Maharishi Phucknagel's Guide to Zen

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Sun Nov 11, 2007 7:24 pm

* Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either, just **** off and leave me alone.

* The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.

* The darkest hours come just before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's milk and newspaper, that's the time to do it.

* Sex is like air. It only becomes really important when you aren't getting any.

* Don't aspire to become irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

* Remember, no one is listening until you fart.

* Never forget that you are unique, like everyone else.

* Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

* If you think nobody cares whether you're dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

* Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

* If at first you don't succeed, avoid skydiving.

* Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

* Have you ever lent someone £20 and never seen that person again? It was probably worth it.

* If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

* Some days we are the flies; some days we are the windscreens.

* Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

* Good judgment comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgment.

* The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

* A closed mouth gathers no feet.

* There are two theories about how to win an argument with a woman. Neither one works.

* Generally speaking, you aren't learning much if your lips are moving.

* Never miss a good chance to shut up.

* Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

* When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry, and we get smacked on our

arse. From there on in, life gets worse.

* The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed.

* Remember not to forget that which you do not need to know.

watermark · Post by **watermark** » Sun Nov 11, 2007 7:35 pm

I love sayings like these. Thanks Pam. My favorite of those right now in my life:

"Don't desire to be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced you can't be promoted." :wah:

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." (is this the same as, honest is as honest does?)

Thnx,

E

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Sun Nov 11, 2007 8:44 pm

Hi Watermark!!

I rather like:

A closed mouth gathers no feet!!!

Back to the kitchen. I'm trying to bake an eggless birthday cake to be shared with a class where at least one person has egg intolerance!!!

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Mon Nov 12, 2007 12:42 am

G'day to you too, Snookums. Yeah, life here is from time to time down the toilet. But I learned to swim at an early age, luckily, even in the poo. And it is better not to test the water with both feet while getting the experience you needed before the event. And of course if you keep your mouth closed there's less chance of chomping on a turd. Party on!!!

:sneaky:

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Mon Nov 12, 2007 11:54 am

* Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time. :-3

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Mon Nov 12, 2007 12:34 pm

Thanks Jimbo. I WAS writing English, JJ !! Stop taking the mickey about my strine accent, Mate!! Chezzie - yep that little item does merit some very deep thought!!! I'm still trying to define what is kinky anyway! It's got naughty but nice overtones. If I do something it's a bit kinky, eccentric if you like, stylishly naughty... if anyone else does it, it's straight out offensively perverted. ???? Hic... okay - I'm now going off to begin my day as I intend it to continue.. one kinky thing before brekkie...

:sneaky:

Kathy Ellen · Post by **Kathy Ellen** » Mon Nov 12, 2007 3:56 pm

(((((((((Pam)))))))))))) Love all the sayings...how's the little one:-4

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Mon Nov 12, 2007 4:54 pm

i love this Pam..you made me laugh..thanks..:wah:

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Mon Nov 12, 2007 7:41 pm

My pleasure, Guppy!! Laughter is GOOD.

And he's six years old today, Kathy!!! Loved his pressies. So far he's got a doctor's kit with a stethoscope that really works.. grin, an outdoor explorer set with magnifying glass, torch, a good compass and some binocs (Nat Geographic) and a few books. Then his Uncle and Aunty rang from London this morning - so I got a great present too, as an offshoot.

Kathy Ellen · Post by **Kathy Ellen** » Tue Nov 13, 2007 2:37 pm

Wow Pam:-4,

6 yrs. old....where does time go.... I remember when he was born. Good on you hearing from the kids. Any plans of visiting them? My best to the little one. Love the doctor stuff....hummmmmm was that a hint for his future endeavors.........

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Tue Nov 13, 2007 7:24 pm

I'm planning on going to France in April/May, Kathy. One of us will go first and do our own thing, the other will bring D over for two weeks (in his school holidays) then the first one will return with D and the other one swan off for a bit. Only way we can do it, and we'll all get to see Mik and Romy !!!! Mik will meet us in Paris. The new Eurostar station at St Pancras was opened by Her Maj QEII the other day. It's now only 2hrs 15 mins between London and Paris. (And one of these days I am totally determined to get to East Coast USA!!!! - we are long overdue!!)

Kathy Ellen · Post by **Kathy Ellen** » Wed Nov 14, 2007 1:04 pm

AHhhh Pam, That's wonderful....happy all plans are working out. I really wish I could visit you soon....maybe when I retire:wah: Send postcards please:D...... One of those pretty Provence ones....