Sipping Vodka

[guppy]

>A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

>?

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>After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

>?

>

>The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous On the

>pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to

>get nervous, I take a sip."

>?

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>So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

>At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

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>

>He proceeded to talk up a storm.

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>Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following

>note on the door:

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>1)?? Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

>

>2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

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>3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

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>4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

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>5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

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>6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

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>7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy,

>Junior and the spook.

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>8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.

>

>9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't

>say he was stoned off his ass.

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>10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

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>11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this

>and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" .

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>12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.

>

>13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks

>for the grub, Yeah God.

>

>14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not

>a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

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>?

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[woppy71]

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

[beautyful]

I like it!! My particular favourite was the grace one "Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub, yeah god!":D