What would you do?

laneybug · Post by **laneybug** » Sun May 27, 2007 4:38 pm

jimbo;623259 wrote: exactly now she is jealous

:D

Mmmkay. :rolleyes:

anotherlisa · Post by **anotherlisa** » Sun May 27, 2007 5:10 pm

There's a difference between jealousy with no grounds and concern because a partner has cheated in the recent past. The former is irrational, while the latter is understandable.

laneybug · Post by **laneybug** » Sun May 27, 2007 7:57 pm

anotherlisa;623266 wrote: There's a difference between jealousy with no grounds and concern because a partner has cheated in the recent past. The former is irrational, while the latter is understandable.

Exactly what I think. And I believe she said it was only a year ago that he cheated. He needs to prove he's trustworthy not go taking a trip to Thailand for 3 weeks, which obviously isn't building the trust.

anotherlisa · Post by **anotherlisa** » Mon May 28, 2007 7:26 am

I agree with Laneybug's agreement!

A guy who's done nothing to make me doubt him is pretty much free to do as he pleases. He can go to Thailand or Las Vegas on guys only trips with no suspicions from me. And go to bachelor parties & strip clubs with no hard feelings from me because I'd trust him. I like time on my own & my own space, so I wouldn't have a problem with the 3 weeks. Though I'd miss him & look forward to his return.

If however, as in Not Today's partner's case, he has done something to make me doubt him, I'd have a hard time feeling comfortable if he were going to Disney for a weekend with the guys, let alone places like Las Vegas or Thailand for 3 weeks.

A 3 week guys only vacation to Thailand isn't exactly rebuilding the trust. Which would make me wonder about his long term motives. If you're trying to rebuild trust and affection after an infidelity, it seems a trip for 2 someplace where both could escape the pressures of daily life & have time together is a better use of vacation time & money than a trip with the guys. Or even a family vacation with Not Today & her son if there isn't anyone who can stay with him while they're away.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Mon May 28, 2007 8:07 am

having re read my moron posts in this thread i'd like to point out that i was making a tongue in cheek point that maybe the poor guy was driven away by an irrational female i have been informed that this is not the case and that guy is indeed a creep :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

NotToday · Post by **NotToday** » Mon May 28, 2007 8:39 am

jimbo;623259 wrote: exactly now she is jealous

:D

I think I have a right to be jealous. He cheated once that I KNOW of, apparently I heard this weekend that it was even more than I know.

What a man right? :-5

NotToday · Post by **NotToday** » Mon May 28, 2007 8:41 am

anotherlisa;623497 wrote: I agree with Laneybug's agreement!

A guy who's done nothing to make me doubt him is pretty much free to do as he pleases. He can go to Thailand or Las Vegas on guys only trips with no suspicions from me. And go to bachelor parties & strip clubs with no hard feelings from me because I'd trust him. I like time on my own & my own space, so I wouldn't have a problem with the 3 weeks. Though I'd miss him & look forward to his return.

If however, as in Not Today's partner's case, he has done something to make me doubt him, I'd have a hard time feeling comfortable if he were going to Disney for a weekend with the guys, let alone places like Las Vegas or Thailand for 3 weeks.

A 3 week guys only vacation to Thailand isn't exactly rebuilding the trust. Which would make me wonder about his long term motives. If you're trying to rebuild trust and affection after an infidelity, it seems a trip for 2 someplace where both could escape the pressures of daily life & have time together is a better use of vacation time & money than a trip with the guys. Or even a family vacation with Not Today & her son if there isn't anyone who can stay with him while they're away.

Thanks for your POV. I agree, and the longer he is gone, the more I realize how selfish this trip really is. Not to mention the fact that I've hardly heard from him since he's been gone. At least it is giving me a lot of time to evaluate what I really want in a relationship.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Mon May 28, 2007 8:42 am

NotToday;623534 wrote: I think I have a right to be jealous. He cheated once that I KNOW of, apparently I heard this weekend that it was even more than I know.

What a man right? :-5

too right get rid of the creep :-3

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Mon May 28, 2007 8:54 am

NotToday;623534 wrote: I think I have a right to be jealous. He cheated once that I KNOW of, apparently I heard this weekend that it was even more than I know.

What a man right? :-5

Only thing I would say is , be careful of all the he said she saids, I am talking from experience here, some people especially if drink is involved just lie. If you feel that it is true, I would just show him the door. You and Littleun deserve more than that :-4

koan · Post by **koan** » Mon May 28, 2007 8:57 am

I tend to have guys get mad at me because I don't mind if they take off for three weeks without me. Then they are mad because they think I won't miss them. I think it's good for relationships to spend some time apart on occasion.

You should have a relationship in which you can trust him to do this... but when he gets back ask him if he's seen any interesting ping pong balls lately. :wah:

(a bunch of off topic posts were subsequently moved to different thread)

laneybug · Post by **laneybug** » Mon May 28, 2007 9:50 am

Getting back to the topic.... NotToday, why are you still with this guy? If he's cheated on you once, that you KNOW of, why are you allowing him to hang around and make you miserable and suspicious?? If I were you, I'd have his stuff all packed up for him while he's away for 3 weeks and when he gets back he'll be all ready to move out!

I'd leave a man after cheating just once. But that's me. I have a zero tolerance for infidelity. What message are you really sending him by staying after his cheating? And what message are you sending your child? To me, that message would be that trust can be completely broken but you're willing to stay around for even more heartache. I'd get out if I were you and I wouldn't look back for a second.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Mon May 28, 2007 9:52 am

laneybug;623597 wrote: Getting back to the topic.... NotToday, why are you still with this guy? If he's cheated on you once, that you KNOW of, why are you allowing him to hang around and make you miserable and suspicious?? If I were you, I'd have his stuff all packed up for him while he's away for 3 weeks and when he gets back he'll be all ready to move out!

I'd leave a man after cheating just once. But that's me. I have a zero tolerance for infidelity. What message are you really sending him by staying after his cheating? And what message are you sending your child? To me, that message would be that trust can be completely broken but you're willing to stay around for even more heartache. I'd get out if I were you and I wouldn't look back for a second.

very good post

i agree with every word :-6

but your too late the link has been deleted

koan · Post by **koan** » Mon May 28, 2007 12:53 pm

Sounds like a really bad combination.

I think it's good he's taking off for three weeks without you. Gave you a good reason to reassess whether he is the right man for you or not.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Mon May 28, 2007 1:38 pm

koan;623751 wrote: Sounds like a really bad combination.

I think it's good he's taking off for three weeks without you. Gave you a good reason to reassess whether he is the right man for you or not.

hey koanie i try to see the male point of view when ever possible ,he has cheated on her more than once,he has gone off nudging lady boys for three weeks and has not bothered ringing her or zip all else ,what more can she do ??paint welcome over her body in big letters say walk all over me please wipe your feet on me as you go by :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

suzycreamcheese · Post by **suzycreamcheese** » Wed May 30, 2007 6:07 am

I would not be happy with this at all. No wonder youre upset

laneybug · Post by **laneybug** » Thu May 31, 2007 6:19 pm

jimbo;623825 wrote: i try to see the male point of view when ever possible

Yeah, I try to see the male point of view, too, then I stop when I realize that thinking like a man is making my IQ drop! :wah: :wah:

I'm kidding, though. :yh_giggle Seriously! :yh_bigsmi