What would you do?

NotToday · Post by **NotToday** » Thu May 24, 2007 1:26 pm

I have a question.

Would you take a three week trip out of the country, to a place with beautiful beaches and as much romance as Thailand without your signifigant other? Should I be hurt that my signifigant other has done this? His best friend lives in Korea so I understand wanting to go, and they are spending some time in Thailand this weekend. But three weeks of vacation without me kind of hurts.

Am I over-reacting?

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Thu May 24, 2007 1:28 pm

NotToday;620690 wrote: I have a question.

Would you take a three week trip out of the country, to a place with beautiful beaches and as much romance as Thailand without your signifigant other? Should I be hurt that my signifigant other has done this? His best friend lives in Korea so I understand wanting to go, and they are spending some time in Thailand this weekend. But three weeks of vacation without me kind of hurts.

Am I over-reacting?

Does he want to be alone or is it more of a financial/timing decision? :-6

NotToday · Post by **NotToday** » Thu May 24, 2007 1:32 pm

he wants some time with his best friend. I can understand that. I can't take off of work for three weeks right now.

But, why does it have to be three weeks. why would you want to leave your girlfriend and family at home for that long?

We live together and he is helping raise my son. We're practially married.

Three weeks is a long time to leave a family in my opinion.

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Thu May 24, 2007 1:35 pm

NotToday;620695 wrote: he wants some time with his best friend. I can understand that. I can't take off of work for three weeks right now.

But, why does it have to be three weeks. why would you want to leave your girlfriend and family at home for that long?

We live together and he is helping raise my son. We're practially married.

Three weeks is a long time to leave a family in my opinion.

Do you think that you have a strong and trusting relationship? ( Sorry about questions, I'm just trying to see if I would be jealous, cos it depends on alot of other factors) :-4

NotToday · Post by **NotToday** » Thu May 24, 2007 1:37 pm

Yes and No. We've had our share of problems, and he was unfaithful about a year ago. Since that incident, he's made a lot of efforts to prove to me that I can trust him, and I do for the most part. But this is hard....

minks · Post by **minks** » Thu May 24, 2007 1:49 pm

Me personally, I would be upset.

That is just the nature of this beast.

neffy · Post by **neffy** » Thu May 24, 2007 2:03 pm

minks;620707 wrote: Me personally, I would be upset.

That is just the nature of this beast.
i to would be upset,what would he think if YOU wanted time with friends for 3 weeks

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Thu May 24, 2007 2:12 pm

I'm like Pheasy, like to get all the aspects of the situation...and just from what you shared, I'd be upset. I know you have forgiven him for being unfaithful and he has tried hard to prove to you...there is still that insecurity that imo will be there for a long long time, if not forever. I could see if it was a few hours away but he's going Overseas...so I could see your point in that also.

I'd be upset...what I would do?? Well, he's going to tell that you are upset on the phone....but I would wait until he got home probably to tell him how you felt while he was gone...then again a lot can happen in 3 weeks...you might be okay with it by the time he gets back--or you might be more upset.

I'm here for you darling:-4

CrazyCruizChick · Post by **CrazyCruizChick** » Thu May 24, 2007 3:33 pm

I would be very upset but only you know if you can trust him or not.

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Thu May 24, 2007 3:41 pm

NotToday;620700 wrote: Yes and No. We've had our share of problems, and he was unfaithful about a year ago. Since that incident, he's made a lot of efforts to prove to me that I can trust him, and I do for the most part. But this is hard....

I do truely believe that having been unfaithful does not mean that a person will do it again. Hell, we all make mistakes. However, having said that - it was only 1 year ago that he did this too you. I personally would be very upset, specially as you are still not 100% that things are ok. How determined is he to go alone? :-4

Bill Sikes · Post by **Bill Sikes** » Thu May 24, 2007 3:50 pm

NotToday;620690 wrote: Would you take a three week trip out of the country, to a place with beautiful beaches and as much romance as Thailand without your signifigant other?

A "significant other". WTF. WTF is *that*? Boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancee, husband or wife?

"Sex tourist", perhaps?

crazygal · Post by **crazygal** » Thu May 24, 2007 3:50 pm

I certainly would be upset and angry. Especially to Thailand of all places with what goes on there. I have friends that have been there and I wouldn't trust my other half, married or not.

CrazyCruizChick · Post by **CrazyCruizChick** » Thu May 24, 2007 4:01 pm

crazygal;620800 wrote: I certainly would be upset and angry. Especially to Thailand of all places with what goes on there. I have friends that have been there and I wouldn't trust my other half, married or not.

Totally agree with you there but I would have to be strong and let him go and while his away find a way to me mentally stronger for yourself otherwise you will make yourself ill.

NotToday · Post by **NotToday** » Thu May 24, 2007 4:11 pm

Thanks everyone for your input. I'm glad to know that I'm not being over sensitive here.

It's so hard, I'm afraid things will be different when he gets back, even if he didn't do anything...

:-5

NotToday · Post by **NotToday** » Thu May 24, 2007 4:12 pm

Bill Sikes;620799 wrote: A "significant other". WTF. WTF is *that*? Boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancee, husband or wife?

"Sex tourist", perhaps?

live in boyfriend? long term boyfriend, not married, but practically.

crazygal · Post by **crazygal** » Thu May 24, 2007 4:13 pm

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, I totally believe in that.

CrazyCruizChick · Post by **CrazyCruizChick** » Thu May 24, 2007 4:14 pm

NotToday;620831 wrote: Thanks everyone for your input. I'm glad to know that I'm not being over sensitive here.

It's so hard, I'm afraid things will be different when he gets back, even if he didn't do anything...

:-5

Please try not to make yourself worry too much his the one going he should be the one to worry more not you.

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Thu May 24, 2007 4:15 pm

If your significant other and his friend can avoid the temptations of Thailand, they are indeed unique males. Generally speaking, if two guys go off to visit Thailand without girlfriends or spouses, they are not going to see elephants and temples.

NotToday · Post by **NotToday** » Thu May 24, 2007 4:15 pm

well, I am going to make the most of it.

I have to say I am enjoying have the house to myself, the bed to myself, the TV to myself...

It has it's benefits too :p

Bill Sikes · Post by **Bill Sikes** » Thu May 24, 2007 4:15 pm

NotToday;620834 wrote: live in boyfriend? long term boyfriend, not married, but practically.

Ah, I see. In that case, I might quite like to go on the trip, too, with a suitable female friend for company, of course. It's only the air fare that'd cost the extra, really. Oh, but you can't go! Bother. Could the trip be re-arranged for a mutually better time, perhaps?

NotToday · Post by **NotToday** » Thu May 24, 2007 4:16 pm

Lon;620842 wrote: If your significant other and his friend can avoid the temptations of Thailand, they are indeed unique males. Generally speaking, if two guys go off to visit Thailand without girlfriends or spouses, they are not going to see elephants and temples.

:-1 well, it's nice to hear it from a man's perspective thats for sure

but isn't the temptation mostly prostitutes? wouldn't most men be afraid of disease?

I don't know I could drive myself crazy thinking of all of these things.

NotToday · Post by **NotToday** » Thu May 24, 2007 4:17 pm

Bill Sikes;620844 wrote: Ah, I see. In that case, I might quite like to go on the trip, too, with a suitable female friend for company, of course. It's only the air fare that'd cost the extra, really. Oh, but you can't go! Bother. Could the trip be re-arranged for a mutually better time, perhaps?

he's already gone lol

crazygal · Post by **crazygal** » Thu May 24, 2007 4:19 pm

NotToday;620846 wrote: :-1 well, it's nice to hear it from a man's perspective thats for sure

but isn't the temptation mostly prostitutes? wouldn't most men be afraid of disease?

I don't know I could drive myself crazy thinking of all of these things.

Yeah and ladyboys, also a friend of mine was at a barbers out there and someone started giving him a BJ, he looked down and it was a young girl! He went nuts.

Bill Sikes · Post by **Bill Sikes** » Thu May 24, 2007 4:19 pm

Lon;620842 wrote: If your significant other and his friend can avoid the temptations of Thailand, they are indeed unique males.

I certainly could resist such attractions. I wouldn't touch them with a disinfected barge-pole. I wouldn't even touch them with *your* barge-pole, either. I don't believe that I am unique in resisting any urge that some people might have to go whoring. Pthhhhtyuck!

NotToday · Post by **NotToday** » Thu May 24, 2007 4:20 pm

crazygal;620852 wrote: Yeah and ladyboys, also a friend of mine was at a barbers out there and someone started giving him a BJ, he looked down and it was a young girl! He went nuts.

he told me last time he was in thailand he got a foot massage. I can only imagine what really happened :-1

Bill Sikes · Post by **Bill Sikes** » Thu May 24, 2007 4:20 pm

NotToday;620848 wrote: he's already gone lol

Past my bed-time.

crazygal · Post by **crazygal** » Thu May 24, 2007 4:41 pm

NotToday;620857 wrote: he told me last time he was in thailand he got a foot massage. I can only imagine what really happened :-1

Oh, he was probably single then but I wouldn't let my other half go, especially with another guy. I'd hire a spy.

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Thu May 24, 2007 4:56 pm

Bill Sikes;620858 wrote: Past my bed-time.

I do believe you said you were going to bed :-4

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Thu May 24, 2007 5:13 pm

Pinky;620863 wrote: Some people just need their own space and time to themselves, especially where mates are concerned...I'm much like that myself. I wouldn't take it personally, but enjoy the tim to yourself to catch up on what you want to do!

I agree Pinky, I also need my personal space and would feel very angry at someone triing to stop me being alone when I felt the need . However, when you are in a relationship, should not both parties agree and understand this. Cos if not then are you not on a road to nothing. :-4

laneybug · Post by **laneybug** » Fri May 25, 2007 4:06 pm

Lon;620842 wrote: If your significant other and his friend can avoid the temptations of Thailand, they are indeed unique males. Generally speaking, if two guys go off to visit Thailand without girlfriends or spouses, they are not going to see elephants and temples.

Geez, you're making men sound pretty shallow. Apparently you think it's a unique trait to be faithful to someone you love? A girlfriend or wife is not her man's babysitter, therefore, if he's a decent man, he should have no problems minding his own business and keeping his hands to himself. Not all men are pigs and out for just one thing, as you are making it sound. I'm with a man who could be propositioned by the most beautiful woman in the world, and he'd stay faithful to me. I know that. It's called love, Lon, and it has little do with acting like a rabid dog in heat.

NotToday... if you don't trust him to respect you and not be unfaithful again, should you be with him? If you do trust him, then no problem! Although I'd be pissed if my fiance went to Thailand without me, simply because I'd want to go and I wouldn't want to be left home without him for 3 weeks.

NotToday · Post by **NotToday** » Fri May 25, 2007 4:07 pm

Although I'd be pissed if my fiance went to Thailand without me, simply because I'd want to go and I wouldn't want to be left home without him for 3 weeks.

Agreed. Exactly.

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Fri May 25, 2007 4:21 pm

Mate, if Jim went off on holls with his friends for 3 weeks without me, i'd go nuts!! I would probably work myself up into such a state that I wouldn't be able to eat and sleep properly. I can totally understand why you are upset, but, worrying is not going to help you and your little one get through the next few weeks. If I was you I would book my diary full to the brim, keep as busy as you can, get a sitter for a night at the weekends, go out get drunk and some great girly time, have some girls over and have a chick flick night, have a pamper night, just try to laugh and enjoy the time where you are answerable to no one.

Now if Jim didn't bother to call, or contact me, well you just don't even want to know what I'd do.............:rolleyes:

I am very aware that for myself I have some major self-estem issues, and am trying to sort myself out, this probably has a lot to do with why I would react in the above way, but you are a cracking girl, funny, pretty and seem quite smart too, so please try not to worry, and think of all the making up he's got to do :sneaky: :-4

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Fri May 25, 2007 4:26 pm

Pinky;621941 wrote: I'd have to say, that sort of thing doesn't worry me whatsoever.

Then again, I like to be able to get up and go and do whatever myself, so it works both ways. I can't be with someone who's clingy, so I wouldn't do that to them either. At the end of the day, if they're going to cheat on you or leave you, they'll do it anyway. They're less likely to if they have their own space.

You are completely correct Pinks, the rational part of me knows that, it's just the other part that causes all the trouble :wah:

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Fri May 25, 2007 6:44 pm

laneybug;621916 wrote: Geez, you're making men sound pretty shallow. Apparently you think it's a unique trait to be faithful to someone you love? A girlfriend or wife is not her man's babysitter, therefore, if he's a decent man, he should have no problems minding his own business and keeping his hands to himself. Not all men are pigs and out for just one thing, as you are making it sound. I'm with a man who could be propositioned by the most beautiful woman in the world, and he'd stay faithful to me. I know that. It's called love, Lon, and it has little do with acting like a rabid dog in heat.

NotToday... if you don't trust him to respect you and not be unfaithful again, should you be with him? If you do trust him, then no problem! Although I'd be pissed if my fiance went to Thailand without me, simply because I'd want to go and I wouldn't want to be left home without him for 3 weeks.

I am just being realistic. Not Today posed the question about her significant other going to Thailand. Unless she herself had some concerns about his fidelity, why even ask the question? Yes, some of us are shallow, and some of us are true and faithful. Secondly we don't know if her significant other loves her or not. None of us knows the whole story, so why even guess or specualte?

emzee · Post by **emzee** » Fri May 25, 2007 11:08 pm

putting any infidelities aside i would be hurt that this man who says he loves you wants to vacation without you!! that's the point isn't it. if he wants to mess around, he can do that any time, any where. it's the fact that he took off to have a vacation alone. i would be devastated. but it sure would teach me a lesson.

no more mr. nice guy, no way. i would be thinking of what steps i could take to being independant of him. i would certainly let him know how hurtful that was.

how long have you been together? did he ask or tell you he was leaving on vacation. doesn't really matter does it, he left.

in a round about way he laid his cards on the table. now you have to step up and do the same. but whatever you do, don't let it go.

early in a relationship is when couples are at their best. as time marches on the real she and he appear, sometimes completely different. if you're lucky you find one that remains much the same.

wish you luck with everything.

NotToday · Post by **NotToday** » Sat May 26, 2007 2:33 pm

emzee;622101 wrote: putting any infidelities aside i would be hurt that this man who says he loves you wants to vacation without you!! that's the point isn't it. if he wants to mess around, he can do that any time, any where. it's the fact that he took off to have a vacation alone. i would be devastated. but it sure would teach me a lesson.

no more mr. nice guy, no way. i would be thinking of what steps i could take to being independant of him. i would certainly let him know how hurtful that was.

how long have you been together? did he ask or tell you he was leaving on vacation. doesn't really matter does it, he left.

in a round about way he laid his cards on the table. now you have to step up and do the same. but whatever you do, don't let it go.

early in a relationship is when couples are at their best. as time marches on the real she and he appear, sometimes completely different. if you're lucky you find one that remains much the same.

wish you luck with everything.

we've been together two years, and yes, the fact he wanted to go for that long without me hurts a lot. Very Much. I think that's the biggest thing about it all. He probably won't do anything wrong exactly, but its just the whole principal behind the the whole thing.

NotToday · Post by **NotToday** » Sat May 26, 2007 2:34 pm

SuzyB;621939 wrote: Mate, if Jim went off on holls with his friends for 3 weeks without me, i'd go nuts!! I would probably work myself up into such a state that I wouldn't be able to eat and sleep properly. I can totally understand why you are upset, but, worrying is not going to help you and your little one get through the next few weeks. If I was you I would book my diary full to the brim, keep as busy as you can, get a sitter for a night at the weekends, go out get drunk and some great girly time, have some girls over and have a chick flick night, have a pamper night, just try to laugh and enjoy the time where you are answerable to no one.

Now if Jim didn't bother to call, or contact me, well you just don't even want to know what I'd do.............:rolleyes:

I am very aware that for myself I have some major self-estem issues, and am trying to sort myself out, this probably has a lot to do with why I would react in the above way, but you are a cracking girl, funny, pretty and seem quite smart too, so please try not to worry, and think of all the making up he's got to do :sneaky: :-4

Good advice, and that's exactly what I've been doing so far!

anotherlisa · Post by **anotherlisa** » Sun May 27, 2007 5:59 am

Given the infidelity was only a year ago, that seems a bit soon for a guys only vacation in Thailand. For most, it's going to take more than a year for the person cheated on to heal and for the relationship to re-establish the trust. You're not being unreasonable or weird for being upset by this.

Are there any other vacations planned such as a family vacation or a romantic, just the 2 of you vacation? If not, can you plan one?

Did you let him know you had problems with his going to Thailand with just his buddy for 3 weeks? If so, how did he react?

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Sun May 27, 2007 6:03 am

maybe the guy is just nagged to death by a jealous nut nut girlfriend and he is just going over there to check out the thai boxing for pete's sake

i'm sure my everloving suzy would not mind me going :rolleyes:

uh ooh is that hell freezing over i can hear :wah: :wah:

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Sun May 27, 2007 6:05 am

jimbo;622848 wrote: maybe the guy is just nagged to death by a jealous nut nut girlfriend and he is just going over there to check out the thai boxing for pete's sake

i'm sure my everloving suzy would not mind me going :rolleyes:

uh ooh is that hell freezing over i can hear :wah: :wah:

:mad:

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Sun May 27, 2007 6:18 am

SuzyB;622849 wrote:

Haha - Jimbo is in trouble, Jimbo is in trouble !!:wah:

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Sun May 27, 2007 6:19 am

ThePheasant;622855 wrote: Haha - Jimbo is in trouble, Jimbo is in trouble !!:wah:

Thats the norm :rolleyes: :wah:

NotToday · Post by **NotToday** » Sun May 27, 2007 6:43 am

jimbo;622848 wrote: maybe the guy is just nagged to death by a jealous nut nut girlfriend and he is just going over there to check out the thai boxing for pete's sake

i'm sure my everloving suzy would not mind me going :rolleyes:

uh ooh is that hell freezing over i can hear :wah: :wah:

:yh_shame

laneybug · Post by **laneybug** » Sun May 27, 2007 3:31 pm

jimbo;622848 wrote: maybe the guy is just nagged to death by a jealous nut nut girlfriend and he is just going over there to check out the thai boxing for pete's sake

How is she being a jealous nut nut girlfriend?? She was the one cheated on, for god's sake.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Sun May 27, 2007 4:27 pm

laneybug;623218 wrote: How is she being a jealous nut nut girlfriend?? She was the one cheated on, for god's sake.

exactly now she is jealous

:D