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HI all xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Well done Ali!!!:yh_clap

Helen, when u come into thread,, look at the left hand side of green bar at the top, it will say view first unread, u can click on there and it will take u straight to the first post u havent yet seen.

Hope you are all ok and having a good day. Love and hugs :yh_hugs Kaz.

These are from a book called Disorder in the Court: Great Fractured Moments in Courtroom History, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were

actually taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?

A: No, I just lie there.

Q: What is your date of birth?

A: July 15th

Q: What year?

A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

A: Yes

Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

A: I forget

Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?

A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

Q: How long has he lived with you?

A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?

A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?

Q: And why did that upset you?

A: My name is Susan.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?

A: We both do.

Q: Voodoo?

A: We do.

Q: You do?

A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

A: Yes

Q: And what were you doing at the time?

Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes

Q: How many were boys?

A: None.

Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?

A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, okay?

Q: What school did you go to?

A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

A: The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.

Q: And Mr Dennington was dead at the time?

A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?

A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere

:yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

Where is everyone?:-2

Bit deserted here today Where are you all ???:-3

I know a song that'l get on ya nerves

get on ya nerves

get on ya nerves

get on ya nerves

I know a song that'l get on ya nerves

get get get on ya nerrrrrrvvvvvvves

:yh_whistl :yh_whistl :yh_wait:yh_wait

Sunderland are being promoted !!!!!

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Kaz do you remember that song???? THERE COMING TO TAKE ME AWAY HA HA THERE COMING TO TAKE ME AWAY................I rest my case pmsl:p

Hurahhhhhhhhhhhhh someones here,,, thank the lord:wah: ( im gonna ignore the fact she was insulting me:mad: )



Dont leave me all alone again:-1

:yh_ooooo Im seeing pink elephants now :wah: :yh_silly

ALI!!!!!Whose a clever girl then.....oh its so good to see you mate...it really is.....mind you its good to see anybody here pmsl...Im sure its that bleedin perfume I use!!!Now I hope yer gonna behave cause you know how bleedin posh I am and a lady..........oi!!!!IT AINT THAT FUNNY!!!! lol. Ali they are a nice bunch on this forum and I really hope you like it here. Anyway cause Im a tycoon pmsl and dont see you much to talk to it would be great to keep in touch on here. Sooooooooooo put yer feet up have a jam sandwich and a cuppa and talk to Kaz for gawd sake as I think shes losing the plot pmsl:-5 ahhhhh shes lovely really.....oh and our host Gill is ok also when shes here that is lol and our Helens ok but she aint clever like me on here hehehehehe I wished!!!!!You take care me lovely mate (((((((((((((9hug)))))))))))))) xxxx

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kazalala;606586 wrote: Hurahhhhhhhhhhhhh someones here,,, thank the lord:wah: ( im gonna ignore the fact she was insulting me:mad: )



Dont leave me all alone again:-1 KAZ YER JUST FAR TO CLEVER...GRRRRRRR pmslxx

Carolly;606604 wrote: KAZ YER JUST FAR TO CLEVER...GRRRRRRR pmslxx


I know... its a gift:yh_sigh

HELEN WHERE ARE YOU!!!!!!Gawd help us I got a sore throat now....bet shes chasin some poor fella round the supermarket while shes getting her cornflakes..........oh well could be worse........she could be watching football........hehehehe that will upset Kaz....I better go b4 she sees me.....:wah: :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

kazalala;606606 wrote: I know... its a gift:yh_sigh
Gift ........ my Aunt Fanny......yer a know all pmsl:yh_rotfl

Carolly;606610 wrote: Gift ........ my Aunt Fanny......yer a know all pmsl:yh_rotfl


:yh_ooooo

SHES GONNA GO BLEEDIN MAD :wah: :wah: :wah:

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No wonder other people dont come on this thread,,, they probs think we are loonies:yh_silly :wah:

Now listen , honestly we are ok really,,, well most of time:D PLease come and join us,, if u are out there reading this,,, all are welcome.

And im sick of talkin to mesel today :-5

Carolly;606613 wrote: SHES GONNA GO BLEEDIN MAD :wah: :wah:


:yh_rotfl its still not as good as mine

Heres a one specially for u Carol :wah: Click on it

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kazalala;606617 wrote: No wonder other people dont come on this thread,,, they probs think we are loonies:yh_silly :wah:

Now listen , honestly we are ok really,,, well most of time:D PLease come and join us,, if u are out there reading this,,, all are welcome.

And im sick of talkin to mesel today :-5
Me a loonie????Oi Mrs stop speading lies.......ok it may be true but you dont have to tell everyone !!!!

Na madams right....please join us as Im also sick of Kaz talking to herself pmsl

kazalala;606624 wrote: Heres a one specially for u Carol :wah: Click on it
lol u wait!!!!!:p

Carolly;606625 wrote: Me a loonie????Oi Mrs stop speading lies.......ok it may be true but you dont have to tell everyone !!!!

Na madams right....please join us as Im also sick of Kaz talking to herself pmsl


:yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

Gonna have to tell you the hair story tomorrow....Im shattered....nite nite everyonexxxxxx;)

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Hey u lot u are either on to bloody early or to bloody late make up ur minds lol.I accidently got in a chat room the other day but seem to have lost it any of u guys been in. Was talkin to magenta flame and a couple of others just like we do on msn but on this forum.Mabe I was dreaming lol.Thanks again for the lovely welcome xxxxxx.Dont any of u girls beleive carol wen she tells u she,s posh she,s living in LA LA land pmsl.Hope ur all well and that one day we might actually catch up on here.lol LOTSA LOVE ALI.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

morning ali,

thats the trouble with time difference, we're never in the same place at the same time :-5

carols workin today, dont know what everyone else is doin and i will be workin later. hope you have a good weekend. the weathers rotton here, thick sea fog, typical bank hoilday in cornwall.:-1

Hey helen I,m talking to someone yahooooooooooooooooooooo.Gets a bit lonley talking to ur self lol.Hey do u girls go in the chat rooms we might all be able to chat together.Lovely day here having a lovely glass of bubbly its 5pm here sat night.Hope u dont work to hard see ya all soon I hope .Ali.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx;) :driving:

HI all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Well its quite dull here but not to cold. Helen,, ohh ewwww work!!! Try not to work too hard matie,, u dont get any medals u know:wah:

Ali, Talking to yersel.. tell me about it!!! I was in here practically all day yesterday talking to mesel.:wah: Not been in the chat room yet, but i am gonna give it a try.

So Carols probably off doing her ducking an diving eh? and i know Gills cutting down her time on here, so wheres our Joan?? Hope you are well Joan:-6

take care :yh_hugs Kaz.

Hi there girls!!

Ere Ali I didnt even know there were chat rooms here.......:-5 ...what a plonker I am lol.Now about this time difference madam.....its easy.......go to bed during the day and come on here at night....see the problem is solved pmsl....all it takes is abit of brain work;). Have you spoken to Val at all....oh boy I miss those laughs we all used to have Ali:wah:.It really is great to have you here matexxxxx

KAZ WHERE ARE YOU.......IM ON ME OWN :wah: AND IM LONELY!!!!!Grrrrrr shes never about when you want her!!!!!

Hi Helen hope your ok love and not working to hard.......I jest ok pmslxxxx

Just spoke to Gill....shes ok but has alot going on right nowx

Here I am:D

kazalala;607110 wrote: Here I am:D

About time to Mrs!!!!:-5

afternoon all,

might have to dissappear quick, on standby for work, this time last year we had 7 staff on now theres only three of us. ones not back from holiday and the other has got one of the busiest weekends off !!! taking the wee wee a bit now i think:mad:

just been down town and its jammed packed down there, not seen it like that for ages. just keep your fingers crossed i win the lottery tonight !!

THIS IS A SECRET FAMILY RECIPE.....GUARD IT WITH YOUR LIFE!

YOU'LL NEED THE FOLLOWING:

A CUP OF WATER

A CUP OF SUGAR FOUR LARGE BROWN EGGS

TWO CUPS OF DRIED FRUIT

A TEASPOON OF SALT

A CUP OF BROWN SUGAR

LEMON FROM YOUR NEIGHBOURS TREE

NUT'S FROM LAST WALNUT GROVE ON PIEDMONT ROAD

A BOTTLE OF WHISKY .

SAMPLE THE WHISKY TO CHECK FOR QUALITY.

TAKE A LARGE BOWL, OUT IT DOWN SOMEWHERE.

CHECK WHISKY AGAIN.

TO BE SURE IT'S THE HIGHEST QUALITY POUR ONE LEVEL CUP, AND DRINK

REPEAT.

TURN ON THE ELECTRIC MIXER, BEAT ONE CUP OF BUTTER IN THAT LARGE FLUFFY BOWL.

ADD ONE TEASPOON OF SUGAR, AND BEAT AGAIN.

MAKE SURE THE WHISKY IS OK.

CRY ANOTHER TUP.

TURN OFF THE MIXER! IT'S SPLATTERED DOUGH EVERYWHERE!

BEAT TWO LEGGS AND ADD TO THE FLUFFY BOWL AND CHUCK IN THE CUP OF DRIED FRUIT.

MIX ON THE TUNER.

IF THE FIRED DRUTE GETS STUCK IN THE BEATERES, PRY IT LOOSE WITH A DREWSCRIVER.

SAMPLE THE WHISKEY TO CHECK FOR TONSISTICITY......WHEW IS IT HOT IN HERE?

OKAY...NEXT, SIFT TWO CUPS OF SALT....OR SOMETHING.

CHECK THE WHISKEY.

NOW SIFT THE LEMON.....URP....JUICE AND STRAIN YOUR NUTS.

ADD ONE TABLE....SPOON....OF SUGAR OR SOMETHING.....WHO CARES?

WHATEVER THE HECK YOU CAN FIND.

GREASE THE OVEN.

TURN THE CAKE TIN TO 350 DEGREES.

DON'T FORGET TO BEAT OFF THE TURNER.

CHECK THE WISHKEY AGAIN.

THROW UP IN THE BOWL AND GO TO BED. :wah: :p

Im gonna try that recipe tonight Carol.

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kazalala;607191 wrote: Im gonna try that recipe tonight Carol.


I bet you are lol;)

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Awww a cute little piggy :wah:

Ohhhhhh so sweet.....that reminds me I must take that bit of pork out the freezer......oops sorry!!!!

Ok so the hair story.

Thursday evening I decided to put a colour on my hair as on the Friday the hairdresser was coming to put hilights in it.....soooo.....I got this Auburn colour and decided I only needed half (thank gawd) and mixed it up in a bowl and thought.....cor this is nuf bleedin runny.... so added abit more of the stuff in the tube. I was surprised that it was pure white but put it on and waited......and waited.....and waited.....nothing!!!! I thought.....those twisters they sold me a duff one grrrrrrr!!!!!I looked at the box and er guess what :-5 I only put the developer with the poxy conditioner.....the flipping colour itself was looking at me in the box fgs!!:o I had a head full of bleedin conditioner and Im sitting there waiting for it to turn Auburn!!!!!:yh_rotfl Cor a plonker or what..........no dont answer that!! Anyway after washing it off at least me hair was soft pmsl and I then done it how I should have......oh and it turned to red so could only have a couple of blonde streaks in it.......Oh Im losing the plot I tell yer lolxxxx

[QUOTE=Carolly;607225]Ohhhhhh so sweet.....that reminds me I must take that bit of pork out the freezer......oops sorry!!!!



:wah: ooerr i really have got a nice bit of pork out for tomorrow:D :wah:

and Carol eee wot u like??? u know these things happen more and more when u get to your age,,, :p

People were in their pews talking at church when suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.



Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.



Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"



The man replied, "Yes."



"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.



"No" said the man.



"Don't you realize I can kill with a word?" asked Satan.



"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.



"Did you know that I could cause you profound horrifying agony for all eternity?" persisted Satan.



"Yes," came the calm reply.



"And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.



"No," said the old man.



More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"



The old man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 44 years.

kazalala;607236 wrote: [QUOTE=Carolly;607225]Ohhhhhh so sweet.....that reminds me I must take that bit of pork out the freezer......oops sorry!!!!



:wah: ooerr i really have got a nice bit of pork out for tomorrow:D

and Carol eee wot u like??? u know these things happen more and more when u get to your age,,, :pWATCH IT SUNSHINE!!!!!!!!GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

Carolly;607254 wrote: [QUOTE=kazalala;607236]WATCH IT SUNSHINE!!!!!!!!GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!



]


Hah! you dont scare me ............................ Much:eek: :yh_nailbi

HI Joan ... im so sorry u still not feeling right... keep looking after yersel now,,, take it easy!! I will enjoy me pork as well.. i love a bit of pork

AngelEyes82;607256 wrote: Sorry to intrude on your thread but thats really sweet!

& sooooo true!


Hi Angel:D You are more than welcome here anytime,, you can never have enough friends:-6 Dont be a stranger now:yh_hugs Kaz

AngelEyes82;607256 wrote: Sorry to intrude on your thread but thats really sweet!

& sooooo true!
Oh Angel.....yer not intruding babe.....come in....put yer feet up.....as long as you are abit crazy yer more than welcome lol......not that I am of course as someone has to keep their eye on Kaz

Carolly;607264 wrote: Oh Angel.....yer not intruding babe.....come in....put yer feet up.....as long as you are abit crazy yer more than welcome lol......not that I am of course as someone has to keep their eye on Kaz


Is that you with the red hair carol:p

Joan its so lovely to see you and you have been so missed me darlin.......hurry back ((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))xxxxxx;)