ForumGarden

Tell Carol the Bloke in the picture is a bit of alright though :driving:

kayleneaussie;771720 wrote: awwwwwwwwwww sorry Chris cant have her moaning at you:-4
I always did like you kay lol.

ok I am off now, babies are gone for a visit so now its me time:-6

kayleneaussie;771721 wrote: Tell Carol the Bloke in the picture is a bit of alright though :driving:Er excuse me:sneaky:can you please take yer eyes off my geezer you brazen hussy:mad::rolleyes::-5:p

[QUOTE=Carolly;771812]Er excuse me:sneaky:can you please take yer eyes off my geezer you brazen hussy

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:p

kayleneaussie;771816 wrote: [QUOTE=Carolly;771812]Er excuse me:sneaky:can you please take yer eyes off my geezer you brazen hussy


Aint funny woman:sneaky:I will knock yer bleedin block off:-5:-5Oh gawd Ive hurt meself now-1

serves ya self right:p:-4

kayleneaussie;771836 wrote: serves ya self right:p:-4
Not nice-1:-1

Carolly;771848 wrote: Not nice-1:-1


:yh_kiss:yh_kiss:yh_kiss

Me and Chris have decided to go back to Butlins in May as its 60s group week again and we loved it so much last year. Difference is I want to stay in the posh hotel shaped like a ship this time.....obviously alot dearer but so what......Im bloody worth every penny:wah::wah::rolleyes:;)

I am off now gotta take Shayden to the docs.

Take care all:-4

Jack was about to marry Jill and his father took him to one side

"When I married your mother, the first thing I did when we got

home was take off my trousers," he said.

"I gave them to your mother and told her to put them on.

When she did, they were enormous on her and she said to

me that she couldn't possibly wear them, as they were too large.

"I told her, "of course they're too big.

I wear the trousers in this family and I always will.

"Ever since that day, we have never had a single problem."

Jack took his father's advice and as soon as he got Jill alone after the wedding,

he did the same thing; took off his trousers, gave them to Jill and told her to put them on.

Jill said that the trousers were too big and she couldn't possibly wear them.

"Exactly," replied Jack.

"I wear the trousers in this relationship and I always will.

I don't want you to forget that."

Jill paused and removed her knickers and gave them to Jack.

"Try these on," she said, so he tried them on but they were too small.

"I can't possibly get into your knickers," said Jack.

"Exactly," replied Jill.

"And if you don't change your f*cking attitude, you never will."

Go Jill!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOOD ONE CAROL BUT I HAVE HEARD IT BEFORE:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

kayleneaussie;771927 wrote: GOOD ONE CAROL BUT I HAVE HEARD IT BEFORE:Sweetcheeks you would have........................you sent it to me 2 years ago:wah::wah::wah:what are you like:rolleyes:;)

[QUOTE=Carolly;771963]Sweetcheeks you would have........................you sent it to me 2 years ago:wah::wah::wah:what are you like:

:p:-4

For our MrsK and the lovely Kay lol.What an Oz tourism board put up somewhere:wah::wah:;)



Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water with

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns ,Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )

A: What did your last slave die o

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .

Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not

... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked

Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ...

oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )

A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.

Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.

All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.

You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male popula tion? ( Italy )

A: Yes, gay night clubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )

A: Only at Christmas.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? ( USA )

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour..

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first :wah::wah:;)

Carolly;771981 wrote: For our MrsK and the lovely Kay lol.What an Oz tourism board put up somewhere:wah::wah:;)



Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water with

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns ,Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )

A: What did your last slave die o

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .

Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not

... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked

Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ...

oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )

A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.

Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.

All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.

You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male popula tion? ( Italy )

A: Yes, gay night clubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )

A: Only at Christmas.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? ( USA )

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour..

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first :wah::wah:;)


HA HA LOVE IT CAROL

Well I am just going to feed Shayden then I am off to bed.

Take care everybody:-4

HI All I'm not stopping long as me mams on her way over but shuold be back later on:D Loeved that Australian thingy Carol:wah:

Kay enjoy yer time to yersel mate:-4

Take care everyone see you all later:yh_hugsKaz.

Men are like.....Floor Tiles. If you lay them right the first time, you

can walk all over them for years.

Men are like.....Bank Accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't

generate much interest.

Men are like.....Blenders. You need one, but you're not quite sure why

Men are like.....Coffee. The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up

all night.

Men are like.....Commercials. You can't believe a word they say.

Men are like.....Computers. Hard to figure out and never have enough

memory.

Men are like.....Copiers. You need them for reproduction, but that's

about it.

Men are like.....Government bonds. They take a long time to mature.

Men are like.....Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are

usually wrong.

Men are like.....Lava lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

Men are like.....Parking spots. The good ones are already taken and the

ones that are left are either disabled or extremely small.

Men are like.....Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Men are like.....Place mats. They only show up when there's food on the

table.

Men are like.....Snow storms. You never know when they're coming, how

many inches you'll get or how long they'll last.

Men are like.....Used Cars. Easy-to-get, cheap, and unreliable.

Men are like.....Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion;)

Hi im back:D and a little dissapointed:( My brother phoned and asked if i would like a Staffie, a bitch 18months old. Apparently who has her now has too much work on and not enough time to care for her properly, my brother already has one staff so dont want to take another. Now i have been hankering just a bit lately for a dog, but my hubby wont let me. Actually thats a lie, he would let me have one, and i know i could get round him, but if he isnt keen on having another dog i dont think its fair to the dog or to either of us. Its no good taking her if he dont really want her is it:-1

One of my fave songs:D











Smile though your heart is aching

Smile even though it's breaking

When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by

If you smile through your fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness

Hide every trace of sadness

Although a tear may be ever so near

That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what's the use of crying?

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile

That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what's the use of crying?

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile

To laugh, is to risk playing the fool.

To weep, is to risk appearing sentimental.

To reach out to another, is to risk involvement.

To expose feelings, is to risk exposing our true selves.

To put your ideas, your dreams, before the crowd is to risk loss.

To love, is to risk not being loved in return.

To live, is to risk dying.

To hope, is to risk despair.

To try at all, is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken,

Because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.

The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.

They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they simply cannot learn, change, feel, grow, love, live¦

Chained by their attitudes they are slaves.

ONLY THE PERSON WHO RISKS IS FREE.

A Smile costs nothing, but gives much

It enriches those who receive, without making poorer those who give

It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever

None is so rich or mighty that he can get along without it,

and none is so poor, but that he can be made rich by it

A Smile creates happiness in the home, fosters good will in business,

and is the countersign of friendship

It brings rest to the weary, cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad,

and it is nature’s best antidote for trouble.

Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen,

for it is something that is of no value to anyone, until it is given away

Some people are too tired to give you a smile;

Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give.

HOPE is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soul,

And sings the tune without the words,

And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;

And sore must be the storm

That could abash the little bird

That kept so many warm.

I ’ve heard it in the chillest land,

And on the strangest sea;

Yet, never, in extremity,

It asked a crumb of me.

Hi Girls

Hope your all well

Freezing here lol



Spk laterz :-6

Chezzie;772229 wrote: Hi Girls

Hope your all well

Freezing here lol



Spk laterz :-6


HI Chezz:D Im good ta:-4 hope you are too:)

hello kaz and to say your doing a good job and just a shame your not getting much support.keep happy and carol sends her love to you.

Good morning everyone:-4

kayleneaussie;772259 wrote: Good morning everyone:-4


hi Kay:D

hoxtonchris;772239 wrote: hello kaz and to say your doing a good job and just a shame your not getting much support.keep happy and carol sends her love to you.


OI!! this is my best bra!!!:D:wah:

So funny Kaz >>>I needed a good laugh this morning:-4

Hiya Kaz N Kay

Two prostitutes, after Christmas holidays:

- What did you ask Santa Claus to give you?

- Hundred dollars, as usual.

What do you do if a bird shits on your car?

- Don't ask her out again.

What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?

- The taste

What is the worst thing that can happen to a bat while it sleeps?

- To get a diarrhoea!

Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a whore house. When they arrived at the house, the Madam took one look at them and decided she wasn't going to waste any of her girls on these two old men. So she used "blow-up" dolls instead. She put a doll in each man's room and left them to their business. After the two men were finished, they started for home and got to talking. The first man said,

"I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or groaned. How was it for you?"

The second man replied, "I think mine was a witch."

The first man asked, "How's that?"

"Well," said the second man, "when I nibbled on her breast, she farted and flew out the window!"

An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examinations on the same day so they could travel together. After the examination, the doctor then said to the elderly man:

"You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"

"In fact, I do", said the man.

"After I have sex with my wife for the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty. And then, after have sex with my wife the second time, I am usually cold and chilly."

"This is very interesting", replied the doctor. "Let me do some research and get back to you."

After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said:

"Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"

The lady replied that she had no questions nor concerns. The doctor then asked: "your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?"

"Oh that old coot!" she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in July and the second time is usually in December!"

A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling like expensive perfume. She turns to an old woman and says arrogantly,

"Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!"

Another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also smells of very expensive perfume. She arrogantly turns to the old woman and says,

"Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!"

About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, turns,bends over, and farts.......

"Broccoli - 49 cents a pound.":wah::wah::wah:

Chezzie;772281 wrote: A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling like expensive perfume. She turns to an old woman and says arrogantly,

"Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!"

Another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also smells of very expensive perfume. She arrogantly turns to the old woman and says,

"Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!"

About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, turns,bends over, and farts.......

"Broccoli - 49 cents a pound.":wah::wah::wah:


:wah: I love old people:D

Morning all,

Hope you have a great day & look after yourselves.:-6



Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"

"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."

"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."

"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"

"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."

"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."

"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"

mrsK;772310 wrote: Morning all,

Hope you have a great day & look after yourselves.:-6



Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"

"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."

"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."

"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"

"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."

"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."

"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"


:wah::wah:very good:D

Hi everybody ! Sorry I was AWOL, but hope you're all OK and had a good day

:-6:):-4

Hi Gill :-4

Hello, Kay, Carol, Kaz, Chezzie, Chris, MrsK.

What a lovely lot of good jokes today !!

Hi Kay, are you OK? How's little Shayden? :-3:-4

This brings back memories of when we were running our private charters on our lovely boat (picture below in my sig,) . When we were travelling upriver from our 'home' mooring to our pick-up jetty for an evening cruise, I'd already installed the big combo amp/speakers on the top deck on their custom built shelf, and I'd have this track blazing out across the river as we went. There would be me and the bar girl and the two deck crew cavorting to this on the top deck, much to the embarassment of my husband who was occupied in the wheelhouse, skippering the boat (not a lot he could do about it though :wah::wah:). The hilarious thing about it all was the pockets of people on the banks, that we passed on our way up, who were dancing and waving in time to the music :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

G#Gill;772358 wrote: Hi Kay, are you OK? How's little Shayden? :-3:-4


I am ok Gill:) Shayden had his ultra sound on Tuesday, get the results next week.

G#Gill;772437 wrote: This brings back memories of when we were running our private charters on our lovely boat (picture below in my sig,) . When we were travelling upriver from our 'home' mooring to our pick-up jetty for an evening cruise, I'd already installed the big combo amp/speakers on the top deck on their custom built shelf, and I'd have this track blazing out across the river as we went. There would be me and the bar girl and the two deck crew cavorting to this on the top deck, much to the embarassment of my husband who was occupied in the wheelhouse, skippering the boat (not a lot he could do about it though :wah::wah:). The hilarious thing about it all was the pockets of people on the banks, that we passed on our way up, who were dancing and waving in time to the music :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl






Sounds fab Gill :yh_party

Night night all my friends :-4

Day day Kay :-4

Night Gill :-4

Hello Gill,goodnight Gill.:-6

Hello everybody ! Hi MrsK, hope you're alright, and Kay thanks for the chat last night ( UK time) glad you survived your meeting !





:-6 :-4