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Where ever you go....There you are.

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

AnneBoleyn;1469449 wrote: Take my wife------PLEASE!


That one's Henny Youngman, I remember him doing it. Interminably.

I'm thinking of providing citations for the one-liners and that was the easiest.

FG;1469958 wrote: That one's Henny Youngman, I remember him doing it. Interminably.

I'm thinking of providing citations for the one-liners and that was the easiest.


I have a feeling some one liners are very original on here ...

sugarpuff;1469961 wrote: I have a feeling some one liners are very original on here ...


I'd be surprised.

Your opening post, for example, was collected in a long viral email entitled "Bumper Snickers" which was doing the rounds at least as far back as 2005, and the one Fuzzy posted about Grumpy just before 1pm is in the same list just one two entries back from yours. I'm wondering whether you both have the same email source.

FG;1469962 wrote: I'd be surprised.

Your opening post, for example, was collected in a long viral email entitled "Bumper Snickers" which was doing the rounds at least as far back as 2005, and the one Fuzzy posted about Grumpy just before 1pm is in the same list just one two entries back from yours. I'm wondering whether you both have the same email source.


Have you not got anything better to do lol

Shouldn't you be wrapping presents and icing the Christmas cake?

Betty Boop;1469963 wrote: Have you not got anything better to do lol

Shouldn't you be wrapping presents and icing the Christmas cake?


I have no Christmas cake and I'm sending no presents.

Christmas? Humbug, that's what I say.

'I'm busy'

'It's disgusting'

'You absolutely stink'

'Mummy, YOU need to say please!'

all by my three year old within the last half hour.

"I need to go poo AGAIN!!"

(video of friend's 4 year old son frustated at being interupted from playing with his toy cars by more urgent matters).

"I didn't not do nothing."

(Triple negative - making it technically correct).

I've also bookmarked the Bash One-Liners site - a useful PHP resource.

FG;1469958 wrote: That one's Henny Youngman, I remember him doing it. Interminably.

I'm thinking of providing citations for the one-liners and that was the easiest.


Sorry. Thought it was obvious. Apologies to Henny & the Mrs.

FG;1469964 wrote:

Christmas? Humbug, that's what I say.


Me too.

To calculate the volume of your take away, if the radius is 'z' & the depth is 'a', the formula is pi*z*z*a.

FourPart;1469983 wrote: To calculate the volume of your take away, if the radius is 'z' & the depth is 'a', the formula is pi*z*z*a.


Good lord, so it is.

FG;1469962 wrote: I'd be surprised.

Your opening post, for example, was collected in a long viral email entitled "Bumper Snickers" which was doing the rounds at least as far back as 2005, and the one Fuzzy posted about Grumpy just before 1pm is in the same list just one two entries back from yours. I'm wondering whether you both have the same email source.


I found mine on .. not sure if this will work .. I google it ...

TOP 100 funniest one-liners, quotes and jokes on the internet! Part 3

You Think?

If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking.

George S. Patton

Post your favorite one liner you asked? How many favorites do you have?

"I found mine on .."

If you found it, how can it be your favorite? Shouldn't you know it already?

sugarpuff;1469994 wrote: If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking.

George S. Patton


Wikiquote has that as "unsourced" - if you know when and where General Patton said it, Wikiquote is eager to hear from you.

https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Talk:George_S._Patton

AnneBoleyn;1469997 wrote: Post your favorite one liner you asked? How many favorites do you have?

"I found mine on .."

If you found it, how can it be your favorite? Shouldn't you know it already?


You got me there lol

when I read it .. I found it .. and it became my favourite instantly ...

FG;1469998 wrote: Wikiquote has that as "unsourced" - if you know when and where General Patton said it, Wikiquote is eager to hear from you.

https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Talk:George_S._Patton


If i was smart .. I would stop posting now ..

quote by sugarpuff ...

sugarpuff;1470001 wrote: If i was smart .. I would stop posting now ..

quote by sugarpuff ...


If we were smart, we would all stop posting now.

quote by me

Smart, schmart, who needs smart?

quote by blabbermouth

I never met General Patton but, had I done, I doubt the good General would have applauded many of my views regardless of how long I spent explaining them to him.

FG;1470004 wrote: I never met General Patton but, had I done, I doubt the good General would have applauded many of my views regardless of how long I spent explaining them to him.


He would have slapped you silly Private.

AnneBoleyn;1470003 wrote: If we were smart, we would all stop posting now.

quote by me

Smart, schmart, who needs smart?

quote by blabbermouth


Who needs smart .... you really want to know

Blabbermouth sister .. Me ...

that who ...

sugarpuff;1470006 wrote: Who needs smart .... you really want to know

Blabbermouth sister .. Me ...

that who ...


who that?

Excuse my absence, there's a set at the local pub I don't want to miss.

"If winning doesn't matter, why keep score?"

(Star Trek, TNG - Worf on gaming)

I went to a brawl yesterday and a hockey game broke out.

I don't remember who said that.:-3

"I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member".

(Groucho Marx)

Pretentious? Moi?

FourPart;1470072 wrote: Pretentious? Moi?


Let me guess - Kenneth Williams. Or that Aussie chap with the gladioli.

Fuzzy;1470058 wrote: I went to a brawl yesterday and a hockey game broke out.

I don't remember who said that.:-3


According to The Yale Book of Quotations, edited by Fred R. Shapiro, it was quoted in the Toronto Star, 27th September 1978, as delivered by Rodney Dangerfield. I do know that practically every one-liner in history has been attributed to the late Rodney Dangerfield but this at least puts the claim back to a reputable newspaper writing at a time when it was more easily verified, Rodney Dangerfield's act still being on hand to check.

Attached files

FG;1470074 wrote: Let me guess - Kenneth Williams. Or that Aussie chap with the gladioli.
Apparently it was John Cleese.

www.mosly-british-comedy.tumblr.com

Nobody mentioned the imitable W C Fields. He could have a thread of his own as far as one liners goes. For example...Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Bob Newhart was another - I've admired Mr Newhart from a very early age...I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.

FG;1470389 wrote: Bob Newhart was another - I've admired Mr Newhart from a very early age...I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.


My parents had an EP of Bob Newhart and it included the driving instructor and the submarine. Very funny man

What the *%$# was that?

Mayor of Hiroshima

Words to live by.

Fuzzy;1470420 wrote: What the *%$# was that?

Mayor of Hiroshima


This, presumably, is one of the few fictional one-liners that can be dated to the minute.

Baa, baa, green sheep, have you any organic by-product ? (Notts. Councillor up to comma, then my son Andy after comma ! ) Political correctness gone mad ?

"Here come those last 50 British fighters again !" ............ Major Adolf Galland, Luftwaffe 1940.

All the world is a stage, coach.

John Wayne.

(Just kidding, probably not true:p)

G#Gill;1470474 wrote: "Here come those last 50 British fighters again !" ............ Major Adolf Galland, Luftwaffe 1940.


I'm by no means convinced that your quote is worthy of the man. I refer you to, for example, OBITUARY : General Adolf Galland

Are you quite sure it's genuine?

Since it's not easy to know whether something is genuine or not, I'm not going to worry too much about it.

And I am unanimous in that.

Mrs Slowcombe @Grace Brothers

"The two most important days of your life are the day you were born...and the day you find out why."

Mark Twain

"Pretty soon, there'll be one of everything."

-Max Headroom