Taking Care of Yourself

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Sat Nov 05, 2005 8:15 am

Here's my dilemma. My husband is a diabetic. It's been out of control for many years. I have begged, pleaded, threatened, etc. trying to get him to take care of hisself. He sneaks things he shouldn't eat. I have no problem with a piece of cake every now and then in moderation, but his theory is this, "I have my fast acting insulin so I can eat a huge chunk then take a shot". Hello? That's not what it is for.:-5 He won't get the scheduled bloodwork, he works way too many hours, not to mention how irritable he gets when his sugar goes up. I've told him how unfair it is to me and the kids when he bites our heads off over the slightest thing. I've told him the risks of not controlling his diabetes such as heart disease, blindness, loss of a limb, dialysis (which he mother is on due to diabetes), etc. Nothing gets through to him. I've told him the importance of taking his shot at a scheduled time. I'm at my wits end. Any suggestions?

Valerie100 · Post by **Valerie100** » Sat Nov 05, 2005 8:43 am

My father was a very bad alcoholic. He would not stop drinking martinis -- and his martinis were never measured, just poured right from the bottles in his own special way of mixing. He would pass out on the living room recliner watching television every night. For years, my mother tried to get him to stop drinking. He would not. She could not. Dad didn't exercise. His health was starting to go, and eventually, alcoholism contributed to how he died.

You can't make your husband do anything he doesn't want to do, unfortunately, even if he does have diabetes and it could turn serious. It's his decision how he wants to treat his own body. That's the cold, hard and sad truth. He has to want to change, and all of your complaining isn't going to do anything. It could even make him spiteful and resentful so much so that he'll go stuff himself on cake just because he can.

Sorry, no, there's nothing you can do.

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Sat Nov 05, 2005 8:47 am

when my dad had his heart attack 5 years ago, it was a huge wake up call for him. he had a quadruple bi-pass and died twice in the O.R.

his 3 week stint in the hospital was the best thing for him. he quit smoking.

he cut way back on his hours at John Deere and the farm.

then he retired from both. he was diagnosed with diabetes two years ago. and it WAS a struggle for him and mom until this year. it finnaly sunk in that if he didn't correct his habbits, he would die.

so... i feel for you Peg. i really do.

hang in there. if ya need to talk, i'm around.

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Sat Nov 05, 2005 9:06 am

I think a lot of my frustration is that my dad was diabetic from the time I was six years old. His was so well under control that if it elevated, the doctor put him on antibiotics right away knowing there was an infection some where. I don't want my husband to feel his needs to be so under control, but it's as if he doesn't even consider me or the kids or our grandson. Why would you let something that can be somewhat maintained killed you?

Malkeet · Post by **Malkeet** » Sat Nov 05, 2005 11:36 am

Hi Peg

Ask him how he would feel if he suddenly lost you?

He is taking big risks which must not be taken.

If he loves you all, he must stop becuase he may end up in a fate worse than death - massive stroke - sorry to be blunt but hope it helps.

Malkeet.

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Sat Nov 05, 2005 11:50 am

Far Rider wrote: Hi Peg, I don't have an answer for you, but I want to thank you for reminding me. I'll go back and reschedule my appointments for the tests they want to do for my blood pressure and I'll take the darn meds too. Even though they slow me down and make me wierd.

Same here...overdue for BP check and cholestrol test....woops....and ...i haven't been taking my BP medication every day either.....it's such a chore.

anastrophe · Post by **anastrophe** » Sat Nov 05, 2005 11:53 am

for some people, sugar is as addictive as alcohol. or even more so. i'm a sugar-holic, also referred to colloquially simply as having "a sweet tooth". sugar is just about the worst thing i can eat - instant weight gain. mood swings.

eliminating sugars, and highly refined carbs from the diet is a great way to 'tame' diabetes. but it takes a concerted effort by the individual. i've done low-carb, and fallen off, and am trying to get back on again. it's hard.

is your husband at all overweight? 'attacking' it from that angle may have *some* value, but it again depends on what the individual considers important to them. once i get off of the junk carbs, i feel so much better - and it's somewhat easier to stay off them once that 'fix' is removed as an easy way to "feel good".

i'm rambling. as others have said, it's pretty difficult to get someone to do something they simply don't want to do. but making a concerted effort to eliminate sugars from the household is a start. if you succeed at that, then eliminate the junk carbs. if everyone in the household can agree to eliminate that stuff, it makes it that much easier for your husband to 'go along' with it simply because there's no alternative (not much you can do when he's away from the house though).

okay, enough rambling.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sat Nov 05, 2005 12:07 pm

Peg, my suggestion is to have him read the thread I posted about my husband becoming ill. My husband had type 2 diabetes and did not take care of it-he was invincible! Why, nothing would effect him, he could control it. Well, he didn't, and he is what he is today because he passed out in the store when the blood sugar crashed, and hit his head. I would hate to see the same thing happen to him, and to you.

venus · Post by **venus** » Sat Nov 05, 2005 4:35 pm

I say sit on him and poke him in the eye till he says, nay begs for mercy and you tell him, if he doesnt start taking care of himself youll dye your hair and take a young lover or something else that might scare him..

or give him a laugh, maybe make him realise he is taking too big a risk for you both...

or you could kick him in the shin when he looks at cake......conditioning....

It works psychologists based years of research on it :wah:

booradley · Post by **booradley** » Sat Nov 05, 2005 5:04 pm

Peg wrote: Here's my dilemma. My husband is a diabetic. It's been out of control for many years. I have begged, pleaded, threatened, etc. trying to get him to take care of hisself. He sneaks things he shouldn't eat. I have no problem with a piece of cake every now and then in moderation, but his theory is this, "I have my fast acting insulin so I can eat a huge chunk then take a shot". Hello? That's not what it is for.:-5 He won't get the scheduled bloodwork, he works way too many hours, not to mention how irritable he gets when his sugar goes up. I've told him how unfair it is to me and the kids when he bites our heads off over the slightest thing. I've told him the risks of not controlling his diabetes such as heart disease, blindness, loss of a limb, dialysis (which he mother is on due to diabetes), etc. Nothing gets through to him. I've told him the importance of taking his shot at a scheduled time. I'm at my wits end. Any suggestions?

stop buying cake. Seriously. You need control of the finances so he can't get access to the bad stuff. He could end up being fed through a tube in his stomach, no capacity for speech, nothing.

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Sat Nov 05, 2005 5:32 pm

I don't buy cakes. He eats them at work. Most of the time he lies about it until someone else lets it slip.:-5

booradley · Post by **booradley** » Sat Nov 05, 2005 5:36 pm

you'd think he'd know better having watched his mother go through dialysis. Maybe it's time to follow up on a few threats regarding his behaviour. He's acting like a child, so treat him like one. Tough love.

hope you're getting the support you need {(hugs)}

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Tue Nov 15, 2005 1:13 pm

Hi Peg

Why dont you invite him out to dinner some night so that the two of you can be alone together and go somewhere nice. Get all dressed up etc and then direct the conversation to how much you are worried about him. Tell him you love him very much and that he is very important to you and the children. Tell him that you could not imagine your life without him. Ask how you could help support him? Be nice in general, sometimes just trying to reason with a person in this way might make him understand and see how concerned you are. If this all fails then maybe tell him to do some volunteer work at a hospital for a while and see actually how bad this can affect a persons life.

Well maybe this will give you a few ideas to work with.

Best of luck - Jen:)

actionfigurestepho · Post by **actionfigurestepho** » Wed Nov 16, 2005 8:35 am

I'm struggling with this with my SO right now. I'll pick up his glucose monitor and see how high his sugar has been and I'll freak out. I've sat him down countless times and showed him my catheter (for maximum grossness) and told him that I don't want HIM to have to lose HIS kidneys as well, and I've tried to explain that dialysis is so much more expensive than insulin but he just kinds of nodes his head and continues doing whatever it was he was doing.

I almost feel as though I have to be the Diabetic Police, forcing him to actually test his sugar before he takes a shot instead of just guessing. But it's his body, and I know I don't have that right. I think sometimes people just don't think bad things can happen to them. I feel as though sometimes he thinks his diabetes and my disease are bad enough, so there's no WAY anything worse can happen. I wonder if an "intervention" idea might work.

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Thu Dec 15, 2005 8:13 am

Sometimes I could just scream. His weight is going up. Not good when you are diabetic. I had to force him to go to the Dr. when he passed out from coughing. We should have the chest xray results today. I'm rather nervous.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Thu Dec 15, 2005 8:31 am

best wishes Peg, i can see where stubborn denial, my affliction, hurts those who care...i hope for very good news for you.

minks · Post by **minks** » Thu Dec 15, 2005 9:00 am

Oh Peg I wish you well with this. I have no wise words here, I have watched my aunt do the exact same thing. She has had an infection in her foot for almost 5 years not and refuses to let them amputate, all a result of her not controlling her diabetes proper.

It has to be incredibly tough on you.

SOJOURNER · Post by **SOJOURNER** » Thu Dec 15, 2005 10:46 am

Time for tough love here.

Get out your will to go over with him and if you don't have one, insist on one.

Tell him you'd feel more cortfortable if a car was in your name (if one isn't already).

If your name is not on credit establishing accounts, insist you be added to them, so in case anything happens to him, you can carry on'.

Ask for his power of attorney -- inquiry if he'd want to be kept on life support (provided you don't have this or already know this).

Ask him to show you where all the paperwork for insurance policies are and if there would be other things you need to know about.

I'd do this over a period of time, but persistently. He will pick up on the message and if he really feels you are that concerned, maybe, just maybe he may change his self-destructive ways.

If this fails, start picking up and sending for lieterature on home health care items. Ask him if your health insurance policy would cover the cost of these things.