Why Are You Here?

Post by **spot** » Sun Sep 10, 2006 3:06 am

anastrophe wrote: that's a shame. a 'louder' acknowledgement would probably be appreciated by some - perhaps the person you accused of having a desire to 'win' as their foremost motive for example.

but i digress. since being not-nice is no longer allowed here, i'll shut up, to everyone's greater pleasure.It was the wrong thread to disrupt, I'd thought. It was what we in the trade refer to as "off topic". Since you insist then, and with apologies to everyone for taking up room here, as far as any PMs are concerned I'm entirely on Val's side in this - I think she made a mistake in asking, she should have just posted them and let the content speak for her. Nobody's pretending, now or earlier, that they were anything but awful. My understanding is that they were writtten in a spirit of "you accuse me of being that awful abusive man? Fine then, I'll be him instead of me". The whole thing was over in hours, I'd be happy to see it consigned to history please. This repetitive dredging of the past is far more of an offense than the initial spat, as you're well aware, and your offer to "shut up, to everyone's greater pleasure", long overdue in my opinion, is gratefully accepted.

Marie5656 · Post by **Marie5656** » Sun Sep 10, 2006 6:32 am

spot wrote: It was the wrong thread to disrupt, I'd thought. It was what we in the trade refer to as "off topic". Since you insist then, and with apologies to everyone for taking up room here, as far as any PMs are concerned I'm entirely on Val's side in this - I think she made a mistake in asking, she should have just posted them and let the content speak for her. Nobody's pretending, now or earlier, that they were anything but awful. My understanding is that they were writtten in a spirit of "you accuse me of being that awful abusive man? Fine then, I'll be him instead of me". The whole thing was over in hours, I'd be happy to see it consigned to history please. This repetitive dredging of the past is far more of an offense than the initial spat, as you're well aware, and your offer to "shut up, to everyone's greater pleasure", long overdue in my opinion, is gratefully accepted.

I agree with this. Just wanted to say so.

anastrophe · Post by **anastrophe** » Sun Sep 10, 2006 10:58 am

spot wrote: It was the wrong thread to disrupt, I'd thought. It was what we in the trade refer to as "off topic". Since you insist then,

i'm sorry, i can't seem to find the word "insist" anywhere in my post, nor even an insistent tone. it seems you've misunderstood, again - perhaps a guilty conscience is what set your wheels in motion without demand or even adamant language. but i suppose the backhanded "apology" may be satisfactory, nonetheless. i'll leave that to your conscience as well.

have a lovely day!

chrisb84uk · Post by **chrisb84uk** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 3:12 am

Well I was simply looking around for my first forum to join, and found this one. Spent the first few days meeting and chatting with everyone, then I went off on my holiday, and realised that I missed this place, and well have been here ever since.

Bridget · Post by **Bridget** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 10:41 am

I was on another chat room and there was so much fighting that the owner just upped and canceled it. I let it go for a day or two then started to look for a new chat room. I came across a zillion chat rooms, none that really were for me until I found FG. I registered and lurked to get the lay of the land for a week before I had the nerve to enter a discussion. Have for the most part really liked it here. Sometimes I feel left out but that is my fault because I am to shy to bust in on a discussion. If there is an argument I can always go to another room, just like home. Last year I was hostess to a English tea here in the USA. I knew nothing about teas, so went to the English room and asked for help. They were all so gracious and helpful. Our tea went just great thanks to the people who know how to serve teas. :driving:

chrisb84uk · Post by **chrisb84uk** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 10:47 am

Oh and I would also like to point out that someone is keeping me locked in here, and isn't letting me leave, so if that person would be so kind as to at least let me see the sun again for a short while I would be very greatful!!

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 1:13 pm

Pinky wrote: Blimey, is there something you're not telling us?:o

Yeh, the keykeeper's name.:sneaky:

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 1:17 pm

Pinky wrote: Ha! D'ya reckon it's anyone we know? :-2

Wouldn't that be something. What a thread that would stir.:sneaky: :wah:

Post by **spot** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 1:19 pm

OpenMind wrote: Wouldn't that be something. What a thread that would stir.:sneaky: :wah:Go on, it's Minksy. Stands to reason. How much she wants for him I can't imagine, if it's plain ransom she's after, though she's strange enough to have other motives.

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 1:29 pm

spot wrote: Go on, it's Minksy. Stands to reason. How much she wants for him I can't imagine, if it's plain ransom she's after, though she's strange enough to have other motives.

It must have been the shared experiences with bicycles and the gap that had to be minded.

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 1:44 pm

i found this site by looking for flower forums. it was a total accident. i flagged it under my favorites and promptly forgot it. that is, untill i broke the anonymominity rule on another forum and left. two seconds before i was asked to. i am glad to see this forum is not so controlled. we are adults. this is a good place to learn to be assertive. learn to use and maintain good boundries. i dont want to see it get so much so that the administrator has to watch us like children. on the other forum we were not allowed to give out any personal info. (of course there was a large group that went around and we all emailed eachother) but the point is, in any group of adults there is going to be inapropriate language, flirting, argueing, grudges, friends, enemies, and tauntings, attractions,................. as adults we are going to be out of line once in awhile, the best of people mess up sometimes. please leave it as is........................................................:-6 i am literally rolling around in happiness to be so free to express myself on here.

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 1:51 pm

guppy wrote: i found this site by looking for flower forums. it was a total accident. i flagged it under my favorites and promptly forgot it. that is, untill i broke the anonymominity rule on another forum and left. two seconds before i was asked to. i am glad to see this forum is not so controlled. we are adults. this is a good place to learn to be assertive. learn to use and maintain good boundries. i dont want to see it get so much so that the administrator has to watch us like children. on the other forum we were not allowed to give out any personal info. (of course there was a large group that went around and we all emailed eachother) but the point is, in any group of adults there is going to be inapropriate language, flirting, argueing, grudges, friends, enemies, and tauntings, attractions,................. as adults we are going to be out of line once in awhile, the best of people mess up sometimes. please leave it as is........................................................:-6 i am literally rolling around in happiness to be so free to express myself on here.

Sorry, Guppy. But you're off-topic.

Hehehe. Just kidding.

:-6

Post by **Bryn Mawr** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 2:08 pm

anastrophe wrote: that's a shame. a 'louder' acknowledgement would probably be appreciated by some - perhaps the person you accused of having a desire to 'win' as their foremost motive for example.

but i digress. since being not-nice is no longer allowed here, i'll shut up, to everyone's greater pleasure.

I don't know but "you're entirely correct" sounds about as loud an acknowledgement as you can get.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 2:11 pm

guppy wrote: i am literally rolling around in happiness to be so free to express myself on here.

Guppy, that's great!

We're enjoying your company as well :-6

Post by **Bryn Mawr** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 2:34 pm

Given that I've only just found this thread, here's my twopennysworth :-

I was invited to take a look and see what a forum was (they've moved on a bit since the BBs), reluctantly condecended to log in and see with the intention of spending the evening on-line at most.

Very soon caught by a thread and registered to have my say, then saw more, and more. Logged in the next evening to see how the discussion had developed and every evening I've been down here since.

I've come to respect and like so many people here that I'd be lost without it.

As to the suggestions for a way forward :-

1. Should ForumGarden be an "invite" only forum?

Never - as other people have said, it's the new blood that keeps this place fresh.

2. Should we institute a warning system that objectively kicks you off the forums after a certain amount of off-topic remarks?

Off topic is not always wrong - not only do some threads ask for it but I thought the attempts to hijack the nasties to defuse the situation were spot on and should have been encouraged.

3. Should we allow personal fights on the public forums?

Here is where the warnings and blocking should be applied, and then only where intent is clear - some people insult Nomad something awful and get away with it

It should be truly objective and either velocity based - so many transgressions per month, or you can earn plus points as well as minus. I could see a model poster being barred for overstepping the mark once a year or so.

I like the idea (Cars?) of it only blocking you from the specific thread. Banning from the Forum as a whole should only ever be at the discression of Admin and not automatic.

4. Should we show a "no-tolerance" stand on personal attacks?

Personnal insults have no place in a civilised world and should be actively discouraged but zero tolerance suggests no feeling for why it might have happened - was someone goaded and they were caught retalliating, was something said behind the scenes, were they having a really bad day and it was out of character, was it not meant in the way it was read?

Lulu2 · Post by **Lulu2** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 6:34 pm

BRYN "Personnal insults have no place in a civilised world and should be actively discouraged but zero tolerance suggests no feeling for why it might have happened - was someone goaded and they were caught retalliating, was something said behind the scenes, were they having a really bad day and it was out of character, was it not meant in the way it was read?"

+++++++++++++++ If someone's "goading"...they're "trolling," which certainly isn't new here, recently, because of our recent "attack of the trolls."

Therefore, I'd suggest that "personal insults" actually begin with goading. Frankly, I don't care if you've had a good day or a bad day.....bad behavior/insults/calling people out....all this is reason for a warning, if not outright banning, IMHO.

Those of us who know one another can easily tell what's joking and what isn't.

Those of us who've been here awhile can recognize when a "newbie" comes on the board and instantly begins to throw temper tantrums, insults and snits....that behavior should cause INSTANT CENSURE! Anyone who's confused by this paragraph can send me a private message and I'll give examples of deliberate raids on the members of this FG family.

weber · Post by **weber** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 6:37 pm

ummmmmmmmm.......gotta be somewhere.....I didn't see up dere:-2

oooops........down dere or over dere or wherever dere

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 8:55 pm

guppy wrote: :-6 i am literally rolling around in happiness to be so free to express myself on here.

:wah: I just got the mental image of your cute avatar rolling around in happiness like it was snow or fall leaves. Made me smile.

As does your cute sig line every time I see it.

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 9:00 pm

RedGlitter wrote: :wah: I just got the mental image of your cute avatar rolling around in happiness like it was snow or fall leaves. Made me smile.

As does your cute sig line every time I see it.

thank you red glitter. what a nice compliment. you have made my day. :-6

you are very kind.

ps. i have looked for guppy pics that would suit but so far, i can't find one..........

Post by **Bryn Mawr** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 12:44 am

Lulu2 wrote: Frankly, I don't care if you've had a good day or a bad day.....bad behavior/insults/calling people out....all this is reason for a warning, if not outright banning, IMHO.

We've all had a rough day and, at the end of it, bitten back at a relatively innoculous remark - then regretted it the next day.

That shouldn't be the cause of a banning - a warning maybe, but banning should be the last resort for a repeat offender or for something so bad that only instant dismissal is appropriate.

There needs to be a sense of proportion built into this. Saying zero tolerance is saying that, if a previously perfectly behaved poster calls someone an a$$hole in the heat of the moment before retracting it then they are out - no question. Is that what we want? Personnally I don't think so.

Post by **Bryn Mawr** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 12:50 am

guppy wrote: thank you red glitter. what a nice compliment. you have made my day. :-6

you are very kind.

ps. i have looked for guppy pics that would suit but so far, i can't find one..........

Guppy.jpeg

Attached files

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 5:31 am

Bryn

What a GREAT guppy!

Our FGer Guppy will LOVE it! :-6

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 6:55 pm

Bryn Mawr wrote: Guppy.jpeg

oh my gosh. I LOVE IT!!!! you are a doll for posting that for me. thank you very much!!!!!!!!!! :-4 :-4

weber · Post by **weber** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 7:22 pm

Well, I was here cuz it seemed like a nice place to be, but be careful not to say anything the wrong way.

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 7:44 pm

weber wrote: Well, I was here cuz it seemed like a nice place to be, but be careful not to say anything the wrong way.

edumacation,...........................(i like living dangerously)

sneaking off now........................:p

Katy1 · Post by **Katy1** » Sat Sep 23, 2006 6:18 am

Forumgarden wrote: Nice thread Koan.

ForumGarden is a place to talk about "life." With that understanding, I'm growing weary of the personal barbs being thrown about by a small number of people on both sides of the campfire.

So, who would agree with me that ForumGarden should be about the issues, the content, and the topic at hand? This EXCLUDES personal differences and name-calling. Frankly, I feel that people shouldn't be here once they begin name-calling and sniping.

Why?

1. Because this is a public forum and personally I never want to see personal fights - it belongs either in private email or on another "flame" forum.

2. They never give it a rest.

3. Other people get dragged into it.

4. Technically, it is "off-topic" and does not add to the thread at hand.

So some questions for all of you:

1. Should ForumGarden be an "invite" only forum?

2. Should we institute a warning system that objectively kicks you off the forums after a certain amount of off-topic remarks?

3. Should we allow personal fights on the public forums?

4. Should we show a "no-tolerance" stand on personal attacks?

Thoughts?

Apologies as I have to admit that I've only read the first page of this thread but these are my opinions for what they're worth;

1) No, not an invite only forum, I like that it is open to all and that's what keeps communities so diverse.

2) Tough one. Going off topic doesn't necessarily mean that you are being purposefully obstructive of even offensive, I know that when I converse I'm always wandering off and then coming back to the point in hand. I know on certain threads that can be distracting but maybe we should all take some responsibility and give the thread a gentle 'nudge' if needs be.

3) I would say that it should be obvious that personal fights shouldn't be tolerated. BUT, if someone is being persecuted or unfairly represented in some way they shouldn't be forced to feel like they can't defend themselves. If arguments and disagreements do go on and on they can become very tedious for the people who aren't interested or involved, and does detract from the over all smooth running of the site IMO. Shouldn't these be times where the moderators do their stuff?

4) This is a bit of a grey area as well. I was a member of a lesser forum;) a while ago and was ostracised by many members for personally attacking them!! They thought that because I was enthusiastic in my debating this constituted 'not allowing others their opinions' and 'picking on people' which what absolute bollocks. So, one persons personal attack is another's strongly worded argument. Of course, personal insults like direct name calling or character assassinations shouldn't be tolerated, but plain talking should. Also, I think it is entirely wrong for members to carry grievances to different threads or sub-forums which I have experienced elsewhere on the net. That's kind of 'thread stalking'!!

Katy:-6

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Sep 23, 2006 6:48 am

Why Are You Here?

To make people uncomfortable.

nspencer83 · Post by **nspencer83** » Sat Sep 23, 2006 4:25 pm

The reason I join is because I have been so board and lonely. My 17 year old daughter is working now and my 2 year old daughter takes naps and my husband is out of town a lot. I just recently moved from Utah to Michigan and I have no neighbors and no friend, well I found out I didn't have any friends after all. So I was left at home with nothing to do except clean cook and clean my yard. I sometimes take my daughter out for walks down the street on a nice day but lately it has been to cold and windy. The only time I talk to my husband is either early in the morning or at night just before he goes to bed, he sometime calls while he's working. So since I don't have any friend out here in the country there really isn't anything to do.

Lulu2 · Post by **Lulu2** » Sat Sep 23, 2006 4:30 pm

Well...you'll never be lonely here in the Garden! Welcome!

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 6:36 am

nspencer83 wrote: The reason I join is because I have been so board and lonely. My 17 year old daughter is working now and my 2 year old daughter takes naps and my husband is out of town a lot. I just recently moved from Utah to Michigan and I have no neighbors and no friend, well I found out I didn't have any friends after all. So I was left at home with nothing to do except clean cook and clean my yard. I sometimes take my daughter out for walks down the street on a nice day but lately it has been to cold and windy. The only time I talk to my husband is either early in the morning or at night just before he goes to bed, he sometime calls while he's working. So since I don't have any friend out here in the country there really isn't anything to do.

Hi There :-6

You can always come in The Garden and hang out with us :guitarist

Marie5656 · Post by **Marie5656** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 6:38 am

We like it here in the garden. Lots of garden parties. :-6

Post by **Bryn Mawr** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 3:16 pm

Nomad wrote: Why Are You Here?

To make people uncomfortable.

You manage that both ways - you make us think and you make our sides ache laughing.

weber · Post by **weber** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 3:21 pm

ummmmmmmm I don't know anymore.

eerrrrr I saw Nomad with that bouncing naked lady up there and everything just went away. OMG must go back up there.:driving:

adding......phew, he did it to make everyone uncomfortable. Didn't work Nomad. It made me ummmmm left me ummmmmmmmm, oh hell I don't know why I.m. here. bye now:guitarist

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 3:31 pm

i only joined so i could talk to other bereaved people and give them some kind words and some hope but now i hang around, for on this site are really funny kind, wise and nice people and i love talking and joking with them

ok there are some crabby crab cakes people (red glitter that still cracks me up ):) but i tend to let them argue and snipe amongst them selves whilst i sit back chuckling to myself and wait till my favourite people get on line :wah:

nspencer83 · Post by **nspencer83** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 3:54 pm

Pinky wrote: Ooh, I visited Michigan recently!

What bit are you in?
I just moved to Reese Michigan still getting to know the place though. Reese is just outside of Saginaw

nspencer83 · Post by **nspencer83** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 3:57 pm

cherandbuster wrote: Hi There :-6

You can always come in The Garden and hang out with us :guitarist

I heard of these discussion group from a class I am taking and so I figured since I don't get out often I would try it just to have some one I can talk too. Sad huh.

But I look forward to remaining a member.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 4:38 pm

Its ok, were all sad and pathetic.

weber · Post by **weber** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 4:41 pm

I'm here to see that swinging lady Nomad.

Where is she?:-3

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 4:43 pm

Too much pressure...had to let her go

weber · Post by **weber** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 4:56 pm

Nomad wrote: Too much pressure...had to let her go

Bet ya kept her somewhere:sneaky:

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 7:13 pm

Nomad wrote: Too much pressure...had to let her go

Someone pressured you? I thought she was great!!

weber · Post by **weber** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 7:15 pm

I'm here cuz I love that dog named Valerie. The dog is great, wonderful gait. But I don't know about that Valerie. Anyone know her:yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 7:15 pm

valerie wrote: Someone pressured you? I thought she was great!!

Yea. The pressure just kept building and.......well never mind. She just had to go.

HotnSexyForNomad · Post by **HotnSexyForNomad** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 7:17 pm

Talking about me, lover?