More than I thought would happen.

kayleneaussie · Post by **kayleneaussie** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 4:18 pm

wow Fuzzy......

Yes you are a victim a victim of abuse. I would of been out of that relationship long ago.

You need to leave him and make a life of your own, you dont deserve treatment like this. It is hard to do, but if I can do it anyone can. Good luck I hope you make the right decision:-4

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 4:37 pm

It sounds to me like you have come to a turning point in your life. Happens to the best of us....happened to me. You have had enough............and you deserve better. So now you must do what you must to release yourself from this man, if this is what you want. Emotionally, legally, financially, spiritually....physically.

I am now happily married to my second husband.

Years ago, I did come to the painful realization after the divorce that my first husband of 20 years did not love me. We had children together, had good times and bad.............but he was not my "soft place to fall." He was not a friend to me...atleast not after we married. I got to feeling uncomfortable in my own home. Verbal and emotional abuse can hurt as well. I also could write a long post.

I don't regret my first marriage. I have beautiful children, now grown, from it. I just used that experience as one of life's learning tools. I'm still living and now my life is good.

Good luck to you, FB, in whatever you decide to do. And yes, you do deserve better.

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 4:44 pm

Whew-weee, girlllll, you know how to shake a sister up!!

You know I have been through a similar situation, I know everyone is tired of hearing about it...but this is about you!! All about YOU!!:-4:-4

I know, leaving him is hard because of "who" he is, but I agree with Kaz, you need to be free of this Meg! You are too good of a person for someone to treat this way. I know it is easier said than done, it took 3 years for my ex and I finally to officially end it...you have been going through this mess for a long time...and something has to give...and needs to be for YOUR benefit!

I look back at my first marriage like a stranger lived it, I have no clue who that woman was, she put up with so much crap for the sake of other people and what people would think of her, shame, guilt, etc.... I still consider what is right and wrong, but I put the boys and I first and foremost.

A man that truly TRULY loves you would NEVER ever lay his hands on you or say nasty things to you like he does....I know, been there done that.

I only wish you the happiest of happy days to come Meg, you are a star in my book and I love you dearly!:-4:-4:-4

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 4:53 pm

Oh Fuzzy :-4

I feel so bad to hit you with my emotions on this one .... I could be wrong.

As a child of someone who did this (amongst other things), being on the receiving end and watching my mum go through this too. My heart says get the hell out of there girl.

Damn it! Damn it!

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 6:00 pm

fuzzy butt;823442 wrote: Awwhhh Pheasy wheasy, I know hon. I understand your struggles and that's why I've always had a soft spot for you.:-4

Wendy You do realise you're my rock :-4

Thank you for the support kaylene and AFTR, I'm going to take your thoughts on board. Kaylene I was a victim on Saturday night I was a survivor by sunday:)

My shoulders have come down and I feel I've just had the world lifted off them .

I'm finally free of all the bog!

Leave him? I think that's going to take care of itself but I won't go into that.

But I'll tell you right now that this is a good thing to have happened because at least now I can openly study and reflect without the "blocks".

I suppose you're all thinking why I allowed this to happen? How can this happen to tuff little Megan who doesn't take **** from anyone? Well, quite frankly it comes down to advice given in another thread that prompted me to write all this up. Watch for people who will take advantage of your situation and your vulnulbility.

I had already been left holding one baby and swore that would never happen to me again . Then some years later I was involved in a court case that took two years and wound me up having a nervous breakdown .

I was physically, emotionally and mentally worn out. I eventually just took was came to me.

I see you as a beautiful, strong and intellegent woman who loves her family Megan....I know this has been hard to share openly for you and you will get stronger as time goes. Like you said by Sunday you were a survivor, which you truly are!

Don't make me come over there and get bitten by a snake!!

There is a part of me that so wants to jump on a plane tomorrow, just to be by your side!:-4:-4

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 6:10 pm

You say you are a survivor ... well prove it!! :-4

Sorry Fuzz it's the only way I could get out of it and come out with ME intact .... the challenge ... are you a survivor ... or just a thing :-4

Damn it!

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 7:01 pm

Fuzzy Butt its time to leave this ungratful man and take care of yourself and your kids. You have a sense of freedom now don't give it up again. Your a strong beautiful women don't let any man or anyone take that away from you again. :yh_hugs

I was divorced at the age of 24 from a very violent man I ran from the house with my daughter and never looked back. You can do it believe me you can do it.

moonpie · Post by **moonpie** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 7:25 pm

Fuzzy, take care of yourself first, and damm him! You have been through enough, and tell him to go screw himself. You need sometime for just you, and you don't need to be his doormat anymore. Take care of yourself and good luck.

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 7:25 pm

Fuzzy butt you know what is best just don't let anyone take your spirit or damage your soul guard it with everything you have. :-4

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 9:30 pm

Well Dear - I call it "your stomach is full"....

No one can tell someone what to do - only advise.

That someone has to decide on their own when is enough is enough and what they allow - dismiss - except. Then you Blow.. your stomach is full.

Sorry to hear all the changes you've accepted at the hands of this insecure man.

He's not "IN LOVE" he's happy with the home you've made so comfortable for him - clean clothes - good food - and you clean his toilet - and coffee ring off the kitchen counter every day.. F HIM

He's never had it so good

RUN LIVE BE YOUR OWN PERSON BE HAPPY

Patsy

pantsonfire321@aol.com · Tue Apr 01, 2008 10:49 pm

Hes an Animal, a wife beater, he should be in bloody prison not a police man.

Hes a sick man:-5

You were a victim and now your a surviver . You know people always ask , why did you stay so long and why did you cover for him ..well some of us have been there and know and understand ...its really not that easy . Theres a thread here somewhere about domestic violence (it's realy old )... he has the problem not you.

Take care of yourself and get him out of your life .:yh_hugs

Santanico · Post by **Santanico** » Wed Apr 02, 2008 12:30 am

:-4:-4:-4

You know you're awesome, right?

:yh_hugs

mikeinie · Post by **mikeinie** » Wed Apr 02, 2008 1:22 am

Your only error is for putting up with it for so many years.

What advise would you give to someone else if they were in your situation? Then listen to your own voice and do it.

Do what ever it takes, set yourself free.

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Wed Apr 02, 2008 2:17 am

You're a strong woman, you've proved that by the statement that Saturday you were a victim and Sunday a survivor. Anyone that can make the mental shift so definitely, so absolutely is strong.

You've had a 'light bulb' moment, you were forced to face the reality of your situation and you've said 'enough'. Well done you.

Now it's your time, he's had plenty of your strength, your love and your support, he doesn't deserve any more.

Sod him, sod his friends and sod what other people think. You've got this chance to make your life what you want it - go for it. You've got our support and our love.

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Wed Apr 02, 2008 3:31 am

I wish you the best of luck and I wish you the courage to stay strong and stand by your new convictions. Stay safe!

Clodhopper · Post by **Clodhopper** » Wed Apr 02, 2008 3:42 am

I know the sensation of looking back over years and having all the inconsistencies and oddities that you accepted the explanations for down the years just shift into a new pattern. One that cannot be denied. At least it didn't happen to me in a public place.

You know what you have to do. Oh - and make sure you never see him alone again. I'm not saying he or you would do anything, but it keeps you safe and makes the point.

Post by **Betty Boop** » Wed Apr 02, 2008 5:02 am

fuzzy butt;823487 wrote: Carla I can assure you that i'm in no physical danger anymore . I dealt with that awhile ago. Trust me if he raised his hand to me ever again the most important thing that he holds to so dearly would be over in a milli-second.

That's what I mean guys by all the "memories" .

I dealt with the physical side years ago too, trouble is they up the anti in some other way so they maintain control.

Stay strong Fuzzy :-4

PurpleChicken · Post by **PurpleChicken** » Wed Apr 02, 2008 6:28 am

You a are a brave and strong woman FB. But you need to get outta there. This will only continue to hurt you longer term. I trust and hope that you have the strength to do what you need to do and move out (or kick him out).

Sounds like you have already started to reassess your priorities and put them back in order. Remember priority #1 = YOU!

:yh_hugs

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Wed Apr 02, 2008 7:47 am

I had to walk away from this thread last night ...

Are you still with him now Fuzzy? If so, he still has a hold over you, he might not hit you, but he has a hold over you! What's this about not being allowed to have a beer , whats this about accusations!! You do have rights, and a life too.

This is something I try not to think about much anymore .... the memories are serving no purpose now. After spending years of seeing my father beat the sh1t out of my mum ..... the beatings. The years of us trying to stop it. The memories of screaming at him to stop .... jumping on his back, hitting him, trying to get him off her. Having the cr4p beaten out of me .... I knew he would turn on me .... but while he was laying into me, it was giving her a chance to recover. The hospital visits ... the lies.

Somehow/someway, after too many years, we managed to escape. Little did my mum know that at that point she only had a few years left to live. What a waste of the life she did have. I am just grateful that she at least managed to live a few years without having the cr4p beaten out of her. She died of a brain hemorrhage, the doctors said it was a time bomb waiting to happen from birth ..... I don't suppose having your head regularly slammed into a wall helped much!

I beg you Fuzzy, and anyone else out there in any similar situation ... do not waste you life putting up with this! :-4

Believe it or not ( :wah: ) I am a very forgiving person. But this I cannot forgive. I don't care if he says he has changed (which he has not) ... too much blood on the carpet for me to ever forgive.

Can these sort of people get help and change? Well if they can - good - that saves someone else getting it.

Sorry Fuzz, my vent over ( I need a cup of coffee and my head hurts :wah:), just don't waste your life :-4

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Wed Apr 02, 2008 8:20 am

My Father was also a wife beater, I was too young to remember but my two elder brothers remember only too well, pushing her down stairs at 8 months pregnant, black eyes, beating her with a poker, making her sleep in the outside toilet in winter with snow on the ground whislt pregnant. Screwed my eldest brother up and even now he cant bear our father and often after hes had a drink he will ring me and threaten to get a shot gun and kill him.....

I reckon men like that who are controlling and violent are usually that way as they are hiding their own infidelities, insecurities and lies. Tossers and the lowest of the low. You know your worth so much more.

Meg, im truly shocked that when reading your posts I never once would of imagined the total crap your having to deal with. You seem a very strong person and I feel you will most definately come out the other side and go on to be strong and a great mum to your boys.

Please keep talking, share your troubles and keep them shoulders high, we like to ease the burden and will support you as much as possible.

I wish you and your boys the best:-6

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Wed Apr 02, 2008 11:44 am

Bless you fuzzybum, be strong.

Thinking ( and worrying a little ) about you. :-4

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Wed Apr 02, 2008 4:25 pm

fuzzy butt;824597 wrote: Thankyou everyone for the thoughts and extra oomph !!

Mum always told me that a man can argue with one woman, but he'll be shi't scared if they come in numbers. :wah:

I'm sorry Pheasy if my plight has brought yours to the forefront. That's really not my intention.

Immy I didn't think about it until a few hours later .......................I'm really sorry you saw that post and I'm a little embarrassed about it to tell you the truth .

You'll know what the force is like I'll always be the dragonlady and that's been a big fear of mine and what he has played on in many ways.

Don't worry about me having to leave it's all been sorted .

Lets just say all this has had really good timing.

I know all of this is going to get worse before it gets better for myself and my children ................he's told me as much . But as I've said earlier it will never be as bad as it already has been.

No Fuzzy you misunderstand me :-4 This is history as far as I am concerned ... I just wanted to share with you, in the hope that you find the strength you will need. My real message to you was don't waste your life, and you are worth more than this. I am concerned that you may not have the control, he still has some - don't allow that.

Be strong my friend :-4

G-man · Post by **G-man** » Wed Apr 02, 2008 4:44 pm

Yup... time to move on, FuzzyButt! Good for you!

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Wed Apr 02, 2008 6:21 pm

Fuzzy, just don't have the words to say how I feel. Just know I'm here in your corner, supporting and thinking of you always! :-4:-4

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Thu Apr 03, 2008 8:44 am

Mate, you're right I know only too well the macho bullshit that goes with his job and the 'keep little wifey in order' bollox. Don't, don't be embarrassed - times are gradually changing within that job. the stuff that would have been ignored years ago isn't now.

He's a ****, he's not a real man - real men don't hit women. Cowards hit women, they know that we'll always be physically weaker than them.

You just keep going, you'll get to where you're meant to be.

:-4

qsducks · Post by **qsducks** » Thu Apr 03, 2008 9:18 am

Fuzzy, I have been thinking of you since you let it all out for everyone to read, must have felt like a load came off your shoulders. I'm just hoping you can see what alot of outsiders looking in see and read and the advice that they are giving you.

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Fri Apr 04, 2008 12:15 am

:-1 :yh_flower:yh_flower:yh_flower

mrsK · Post by **mrsK** » Fri Apr 04, 2008 1:33 am

Just read through this topic & want to tell you to get out as quick as you can.

No man has the right to hit a woman.

Any man who hit's a woman is not worth wasting your time on.

Please look after yourself & the kids.

I hope it all works out well for you,I truly do:-4:-6

elixer · Post by **elixer** » Fri Apr 04, 2008 10:31 pm

Big hug to you fuzzy.

Good on you for opening up about it! At the risk of sounding like a self-help manual, the first step to any type of recovery is addressing the problem- which you have done here. When in an abusive relationship (physical or mental) breaking the silence is often the hardest part of the process. It sounds like you have your head together, and I hope you are able to maintain your resilience.

Even though it will probably make me very unpopular for saying this, you have to also see how you have allowed yourself to be a victim by staying. This is not to say your husband is exonerated of his guilt, there is NO excuse for what he has done. You do, however, have to take responsibility for your own safety and the safety of your children.

It is not uncommon for women in these types of situations to develop battered women syndrome.

You deserve better than this, Fuzzy. I wish you the best. :-4

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Apr 05, 2008 4:14 am

If I could I would take your heart from you and keep it safe and warm until it was nurtured back to a place of love and peace.

You're God given right to dignity has been wickedly maligned.

I hope an Angel walks through the rest of your days with you guiding your soul and reminding you of your importance on Earth.

Post by **Betty Boop** » Sat Apr 05, 2008 4:25 am

elixer;827288 wrote: Big hug to you fuzzy.

Good on you for opening up about it! At the risk of sounding like a self-help manual, the first step to any type of recovery is addressing the problem- which you have done here. When in an abusive relationship (physical or mental) breaking the silence is often the hardest part of the process. It sounds like you have your head together, and I hope you are able to maintain your resilience.

Even though it will probably make me very unpopular for saying this, you have to also see how you have allowed yourself to be a victim by staying. This is not to say your husband is exonerated of his guilt, there is NO excuse for what he has done. You do, however, have to take responsibility for your own safety and the safety of your children.

It is not uncommon for women in these types of situations to develop battered women syndrome.

You deserve better than this, Fuzzy. I wish you the best. :-4

Not highlighting this to make you unpopular, just want to say the acceptance of this comes later, when you've left and are free.

One step at a time...

elixer · Post by **elixer** » Sat Apr 05, 2008 8:42 am

The point was to illuminate the fact that we only have the ability to change what is within our own realm of control. We as human beings have this terrible habit of wanting to change others. The truth, of course, is that we are powerless over the actions of others, but we are accountable for what we will tolerate. Liberation starts with this realization.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Apr 06, 2008 7:04 am

We as human beings have this terrible habit of wanting to change others. The truth, of course, is that we are powerless over the actions of others, but we are accountable for what we will tolerate. Liberation starts with this realization

Thats a keeper.

Im going to print this and tuck it away with the other little perfections Ive been saving over the years.

Thanks.

elixer · Post by **elixer** » Sun Apr 06, 2008 8:15 am

Thanks, Nomad! :-6

Clodhopper · Post by **Clodhopper** » Sun Apr 06, 2008 2:50 pm

Good for you, girl!

elixer · Post by **elixer** » Sun Apr 06, 2008 3:07 pm

fuzzy butt, let me start off first by offering my sincerest apologies- it was certainly not my intention to offend you. I included the link just for the purposes of the definition.

Secondly:

2."We are powerless over the actions of others"..................Tells a woman there's nothing she can do .

No...meaning that you can't control what other people do.

3. "accountable for what we will tolerate"..............Woman enjoys, asked for it , goes looking for it. Womans fault that's it's occuring and the fact that it continues..............but what does a woman do about it, well according the the first instance of that statement ........nothing because we are powerless.!!!!

Taken way out of context. Powerless over how others behave, accountable for your own actions, including what you will put up with. I am not trying to argue that the victim enjoys it, or that it is the victim's fault. I don't think anyone would consciously suject themselves to abuse. That's why I included the bit about battered women- it goes to explain the psychology of why a woman might stay in such a detrimental situation. Many women don't recognize that they have the power to leave, and often begin to believe negative things about themselves and fail to realize that they submit themselves to the abuse by staying.

Please accept my apology if I have offended you, I only mean you well.