ForumGarden

OK Jives did a pilot adventures thread and suggested i should do one too, so here is one little story........beware, i have hundreds! :rolleyes: i'll try to keep it humorous.........this idiot i know robbed a bank. the next day there was a huge picture of him on the front page of the paper, dumbass didn't know banks have cameras. so i woke my sgt. up and told him. we went right out and arrested the jerkwad. so i go visit him in the jail, and he says 'LC will you go out with me?'...i replied 'honey, when you get out in 20 years you're going to have to rob another bank to afford me'. :wah: the entire cell block cracked up!

i really do like to use humor to get along with criminals. i work at the jail a lot, they are very short female deputies to supervise female inmates. so one day the females are going to bible study. i send them and lock them in the classroom. they are not supposed to come out. well this one little jewish lady comes out for the 17th time and i got annoyed....i asked her why she keeps going to bible study and leaving. she says because they talk about jesus. so i said 'well, if you go to bible study his name might come up'....the class busted out laughing. you had to be there.

SnoozeControl wrote: I find the term "jerkwad" strangely erotic.


snooze I think you should do an "rib crushing" series about you and the chair at work

how do you like this snoozey? ........i arrested a female who was exposing herself to children. very rare. i bring her in to jail and pull her ugly ass out of cruiser. 2 female deputies come out to sally port to assist. i dragged her ass out, and pulled up her pants. she starts spitting at us. so we take her into intake, she's still spitting. i put my pepper spray can into her mouth and said 'spit again bitch'. the booking officer is yelling 'NO LC, not until i get her pic'. well every time i have ever arrested her again she cries. boo hoo. :-1 but she doesn't spit.

she was sitting on someone's porch and showing the children her twat. this is almost unheard-of in females.

SnoozeControl wrote: Come closer... no, just a little closer... there! Hear that crunching noise? Its your neck.


Stop messing around Snooze

here's the CHAIR....when they can't behave we put them in here......

Attached files

lady cop wrote: here's the CHAIR....when they can't behave we put them in here......


Let snooze wrestle with that chair

My former bro-in-law told me a story one time of being a newbie cop,

showing up at a domestic call to arrest this HUGE guy and take him to

jail... my bro-in-law had his experienced partner standing behind him...

well the guy didn't want to go and was being rather combative so

my bro-in-law was talking to him and said something along the lines of

"Don't make me use my weapon" and the guy was still somewhat battling

and then all of a sudden, collapsed, meek as a lamb, bro-in-law gets him

to jail and asks him "Why all of a sudden did you just come along quietly?"

and the guy said "'Cause when you said that about using your weapon,

your partner stuck his fingers in his ears"!

here's another one....some guy in the back of my car calls me a f***ING WHORE for the whole ride. and a bunch of other charming compliments, so i pull into jail sally port, yank his sorry butt out and beat the living crap out of him in front of everyone on their smoke break. they all just sat there and laughed. next time he saw me he didn't remember. he called me "sweetie" . so i kicked his ass again. and told him that's DEPUTY SWEETIE . dumbass is still in jail. :wah:

SnoozeControl wrote: I find the term "jerkwad" strangely erotic.
i love you.:-4

Wolverine wrote: i love you.:-4good god, testosterone again. go pick some corn. :p

lady cop wrote: good god, testosterone again. go pick some corn. :p
it's december. all picked.



dork

Wolverine wrote: it's december. all picked.





dorkbaby rookie snot-nose:p

lady cop wrote: baby rookie snot-nose:p
let me call me 8 yr old nephew. he'll give me some good 3rd grade come-backs.

Wolverine wrote: let me call me 8 yr old nephew. he'll give me some good 3rd grade come-backs.good...see you tomorrow. xoxox :wah:

My father used to be a policeman on the Highway Patrol in Philadelphia, PA in the 60's.

My father and his partner, my Uncle Jim (a good family friend) got a call on a drunk and disorderly. The woman was refusing to pay her cab fare.

The woman inside of the cab was none other than -- get this -- Diana Ross. She was very drunk and didn't want to pay her cab fare.

My dad gave her a ticket. And when he did, she said, "Don't you know who I am? I'm with the Supremes." (This is when the Supremes were a new singing group.)

My dad said, "Supreme what?" Then he gave her the ticket.

She just had a surprised look on her face. She paid her cab fare, anyway.

My father and his partner did a lot of crazy stuff. If they would catch kids graffitti-ing on the walls, they would take the spray paint from them and paint the tops of their hands and their hands. Then send them home to their parents. The same thing with alcohol -- if they would catch minors with beer or alcohol, they would pour it on the kids. Then send them home to their parents. Awesome way to handle these situations, I think.