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I was raped about a year ago, and I can't get over the fact that it happened to me, he was a guy I had met and we were out on a date, I got in his car, big mistake. I told my ex boyfriend, but he just thinks Im going mad, because I feel so useless, I havent told anyone else. Has anyone got any advice?

And you haven't told anyone except him?

I'm not a great advocate of counciling, but in this case, with something so serious, it would be a good idea to get help from someone who can guide you in a professional way to cope with your feelings.

I'd say the first stop would be to your GP.

Book a double appointment and let it all out. She/he will refer you to a professional who will be able to walk you through what you need to do to help yourself.

They may even suggest you talk to the police as it's never too late to do this, but it is entirely up to you.

They will also suggest a medical.

Try to get help, you are hurting nobody else but yourself by holding it in.

No, I can't. Its shameful to show other people, I love it when I forget for a few seconds and am 'normal'. Not been used.

missy987 wrote: No, I can't. Its shameful to show other people, I love it when I forget for a few seconds and am 'normal'. Not been used.


What's shameful that you can't show... do you mean to your doctor?

You have to get over that, if you are sexually active (and even if not!)

you need to be seeing a doctor and getting a Pap smear once a year

at the very least.



You've done nothing wrong, someone else did. You aren't "used".



:yh_flower

But, I don't wanna go to the doctors and tell him about it! Im finding it difficult to cope

How old are you?

19, but 17 wen it happened

You're still a baby.

Are you scared your mum or family will find out?

There are other places to go as well. it doesn't have to be your GP.

Call rape crisis

http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/index.htm

List of telephone numbers here

http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/members.htm

This isn't your fault, you need to be looked after. Please get some help.

I dont want my mum to find out. I haven't told them.

missy987 wrote: I dont want my mum to find out. I haven't told them.
You have your right to confidentiality, you are over 16. your parent don't need to know.

Is it totally out of the question to tell them? You don't need to if it will cause you more pain but it could take the worry away from you if they are good parents.

It's amazing the relief of sharing something like this.

Are you still in school? If so you can ask for help there as well. There are people all over the place who can help, you just need to ask.

everyone needs to find out then! I dont want no1 knowing about me

missy987 wrote: I dont want my mum to find out. I haven't told them.


Why not? Do you not have a good relationship? You have nothing to be ashamed of. This is not your fault. Plus, what if this guy is doing this to someone else? What if he had done it before and now it happened to you because someone else kept quiet. After this amount of time, the physical evidence is gone, but still, you need to do the right thing and speak out. You are not the only one in the world this has happened to. It happened to me too and I found out later that this guy HAD raped someone else before me, but she was too scared and feeble minded to go to the police. If she had, myself and two other women would not have had to go through the terror of rape. I know you are scared. Get over it. Take a deep breath and speak to your family. Unless they are horrible people, they will support you.

Also, you need counseling. If you cannot pay for a psychologist, you can always speak to a priest, rabbi...whoever...to help you get through this.

missy987 wrote: everyone needs to find out then! I dont want no1 knowing about me


Missy, you said you only told your ex-boyfriend. Do you believe he will keep this information to himself? Wouldn't the people close to you, like your parents want to learn this information from you and not through the gossip mill?

You really need to tell someone hon. You did nothing wrong so please stop feeling so guilty. You need to stop this person, like Kathy said, before it happens to someone else.

I am not going to tell anyone. I can cope by myself....

I can seriously sympathize with you. You are going to have to deal with it the best way that you can -- talking about it, writing about it, crying about it -- until it doesn't hurt so much anymore.

When I was 11 years old, a 21-year-old got a hold of me. Let me just say that he got me into an alleyway, forced me down behind a parked car and got himself into me. We were underneath the back of someone's house. I remember hitting him and yelling and trying to push him off of me. I couldn't -- he was too strong. There was this old woman. She yelled out of her window -- "Hey, you kids. I know what you're doing out there." No, she didn't know. He was raping me. Her yelling did make him stop, though. And me, in stunned shock, and him I guess feeling bad for what he just did -- walked me home.

I never told my parents, because I was scared that I would get in trouble for even being around a 21-year-old guy. This man, Wes -- I only knew his first name -- fled Pennsylvania and went to Florida. That was the word with the kids in the neighborhood.

I talked to Wes once, three years later, on the telephone. He was a friend of a friend. I went off on him for raping me, and my friend did not want to believe that he could do such a thing. I had to deal with a good friend's total disbelief.

Also, I also used to get pushed down to the ground by a gang of kids in the neighborhood -- about six or seven of them -- who used to grab me all over, when I was 12. It was basically a form of gang rape, you know, grabbing me everywhere they weren't supposed to. I never told anyone about that either, out of childhood fear.

All I can say is: Talk about it. That's the only thing that can help you. I'm 35 now, and the incidents that I shared with you above don't hurt at all anymore. It did take about 5-7 years to fully recover from them, though.

You still may be able to press charges on the guy, too. Call the police department and ask about it.

There's no easy answer, except to get it out of your system and to get yourself to a place where you can function normally and not be in so much pain.

I'll pray for you. Good luck and God bless!

no It's about time, which is why I joined the forum in the first place, I have to keep a level head adnd be brave!

missy987 wrote: no It's about time, which is why I joined the forum in the first place, I have to keep a level head adnd be brave!


I'm sorry to hear about your troubles Missy. I really can't offer any advice on this subject, but I wish you well. Oh and welcome to FG, I hope u enjoy your time around here.

missy987 wrote: no It's about time, which is why I joined the forum in the first place, I have to keep a level head adnd be brave!


My only suggestion if you won't seek help on a person to person level is let it out annonamously online, you will feel better. Keeping this inside will only fester.

As others said you were violated no matter what anyone thinks of this entire situation Rape is a crime and you are the victim.

Missy take the help others offer you on here and perhaps that will help you with feeling brave and level headed and maybe one day down the road you will feel better about sharing it with a professional. Just don't let it swallow you up you are way to young to allow your life to be ruined by this tragedy. Many of our FG members have sympathetic ears and are willing to let you vent away. So don't be afraid.

I agree with Val! If you keep talking about it and tell people it only gets easier. My dad molested my step-sister (yes, everyone, I was Ashamed Daughter when I joined) for 5 years and she was so scared to tell anyone and she finally did. She told me and I got her the hell outta there. We ran away to my mom's house. And we still talk now and then and she said the more she talks about what happened the better she feels. But Im so glad she told me. I am so glad she finally spoke up so I could help her. She said she didnt tell me earlier because she thought I would be mad at her and hate her. And Im telling you, that is the complete opposite feeling. So unless your parents are complete monsters, they'll be glad you told them. Do you have siblings you are close to? Can you tell them? You'd be surprised at mum's reaction.

My sis is doing great now. She told someone and so should you. That guy is a scum sucking ^&#$$$#@#$%&*!

thanks guys, It feels wonderful to have all this support.I feel less Like I am banging my head against a wall,:-5 and able to at least smile. Although another problem now poses, people are starting to pick up on the fact that Im insecure!

No exactly. Thanks a lot! everybody is sooo supportive here! I really feel like I can open up my whole heart!

Missy, just talk about it, cry and get it out of your system.

Can't you call your mom up to your bedroom, or wherever you're most comfortable, and say, "I have to talk to you about something that's important. Sit down. It's about something bad that happened to me."

You should try it. Your mother loves you, I'm sure, and would want you to tell her what happened. Your mom just might surprise you, too, by being the best support you're going to find!

Also, Missy, remember that you are the victim here. You have nothing to be ashamed of. He's the one that should be ashamed of himself.

Yes well tonight I was out and some guy tried it again, he gropped me viciously and I was scared. My mates were in the other room, so they don't believe me. I'm scared.

missy987 wrote: Yes well tonight I was out and some guy tried it again, he gropped me viciously and I was scared. My mates were in the other room, so they don't believe me. I'm scared.why is it i don't believe you either?