Galbally's Advice Column for FG.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 6:44 am

Hamster wrote: Dear Dr G,

I have a slightly insane and very fun loving friend coming to stay with me soon. I am fairly aware that I need to get beer and wine in the house but I also have a strange urge to get a tattoo too.

Is this just peer pressure doc and how do I deal with it? And where is Pinkster's tattoo gonna be (so I can make sure mine is better)?

Confused from Yorkshire

Dear confused.

Yes I am aware of the visit of said person and understand your predicament. Your need to get a tatoo in sympathy with this person is of course completely understandable. Though of course such tatoos are expensive, very painful, and embarresing when you are 68, down on the beach with "Live Hard, Love Hard, Fight Hard" or "Huddersfield Hells Angels, Groupie No. 1" written on you back in 6 inch high letters. As a compromise, you could buy lots of those bubble gum tatoos and put them on, you will need to keep the aorementtioned visitor in a state of compete drunkeness for the entire weekend so she doesn't notice that your tatoos are running, but that probably won't be too much of a problem.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 7:22 am

Hamster wrote: Ok Doc sounds like a good plan...But what if it rains and all my bubble gum tattoos wash off? And what if she can drink more than me? A fact that I am highly worried about....

Confused, worried and tattoed from Yorkshire....

(and how do I get all the wrappers off?)

If it rains you must distract her by running around her and making screechy noises until she becomes disoriented. Then act concerned and give her more drink, you may have to water down your own if she can outdrink you. When you are in the house, keep her occupied by giving her little tasks to perform such as chopping onions, darning socks, and doing sudoku puzzles and play muisic as loud as is practiable as well as having all the TV's on, if you have disco lights that can strobe that would also be excellent, when she complains simply increase the drink. Over the course of the weekend she may try to attack you due to all this annoyance, but she probably will forget the tatoo issue in that circumstance. Now considering all this advice, it might just be simpler to get the Leeds Hells Angel tatoo after all, and have a nice weekend of girlie fun, I'm just giving you options.

As for where her tatoo is, I cannot say at this time, though I have a feeling that she would probably show me if I asked.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 7:22 am

Hamster wrote: Ok Doc sounds like a good plan...But what if it rains and all my bubble gum tattoos wash off? And what if she can drink more than me? A fact that I am highly worried about....

Confused, worried and tattoed from Yorkshire....

(and how do I get all the wrappers off?)

Perhaps

It is time for a first:

A house call from the great Dr. G :guitarist

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 7:24 am

(and how do I get all the wrappers off?)

Carbolic soap, and some hard scrubbing.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 7:25 am

cherandbuster wrote: Perhaps

It is time for a first:

A house call from the great Dr. G :guitarist

I don't think I would survive the visit somehow.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 7:36 am

Pinky wrote: Well I thought you doctors saw that kind of stuff every day?

Yes of course, but I havn't asked yet have I? Of course any investigation would be in the interests of science, and medical stuff, and all completely above-board reasons as I have stated many times before, this is a high class, totally Kosher, professional kinda joint. :-2

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 7:41 am

Hamster wrote: Mnnn..just what are you implying Dr?? :sneaky:

That with all the tatooing, drinking, loud music, sudoku playing, strobe lights, and knitting I might well meet with a unfortunate accident and end up being featured on the local Yorkshire News as a devious crazy Irish quack who had turned two perfectly respectable young English women into drink-crazed, onion-chopping, puzzle solving nutters who in response had taken their revenge by locking me up in attic after hitting me in the forehead with a shovel.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 7:43 am

Pinky wrote: I think he's under the impression that we're voracious man eating lunatics Hammy:-3

Maybe I need to control myself:D

I have not made any clear diagnosis yet, but I am working on it. :wah:

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 7:44 am

Hamster wrote: Yes maybe I should too?? Oh no...its more fun when they are afraid!!! :wah:

I can handle anything........... except shoe shopping,.......... please, no shopping, noooooo!!!

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 7:45 am

Galbally wrote: I can handle anything........... except shoe shopping,.......... please, no shopping, noooooo!!!

Dr. G

I'm glad you said that

I need to go bra shopping

Could you help me? :-6

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 7:58 am

cherandbuster wrote: Dr. G

I'm glad you said that

I need to go bra shopping

Could you help me? :-6

No, you can suprise me and show me what you bought later. I shall be talking notes.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 7:59 am

Pinky wrote: :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

We'd never hit you with a shovel Dr G!

We might tie you to a chair and leave you in the corner for a bit though:D

That might leave me at a disadvantage, though its prefferable to being bashed with a garden tool.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 8:00 am

Hamster wrote: What's the prognosis Doc???:wah:

Serious, but not terminal.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 8:01 am

Hamster wrote: surely that can't be me and Pinkster??? :wah:

No, no, I was reffering to the other and completely different blonde and brunette girl team that I know that are planning a nice girlie weekend in yorkshire as well as some drinking and GBH.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 8:04 am

Pinky wrote: Oh man, I'm trying to behave myself here...Don't get me started on bashing tools

Is there anything that you can't turn into a double entredre? Gas meters, post men (sorry post people), breeze blocks, bread boards, crosswords? Its a rare talent.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 8:25 am

Sorry, I was miles away there, trying to work out how to attach a really funny joke file but its too big for the attachment allowence. I'm afraid I must go now and do some doctor type stuff like us totally real, top class doctors have to do sometimes. As usual remain calm and don't set fire to anything.

If anyone has advice on attachment file sizes I would appreciate (even though I give the advice here), its 512 k and the allowance is 488 K, its about strange announcments at heathrow, seriously its hilarious I'd love people to hear it.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 11:15 am

Galbally wrote: No, you can suprise me and show me what you bought later. I shall be talking notes.

Rats!

I guess thong shopping is out of the question, then? :p

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 12:38 pm

Pinky wrote: Ooh, that's made me think Cher!

Dr G, what kind of underwear do you think I should buy? I need some new stuff and I wondered what type of stuff would be suited to me?

Dr. G

It might help if you try to visualize Pinky's nether regions first :sneaky:

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 12:55 pm

cherandbuster wrote: Rats!

I guess thong shopping is out of the question, then? :p

Sure, lets shop for cars. That I like. :wah:

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 12:57 pm

Pinky wrote: Ooh, that's made me think Cher!

Dr G, what kind of underwear do you think I should buy? I need some new stuff and I wondered what type of stuff would be suited to me?

Oh you know, black stockings, police uniform, goggles, egg whisk, usual stuff.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 12:58 pm

cherandbuster wrote: Dr. G

It might help if you try to visualize Pinky's nether regions first :sneaky:

I feel we are sinking to a new low tonight. I am going to get debarred by the internet councelling council you know.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 12:59 pm

Pinky wrote: :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

Oh, the poor Doc! He might be traumatised for life, haha!

No no, I'm sure i would recover quickly.