both kept it civil. As I've stated before, my goal was to walk out with my head held high. I treated him with respect.

But it would definitely be uncomfortable to talk with him now.

When my mom passed away three years ago, my ex sent sympathy cards to my Dad, my sister and my brother.

But nothing to me.

So I'm sure he has resentment towards me. I can't say I blame him. He didn't want the divorce; I did.

What can you do? That's the fallout of the choices we make :-6

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Fri Oct 13, 2006 8:25 am

guppy wrote: jimbo-who's bitter, but think about it, it we couldn't get along after twenty three years why go back and beat a dead horse?????:driving:
guppy thats the wrong name for you how do you spell barracuda

sorry gup i think your great i do tend to get myself into a lot of trouble with my wierd sense of humour :wah: :wah:

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Fri Oct 13, 2006 8:28 am

cherandbuster wrote: My divorce was fairly amicable; I initiated it but we both kept it civil. As I've stated before, my goal was to walk out with my head held high. I treated him with respect.

But it would definitely be uncomfortable to talk with him now.

When my mom passed away three years ago, my ex sent sympathy cards to my Dad, my sister and my brother.

But nothing to me.

So I'm sure he has resentment towards me. I can't say I blame him. He didn't want the divorce; I did.

What can you do? That's the fallout of the choices we make :-6

just goes to show guys that a woman can break your heart ,take your house break up a family

but if you forget to send them a card your never forgiven :wah: :wah:

cher :-4

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Fri Oct 13, 2006 10:53 am

jimbo wrote: just goes to show guys that a woman can break your heart ,take your house break up a family

but if you forget to send them a card your never forgiven

cher :-4

Jimbo

YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT :guitarist

Lulu2 · Post by **Lulu2** » Sat Oct 14, 2006 9:35 am

(From my email today....)

My husband and I divorced over religious differences.

He thought he was God, and I didn't.

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Sat Oct 14, 2006 10:32 am

Lulu2 wrote: (From my email today....)

My husband and I divorced over religious differences.

He thought he was God, and I didn't.

omg, what a small world . i was married to his brother!!:wah:

Lulu2 · Post by **Lulu2** » Sat Oct 14, 2006 10:34 am

(I THOUGHT you seemed familiar! Sis-in-law!)

Beagle · Post by **Beagle** » Sat Oct 14, 2006 10:46 am

cherandbuster wrote: I'd like to hear from the stepmoms and stepdads out there . . .

I'm sure that you all probably already know my view on this.....especially from my "step-parenting" post. I would have to say that I, personally, am having a difficult time with this - unfortunately, I can't say how that compares to a what a stepfather feels. My fiance will, obviously, be a stepdad to my son, but my son is 22 years old - he is not still a teenager (as are two of my stepchildren) and we are no longer responsible for him on a daily basis and for ALL of his needs. My fiance and my son get along great, but their relationship is more of an adult relationship rather than that of child/parent.

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 9:36 pm

My daughter has been an adult for 4 years and we get along great. She had a very interested Dad. He loved her as I did.........always!!

BTS has a serious religious split with his kids.........all 5 of them. The Mom is a Mormon.............a very centered Mormon. The kids were raised in that faith............all the boys have done their thing. The "thing" - I just know well dressed kids coming to my house and trying to preach their religion.

BTS did not marry their mother in the "sanctity" of the Mormon church because he did not take that faith. They had a civil ceremony. I just found out that BTS was not allowed to attend his childrens weddings in the Mormon Church........or Baptismals..........or anything ..................He would not subscribe to the secret doctrines of .............I don't know how to say this.....He said be sealed in the Church.

I have a very difficult time with any religion that excludes FAMILY in any way shape or form. I thought the Methodists were bad..........I thought the Catholics were bad......

ANY RELIGION that excludes FAMILY at any time is BAD......... Family is our heart and soul.......our kindred spirit...........Our family is what keeps up strong.

Family can be genetic, adopted, oh just come and be a part of us people.........it is ALWAYS the love that counts.

Yep I said more than I should have and not enough..........this world needs to love the children.

The kids are being largely ignored by 2 income families................parents need to spend more time with their children,,,,,,,,,

OOOOPS ..did this turn into a Blog?

Post by **Bryn Mawr** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 4:40 pm

jimbo wrote: snoozie i totally agree with you my step son went through a stage where he wanted to call me dad i said i did not think that would be a good idea as he already had a dad and it could really hurt his dads feelings

i feel that if this person had tried harder with the child instead of digging her heels in over what is really a totally unimportant issue both her and the child would have had a much better relationship , in my experience stepmothers have a much harder time loving a child that's not theirs than the stepfather

what are your thoughts on that guys eh ...eh .....once again jimbo asks the questions that all others are afraid to ask

that's why he got no friends me thinks

I've been blessed with three that I don't deserve. They've given me a lot of love and support through the years and I love them dearly for it.

On the other hand, their step mothers have had far less tolerance because they're out for their own children first and formost and try to turn the kids father against them.

From the other side of the original question, we've always kept in contact with my wife's ex - to the extent of having him stay for Chrismas after he'd split with his second wife and taking him and his third wife out cruising on the boat and out for meals to celebrate family occasions.

He is the father of three of my children and he is welcome in our house for their sake.