ForumGarden

Well Carol i think we eventually won our war of words over in silly billy land:wah: Although it is quite hard when you are dealing with a lower life form:wah:

Good luck with yer booty mate xxxxxxxxxxx

Gill,, was having a great time last night, sorry we lost you, hope you had a good night, and hopefully see you sometime today.

Lots of love :yh_hugs

Kaz.

Helen;598749 wrote: NO MATE NO ONE NEED SAY NO MORE, HE TURNED INTO AN AR*****E JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER BLOKE ON THIS PLANET.!!


Oh babe im so sorry i really am......you deserve so much more love an Mr. Right is out there somewhere Helen and remember that if its meant for you it wont pass you by.........you still have yer mates here Helen and I know to well what it means to need good friends at times. ((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))XXXXX

Joannee;598843 wrote: Hello again *Girls* .

Who did Helen have I missed something?I like to keep abreast with all of everyones comings and goings while I am still more or less hosebound.

Hope you sell everything you have bought Carol.

Kaz enjoying her GandT maybe I should try a drop of that sort of medicine Kaz what do you think ??but then you haven't seen me after just a sip of wine have you lol.

Anyhow enjoy your day whatever you may be doing and wherever you may be.

Tarabit.

Joan x:wah:Hi there Joan. Ive just mailed our lovely Donna and asked her to join us, I hope she finds us and dont get lost on the way lol mind you if she gets here I think the Forum will be full of laughter if she starts a thread with some of her great jokes lol. It sure is the way she tells em!!!

Im sorry to hear your still not well and I know it must be really getting you down now and I dearly hope you will soon be back to running around and doing those knees up lol. Hope Tony and little Dougal are okxxxx

kazalala;598864 wrote: Well Carol i think we eventually won our war of words over in silly billy land:wah: Although it is quite hard when you are dealing with a lower life form:wah:

Good luck with yer booty mate xxxxxxxxxxx



Lots of love :yh_hugs

Kaz.Kaz I hate to say this but I doubt it babe as evil never goes away and has this thing about raising its ugly head as thats how it survives and gets its kicks.

I had to come back so no booty as it started raining..........oh well thats English weather for you lol. Talk soon mateyxx

Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidently dropped

some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick



them up, he noticed Bill's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear



under her dress! Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up



again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.







Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's



wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under



there?" Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that,



well indeed he did. She said, "Well, you can have it but it will



cost you $500."



After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral



costs of this offer, John confirms that he is interested. She tells



him that since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't,



John should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.







When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house at 2 p.m.



sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the



bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed. John quickly



dressed and left.







As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 p.m. and upon entering the



house, asked his wife abruptly. "Did John come by the house this



afternoon?" With a lump in her throat Sue answered "Why yes, he did



stop by for a few minutes this afternoon." Her heart nearly skipped



a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?" In







terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering







her best p oker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500."







Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by



saying, "Good, I was hoping he did. He came by the office this



morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our



house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."







Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player;)

SCHOOL ANSWERING MACHINE (This is hilarious - no wonder some people were offended!)

This is the message that the Pacific Palisades High School ( California )

staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine. This is the actual answering machine message for the school. This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework. The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough schoolwork to pass their classes.

The outgoing message:

"Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection:

* To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1

* To make excuses for why your child did not do his work- Press 2



* To complain about what we do - Press 3

* To swear at staff members - Press 4

* To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your

newsletter and several flyer's mailed to you - Press 5

* If you want us to raise your child - Press 6

* If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone -Press 7



* To request another teacher, for the third time this year -Press 8

* To complain about bus transportation - Press 9

* To complain about school lunches - Press 0

* If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable

and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort:

Hang up and have a nice day!

*If you want this in Spanish, you must be in the wrong country. :wah:

hi carol,

sending msn mail

HI u lot xxxxxxxx

just got back from the hospital, visiting my mother in law. Poor woman was shattered kept saying,, are u going now? when are u going then? lol.. she was so tired poor thing, but wouldnt be so rude as to go to sleep while we were there.

Hope u all had a good day... take care :yh_hugs Kaz.

morning joan,

getting brighter here but the wwind uis pretty keen,

in answer to your quwstion of the other day, i've known this guy for ages but only really got talking too him last week, we were both taken with each other and met up again on monday night, spent thee evening together then he just left without a word. no one can understand why he did it cos all he's kept on about is how much he likes me :-5 but never mind, he's just lost the best thing thats likely to happen to him !!!:D

must learn to read before i post, spelling leaves a lot to be desired:o

Joannee;599401 wrote: Good Morning Friends from a damp looking Cornwall.

Hope everyone will have an enjoyable day, my daughter is coming later to take me to Truro, it will make a pleasant change for me to be driven and especially after being more or less housebound for the last three weeks.

Hope you Mum in law goes on o.k Kaz, poor soul must have been tired to keep asking you when you were leaving, always reminds me of my Grandfather the old devil as soon as Mum walked in the door with us kids he would say *when are you going back*such is life eh!.

Trust Carol, Helen, BettyBoop,and the rest of the girls are o.k.



:yh_rotfl :yh_hugs :yh_wave :yh_coffee




Morning all from the sunny end of Cornwall (well it is at the mo, big black clouds on the horizon!)

Off to get my police check done this afternoon then I can start volunteering!

Hi u lot xxxxxxxxxx

well it was gorgeous here this morning,, i went in the shower then got dressed in me summer gear,, went downstairs and it was dull and grey!!:wah: Cant trust the weather here i shoulda known:rolleyes:

Joan hope u enjoy your day out,, i know you havent been able to get out a lot lately,, it will be lovely for you:)

helen.... like you said,,, his loss!!!!

HI betty,,, what you volunteering for?

Hugs for everyone :yh_hugs

Kaz

Not seen anything of Gill today,, or Carol for that matter

Hope you are both ok maties:-4

Joannee;599597 wrote: I really enjoyed my trip to Truro and it turned out to be a beautiful day after all, I managed to keep up with my daughter and son-in-law got a bit breathless but put that down to the end of the chest infection HOPEFULLY.



Like Kaz says Betty Boop, volunteering for what,you mentioned police check so will it be as a special constable ??, we certainly could do with a few in the rural areas.



Never mind Helen best to find out now what that chap was like before you became too attached and I quite agree it id his loss and there are plenty more fish in the sea.:-3



Hope Carol and Gill are o.k but maybe they are sunbathing somewhere and who could blame them.


I've trained to be a Homestart Volunteer, but you have to have a police check nowadays before most voluntary work as you're generally working with vulnerable people, Homestart only visit families with children under the age of five so I have to be checked that I have no convictions that would deem me unsuitable to be left with young children.



Glad you enjoyed Truro, nice shops up there!

Hi Girls!!!

Hope yer all ok.Glad to see yer running around Joan and hopefully enjoying life again.

Kaz I just lost you on MSN....you run away with Jimmy....mind you what a hunk Mrs lol;)

Good to see you Betty and wish you all the best love in your new job ...oh I just love your Betty lol:)

Hiya Helen....what a surprise I had when I got yer text.....frightened the bleedin day lights out of me pmsl:p

GILL GET BACK HERE MRS.....ITS YOUR FLIPPING THREAD FGS GRRRRRRRRR IM GONNA KILL ER PMSL

Love to everyone xx

Hi all xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hope you are having a nice day. :-6

Betty , i have to get police checks as i work with youth football. I hope you enjoy your work when you are finally able to get started:)

Carol!!! You gonne aget me a reputation girl!:wah:

well my mam in law is feeling a bit better but she is still in hospital, hopefully she will be home tomorrow tho, fingers crossed.

take care :yh_hugs Kaz.

Another johnny pic for u to enjoy:D well me really:wah:

Attached files

Hi Guys.....er well Kaz and Joan anyway lol. So madam still aint shown herself ahhhhh....right is she in trouble!!!! grrrrrrr!!!! Mind you knowing our Gill she is more than likely otherwise engaged with me............erm no she aint...so where is she?????pmsl

Hope all is well at the doctors today Joan and please dont do to much love ....oh dear she wont take no notice:-5

So Kazzy baby hows you. Im out tonight so any news you can get me on me mobile, mind you I dont want to hear what you had for yer dinner lol.:p

Good talking to our Helen today:-6

See you soon guys and hope Bettys ok and anyone else who reads this. Have a nice evening....or day wherever you are!!!xxxxx

I'm out tonight too Carol.. alls quiet on the western front :wah: :rolleyes: :p

kazalala;600116 wrote: I'm out tonight too Carol.. alls quiet on the western front :wah: :rolleyes: :p
Just popped back to see if the happy wonderer has returned:-5

but na.....have a great time Kaz where ever yer going and chat tomorrow babe and er....... be a good girl lol. Hope yer mum in laws okxxxx

:guitarist

Hi all,

Sorry not been on for a while - stuff you know. Sorry Your Majesty Carol, but it heartens me to realise I was missed:wah:

Helen, Kaz, Joan and all you other lovely guys I feel the urge, (and you gotta sort the urge when you get it eh !) to tell you a little bit more about our little pooch Rex (pictured above)

The first day we had him at home, after adopting him, he seemed to settle reasonably well. We showed him all round the house and showed him his bed and his food bowl and water bowl, and just left him to investigate things for himself and get used to his surroundings. Fine. Then we heard him coming down the stairs from the bedrooms direction. He walked very proudly into the sitting room where we all were, with something in his mouth and a look of satisfied achievement all over his face. A clean pair of socks (rolled as you do to keep them together). After several minutes of trying to coax him into letting us remove these socks from his mouth and failing miserably, we decided to leave the matter and take no notice, and wait till he'd put them down so that we could retrieve them and hide them. The next morning he was still in possession of one pair of now soggy socks, and they were not 'rescued' till the afternoon. In the meantime I was despatched to find a child-gate for the stairs ! As luck would have it I found the very thing leaning up against the front of our local charity shop, and so for £5 we were able to keep temptation out of reach of Rex. We still have to be careful with clothing, particularly socks, and I have to be vigilant on wash-day - he just loves to 'fish out' any small items that may be within his reach. But at least these days if he does 'nick' a nicker or a sock he will allow us to retrieve them straight away with no fuss ! And there's more...........but another time.

Do have a good night's sleep and a very good day tomorrow. Love and kisses Gill:yh_hugs

Gawd help us.......shes here, she must have got chucked out where she normally hangs out pmsl.....oops shes watching so better watch what I say.......HELLO GILLY DARLIN XXXXX MISSED YE BABE (there she never heard me havin a moan....good). Sooooooooo good to see you me wee flower (((((((((((((hug))))))))), yer lookin good!!!! lolxxxx:p

Ere Kaz I tried to go on a thread you have got all to yerself and it wouldn't let me.......oh gawd another place im banned from pmsl xxxx:-5

Oh Joan Im so bloody sorry you still ain't right mate and I bet yer well peed off. FGS woman talk it easy ok!!!xxxx

Now Helens gone on the missing list and you know what that means.........you dont??? Well tough i aint tellin yer lol. Love to her anyway and hope the headaches not to bad in the morning !!!xxxx:-3

Night Night everyonexxxxxx;)

Morning Guysxxx

Oh Joan mine aint even in bleedin bud lol oh dear I reckon Ive killed the flipping thing off with cutting it at the wrong time.....well I cant be good at everything...........come to think of it............what am I good at ???? Joan all I hope is that if Im lucky enough to reach your age ...Please God let me be as alert and normally as healthy as you dear lady (((((((((((hug)))))))))) Now you take it easy.....oh I dunno why I bother telling you that Mrs!!!!Lots of love sentxxxxx;)

HI all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I did have a good night thanks,, but i only go to my sis in law for drinkypoos and supper:wah:

Joan im sure if it has anything to do with you, you will be fine for your visit with your family, have a great time as i know you will.:-6

Carol... what thread????

Gill.. ohhhhhhhh you found us eh:wah: dont get lost again mind.

Love to you all:yh_hugs Kaz.

Saga Love

WILL YOU LOVE ME WHEN I’M OLD AND SHOCKING?

WILL YOU PEEL OFF MY ELASTIC STOCKINGS TO

SWING ME FROM THE CHANDELIER?

‘COS I’M SURE TO BE A RANDY OLD DEAR!



WILL YOU PUSH ME IN MY PINK WHEELCHAIR?

LET ME PLAIT YOUR WHITE CHEST HAIR?

WE COULD SCARE THE KIDS WHEN WE SWAP DENTURES

GEEEEZ WE’LL HAVE SOME GREAT ADVENTURES!





WH EN WE MAKE LOVE, WE’LL HAVE A BALL

WE’LL WRESTLE WITH OUR DAMP PROOF SMALLS

AND OH! WE’LL LAUGH WITH NO CONSTRAINT

AS WE LICK OFF CHOCOLATE BODY PAINT.



WE’LL HOLIDAY IN SPECIAL PLACES

WATCHING ALL THE SMILING FACES

YOU IN SHORTS AND SOCKS AND SANDALS

ME WITH WARTS AND HUGE LOVE HANDLES!



HOLD ME SAFE THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT

STROKE MY HAIR THAT’S NOW TURNED WHITE

BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY IT’S TRUE

I’VE WAITED ALL MY LIVES FOR YOU

:guitarist

Our beach hut at Wells-next-the-Sea Norfolk

Wish I was there now mateys !!

And that's our lovely Rex in his usual pose :yh_rotfl

Hope you're all having a nice day :-4

kazalala;600795 wrote: Saga Love

WILL YOU LOVE ME WHEN I’M OLD AND SHOCKING?

WILL YOU PEEL OFF MY ELASTIC STOCKINGS TO

SWING ME FROM THE CHANDELIER?

‘COS I’M SURE TO BE A RANDY OLD DEAR!



WILL YOU PUSH ME IN MY PINK WHEELCHAIR?

LET ME PLAIT YOUR WHITE CHEST HAIR?

WE COULD SCARE THE KIDS WHEN WE SWAP DENTURES

GEEEEZ WE’LL HAVE SOME GREAT ADVENTURES!





WH EN WE MAKE LOVE, WE’LL HAVE A BALL

WE’LL WRESTLE WITH OUR DAMP PROOF SMALLS

AND OH! WE’LL LAUGH WITH NO CONSTRAINT

AS WE LICK OFF CHOCOLATE BODY PAINT.



WE’LL HOLIDAY IN SPECIAL PLACES

WATCHING ALL THE SMILING FACES

YOU IN SHORTS AND SOCKS AND SANDALS

ME WITH WARTS AND HUGE LOVE HANDLES!



HOLD ME SAFE THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT

STROKE MY HAIR THAT’S NOW TURNED WHITE

BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY IT’S TRUE

I’VE WAITED ALL MY LIVES FOR YOU

Ahhhhhhhh Bless Kaz xxxxx

G#Gill;601009 wrote:



:guitarist

Our beach hut at Wells-next-the-Sea Norfolk

Wish I was there now mateys !!

And that's our lovely Rex in his usual pose :yh_rotfl

Hope you're all having a nice day :-4Blimey we are honoured with your presence your Royal Highness pmsl xxx;)

When I was quite young, my father had one of the first telephones in our neighborhood. I remember the polished, old case fastened to the wall. The shiny receiver hung on the side of the box. I was too little to reach the telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother talked to it.



Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an amazing person. Her name was "Information Please" and there was nothing she did not know. Information Please could supply anyone's number and the correct time.



My personal experience with the genie-in-a-bottle came one day while my mother was visiting a neighbor. Amusing myself at the tool bench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer, the pain was terrible, but there seemed no point in crying because there was no one home to

give sympathy.



I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at the stairway. The telephone! Quickly, I ran for the footstool in the parlor and dragged it to the landing. Climbing up, I unhooked the receiver in the parlor and held it to my ear. "Information, please" I said into the mouthpiece just above my head.

A click or two and a small clear voice spoke into my ear.

"Information."

"I hurt my finger..." I wailed into the phone, the tears came readily enough now that I had an

audience.



"Isn't your mother home?" came the question.



"Nobody's home but me," I blubbered.

"Are you bleeding?" the voice asked.



"No," I replied. "I hit my finger with the hammer and it hurts."

"Can you open the icebox?" she asked.



I said I could.

"Then chip off a little bit of ice and hold it to your finger," said the voice.

After that, I called "Information Please" for everything. I asked her for help with my geography, and she told me where Philadelphia was. She helped me with my math. She told me my pet chipmunk that I had caught in the park just the day before, would eat fruit and nuts.

Then, there was the time Petey, our pet canary, died. I called, Information Please," and told her the sad story. She listened, and then said things grown-ups say to soothe a child. But I was not consoled. I

asked her, "Why is it that birds should sing so beautifully and bring joy to all families, only to end up as a heap of feathers on the bottom of a cage?"

She must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly, "Wayne always remember that there are other worlds to sing in."



Somehow I felt better.



Another day I was on the telephone, "Information Please."

"Information," said in the now familiar voice. "How do I spell fix?" I asked.



All this took place in a small town in the Pacific Northwest. When I was nine years old, we moved across the country to Boston. I missed my friend very much. "Information Please" belonged in that old wooden box back home and I somehow never thought of trying the shiny new phone that sat on the table in the

hall. As I grew ! into my teens, the memories of those childhood conversations never really left me.



Often, in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene sense of security I had then. I appreciated now how patient, understanding, and kind she was to have spent her time on a little boy.

A few years later, on my way west to college, my plane put down in Seattle. I had about a half-hour or so between planes. I spent 15 minutes or so on the phone with my sister, who lived there now. Then without thinking what I was doing, I dialed my hometown operator and said, "Information

Please."

Miraculously, I heard the small, clear voice I knew so well.

"Information."

I hadn't planned this, but I heard myself saying, "Could you please tell me how to spell fix?"

There was a long pause. Then came the soft spoken answer, "I guess your finger must have healed by now."

I laughed, "So it's really you," I said. "I wonder if you have any idea how much you meant to me during that time?"

I wonder," she said, "if you know how much your call meant to me. I never had any children and I used to look forward to your calls."

I told her how often I had thought of her over the years and I asked if I could call her again when I came back to visit my

sister.



"Please do", she said. "Just ask for Sally."

Three months later I was back in Seattle. A different voice answered,

"Information." I asked for Sally.

"Are you a friend?" she said.

"Yes, a very old friend," I answered.

"I'm sorry to have to tell you this," she said. "Sally had been working part-time the last few years because she was sick. She died five weeks ago."



Before I could hang up she said, "Wait a minute, did you say your name was Wayne?" "Yes." I answered.



"Well, Sally left a

message for you. She wrote it down in case you called."



Let me read it to you.

The note said, "Tell him there are other worlds to sing in.

He'll know what I mean."

I thanked her and hung up. I knew what Sally meant.



Never underestimate the impression you may make on others.



Whose life have you touched today?

Why not pass this on? I just did....

Lifting you on eagle's wings. May you find the joy and peace you long for.

Life is a journey ... NOT a guided tour.

I loved this story and just had to pass it on. I hope you enjoy it and get a blessing from it just as I did

I like that story too Carol.. awww:-4

Ok its 4.55am an Im off to me booty, hope you all have a good weekend, happy, safe and full of good stuff.

See you laterxxxx:driving: :-6

mornin all,

joan,

many years ago we had a black cat called george, he was like my dads shadow and loved to ride round the farm on the tractor with him !!

beautiful day again, been round the fields with the dog and didnt need a jacket. hope you all have a good weekend. xx

Hi all xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Well done my last saturday now until the season starts again in September so plenty of Saturday morning lie ins for me now:D An i got a lovely box of chocs off one the team managers bless him:-4

Hope you had a good day at the booty carol. Hugs to everyone. :yh_hugs

Kaz

:guitarist

Hi everybody ! Well I've spent most of this lovely day dashing about in my car all over the place, mostly for other people ! :driving: But I'm home now, doing a bit of chillin.

The photo was taken a few years ago when we ran a charter/trip boat business, and we had decided to do a crew day out down the River Trent from Nottingham to Newark, taking in the popular Newark Market. Great weather and great day out ! That's me with the guitar, and one of our bar staff. We were good bosses - my husband and I, though I say it myself. We also did an annual Christmas 'do' for all the crew and all the jazz bands who played on our jazz nights (trad. jazz). You could say that on that night we had probably the best 'jam session' in the midlands with as many as 18 musicians playing in one big trad. band - fantastic music, all super blokes (and lady bassist !). I managed to video one of the Christmas 'do's' - and when I watch it occasionally, it brings tears to my eyes with those very happy memories. Life's a bitch making you get old isn't it ? Although I have to say I am one who has sworn to be a 'Saga lout' and grow old VERY disgracefully - so far, to my hubby's embarrassment, I am managing this quite well thank you ! I must make a contribution to Kaz's new thread about "growing old disgracefully or with 'dignity' !!!! " :yh_rotfl

Hi Guysxxx

Well just got back, mind you went and done some shopping also to the veg shop in town........well not actually the shop.....erm more like down the dustbins..........NO not cause I had a rubbish day and got no food in the house!!!! pmsl. Well we have geese an ducks and they do enjoy their bit of green so we...........well not me, I mean girls can you imagine posh me going down a dustbin??Gill dont say it ok!!! Na him indoors does it as his not as posh as me lol. Ere he only got about 10 cabbages.....Didnt He Do Well!!!!lol

Didn't do bad at the booty and to pay 6 quid for 100 foot aint bad is it lol ...gawd times like this I am so glad I gave the markets up although at certain times in the year when the bootys finish there will be no dosh coming in.......still I wont starve as I HAVE SOME GOOD MATES AINT I GILL pmsl ........she can always sell her hotel at Norfolk...........oh gawd am I in trouble me finks!!!!

Love to Everyonexxxxx:guitarist ( Gill great picture of you.....no not the one with yer message, I mean this one pmslxxxxx;)

kazalala;601872 wrote: Hi all xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Well done my last saturday now until the season starts again in September so plenty of Saturday morning lie ins for me now:D An i got a lovely box of chocs off one the team managers bless him:-4

Hope you had a good day at the booty carol. Hugs to everyone. :yh_hugs

Kaz
Watcha mate, Ive heard about geezers who do that Kaz....wink wink......say no more mate ok;) lolxxxx

Joannee;601828 wrote: Hello Helen good to see you again, yes our George was a little dear, when he was very young he got caught in a trap somewhere and was missing for days and when he finally came home his poor tail was so badly damaged we had to have it amputated to about three inches from his rear.

The vet suspected it was a gin trap which are illegal, and he suspected George had nibbled at his tail to get free, forunately it didn't deter him in any way he could still climb and do the things cats normally do.:yh_shame :yh_sad

Carol did you know it is Donna's birthday on the 5th May ??:yh_questn :yh_shamrkFlipping eck mate is it 5 months already...........I cant believe it, the time has gone so fast. You are so lucky to have found each other thats for sure love and after a bad start in his life he at last found real love bless his little heart.

Hope every day yer getting stronger dear lady and THANKYOU so much for letting us know about Donna, ere have a word and see if she will join us here as she is such great fun and to be trusted.You take care mateyxxx

Helen;601801 wrote: mornin all,

joan,

many years ago we had a black cat called george, he was like my dads shadow and loved to ride round the farm on the tractor with him !!

beautiful day again, been round the fields with the dog and didnt need a jacket. hope you all have a good weekend. xx
Excuse me lady er....do we know you?????pmsl....careful girls a stranger in the camp lolxxx;)

Carolly;601895 wrote: Excuse me lady er....do we know you?????pmsl....careful girls a stranger in the camp lolxxx;)


ere you,

i aint strange........... just a bit weird !!!:wah:

THE 6 BEST SMART ARSED ANSWERS OF 2006

SMART ARSED ANSWER 6

It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:

"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in

the front row.

"What are my choices?" the man asked. "Yes or no," she replied.

SMART ARSED ANSWER 5

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check

tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he

opened his trench coat and flashed her.

Without blinking an eyelid she said,

"Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

SMART ARSED ANSWER 4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of

Sainsbury's store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a passing assistant, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The assistant replied, "I'm afraid not, they're dead."

SMART ARSED ANSWER 3

The policeman got out of his car and the boy racer he stopped for

speeding, rolled down his window.

"I've been waiting for you all day," the bobby said.

The kid replied, "Yes, well I got here as fast as I could."

When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his

way without a ticket.

SMART ARSED ANSWER 2

A lorry driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up

that read " Low Bridge Ahead."

Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck

under it..

Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up.

The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab and

said to the driver, "Got stuck, eh?"

The lorry driver said, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out

of petrol!"

SMART ARSED ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006

A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's

final exam.

"Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here

tomorrow.

I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury,

illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other

excuses whatsoever!"

A smart-arsed chappie at the back of the room raised his hand and

asked, "What would you happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from

complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering. When silence

was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her

head and sweetly said, "Well, I suppose you'd have to write the exam

with your other hand." :p

Helen;601899 wrote: ere you,

i aint strange........... just a bit weird !!!:wah:
Helen who am I to argue hun lolxxx;)