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jones jones;819992 wrote: A woman and a baby waited in the doctor's examining room, waiting for him to come in.

The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and commented the baby wasn't gaining enough weight. He then asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

"Breast fed," the woman replied.

"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did. He pressed, kneaded, and pinched both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is hungry. You don't have any milk."

"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma ... but I'm glad I came."




Jj Hi !!!! :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl Very good !! How are you me little impala ??

G#Gill;819998 wrote: Jj Hi !!!! :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl Very good !! How are you me little impala ??


excellent gill my little treasure! hey ... i'm a springbok ... not an impala!!! :-4

jones jones;819997 wrote: A farmer bought a brand new stud rooster to copulate with his chickens. He put the rooster straight in the pen so he can get down to business.

The young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says "OK, old fellow, time to retire."

The old rooster says, "You can't handle all these chickens. Look at what it did to me!"

The young rooster replies, "Now, don't give me a hassle about this. Time for the old to step aside and let the young to take over, so take a hike."

The old rooster says, "Aw, c'mon. Just let me have the two old hens over in the corner. I won't bother you."

The young rooster says, "Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking over!"

So, the old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster, "I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll have a race with you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins the race gets domain of the chicken coop. And if I'm so feeble, why not give me a little head start?"

The young rooster says, "Sure, why not, you know I'll still beat you."

They line up in back of the farmhouse, get a chicken go cluck "Go!" and the old rooster took off running.

About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster is only about five inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

The farmer, sitting on the porch, looks up, sees what's going on, grabs his shotgun and BOOM! He shoots the young rooster.

He shakes his head gloomily and says to his wife...

"Son of a bitch ... third gay rooster I bought this week!"


:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

jones jones;819999 wrote: excellent gill my little treasure! hey ... i'm a springbok ... not an impala!!! :-4


Ere Jj, I thought they played rugby !!! :wah: :p

I was splashing toilet water all over me, the other day, and I got a headache...........

........................... the loo lid fell on me head !! :wah:

G#Gill;820001 wrote: Ere Jj, I thought they played rugby !!! :wah: :p


won the world cup too ... but don't remind el guapo ... its a very sore point with him!

G#Gill;820008 wrote: I was splashing toilet water all over me, the other day, and I got a headache...........

........................... the loo lid fell on me head !! :wah:


pmsl!!! :wah: :wah: :wah:

A fella knocked on my door the other day, he asked "Do you believe in free speech?"

I answered "Yes !" so he said "Can I use your telephone then please ?" :wah:



I saw this fella pullin a piece of string, so I asked him "What you doing that for ?" and he said " You want to try pushing it !" :wah:



A man walkin his dog along the road was approached by another who said "That dog bit my mother-in-law !" so the first man said "Well don't come trying to get any compensation off me mate !" so the other man said "Oh no, I want to buy it !" :wah:

Good morning folks its 2am..........:-5

I remember as a child, and we were quite poor, me mum asked me to go to the butcher and buy a sheep's head.........................then she added ......................

"and tell him to leave the legs on !" :wah:

Hi Kay !! Well you'll just have to read the jokes on here and cheer yourself up Mrs !

:wah: :-4

G#Gill;820034 wrote: I remember as a child, and we were quite poor, me mum asked me to go to the butcher and buy a sheep's head.........................then she added ......................

"and tell him to leave the legs on !" :wah:


:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

G#Gill;820039 wrote: Hi Kay !! Well you'll just have to read the jokes on here and cheer yourself up Mrs !

:wah: :-4


I have, and now I am wide awake:(

That's better ------------ now all the others before that one , including Jj's :wah::wah:

kayleneaussie;820042 wrote: I have, and now I am wide awake:(


Oh dear, well the only thing I can suggest is the arcade and play 'Bubble Shooter' that should get you drowsy again :wah: :-4

Hi Gill, yeah we're ganging up on Carol with all the mowing!:wah:

Hi Jj great stories, very funny!:wah:

Hi Kay, how are you doing today, here's some more hugs for you!:yh_hugs:yh_hugs:yh_hugs

Hello me little tumbleweed Hope !!!! Yes I think there is a sort of conspiracy going on with all this MOWING being talked about :wah::wah:;)

G#Gill;820051 wrote: Hello me little tumbleweed Hope !!!! Yes I think there is a sort of conspiracy going on with all this MOWING being talked about :wah::wah:;)


yeah it seems like it doesn't it!:wah: it's very mysterious, i wonder what's really going on!:wah::wah:

Hope6;820046 wrote: Hi Gill, yeah we're ganging up on Carol with all the mowing!:wah:

Hi Jj great stories, very funny!:wah:

Hi Kay, how are you doing today, here's some more hugs for you!:yh_hugs:yh_hugs:yh_hugs


Thanks sis...I needed a big hug:-4

Hey Gill I havent spoken to you on msn for ages....dont u like me anymoreD

kayleneaussie;820055 wrote: Thanks sis...I needed a big hug:-4


I'm glad I could help!:-4

Yes Hope, I think Carol's phobia started when she had a 'nasty' incident when she was MOWING her grass, round her VVVVVPV a while ago, she tripped over just as she got to a long straight bit and the throttle got stuck open, and you'll see what happened if you click on the link - be interesting if you have your sound on as well !

:wah::sneaky:



:yh_rotfl

ok I am off to bed again. Catcha all later:-4

A Happy Saturday greetings to you all!! :-6

kayleneaussie;820064 wrote: ok I am off to bed again. Catcha all later:-4


nite nite Kay sleep well sis!:-4

kayleneaussie;820057 wrote: Hey Gill I havent spoken to you on msn for ages....dont u like me anymoreD




Aw Kay !! It's not intentional matey



:-4

chrisb84uk;820066 wrote: A Happy Saturday greetings to you all!! :-6


well Hi Chris, glad to see you back again! How are you!:-6

chrisb84uk;820066 wrote: A Happy Saturday greetings to you all!! :-6


Hi Chris, Hope you're keeping OK young man :-4



Night night Kay, sleep well chuck :-4

Hi Hope, Gill, I'm fine thank you!



How about both of you, having a good start to the weekend so far?

chrisb84uk;820076 wrote: Hi Hope, Gill, I'm fine thank you!



How about both of you, having a good start to the weekend so far?


Yes mine is fine but uneventful as usual, when you work for yourself and are the mother of a toddler, you don't go out much, so weekend days aren't much different from weekdays!:wah::wah:

Hope6;820078 wrote: Yes mine is fine but uneventful as usual, when you work for yourself and are the mother of a toddler, you don't go out much, so weekend days aren't much different from weekdays!:wah::wah:


Hahaha well I'm sure you are certainly kept on your toes during the week with your baby and work, even if you aren't able to get out much.



Mind you if you have the weather we have here - very wet, cold and down right miserable, then you really wouldn't have any incentive to go out anyway.

chrisb84uk;820082 wrote: Hahaha well I'm sure you are certainly kept on your toes during the week with your baby and work, even if you aren't able to get out much.



Mind you if you have the weather we have here - very wet, cold and down right miserable, then you really wouldn't have any incentive to go out anyway.


we've had beautiful weather all week sunny and warn, in the 60's and 70's but today it's gray and dreary and cold, in the 40's.

i prefer to curl up on the sofa on Saturday night with a drink and some chocolate and watch a good movie on TV anyway.:wah::wah:

Oooh now there is an idea, some nice hot chocolate to warm me up on a cold, dark day like today. I still wonder though why the wet weather always hit at the weekend and not as often during the working week?



Oh well, still I'm sure it will improve soon, and at least at this rate I won't have too much sneezing to do this summer. :wah:

chrisb84uk;820101 wrote: Oooh now there is an idea, some nice hot chocolate to warm me up on a cold, dark day like today. I still wonder though why the wet weather always hit at the weekend and not as often during the working week?



Oh well, still I'm sure it will improve soon, and at least at this rate I won't have too much sneezing to do this summer. :wah:


well, there ya go! there's nothing better than chocolate!:wah:

Well that's true all right, especially if it's white!! :yh_drool



And to think how wonderful a chocolatey drink is too, I mean I'm surprised that we don't have more ways of using chocolate. Hmmm that makes me think of getting one of those chocolate fountains, now that would be nice!

COME ON OXFORD !!!!

Afternoon Helen. :-6



That's one big piccy hehehe. Never been much of a fan for the boat race, but I can see why many people are. Why are you rooting for Oxford?

jones jones;819997 wrote: A farmer bought a brand new stud rooster to copulate with his chickens. He put the rooster straight in the pen so he can get down to business.

The young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says "OK, old fellow, time to retire."

The old rooster says, "You can't handle all these chickens. Look at what it did to me!"

The young rooster replies, "Now, don't give me a hassle about this. Time for the old to step aside and let the young to take over, so take a hike."

The old rooster says, "Aw, c'mon. Just let me have the two old hens over in the corner. I won't bother you."

The young rooster says, "Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking over!"

So, the old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster, "I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll have a race with you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins the race gets domain of the chicken coop. And if I'm so feeble, why not give me a little head start?"

The young rooster says, "Sure, why not, you know I'll still beat you."

They line up in back of the farmhouse, get a chicken go cluck "Go!" and the old rooster took off running.

About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster is only about five inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

The farmer, sitting on the porch, looks up, sees what's going on, grabs his shotgun and BOOM! He shoots the young rooster.

He shakes his head gloomily and says to his wife...

"Son of a bitch ... third gay rooster I bought this week!"


:wah::wah::wah:

[QUOTE=chrisb84uk;820119]Afternoon Helen. :-6



That's one big piccy hehehe. Never been much of a fan for the boat race, but I can see why many people are. Why are you rooting for Oxford?[/QUOTE

yes, im going to get into trouble for that !!

a freind of mine used to row for oxford so i guess its sort of stuck with me.

Ah that explains things then. It must take so much hard work to prepare for this day, I mean all the physical training during early cold mornings really must take there toll on you I bet!

chrisb84uk;820111 wrote: Well that's true all right, especially if it's white!! :yh_drool



And to think how wonderful a chocolatey drink is too, I mean I'm surprised that we don't have more ways of using chocolate. Hmmm that makes me think of getting one of those chocolate fountains, now that would be nice!


those chocolate foutains are nice but i'm a chocoholic if it's in my house i'm gonna eat it and thats not always a good thing:wah: the only way i can keep from eating it is to just not buy it because if it's here, i can't resist it!:wah:

Hahaha that's true, but when you live practically next door to your local supermarket, and upon literally walking into the store to see hundreds of Easter eggs and other chocolate goodies it's hard not to drool and end up buying some!! :wah:

chrisb84uk;820144 wrote: Hahaha that's true, but when you live practically next door to your local supermarket, and upon literally walking into the store to see hundreds of Easter eggs and other chocolate goodies it's hard not to drool and end up buying some!! :wah:


:wah::wah: it's a good thing for my that my local supermarket is a fifteen minute drive away!:wah::wah:

Hahaha well it's very clever on there part to stick all the chocolate right at the entrance, I mean it makes it more likely that bad chocoholics like me, will end up placing some in the basket before anything else, despite not even intending on buying any beforehand!!

kayleneaussie;819892 wrote: carol will really love that sis....both of us mowing the lawns:-5:-5:-5:-5:mad::sneaky:

Hi Carolly.

chrisb84uk;820153 wrote: Hahaha well it's very clever on there part to stick all the chocolate right at the entrance, I mean it makes it more likely that bad chocoholics like me, will end up placing some in the basket before anything else, despite not even intending on buying any beforehand!!


yeah, they sure know what the're doing to get all us chocoholics!:wah:

G#Gill;820008 wrote: I was splashing toilet water all over me, the other day, and I got a headache...........

........................... the loo lid fell on me head !! :wah:Excuse me:sneaky:I told that one here if anyone cares to read back:rolleyes:Bleedin copy cat:p............anyway hope yer ok you old toerag;):wah:

Carolly;820155 wrote: :-5:mad::sneaky:


hi Sis, sorry about the mowing thing!:wah::-4

jones jones;820013 wrote: pmsl!!! :wah: :wah: :wah:Oi!You better not be laughing either at it:-5:sneaky: