How my life has changed

neffy · Post by **neffy** » Mon Jun 09, 2008 11:16 pm

I am in a very sad time at the mo:( found out last week that my husband of 15 years has been seeing my best friend:-5 they have been seeing each other for 8mths and he also was sleeping with another girl.

My daughter knew since feb as she works in the same place as her her,but my daughter could not say anything until she had prove.I requested a mob phone as i thought that the bill was a little to high and that was what shelley my daughter was waiting for.

My Husband has gone now he is saying now that he is not sure f he has made a big mistake:-5 not my problem now,i am not sure on how i feel at the moment as it has only been a week,i will be going away next monday to my friend in Yorkshire for a week.

neffy · Post by **neffy** » Mon Jun 09, 2008 11:27 pm

:wah::wah::wah: jimbo you always bring a smile to my face,:-3 but i never thought of that;)

Post by **Bryn Mawr** » Mon Jun 09, 2008 11:33 pm

That stinks Neffy

May you find the strength to pull through these troubled times.

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 12:11 am

I am so sorry Neffy. Any betrayal is tragic, but when you lose both your man and your best girlfriend - that is the pits. I'm sending hugs - you'll come through this, you're a strong lady. BUT GEEESCH.

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 1:53 am

Its always the best bloody mate, some mate.

Musiclover89 · Post by **Musiclover89** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 3:25 am

Yikes, that sucks, sorry to here about that neffy, hope you'll be allright

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 4:50 am

Aww Neffy, I'm sorry. I know it's hard for you to believe right now, but it is his loss, your so called friend's loss, and you are the one with everything to gain. The best revenge you can get is to be happy. There's nothing you could have done different. They always find a way to turn the blame on you when the fact is, no matter what they are going to do it. If you need to talk, I'm just a PM or email away. :-4

el guapo · Post by **el guapo** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 5:03 am

sorry to hear it

ya pal jes

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 5:27 am

Sending out huge hugs to you Neffy!! My heart broke in pieces for you....I know this is devastating but as others wrote, you will get through it, it will be difficult and the wound is really raw right now, and I can only imagine your pain...I wish I could hug it away for you!!

Stay strong and let him go, as hard as it is....he doesn't deserve you, nor does the friend...some friend huh?.....*shaking head in dis-belief*.....

I'm here and on skype if you need to chat sweetheart....hope you have some R & R at your friends house:-4:-4

JerryG · Post by **JerryG** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 6:26 am

[QUOTE=neffy;885821]I am in a very sad time at the mo:( found out last week that my husband of 15 years has been seeing my best friend:-5 they have been seeing each other for 8mths and he also was sleeping with another girl.

Sometimes it is best to forgive the wayward husband. He is going through his midlife crisis and may very well want to return. Then he would be a born again husband and his cheating would be over. It may be better to forgive than to lose what you had for many years.

Post by **Betty Boop** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 8:32 am

:yh_hugs:yh_hugs:yh_hugs Neffy, so sorry to read this hun. I will be on skype later. Stay strong, catch you later. :-4

neffy · Post by **neffy** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 9:16 am

Thank you all so much with your kind words and surpport.:-4:-4

flopstock · Post by **flopstock** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 10:03 am

JerryG;885937 wrote: [QUOTE=neffy;885821]I am in a very sad time at the mo:( found out last week that my husband of 15 years has been seeing my best friend:-5 they have been seeing each other for 8mths and he also was sleeping with another girl.

Sometimes it is best to forgive the wayward husband. He is going through his midlife crisis and may very well want to return. Then he would be a born again husband and his cheating would be over. It may be better to forgive than to lose what you had for many years.

Ya know darlin' - tough ****! If he wants to get a piece on the side in a wild moment, that's one thing. Her best friend? For 8 months? **** both of them and the horse they rode in on, IMO.

I'm sure there are calmer heads on here, neffy. Personally I just want to kick their asses for you.

BTW, get yourself tested for STDs sweetie, ASAP. Better safe then sorry.

Take care.

diane

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 10:10 am

Neffers, I'm really sorry to hear this sad news. Betrayal sucks and I can think of no worse one than this. As far as that forgiveness stuff that would be your own call, but I know I wouldn't be doing it. On the contrary I would take him for all he was worth and then kick his infidelous ass to the curb. As for her, well, like him, she'll get hers. Women who cheat or mess with another's man are poison to other women and cannot ever be trusted again. What goes around comes around and it sounds like those two losers deserve each other.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 11:12 am

I am sorry to hear it has been so hard for you, you deserve much better.

cars · Post by **cars** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 11:36 am

This one is a toughie neffy, sincere condolances for your sorrow!

"15" years is definately a long time, (minus the last 8 months) to have to discard, it will be extremely difficult. From what you've said, his indescretion was not just a one or two time fling, it went on for "8" months, that certainly qualifies as an affair! Right now, it would be prudent to give yourself some time, and let your head/emotions clear. Before you hastily rush into making snap decisions, that you may somewhat regret later on. After time, and only then, will you be able to decide what really is the best couse of action for you to follow. He may come crawling back on his knees, and after you've had time to consider all senerios, at that time you can decide whether or not you want to forgive him, or you may decide to just kick him to the curb!

Best wishes, & good luck in whatever you decide!

neffy · Post by **neffy** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 11:42 am

As for STD i am ok there as ,he rang me this morning saying that he wants to come back:sneaky: but i reallt do need alot of time but he is now saying i have only a couple of days to make my mind up,but i told him sorry but this is on my terms now.And i think if he realy wants to be with me he will wait the choice is his.I am away next week with my friend just chill out times.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 12:17 pm

That sounds smart, Neffy. Good for you.

cars · Post by **cars** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 12:26 pm

neffy;886283 wrote: As for STD i am ok there as ,he rang me this morning saying that he wants to come back:sneaky: but i reallt do need alot of time but he is now saying i have only a couple of days to make my mind up,but i told him sorry but this is on my terms now.And i think if he realy wants to be with me he will wait the choice is his.I am away next week with my friend just chill out times.
Right you are neffy, don't let him rush you into deciding anything! As "he" may be wanting your answer in couple of days, because he may feel he can keep "her" hanging on until you choose!!! So . . .

(Sorry to add fuel to the fire, but just trying to realistically show possible motives)

kayleneaussie · Post by **kayleneaussie** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 12:32 pm

My heart goes out to you Neffy...the same thing happened with my EX husband and my very best friend. I wish you well :-4

pinkchick · Post by **pinkchick** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 12:39 pm

Oh Neffy!

Darlin - I'm so sorry :yh_hugs:yh_hugs

:-4:-4

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 1:13 pm

Neffs babes, I wish you well in whatever the outcome.:-4

Have a goog girlie break away and come back with a fresh outlook on it hun x

G#Gill · Post by **G#Gill** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 1:20 pm

Neffy I'm so sorry it has come to this. I know you had your suspicions some time ago and were worried. The thing is you said he had another 'girl friend' besides your best 'friend'. If that is the case leopards and spots come to mind here, and I am very sorry to have to say that. As for him saying you've got two days to make a decision, that amazes me !! After all, you are the injured party, not him - he was the one that lusted else where. You did the right thing there Neffy in telling him things have got to be on your terms, not his. The man's not real !

If you feel you just can't live without him, then that is one thing. If you feel that trust is lost, and things will never be the same again, that's another thing. It is going to be hard for you Neffy, with getting your head round it all, although I expect you were half expecting the worst. Even so it must have been a bad shock for you.

Good luck to you girl, you will make the right decision for you, we're all thinking about you Neffs, and are all here for you, so go and have a good break and enjoy yourself. Put him from your mind and chill, because you can think about plans and decisions when you return.

XXX

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 2:28 pm

I read and posted in your blog before I saw your thread. I know you hurt now, but, you will get on fine, if you let yourself. Don't give them the power over the way you feel. Some things change in your life, and sometimes, for the better. Maybe it's time to write a new chapter for your life.

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 2:39 pm

neffy;886283 wrote: As for STD i am ok there as ,he rang me this morning saying that he wants to come back:sneaky: but i reallt do need alot of time but he is now saying i have only a couple of days to make my mind up,but i told him sorry but this is on my terms now.And i think if he realy wants to be with me he will wait the choice is his.I am away next week with my friend just chill out times.

Good for you....don't let him bully you into making a decision....he is in the wrong here, and should be wanting to wait for you to heal and make a decision.....

I wish I was there to kick him in the shins for you and then give you endless hugs and laughter!!...

Go have fun at your friends house, it will make it better to get away and clear your head, please remember that Neffy comes first....her needs are #1 priority!!

Love ya girl!:-4

Kathy Ellen · Post by **Kathy Ellen** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 2:44 pm

Ahhhhhhh Neffers:-4

I am so sorry to hear this sad news....how awful:mad:

You know that you can always come to fg and talk with your friends here Neffy. You know that you have a lot of good friends here.

I really miss talking with you....stay strong hun...we're here for you:-4

littlemissgiggle · Post by **littlemissgiggle** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 2:47 pm

Im so sorry to hear this my sweetie :-1

:-4 love you

Post by **Bryn Mawr** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 3:47 pm

neffy;886283 wrote: As for STD i am ok there as ,he rang me this morning saying that he wants to come back:sneaky: but i reallt do need alot of time but he is now saying i have only a couple of days to make my mind up,but i told him sorry but this is on my terms now.And i think if he realy wants to be with me he will wait the choice is his.I am away next week with my friend just chill out times.

Your rules and your decision now - if he wants you back then it must be on your terms. No way should he be giving you deadlines - you're the boss and if he don't like it then tough, he walks.

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 7:57 pm

neffy;886283 wrote: As for STD i am ok there as ,he rang me this morning saying that he wants to come back:sneaky: but i reallt do need alot of time but he is now saying i have only a couple of days to make my mind up,but i told him sorry but this is on my terms now.And i think if he realy wants to be with me he will wait the choice is his.I am away next week with my friend just chill out times.

Oh Neffy I am so sorry to hear your news, I know how you feel. Hun your above post just ooozes strength. Keep strong girl the ball is in your court.. play it smart.

Personally I abhore a cheater and feel once a cheater always a cheater... they just get sneakier.

I wish you well in what ever choice you make and like the other friends here, you can always chat if need be.

Huge huggs hunny

moonpie · Post by **moonpie** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 8:29 pm

Neffy, that is a real kick in the pants. I know you must be really heart-broken to think that the two people in your life that you loved and trusted have betrayed you. I like the idea you are going away to think. I think you need to give it some real thought. You and him have a lot invested in each other so far. Think about it, talk it out with him and see if this marriage can be saved. If not - so be it. As for the slut, kick her out on the curb. You take care, and know that people will support you either way. Do what your heart tells you, not other people.

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Wed Jun 11, 2008 3:53 am

Sometimes I think Mrs Bobbett had a good idea

Massive hugs for you.:yh_hugs:yh_hugs:yh_hugs

neffy · Post by **neffy** » Wed Jun 11, 2008 7:39 am

thank you all so much xxxxx

neffy · Post by **neffy** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 11:26 pm

Helloooooooooo all just thought i would up date you all well hubby has gone and is still with my so called best friend:pI on the other hand have agreat full time job

I am off to my friends on thurs for 3 days then off to Yorkshire for a week in nov and going to spain for a holiday with a couple of friends next may.I feel so much better in myself and free.

I might even fly to New York next year on my own not sure yet:wah: hope everyone one is ok love to you al Neffy xxxx

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 11:29 pm

Wow Neffers! I'm happy to see you! Spain, wow! I'm glad you're finding your own strength from this. You're a good woman. You deserve the best. :-4

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 11:30 pm

Neffie - it is wonderful to see you, and to hear that you're making a fine new life for yourself!!! You rock!!! What kind of job is it? The Spanish trip sounds awesome, and New York... WOW !!!!

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 11:31 pm

OOOh we posted at the same moment, Red!! But it is great, isn't it!!!!! If I could post pics, I'd bring in a bottle of champagne.

neffy · Post by **neffy** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 11:34 pm

Great to hear from you two i am back in the dry cleaning trade which i have always loved.Opps talking of work i better get ready not even dressed yet:wah::wah: take care you two xxx

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 11:37 pm

You take care too, Sweetie!!!!

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 11:45 pm

AussiePam;934051 wrote: OOOh we posted at the same moment, Red!! But it is great, isn't it!!!!! If I could post pics, I'd bring in a bottle of champagne.

I aim to please!

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Tue Jul 29, 2008 1:03 am

Sorry to hear this Neffy. Mine wasn't the exact way your's was, but it's still making really hard decisions. My hubby met someone on the internet and was involved with her for 15-16 months. I took him back and he is still working on getting my forgiveness and trust. We've done some serious marriage counseling and I have all his passwords to everything. He is being an open book so I can see for myself that nothing is going on.

Just don't feel rushed, which it sounds like you're not so atta girl, take as much time as you need and make the best decision for YOU! But some marriages can make it if you both want it bad enough nad he lets you into everything until you are able to trust in him.:yh_hugs:yh_hugs hun. Have a good time out.

mrsK · Post by **mrsK** » Tue Jul 29, 2008 1:14 am

neffy;934046 wrote: Helloooooooooo all just thought i would up date you all well hubby has gone and is still with my so called best friend:pI on the other hand have agreat full time job

I am off to my friends on thurs for 3 days then off to Yorkshire for a week in nov and going to spain for a holiday with a couple of friends next may.I feel so much better in myself and free.

I might even fly to New York next year on my own not sure yet:wah: hope everyone one is ok love to you al Neffy xxxx

Good for you Neffy.

You sound a lot happier:-6

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Tue Jul 29, 2008 2:02 am

Hi Neffy, Your post sounds happy, glad your getting back on your feet.

Wow you got some travelling planned, great!!!!

Take Care Hun x:-6

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Tue Jul 29, 2008 2:14 am

And let's open the Moet, for starters - thanks Red!!!! Knew I could depend on you!!!

Post by **Betty Boop** » Tue Jul 29, 2008 2:26 am

*Raising a glass to toast Neffy* Woooohoooo!! :-4

kazalala · Post by **kazalala** » Tue Jul 29, 2008 8:28 am

Well done Neffy! heres to a great new life ahead of you:guitarist:-4

neffy · Post by **neffy** » Tue Jul 29, 2008 11:45 am

Thank you all so uch i know i dont come here very often now as i have my own little rottie forum that i run but my thoughts are always with you all xxxxxxx

pantsonfire321@aol.com · Wed Jul 30, 2008 2:06 am

I've only just seen this

.

I'm so sorry things were bad for you . I hope your feeling better now ...like everyone else has said here, your a strong woman and you deserve much happiness . Look forward not back and be lucky :-6.

Take care :-6

...do you still have your lovely Rotties .