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kensloft wrote: the vice president of the United States.



He sends his________________________
Secret Service Agents to break into the locker and retrieve the contents.

They are all shocked to find_______________________

TW2005 wrote: George Bush and.....Rosie O'Donnell. Oh my god that just_____________________________________!!!
takes the cake! It was then I decided I'd better get out of this place. I grabbed a cab and dozed off, when I awoke I was astounded to find myself___________________

David813 wrote: takes the cake! It was then I decided I'd better get out of this place. I grabbed a cab and dozed off, when I awoke I was astounded to find myself___________________
bound and gagged (this really was'nt my day!) and in the boot of the cab

I heard the cab grind to a halt and the door slowly release".

"The door came up and standing before me was the biggest________

abbey wrote: bound and gagged (this really was'nt my day!) and in the boot of the cab

I heard the cab grind to a halt and the door slowly release".

"The door came up and standing before me was the biggest________


dwarf that I had ever seen. The shotgun he was carrying was almost as big as he was. He spoke in what sounded like German "kommen sie aus dem stamm heraus und legte sich n der ground hin", which I took to mean, get out of the trunk and lay on the ground. I did as he asked and then_____________

Lon wrote: dwarf that I had ever seen. The shotgun he was carrying was almost as big as he was. He spoke in what sounded like German "kommen sie aus dem stamm heraus und legte sich n der ground hin", which I took to mean, get out of the trunk and lay on the ground. I did as he asked and then_____________
he saluted the American flag that was tatooed on my shoulder.

"Mein gott in himmel", he says, "vas is das_______________________

kensloft wrote: he saluted the American flag that was tatooed on my shoulder.



"Mein gott in himmel", he says, "vas is das_______________________
er wies zu meinem Fallschirm hin (he was pointing to my parachute). I replied in Spanish---Siempre tengo un para emergencias (I always keep one for emergencies), to which he replied in French_____________________

Lon wrote: er wies zu meinem Fallschirm hin (he was pointing to my parachute). I replied in Spanish---Siempre tengo un para emergencias (I always keep one for emergencies), to which he replied in French_____________________
"Parlez vouz France" (sorry guys thats the sum total of my repetoire!)

"I had to speak English from this point on as i could'nt understand what the bloody hell was being said"

"What's that, you want to make a pair of knickers out of my parachute?"

"Why yes of course i do" he replied " Did you not hear their is a major shortage of__________

TW2005 wrote: Cheese. Darn, I guess I'll have to______________________.
break out the fondue pot.

Now, the last time I used it I____________________________

kensloft wrote: break out the fondue pot.



Now, the last time I used it I____________________________
was to protect my head from golf ball size hail stones. I used the fork from the fondue pot to_________________________________

Lon wrote: was to protect my head from golf ball size hail stones. I used the fork from the fondue pot to_________________________________
stir freeze/heat the sediment into cheesey lookng thing.

Looking at it I realized________________

JAB wrote: that I don't really like my haircut.



But what I didn't take into consideration was _________________
that the barber was totally blind and had not finished his course on Braille Barbering. I left the shop and went to____________________________

Lon wrote: that the barber was totally blind and had not finished his course on Braille Barbering. I left the shop and went to____________________________
the liquor store.

Looking like I did and the haste I was in made the manager__________________

kensloft wrote: the liquor store.



Looking like I did and the haste I was in made the manager__________________
very nervous and I saw him reach under the counter and bring out__________

Lon wrote: very nervous and I saw him reach under the counter and bring out__________
a comb!!"

"Right sir, now we have your hair sorted out, can i get you anything for the weekend "

"Gimmee a bottle of your finest___

TW2005 wrote: Olive Oil. I need it for my_____________________.
world famous Greek Salad. I would like a nice bottle of _________________

to go with the salad and then________________________________

world famous Greek Salad. I would like a nice bottle of Chianti

to go with the salad and then frogs legs on a bed of saffron tinted rice accompanied with a gooseberry sauce!

Wide eyed the barman gazed at me..

"Take your fancy ways and_______

abbey wrote: world famous Greek Salad. I would like a nice bottle of Chianti

to go with the salad and then frogs legs on a bed of saffron tinted rice accompanied with a gooseberry sauce!

Wide eyed the barman gazed at me..

"Take your fancy ways and_______
show them to the cocktail waitress.

I went over to her and asked_________________

kensloft wrote: show them to the cocktail waitress.



I went over to her and asked_________________
pardon me miss, but are you wearing a bra? To which she replied__________

pardon me miss, but are you wearing a bra? To which she replied "sod off you perve!"

"Taken aback a little i realised that the haircut had gone to my head"

"Point taken luv, so i suppose a ____is out of the question

abbey wrote: pardon me miss, but are you wearing a bra? To which she replied "sod off you perve!"

"Taken aback a little i realised that the haircut had gone to my head"

"Point taken luv, so i suppose a ____is out of the question
look

She didn't slap me too hard but I knew___________________

kensloft wrote: look

She didn't slap me too hard but I knew___________________
i'd overstepped the mark.

"What are you doing when you get off, d'ya fancy_______

abbey wrote: pardon me miss, but are you wearing a bra? To which she replied "sod off you perve!"

"Taken aback a little i realised that the haircut had gone to my head"

"Point taken luv, so i suppose a ____is out of the question
Point taken luv, so i suppose a manicure is out of the question? In that case I will go around the coner, catch a cab to the airport and fly off to _________

Lon wrote: Point taken luv, so i suppose a manicure is out of the question? In that case I will go around the coner, catch a cab to the airport and fly off to _________
Zanzibar.

I hear that there is plenty to do there that will__________________

kensloft wrote: Zanzibar.

I hear that there is plenty to do there that will__________________
keep these old bones busy for a while"

"But first i'd better get my malaria shots, i did'nt get them last time and i went a little_________

abbey wrote: keep these old bones busy for a while"

"But first i'd better get my malaria shots, i did'nt get them last time and i went a little_________
wonkey. I must remember to pack my carry on with______________________

Lon wrote: wonkey. I must remember to pack my carry on with______________________
a tin of Heinz mushroom soup, cos you can only buy________

abbey wrote: a tin of Heinz mushroom soup, cos you can only buy________
Campbell's chicken noodle.

My friend's Jewish grandmother says_____________________

kensloft wrote: Campbell's chicken noodle.



My friend's Jewish grandmother says_____________________
oy vey, haf some more zup Ken, you vant knish too? To which he replied________________

Lon wrote: oy vey, haf some more zup Ken, you vant knish too? To which he replied________________
knish? :-2

"No thanks i can't face it , it always makes me think of the time____

abbey wrote: knish? :-2

"No thanks i can't face it , it always makes me think of the time____
aunt Gertrude died and fell face first into a bowl of borscht. If it's all the same I will just have a glass of____________________________

Minnie wrote: If it's all the same I'll just have a glass of sunshine please.



Disco dancing is best done with ...................
Beet borscht in de belly.

It is light and____________________

kensloft wrote: Beet borscht in de belly.

It is light and____________________


and fluffy and oh so very deliciously________________

minks wrote: and fluffy and oh so very deliciously________________


vogue! Afterward I returned to my table only to find____________________

David813 wrote: vogue! Afterward I returned to my table only to find____________________
someone had taken the salt shaker.

When I demanded thatthe server____________________

kensloft wrote: someone had taken the salt shaker.



When I demanded thatthe server____________________
bring me another salt shaker, he said "get it yourself, I quit this miserable job".

He then walked out the front door with his apron fluttering in the draft. The manager came over to my table and apologised profusely, saying______-

Lon wrote: bring me another salt shaker, he said "get it yourself, I quit this miserable job".

He then walked out the front door with his apron fluttering in the draft. The manager came over to my table and apologised profusely, saying______-
'You can't get any good help nowadays!

They think that they are_________________"

kensloft wrote: 'You can't get any good help nowadays!



They think that they are_________________"
all management material. Will that be cash or credit card sir?_______________

Lon wrote: all management material. Will that be cash or credit card sir?_______________


We dont take visa.

I was nonplussed but little did he know_______________

kensloft wrote: We dont take visa.

I was nonplussed but little did he know_______________
I had a 9mm in my pocket and I had had enough. I was trembling a bit when I leveled it at his face. His expression was of shock and ___________________

David813 wrote: I had a 9mm in my pocket and I had had enough. I was trembling a bit when I leveled it at his face. His expression was of shock and ___________________then the gorgeous brunette in line behind me, ladycop, put a cold steel 45 to my neck and said "drop it jerkwad, and hit the floor"!-----------after i was hauled off to the county bed and breakfast i ______________________

lady cop wrote: then the gorgeous brunette in line behind me, ladycop, put a cold steel 45 to my neck and said "drop it jerkwad, and hit the floor"!-----------after i was hauled off to the county bed and breakfast i ______________________
was stunned and angry this policewoman was stalking me. A perfectly good shooting was about to take place and she ruined it! I have a plan though and this time______________

David813 wrote: was stunned and angry this policewoman was stalking me. A perfectly good shooting was about to take place and she ruined it! I have a plan though and this time______________"if i ever get out of this dungeon/isolation cell, i am going to go find her and make her eat that 45, then i will get my sorry butt to the airport and"________________________

lady cop wrote: "if i ever get out of this dungeon/isolation cell, i am going to go find her and make her eat that 45, then i will get my sorry butt to the airport and"________________________
get the hell outta Florida! In the meantime I have to figure out a way to __________

David813 wrote: get the hell outta Florida! In the meantime I have to figure out a way to __________
send her to where the french snowbirds hang out.

By the time they get through with her she'll______________________

open my eyes

the best thing in life is